Why is it so hard??

[Snotty]

Why is it so hard to find a date or relationship??

 

So this is me....

I am in my 50's. I take great care of myself. I workout, stay very active. I have entered sporting events and can run circles around kids in their 30's. All my friends tell me i am a good looking guy, and some say they wish they were me. My daughters friends keep telling her how hot her dad is. She now just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

 

I am beginning to think it is the area i live in. I have heard people say how conceded the women are around here. I helped my son move into his apartment recently after graduating from college. A different state than where i live. I was amazed at how nice the women were. They would smile and say hello just passing by. No, it was not flirtatious, or 'i think your attractive' type hello. Just generally very nice people saying hello passing by. The ladies where i live wont even give you the time of day.

 

So... What is it? I have given up and accepted i will be by myself.

[Zippy2000]

Its nothing to do with you. Its your age. Im 41 and not far off but when I was younger I did interent dating and in my 30s I had a lot more messages.

 

As I grew older. A lot of the womens profiles show "looking for someone from 25 to 39".

 

Its just your dating pool gets smaller as you grow older. Thats all.

[Myragal]

Nothing to do with age.

 

I'm about your age and I have a date this evening...with a man about your age. My girlfriends go on dates. A million people in heir 50's go on dates.

 

It's not age, it's not the women in your area. There is some variable that YOU are responsible for. Externalizing the reason for a lack of dating is fudging the issue. Or be honest, you have a crappy attitude towards the women in your area. Conceited? Won't give you the time if say? Wow...you must come across as quite the catch.

 

Perhaps when you are away from your town you carry yourself differently, are more alert...are better dressed. Or, some completely different reason...could be lots of things. I know one thing I do is follow the same patterns when in my town...go to the same grocery store, meet same friends, cycle the same path. I often don't really put myself 'out there'.

Edited November 6, 2015 by Myragal

[Glitters]

Not about age ! People find dates at any age but depends on a lot of factors.

 

Your kids shouldnt be worrying about your dating !

[Mystique01]

OP, just out of curiosity, which state do you live in, and which state were you helping your son move into?

 

You don't have to be all specific or anything, I'm just wondering. The only reason why I ask is because I'm thinking that the vibe you're getting just might not be too far-fetched. The reason why I say this is because I moved recently from the East Coast to the West Coast, and I have to say.... there IS a difference in the attention I get now (which is, next to nil) as opposed to the attention I got over on the East Coast (which was pretty regular)....and I'm speaking as a WOMAN.

 

So, your experience might not be as crazy-sounding as it seems. Idk if it's just that the men are MUCH more forward over on the east coast, or if my "look" is more preferred there as opposed to the "look" that a lot of guys go for in Southern CA or what, but whatever it is...I DO sense a HUGE difference. Plus, back where I'm from (believe it or not), people just seemed much more "in tune" to other people, they would say hello, nod if they saw you, open the doors for you, etc. Here, (no offense) but people seem VERY self-focused, or just not very sociable if they don't know you. They aren't MEAN (not in the least...I actually find Southern Californians to be very friendly), but they won't acknowledge you if they don't know you. Whereas where I'm from people will strike up conversations with you in the grocery store line, waiting in a DR's office, in a women's restroom, etc.

 

It's just a well-known fact that some states tend to be friendlier or more "hospitable" than others. The south especially is a little more like that. People know everyone. People acknowledge you, etc.

 

So....I'm not going to immediately knock your experiences as mere hogwash, because it could be plausible. The ONLY reason why I'm saying this is because I've experienced it first-hand myself. Whenever I go back home to visit family on the East Coast, I'm always shocked at just how much I get hit on just randomly. I almost kind of wish I hadn't moved out to the West Coast...it's not doing anything for my dating life lol

[d0nnivain]

What are you doing to meet women? If the stuff you are doing isn't working, don't you think it may be time to add something new to the mix?

[Snotty]

I live in Illinois. Not Chicago. I helped my son in Nebraska. I hold doors open for ladies, regardless of age. I am polite as i can be. I have had conversations with friends who have moved here from different areas tell me that their attitude is different. In their defense, (woman's defense) maybe the men in this area are a.holes. I don't know.

 

All i know is i cannot even get a hello out of a woman in passing. I tried the internet dating and that was a joke. I don't go to bars. I workout at home. I had a gym membership last year to and meet someone. I could not even get a hello from anyone. I have met women, got their numbers, called, and never got a reply back.

 

I am not an A.hole, i am not arrogant. My screen name may reflect that, but it is a nickname i was called when i was a kid that used to piss me off, but now i like it as a nickname. (Yep, kind of strange)

 

I am sure some of it might be me, but i am not sure what that part is.

[empresario]

Why is it so hard to find a date or relationship??

 

So this is me....

I am in my 50's. I take great care of myself. I workout, stay very active. I have entered sporting events and can run circles around kids in their 30's. All my friends tell me i am a good looking guy, and some say they wish they were me. My daughters friends keep telling her how hot her dad is. She now just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

 

I am beginning to think it is the area i live in. I have heard people say how conceded the women are around here. I helped my son move into his apartment recently after graduating from college. A different state than where i live. I was amazed at how nice the women were. They would smile and say hello just passing by. No, it was not flirtatious, or 'i think your attractive' type hello. Just generally very nice people saying hello passing by. The ladies where i live wont even give you the time of day.

 

So... What is it? I have given up and accepted i will be by myself.

 

*resists a "that's what she said" one-liner based on the title*

 

 

Having a background in information and tech...I have to get the obvious questions out of the way first. Have you tried asking one of them out or are you waiting for them?

[empresario]

I live in Illinois. Not Chicago. I helped my son in Nebraska. I hold doors open for ladies, regardless of age. I am polite as i can be. I have had conversations with friends who have moved here from different areas tell me that their attitude is different. In their defense, (woman's defense) maybe the men in this area are a.holes. I don't know.

 

All i know is i cannot even get a hello out of a woman in passing. I tried the internet dating and that was a joke. I don't go to bars. I workout at home. I had a gym membership last year to and meet someone. I could not even get a hello from anyone. I have met women, got their numbers, called, and never got a reply back.

 

I am not an A.hole, i am not arrogant. My screen name may reflect that, but it is a nickname i was called when i was a kid that used to piss me off, but now i like it as a nickname. (Yep, kind of strange)

 

I am sure some of it might be me, but i am not sure what that part is.

 

Here's your problem. I'm a Midwest boy. I have lived everywhere from Middle Nebraska to (South Bend) Indiana. Nebraska is Midwest culture with a west coast vibe. Illinois/Indiana is Midwest culture with an east coast vibe.

 

 

Once you cross the split east people are more blue-blooded (but still nice). Western Midwest you get the nice people with the 'chill' factor.

[oberkeat]

I'm 29, and it's not any easier for me to get a date. It's probably hard for guys no matter what your age.

[Myragal]

Region?

 

That implies that nobody ever dates in your region and that there are no couples.

 

Reality check..males and females date in every city, town, rural area of the western world. I don't know of any places where males and females livein two solitudes and never meet, date or pair up.

 

I've lived in many regions and don't know all of these typecast men or women. 'In this region women are like this...over here they are like this.' If someone has that perspective then it is no wonder they are not dating..they are delusional about society.

 

Somehow YOU are open to dating but no females are open. Women don't date where you live?

[Snotty]

Yes i do ask them out. I get phone numbers, i call, i get voice mail, i leave a message, and i never get a return call. I will not call twice. I dont want to come across as creapy or anything. There are a couple women who i work with that are married that i have good friendships with that i talk about these things with. They tend to agree with me.

I am sure there may be some things i do or dont do that probably dont help, but i dont know what that may be.

 

All i can say, is that it is not good when i cannot even get a "hello" returned just in passing.

[d0nnivain]

Are you willing to mix it up some more to put yourself out there to meet new people? If so I'd try some combo of the following:

 

1. Go to meetup groups that interest you. I enjoyed one that played board games. They have them for everything.

 

2. Attend business conferences in your industry. I met my husband at a business card exchange.

 

3. Find a singles / matchmaking group that interest you. They have them for everything. I went to a singles wine dinner. I attended hike called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. Right before I met DH I had just found one that sets you up to play golf. I figured you would have the whole 18 holes to get to know each other & worst case scenario I got a day in the sun.

 

4. Take or teach an adult education class.

 

5. Hang out in bookstores & coffee shops.

 

6. Go speed dating or try a singles cruise.

 

7. Tell people you know that you would be open to being fixed up. You never know who knows somebody who would be perfect for you.

 

8. Do charity work. There are tons of great causes that need help.

 

9. Volunteer for a political candidate you care about.

 

10. Get involved with your alumni associations. You already have something in common with them.

[truth_seeker]

It could be that the women in your area are conceited and that you go for conceited women?

[Mystique01]

I live in Illinois. Not Chicago. I helped my son in Nebraska. I hold doors open for ladies, regardless of age. I am polite as i can be. I have had conversations with friends who have moved here from different areas tell me that their attitude is different. In their defense, (woman's defense) maybe the men in this area are a.holes. I don't know.

 

All i know is i cannot even get a hello out of a woman in passing. I tried the internet dating and that was a joke. I don't go to bars. I workout at home. I had a gym membership last year to and meet someone. I could not even get a hello from anyone. I have met women, got their numbers, called, and never got a reply back.

 

I am not an A.hole, i am not arrogant. My screen name may reflect that, but it is a nickname i was called when i was a kid that used to piss me off, but now i like it as a nickname. (Yep, kind of strange)

 

I am sure some of it might be me, but i am not sure what that part is.

 

Ohhh okay... Yes, it probably is a little more laid back in Nebraska than it is in Illinois. Just a guess.

 

I think there's truth in general to what you're saying (not to generalize people or anything), but at the same time however, I do think that you can find someone in your own state. It just might take a little more time or being more proactive.

 

I haven't given up on CA lol....I just realize that maybe the men out here in general are a little different. Trust me, it's NOT just your imagination. I know it's certainly not mine.

Edited November 6, 2015 by Mystique01

[Snotty]

I am open to all your suggestions and will give them a try

 

Mystique01, i lived in southern ca years ago. There are TONS of things to do. You MUST go to the Poopdeck. It is a bar on Hermosa beach boardwalk.

I was just there 2 years ago. Things have changed, but a fast paced lifestyle.

[StBreton]

When I read your first post and saw your moniker...I thought for sure you live in Snottsdale ... oops I meant Scottsdale

 

I am from Chicago ... was back in the summer (last visit was 5 years ago) ... I actually commented on how friendly people are ... in the city proper...people just walk by and smile and say "hi" ... made me long for the "city of big shoulders" ... but the winters!

 

With that said...I wonder if maybe you're giving off a different vibe at home that you're not realizing ... as another poster put forth.

 

I haven't been to Nebraska but know several people from there and they are very friendly ... maybe more so than people from Chicago?

 

Where I live now... people are not as friendly ... I travel a lot and notice variations in behavior from place to place.

 

I feel the reason you brought this up is you are looking to meet and connect with people to date and form a relationship. I'd do as others have suggested and join in things of which you have an interest. You and I are close in age and where I live people are less friendly but there is so much to do that I meet people all the time ... still looking for that connection though:)

[TheBathWater]

Why is it so hard to find a date or relationship??

 

So this is me....

I am in my 50's. I take great care of myself. I workout, stay very active. I have entered sporting events and can run circles around kids in their 30's. All my friends tell me i am a good looking guy, and some say they wish they were me. My daughters friends keep telling her how hot her dad is. She now just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

 

I am beginning to think it is the area i live in. I have heard people say how conceded the women are around here. I helped my son move into his apartment recently after graduating from college. A different state than where i live. I was amazed at how nice the women were. They would smile and say hello just passing by. No, it was not flirtatious, or 'i think your attractive' type hello. Just generally very nice people saying hello passing by. The ladies where i live wont even give you the time of day.

 

So... What is it? I have given up and accepted i will be by myself.

 

I'm a male in my early thirties, but your post really resonated with me and I can identify with a lot of what you've said. It's kind of ridiculous that even after all the ways in which we take care of ourselves and live interesting and honorable lives that we can still get passed over. Even 5-10 years ago, we would be seen as a true gem. I truly believe this has less to do with us as people and more to do with the increasingly fickle nature, and frankly, perverse commodification, of human relationships. I stand very firm in my belief that this is the product of social media, women's liberation (for better or worse), and a scared economy that commodifies sex to leverage its own greed and advert financial crises. Simply put, sex and novelty sells; relationships and a steady 'purchase' do not. People are simply out of control, moreso than ever before I think, and are in denial of just how much the undertow of the media carries them away from their own longings. It's ****ing crazy! Those of us who want and deserve relationships are not hopeless, but the odds really are against us more than ever before I would argue. I honestly have no solution, other than to say it is important to keep having these discussions and raising social awareness...with the hope that at some point we might create more balance in this world. We are facing a problem in love and life unlike any other time in history before, and I don't see it ending very well for anyone if it continues as it is now.

Edited November 7, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine