ConfusedInOC Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Ok, I didn't go tonight. We saw his car parked outside the restaurant but I refused to go in. So we went to another place. It was a really fun night, I even had a photo shoot done by a photographer! (LOOOONG story lol) I met this really hot guy (everyone calls him James Dean because he looks sorta like him). We hit it off really well. I'm going to see where this one goes. We seemed to have a lot in common, and were really attracted to eachother. I'm not so worried about Colin Ferrel guy. I would LOVE for him to give me another chance, but if he doesn't want to then that's fine. He's not the only guy I'm interested in. I don't think I'm going to pursue this anymore. I left the note, I'm sure he got it. I'm not going to make a special trip back in there just to talk to him about it. I just think that would look strange. Since it was so long ago that he tried to date me then I think it would seem awkward for me to go up to him and want to talk about it. I shouldn't have left the note. I'm not going to call him though. No way. That's up to him if he wants to call me or not. I have given up on him calling and I will leave it at that. I'm going to try out this "James Dean" guy now Take it slow, XNX.
scarlyjones Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 I need some help delivering flyers....I understand you have vast experience with this................whadaya think??
browneyes22 Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 XNemesisX...I think it's great that you are finding other dudes that spark your interest. But if you really saw something special in this Colin Farrel look alike, then you should explore this. He obviously saw something special in you since he tried to get in touch with you initially. But now, he's not going to bother persuing you at all 'cause that got him knowwhere before. It won't seem desperate if you get his number and give him a call. Going to a restaurant where he works will give you little to no face to face time with him so don't bother with that. But if you call him, it will seem like your finally serious about him. And if he's still interested, just explain that you weren't ready at the time...if he doesn't understand then perhaps he's not worth it. He knows by now that your interest level has raised a little bit since you left your number. He may be thinking that you found someone better than him before thus the snub. Feeling like second best isn't a good feeling. But, ya never know. If he is a straight forward person he will definately consider you once again...if he's still single that is.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by browneyes22 XNemesisX...I think it's great that you are finding other dudes that spark your interest. But if you really saw something special in this Colin Farrel look alike, then you should explore this. He obviously saw something special in you since he tried to get in touch with you initially. But now, he's not going to bother persuing you at all 'cause that got him knowwhere before. It won't seem desperate if you get his number and give him a call. Going to a restaurant where he works will give you little to no face to face time with him so don't bother with that. But if you call him, it will seem like your finally serious about him. And if he's still interested, just explain that you weren't ready at the time...if he doesn't understand then perhaps he's not worth it. He knows by now that your interest level has raised a little bit since you left your number. He may be thinking that you found someone better than him before thus the snub. Feeling like second best isn't a good feeling. But, ya never know. If he is a straight forward person he will definately consider you once again...if he's still single that is. Hmm...so you think I should still aim for Colin? If truth be known, I am probably the MOST interested in "Colin". I'm just terrified of making a retard out of myself. I'm scared I will call him and then get shot down. I think I am starting to understand how hard it must be for guys. This stuff is horrifying! I don't think I can take a rejection right now. I'm interested in James Dean, but he's still no Colin Ferrel The way I could get his number would be to call this mutual friend of ours. Do you all really think I should do this? I mean, I did leave a note on his car and then for me to call as well??? Second option is my friend who says we should go back in there to that restaurant tonight and try to talk to him. It just makes me so nervous even thinking about it. I want him to know that I'm serious about dating him now. I just don't want to come off too strong. I wonder if I have done that already by leaving the note??? Dammit I just wish he would call!!! This is too much!!!
swirlingdaisy Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 What do people expect when they jump out of one relationship and go looking for another? Why date people and lead them to believe you're interested if you're not fully healed from a past relationship? It's stupid and selfish and immature, IMO. The guy either thinks you're a nut, confused, or a woman who gets her kicks out of playing headgames with guys. Leave him be, you obviously need to get your head on straight.
crazy_grl Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Hmm...so you think I should still aim for Colin? If truth be known, I am probably the MOST interested in "Colin". I'm just terrified of making a retard out of myself. I'm scared I will call him and then get shot down. I think I am starting to understand how hard it must be for guys. This stuff is horrifying! I don't think I can take a rejection right now. I'm interested in James Dean, but he's still no Colin Ferrel The way I could get his number would be to call this mutual friend of ours. Do you all really think I should do this? I mean, I did leave a note on his car and then for me to call as well??? Second option is my friend who says we should go back in there to that restaurant tonight and try to talk to him. It just makes me so nervous even thinking about it. I want him to know that I'm serious about dating him now. I just don't want to come off too strong. I wonder if I have done that already by leaving the note??? Dammit I just wish he would call!!! This is too much!!! I feel for you. First, you have to ask yourself whether you're most interest in Colin because he's the best guy for you or because you're having to pursue him. If Colin would have asked you out when you went to his job, and then you met James Dean, would you still be as interested in Colin? If the answer is yes, maybe you should get his number. I couldn't tell you if it's the best move or not, but whatever you do, don't talk about the serious stuff over the phone. A good way to go about it might be to say that you'd like to take him out to dinner to appologize for your behavior back then. If you're not the type who takes guys out, just tell him you want to get together to appologize and explain why you did that. I wouldn't mention anything about wanting to date him over the phone. And be very cautious about it when you do talk more. Make your main goal appologizing to him and making him feel better about what you did. Don't focus the conversation on you and how *you want* to be with him. You're the one who screwed up, so you don't get to be selfish. Good luck in whatever you decide.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by swirlingdaisy What do people expect when they jump out of one relationship and go looking for another? Why date people and lead them to believe you're interested if you're not fully healed from a past relationship? It's stupid and selfish and immature, IMO. The guy either thinks you're a nut, confused, or a woman who gets her kicks out of playing headgames with guys. Leave him be, you obviously need to get your head on straight. It was bad timing when "Colin" tried to date me. It was right after my breakup and I wasn't over it yet. Now, I am over my ex. I am ready to date again I think. I can see that my ex and I will never get back together and so I don't have any hope for that anymore. You all don't understand how much I wish I had acted better to Colin. I really regret it. I could have missed out on this awesome guy...all because my head was still stuck up my ex's ass at the time. I feel for you. First, you have to ask yourself whether you're most interest in Colin because he's the best guy for you or because you're having to pursue him. If Colin would have asked you out when you went to his job, and then you met James Dean, would you still be as interested in Colin? If the answer is yes, maybe you should get his number. I couldn't tell you if it's the best move or not, but whatever you do, don't talk about the serious stuff over the phone. A good way to go about it might be to say that you'd like to take him out to dinner to appologize for your behavior back then. If you're not the type who takes guys out, just tell him you want to get together to appologize and explain why you did that. I wouldn't mention anything about wanting to date him over the phone. And be very cautious about it when you do talk more. Make your main goal appologizing to him and making him feel better about what you did. Don't focus the conversation on you and how *you want* to be with him. You're the one who screwed up, so you don't get to be selfish. Good luck in whatever you decide. I like your ideas. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to get his number and call him..I'm just SO chicken shiot. I wish "Colin" would give me another chance. I guess I need to work harder at this? Since I am the one who blew it I guess it's up to me to make it up to him.
babybear Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 XNX - Give him a call! I've totally been there! I used to go out with this guy in between breaking up with my ex...he would always go out with me, and then I would blow him off. Finally, he just stopped responding to me! Each time he thought I meant business until he realized I was just full of shi* at the time. It was totally my fault, I didn't know what I wanted at the time. Anyway, eventually - I had to put my neck out and let him know that I wasn't playing games anymore or trying to mess with head. Things were great - he's one of my closest male friends now. We never really ended up dating. But, this guy thinks you are up to no good. Pursue HIM this time, and I think he'll be all for it. Good luck girl!
amerikajin Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Did I just really f*** up? Yes, you f*cked up. But, I don't necessarily think you're DOA just yet. The problem is that, right now, as Alpha said, he thinks you're just some hot chick on a power trip. He thinks you were f*cking with him and that by not calling him, you disrespected him. You wounded his ego. What he needs is some proof that you're not some flake. Leaving a note on a car isn't the kind of proof he's looking for. As well, you were pretty well toasted when you left it, so he's probably thinking "Ah, she's just drunk and horny now, but when she sobers up, I'll be just another guy." You're gonna have to take an extraordinary step to convince him that you weren't bulls***ting when you left that note on his car. You're gonna have to show him that you are INTERESETED!!! I mean really INTERESTED. And you're also gonna have to show him that you're not some flake. Call him up and just be completely honest with him. Tell him why you didn't call him. Tell him you were not dating material at the time but that you're genuinely interested in him and would like to know him better now, and that you think that things are more conducive to a relationship at this point. But the odds are, you'll never hear a peep from him otherwise. He made his move already, now it's your turn.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by amerikajin The problem is that, right now, as Alpha said, i luv it when folks refer to me, thanx AMERIKAJIN.
DeaconFrost Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Just call him! Us guys feel special when we get pursued. If you like him so much then make the move. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing whatever you have to do to get into contact with him. In fact, I'll bet he'll feel flattered that you went through all that trouble to get a hold of him. I'm so tired of all this "I'll look like a stalker" bulls**t. You don't look desperate or like a stalker.; you look like a woman who is interested...end of story. Do it face to face, be direct and tell him that you'd like to meet up with him on a Friday (or whatever day you choose. Be specific) and that YOU will call him. The ball is not in his court, its in yours. Take some initiative and command the situation to fix your f**k-up. If that's not sexy than I don't know what is...GO GET HIM!
amerikajin Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 If truth be known, I am probably the MOST interested in "Colin". I'm just terrified of making a retard out of myself. I'm scared I will call him and then get shot down. I think I am starting to understand how hard it must be for guys. This stuff is horrifying! I don't think I can take a rejection right now. Lose the pride and go after him. Didn't see the part earlier where you mentioned that you'd lost his phone number. That being the case, you'll have to make your interest even more obvious to him - yes, that means you'll have to go back to the place where he works and ask him directly for his phone number, and you'll have to tell him that you'll call him, and this time, you'd damn well better do it. Just tell him that you want to talk to him and get to know him better, and that you'd like to do lunch or coffee sometime. I don't necessarily think he'd reject you if you tried the more direct approach. Judging from your picture, I'd guess you're probably pretty good at turning heads, so if anything, he'll be a tad flattered that you're chasing him. Men aren't like women. Since we're the ones who usually have to make the first move and try to guess whether we're going to get rejected or not, we're usually a little relieved when a woman makes it obvious to us that she's interested - especially if it's someone we're really interested in. Unlike women, guys don't spend so much time wondering "Gee, I wonder if she's confident." 'Cause, to be perfectly honest, we're more concerned with one thing at the start of a relationship (I'll let you fill in the blanks there).
CurlyIam Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Special people are so hard to find. And yes, at times we need to fight the bad timing and the wrong place. Sometimes we actually have to put up an effort and take a few chances. Nem, I don't know if you're so afraid of taking chances - you're obviously a very atractive and desirable woman, so it's not like one rejection will crush your entire self esteem. I think that it's always been the men calling and making the effort. I think that the whole idea of you making the effort and actually pursuing him is what keeps you from doing it. Because it would be work and it would be your decision. You wouldn't just string along. Maybe you're a bit spoiled and have a bit too much ego to like the idea of putting effort or showing that you're just as interested if not more interested in the other person than he is in you??? Your shot, your decision. But I think a woman feels when she met a special guy. Don't live to regret it, Nem!
browneyes22 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 XNemesisX...amerikajin is right. The MOST important thing is showing him your not some flake. He's not going to forget his phone calls being ignored and getting drunk at his work place. But this kind of stuff is forgivable. Personally, I wouldn't go to his place of work at first. Try giving him a call first and setting something up. If this doesn't work then you will have to do a face to face meeting like someone else suggested. Like everyone else is saying, this doesn't seem desperate or stalkerish...it seems like your serious about him now. Getting drunk in front of him and leaving your phone number is not a serious attempt to get him your way. He's not going to call, but I bet you anything he's still interested. You seem to be on the right track. Go for it.
SexKitten Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale gay* *not that there is anything wrong with that hahaha, i just watched that last night.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten hahaha, i just watched that last night. SEXKAT....i saw an interview a while back with the cast of Seinfeld and when they were writing that episode they almost did not do it cause they thought it would offend the gay community so they came up with the "N.T.T.I.A.W.W.T" statement so that the episode would "work". and it did! woo hoo
BrotherAaron Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Hey xnx nice to see that you're getting out of the house! This guy's worth one more shot if you really like him. It's possible that he lost interest after all of that time, but he did come over and talk with you, and that's an indication that he still likes you. Wait, say, a week, and show up again and ask him on a date - don't make him doing the chasing initially, since you shot him down when he did initially. If he still likes you, he'll be all over the chance if you ask him out. If not, oh well - there's still James Dean, right?
Author XNemesisX Posted May 28, 2005 Author Posted May 28, 2005 Thanks you all for the great suggestions and encouragement! I called our mutual friend and got his number, so I have it now. I have just been too timid to call. I REALLY need to get some guts and just do it. I suppose the worst thing he can say to me is "no." I'm not used to pursuing guys. I have always thought of that as a big no-no for a girl to do. I've tried it in the past and it didn't work out for me at all. (The guy called me a "PUPPY DOG") So I think that scarred me from really pursuing guys. But I guess this is a different situation. Since I'm the one who effed it up initially and he did try to pursue me first then maybe the rules can bend a little bit, right? I think I will just call him tonight. Or I will wait a week like BrotherAaron was saying and go back to his workplace and try to talk to him face to face. I definitely know that "Colin" is a special guy, and not someone I just want to shrug off. So I think he's worth the effort. Oh....as for James Dean guy. That one is history. I have already figured out that I'm not interested in him anymore. He's coming on too strong. Actually, here are 2 emails he sent me: (You all can be the judge if this guy is just weird) B, I am wrapping up meetings and heading back to the big city of _____. blah blah blah. work sucks. It was a pleasure meeting you last night. I hope that I was not too out of line. But all I could think about was kissing you. ahhh. I want to see you again. I want to see you tonight actually. would you like to go for a walk around the neighborhood under the stars tonight? d Ok...maybe I am being hypercritical ....but who says "walk under the stars"???? That's a pretty high cheese factor. Well I responded that I couldn't do anything that night and he wrote back this: I really want to see you tonight! please...pretty please : ) as long if I can see you before 4am... I dont think I can do that 2 nights in a row. hehe Def going to __'ville. sounds fun! esp if you are there. I cant wait to see you again. Just let me know a time when you are free.... I will count it down and give you a call : ) well...then I talked to him last night and told him that I really just didn't feel like going out because I was cleaning my apartment and wasn't ready. He just KEPT begging me to please see him. I finally just told him I would call him back in 10 minutes then I turned my phone off. The guy can't take no for an answer! James Dean guy is already out of the running.... Makes me want Colin Ferrel even more...he's charming and doesn't come off too strong. Even when he was pursuing me he kept his cool and never came off as smothering. Everyone cross your fingers for me because I think I will just go for it and call him tonight!
westernxer Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX would you like to go for a walk around the neighborhood under the stars tonight? I think you lost out.
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i luv it when folks refer to me, thanx AMERIKAJIN. Yeah I know what you mean...I'm flattered by your signature line eh! Man...it all comes down to the boobies! (Though I can do the :lmao: but not the upside down ^! Where the F is it on my keyboard?? (blonde moment here folks... )
DeaconFrost Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Yeah, I whole heartedly agree with CurlyIam. I think you are just to comfortable being the pursuee. There is absolutely nothing wrong with switching up the dynamic from time to time. When you getting going it can actually be pretty fun. What do you have to lose? I think I speak for alot of guys when I say that most of us wish women would do this more often. Now you have an idea of how we feel every time we even think about talking to a girl. BTW, I would argue against waiting a week. You'll only talk yourself out of it or give yourself some excuse as to why its not the right time. I say throw rigidity right out and just freakin' going for it! Do it while its still fresh in everyone's mind. Get swept up in the emotions and go in there swingin'. Be direct and open. If he's not with you, oh well. You can try your new found skills on another guy. If you wait, he might see it as you being wishy-washy or running in flake mode again.
BrotherAaron Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Yeah I know what you mean...I'm flattered by your signature line eh! (Though I can do the :lmao: but not the upside down ^! Where the F is it on my keyboard?? (blonde moment here folks... ) hahaha that "upside down ^" is, in fact, the 22nd letter of the English alphabet, also known as v (such as violin, or vicodin)
alphamale Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron hahaha that "upside down ^" is, in fact, the 22nd letter of the English alphabet, also known as v (such as violin, or vicodin) or vagina
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