He took me back after i cheated, but how much of his controlling ways is too much?

[Fallenpetal]

I met my boyfriend almost two years ago and we have been together for almost 13 months now, and it definately has not been the easiest year of my life. When we started dating we made promises and moved quickly and made our relationship very intense. I had only had one previous sexual encounter, and one other close to that. He was the perfect man, and then came october. I am a total theatre geek, I love performing and singing it is my passion. I was in a play at my school, and I began to develop feelings for a guy who was a year younger than I and went to the same school, he was also in the play. My boyfriend went to the public school im my town, and things werent too easy. I didnt ever see him much, maybe once or twice on the weekends and that was it. So I started talking to this other guy, we'll call him Bill. I talked with him all the time, we had alot in common, but i didnt tell him I was still dating my boyfriend. My boyfriend came to my school one day and saw me talking to him, this is where things started to change.

 

I lied to my boyfriend and did so many things to hurt him, but he still loved me. I told him i thought we should take a break and we did, and I kissed Bill a few times, and i never told my boyfriend about it. 6 months later, he got on my msn account and asked this guy Bill if I kissed him, and he said yes. I almost lost my boyfriend that night. I lied to him for a long period of time, and i shoudlnt have, but I loved him and it took me a while to really realize what I had. From then on it has been downhill.

 

Not only does he remind me every day that I am a slut and I dont diserve him, he is addicted to many drugs because of all the pain I have put him through. not only thos other guy bill, but he is not at all understanding of my previous relationships. Because of the other two people I have had sexual relations with, I am a slut and I "dont care about my boyfriend" like he cares about me. He was a virgin before he met me, he was waiting for the right person. I wish I could have.

 

My mother was diagnosed with a life-altering disease almost two years ago, and durring that time I made some terrible decisions and let men take advantage of me and i didnt care what they did to me. I just wanted someone to love me, because no one was ever there to care for me when my mother was in the Hospital. My boyfriend goes to school with these two guys, and sees them every day. He tells me "Its weird how you can ruin my day before i even talk to you, because i have to look those guys in the eye who you did that nasty **** with. You are such a slut" So now every day I get beaten down by the love of my life, forced to somehow prove my love for him. I love him more than anything, and I am being forced to give up everything else in life that I love. I love theatre, but It takes up too much time and I'm never home. Whenever I would goto rehearsals, i would get home and have to listen to my boyfriend yelling at me because he cant trust me, asking me exactly every thing that i did and each person i talked to.

 

So I decided not to do any plays this summer. I decided i cant do cheerleading anymore, and most recently my other passion, dance. I would have been the captain this year, but the tryouts were today, and i didnt go. I asked him if i could and he said if i want to ruin his life, to go ahead. I am letting so many of my girl friends down, and my coach. My mother doesnt know yet, but when she finds out I know she will be so angry with me. I am giving up my life for this guy. I want him to be worth it, but I just think hes going to leave me one of these days, he threatens me all the time. I really dont know how much more of this i can take. I want to believe I can deal with it, but I cant. And I know the drugs are making it worse. But Its my fault he is addicted. He tells me this every day and now Im starting to believe it. Hes morphing me into someone I'm not. But I'm sacraficing myself for him. I just wish he saw that.

 

I need some help, or maybe just some relevant advice from anyone who takes the time to read this. Thank you.

[BabyDags]

Honey... he CHOOSES to do drugs and uses you as an excuse. no matter what kind of sins you may have done, you do not deserve to be called a slut. that is just knocking down ur self esteem bc he needs that. people who do that, are just looking to boost their own. he should be greatful that you wanted him too... i mean... you could easily say... i did it bc you made me unhappy... and turn the tables, but you have been the bigger person, and that is admirable. this is a tough call dolly... and i am sorry that you are going thru it, but at this point... i would simply leave. you do not deserve to be treated like that by ne one that really loved you... i could never tell ne one i loved that they are a bad person... loving someone is accepting all of them... highs and lows... he has issues that DO NOT CONCERN YOU, and he is making you his scape goat. please be careful... he sounds like he could get mean... take care of you... you are what is important... not a man! remember that... life life for you... not for ne one else...

 

take care dolly....

[Broken3112]

I have been cheated on. And i know what it feels like. Recently. I got addicted to drugs too. And it was because of the pain caused. You did make him insecure, about himself, you - everything. Why did you cheat? You can't have everything. It u want someone else, breakup and be with someone else. Well, that was a mistake you made and i hope u see it that way too.

 

Now i am taking her back in and she keeps coming and pulling away and coming back and pulling away. So either way, u dont win. If he was sweet to you after what you've done, I'll bet my bucks you'll start feeling different - unsure. You would wonder that its so easy to move between people. Now i am still being sweet to my unfaithful ex because i love her so much and am willing to bear the pain. And she's pulling away because of it.

 

My ex is in your shoes and your bf is in mine. So there's a lot from me you'd probably want to know and there's probably a lot i want to ask you. PM me, maybe we can really help each other out here.

[Devildog]

Don't put up with that kind of abuse. Yes, it is abuse. He is emotionally and psychologically abusing you. Did you make a mistake? Yeah, you did. Can you go back and change what you did? No. Do you regret it? Obviously you do. But he needs to move on and try to get past this or move along.

 

Blaming you for his drug problems? Introduce him to the concept of personal responsibility. That is where he takes responsibility for what he does and stops blaming others for his problems. If he has a problem with that tell him to take whatever drugs as a suppository and shove them up his @ss!

 

And what you did before you met him is irrelevant. So now you cheated on him before you even met him? Is that what he thinks? What a tool!

 

Really, move on. Find someone with an emotional maturity that exceeds most 2nd graders.

[Shey]

This is NOT love my dear....that man is using you as a foot stool. You should NEVER have to give up on YOUR dreams, goals, and desires for the person you are in love with. IF HE LOVED YOU he would be behind you in what you want to do in your life. He would be happy that you follow your passions for theater and dance. So you kissed somebody who showed more of an interest in you than he did...that is absolutely no reason for him to make you feel like crap. He should have realized by your action that something was not right in your relationship, and that you weren't getting the affection you needed from him...if he truly cared about you he would have picked up on that. And to rub in your face your past mistakes....he wasn't even a part of your life back then. What right does he have to even bring it up?? If I were you, this is what I would do...I would slap that jerk across the face, pack up my bags, and never look back. Yes, heartache will be there, and it will take some time to get over him, but believe me hun, after a while you will see that what I say is true...and you will be much happier with somebody who lets you live your own life and who doesn't use your human flaws against you...you can do better than this guy...