Shock148 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) Ok so my latest ex girlfriend really confused the hell out of me. We were friends for about a year before we started dating. We were not together long, just 4 months. Everything was good, but she decided that she didn't feel it being in a relationship with me. I also felt this way and we mutually agreed to end it. I really did not care about ending the relationship, I was not sad, I was not mad, I still thought of her as a friend and told her that she would always be my friend. She decided to stop talking to me for about a month. We broke up amicably, no problems no arguments no nothing. After a month she finally responded to one of my texts (throughout the month I would basically send 1 text per 3 days asking her how she was with no response of course) and what she said was that she thought it was better if we did not talk. I asked her why would you think that if we were friends before we got together and I still wanted to be her friend. She said ok and we agreed to meet up for some drinks. She cancelled on me so I told her okay how about next week? Again next week came and she cancelled on me. Then she told me maybe in 2 more weeks she might be free and we can hang out. I told her that sounds good, but later realized after the conversation was over that I am not going to make promises especially when she has cancelled on me twice, so I texted her back about 5 minutes later stating that I would let her know if I was busy that day because it might not be a good day for me, considering anything can happen in two weeks. Next thing I know she responds saying that I am always trying to make her feel bad because she is always cancelling our plans and that I am pathetic for doing so. She then said she was blocking me for this. I responded with "What? I am not trying to make you feel bad for anything, cancellations happen, but I am just letting you know I might have a meeting at work and I will let you know if I am free, but if you really are going to block me over this then that is truly pathetic on your part." I haven't heard from her since and it has been 6 months. We are still friends on facebook and I still care for her, just damn confused on what the hell I did to warrant this. My birthday was this past saturday and I posted on facebook a message thanking certain people for making my year a good one, her included since we are still friends on facebook. She deletes that message from her facebook wall lol. My question is, am I crazy for not seeing what I did wrong or is she crazy? I don't understand how we can be friends for a year before dating, we date for 4 months and she ends up breaking up with me because she does not feel it, I told her that's fine I don't feel it either and then she stops talking to me for a month, only to say because I thought it would be best but after that we make plans to hang out, she continuously cancelled but gets annoyed and blocks me again from her life me when I told her that I would let her know if we can hang out 2 weeks later like she suggested. Any thoughts? I really feel like sending her a facebook message asking why does she hate me? What did I do wrong? Because im really effin confused. And once again for the record I dont want her back, I dont want to be in a relationship with her, I just cannot understand how we go from friends to her just wanting nothing to do with me when I did absolutely nothing wrong to her. Edited November 6, 2015 by Shock148
sbk24 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 To be honest, in her mind she probably thinks that you still want to get back with her. (Which you say you don't). The other reason is that maybe she has a sense of guilt and might just want to NC to get over you completely. IMO she is wasting your time. The girl might be good looking, intelligent etc but it doesn't cost anything to be polite and courtesy. You just don't need people like this in your life. Like everyone says on here. Time to move on my friend.
mightycpa Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Ok so my latest ex girlfriend really confused the hell out of me. We were friends for about a year before we started dating. We were not together long, just 4 months. Everything was good, but she decided that she didn't feel it being in a relationship with me. I also felt this way and we mutually agreed to end it. I really did not care about ending the relationship, I was not sad, I was not mad, I still thought of her as a friend and told her that she would always be my friend. She decided to stop talking to me for about a month. We broke up amicably, no problems no arguments no nothing. After a month she finally responded to one of my texts (throughout the month I would basically send 1 text per 3 days asking her how she was with no response of course) and what she said was that she thought it was better if we did not talk. I asked her why would you think that if we were friends before we got together and I still wanted to be her friend. She said ok and we agreed to meet up for some drinks. She cancelled on me so I told her okay how about next week? Again next week came and she cancelled on me. Then she told me maybe in 2 more weeks she might be free and we can hang out. I told her that sounds good, but later realized after the conversation was over that I am not going to make promises especially when she has cancelled on me twice, so I texted her back about 5 minutes later stating that I would let her know if I was busy that day because it might not be a good day for me, considering anything can happen in two weeks.Shock, I would have called that whiny. Obviously things come up, but nobody issues that caveat two weeks ahead of time unless they have something specific in mind, OR they are being pissy. She knows that too, and this is why the next thing you know,Next thing I know she responds saying that I am always trying to make her feel bad because she is always cancelling our plans and that I am pathetic for doing so. She then said she was blocking me for this.It sounds like everybody's nerves are a little frayed, and you two have forgotten how to be friends. So now you're sniping at each other, and imputing negative motives to each others' texts. I responded with "What? I am not trying to make you feel bad for anything, cancellations happen, but I am just letting you know I might have a meeting at work and I will let you know if I am free, but if you really are going to block me over this then that is truly pathetic on your part." I haven't heard from her since and it has been 6 months. Believe it or not, that's probably a good thing. You shouldn't have to try so hard with a friend. We are still friends on facebook and I still care for her, just damn confused on what the hell I did to warrant this.You changed the friend relationship. You shat where you ate. My birthday was this past saturday and I posted on facebook a message thanking certain people for making my year a good one, her included since we are still friends on facebook. She deletes that message from her facebook wall lol. That could be interpreted to mean that she made your year better by breaking up with you, or by separating herself from you.My question is, am I crazy for not seeing what I did wrong or is she crazy? You are clearly blind to what is obviously going on.I don't understand how we can be friends for a year before dating, we date for 4 months and she ends up breaking up with me because she does not feel it, I told her that's fine I don't feel it either and then she stops talking to me for a month, only to say because I thought it would be best but after that we make plans to hang out, she continuously cancelled but gets annoyed and blocks me again from her life me when I told her that I would let her know if we can hang out 2 weeks later like she suggested. Any thoughts?Glad you asked. Cut her loose. You don't need the aggravation, and you don't need to be pushy to stay friends. She obviously needs a little "No-Shock" time. I really feel like sending her a facebook message asking why does she hate me? What did I do wrong? Because im really effin confused.Do that, but only if you want to make it worse. I get the sense this is temporary, but you seem to have the potential for making it permanent. Just give her time, and frankly, give yourself some time.And once again for the record I dont want her back, I dont want to be in a relationship with her, I just cannot understand how we go from friends to her just wanting nothing to do with me when I did absolutely nothing wrong to her.Being a friend IS a relationship, first of all. Right now, you don't have a relationship, and you're trying to get one back... not a romantic one, but a relationship nonetheless. Also, you didn't go from friends to worse. You did this: FRIENDS =====> LOVERS ======> DISENCHANTED =======> PUSHY FRIEND =======> the rest is up to you. Leave it alone for a while. 3
Itspointless Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Two options, she felt like you were playing games not telling the truth in the beginning and after that being clingy, or her ego is bruised as you said OK, lets do break up.
Survivor12 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You didn't--and still don't--respect her desire for space. It doesn't matter if you understand it or agree with it, she's entitled to feel whatever she's feeling. Even after she said that she told you that she did not want to talk to you, you continued to push until she finally agreed to meet with you. Obviously, she didn't want to & agreed only to get you to stop hounding her. If she really wanted to see you, she wouldn't have cancelled repeatedly. Instead of letting it go, you continued to push and when you finally began to realize what her "lukewarm" response to your invitation really meant, you played the passive-aggressive card & it backfired. (And the FB thing was truly immature.) Leave her alone. She isn't interested in being "friends" with you. Delete her from FB & move on. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I would wager she's seeing someone and doesn't want your name appearing on her news feed and him getting the wrong idea.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Leave her be dude. You changed the friendship when you started hooking up. Maybe down the road you can be friends, but not now. It's unreasonable for you to expect that you can go back to being buddies without any sort of recovery time. Completely unreasonable. 1
Author Shock148 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Thanks Guys I really needed an explanation on what I did wrong. I'll definitely leave her alone and if that means we never talk again then that's life. You can only learn from your mistakes and I won't be doing this again with anyone in the future. I appreciate all of the replies here. I won't unfriend her on facebook but I won't be contacting her anymore either.
foam12 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'd say give her space a lot more space, especially when she wasn't responding to your texts. I just got dumped and we ended on good terms, but she requested a few months alone to cope while for me I'd say after about a month to cope even though I was the one who got dumped. People heal at different rates and maybe she is feeling guilty already, which is making her defensive and adding to the time needed for her to heal. Good luck!
Author Shock148 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 You didn't--and still don't--respect her desire for space. It doesn't matter if you understand it or agree with it, she's entitled to feel whatever she's feeling. Even after she said that she told you that she did not want to talk to you, you continued to push until she finally agreed to meet with you. Obviously, she didn't want to & agreed only to get you to stop hounding her. If she really wanted to see you, she wouldn't have cancelled repeatedly. Instead of letting it go, you continued to push and when you finally began to realize what her "lukewarm" response to your invitation really meant, you played the passive-aggressive card & it backfired. (And the FB thing was truly immature.) Leave her alone. She isn't interested in being "friends" with you. Delete her from FB & move on. I wasn't trying to mean anything from posting that other than I wanted her to know I had an amazing time being with her and she honestly did make my year good. It definitely was not my intention to make her feel any other type of way but for me to express a thank you for her being apart of my life.
Author Shock148 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Bbc bro..bbc I dont know what bbc means.
Author Shock148 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Leave her be dude. You changed the friendship when you started hooking up. Maybe down the road you can be friends, but not now. It's unreasonable for you to expect that you can go back to being buddies without any sort of recovery time. Completely unreasonable. I suppose it was unreasonable, but I figured she broke up with me, she told me that she did not feel anything in the relationship. So I figured, okay what recovery time should be needed if there was nothing to be sad or upset about? That was my logic anyway.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I suppose it was unreasonable, but I figured she broke up with me, she told me that she did not feel anything in the relationship. So I figured, okay what recovery time should be needed if there was nothing to be sad or upset about? That was my logic anyway. Just because they are the ones to dump you doesn't mean they aren't sad and they don't need to recover. She's probably sad that she wasn't able to make it work with someone who she regarded as a good friend and needs time to sort that out. You badgering her is the last thing she wants, especially since she (as most dumpers will) is assuming you're doing it to try to get back together, even if you say you aren't. You need to back the hell off for several months. Maybe in time, once all feelings are flushed out by both parties, you can be friends again. But not now. 1
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