HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I know there is really no protocol but I wanted to ask. I slept over with a guy who I REALLY liked. But for some reason and I sort of regret this, I did not feel comfortable. I actually put on my clothes in the middle of the night. I went to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and he asked where I am going. I think he thought I was going to leave. Then he took off my clothes and we did it again, but again I felt weird. In the morning, early, I woke up crawled over him, finished putting on my clothes, and he woke up while I was doing that. I asked him for directions to the subway. We didn't say much. I said awkwardly said bye, and he said bye. I felt fine afterward, but I feel like I was cold. The sex was very natural, and I like him so much, but I really wanted to get out of there asap. what's wrong with me. :-( anyways, males, what would you think if a girl did that? how would you feel?
Buddhist Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 That's completely normal, it's a strange place and I'm guessing you're not in the habit of sleeping in the nude. I do exactly the same thing and in fact I never like to sleep over or sleep in the nude, ever. It's all about habits, they're his habits not yours, it's not reasonable to expect you to instantly adopt them. I'm sure he'll get over it.
Polar965 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 You shouldn't feel awkward. Its sounds like from the lack of dialogue in the morning that maybe he thinks you didn't like it? I don't know. How long did you date before this?
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 Went out a couple times but I've known him almost a year. So I've spent a lot more time with him than just two times . I wonder if this is a sign he isn't the one for me .
lilmissjava Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 We all have our own preferences after sex. How has the "fallout" been, have you been in contact? Has he asked you out again? Until you have reached a higher level of comfort with him, I think you have a right to be reserved as it is still early.
PaperCrane Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 It was okay, there's nothing wrong with you. However you were in a new place and you got 'odd roomed'. Just explain to him that he didn't do anything wrong because as men our egos can be pretty fragile after sex. When I was with my first girlfriend I'd always want to leave a little bit after until I got more comfortable. Okay, know how this can be resolved easily? COMMUNICATION O M M U N I C A T I O N 1
ChicagoSparty Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) You [had sex with] him and then left? You're my dream girl. Edited November 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 So do you think he noticed my behavior? He cuddled /spooned me allnight But he didn't walk me to the door and kiss me goodbye . The fallout is that he keeps coming up to me all the time and I avoid him because I am still processing it. I just need to get away from him for awhile . 1
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) So do you think he noticed my behavior? He cuddled /spooned me allnight But he didn't walk me to the door and kiss me goodbye . The fallout is that he keeps coming up to me all the time and I avoid him because I am still processing it. I just need to get away from him for awhile . How would *you* feel if *he* treated you that way? Attempting to leave in middle of the night, leaving in the morn immediately after sex. Did not kiss you goodbye. Avoiding and ignoring you now when you approach him? You would no doubt think he was douchebag who used you for sex. Well that is probably what HE is thinking about you! If you really like him (as you said), why the hell do you need to avoid him now and get away from him? Do you have intimacy issues? Anyeay, yes he's noticed!! And he is probably confused as hell and doesn't think you give a shyt. Edited November 6, 2015 by katiegrl 13
Glitters Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 There is something called gut feeling/intution. Thats in play here. Go with it, forget the rest 1
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) Yeah now I feel bad. But part of me thought maybe he was just using me. And I'm scared for some reason .I can't figure it out. Normally I'd want the guy to stay and all that but I couldn't get away fast enough. Though on my way home I thought to myself how I was irritated he didn't walk me to the door . I feel like i do not trust him . I feel nothing about the sex .It felt natural as if we've done it before. We haven't and the cuddling and spooning felt comfortable too ..But I don't want to get attached or something . I don't know what it is. He doesn't act hurt .He just acts like he wants my attention. And it didn't really feel like oh this is wrong or like i felt icky about sleeping with him .Nothing like that . I've had that before with a guy friend and I felt weird . It wasn't Like that . Edited November 6, 2015 by HansonGirl
Polar965 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Went out a couple times but I've known him almost a year. So I've spent a lot more time with him than just two times . I wonder if this is a sign he isn't the one for me . Well, I think you've spent enough time together that you can reach out to him and tell him you had fun but the whole "morning after" thing is awkward without looking like a clinger.
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 How would *you* feel if *he* treated you that way? Attempting to leave in middle of the night, leaving in the morn immediately after sex. Did not kiss you goodbye. Avoiding and ignoring you now when you approach him? You would no doubt think he was douchebag who used you for sex. Well that is probably what HE is thinking about you! If you really like him (as you said), why the hell do you need to avoid him now and get away from him? Do you have intimacy issues? Anyeay, yes he's noticed!! And he is probably confused as hell and doesn't think you give a shyt. Do you think he would care if he's not that into me? I think that's part of it I dint know if he likes me So I ddon't want to get too attached .
Miss Peach Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 From what you described I would have the feeling it was just a hookup. If that's not what it was to you then it's probably worth making that clear. FWIW I do not like the first few times sleeping over someone's place. That's something I reserve only for boyfriends but even then it feel so weird to me at first. 1
oberkeat Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 If I were the guy, I would think OP is just flakey.
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Do you think he would care if he's not that into me? I think that's part of it I dint know if he likes me So I ddon't want to get too attached . So you avoid him and ignore him? Makes no sense. I can't say whether or not he cares. The fact he continues to approach you would certainly indicate he does though. If you continue to avoid him, he will stop caring, so if you want something to happen with him, I suggest you take steps to get over your insecurities and hang ups and start acting like you care too. 1
SwordofFlame Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I've had a girl do this to me once and I just viewed her as a hookup. I hooked up with her once more a week later and that was the end of it. I think she also viewed it as just a hookup too.
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 From what you described I would have the feeling it was just a hookup. If that's not what it was to you then it's probably worth making that clear. FWIW I do not like the first few times sleeping over someone's place. That's something I reserve only for boyfriends but even then it feel so weird to me at first. No I think you are right .I like him but I know it was just a hook up and that's maybe why I had to get out of there asap. To not get attached! That's it! And I think I'm simply not into that sort of thing. Casual stuff. That's why I feel so weird. I just can't do that . It's not for me .
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 No I think you are right .I like him but I know it was just a hook up and that's maybe why I had to get out of there asap. To not get attached! That's it! And I think I'm simply not into that sort of thing. Casual stuff. That's why I feel so weird. I just can't do that . It's not for me . Well if your gut tells you it's just a hook up, then walk away. But before you do, think about whether you really think it was a hook up or whether it's just your fears, anxieties and insecurities talking. My fiance and I had sex the first night we met ...and we are getting married next year!
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 So you avoid him and ignore him? Makes no sense. I can't say whether or not he cares. The fact he continues to approach you would certainly indicate he does though. If you continue to avoid him, he will stop caring, so if you want something to happen with him, I suggest you take steps to get over your insecurities and hang ups and start acting like you care too. What makes no sense? I do feel insecure . Yes . I'm scared to show I care because I don't think it will 've reciprocated and I don't want to feel hurt . Normally in my experience the guy gives me space too. So it is what it is .
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 Well if your gut tells you it's just a hook up, then walk away. But before you do, think about whether you really think it was a hook up or whether it's just your fears, anxieties and insecurities talking. My fiance and I had sex the first night we met ...and we are getting married next year! I do know for a fact that my fears and anxieties come into play here. Yes. I told him mmaybe we should leave each other alone for a while. He laughed and said I'm being silly.
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I do know for a fact that my fears and anxieties come into play here. Yes. I told him mmaybe we should leave each other alone for a while. **He laughed and said I'm being silly***. FWIW, I agree with him. Good luck hon. 3
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 FWIW, I agree with him. Good luck hon. Wait why? How am I silly? Don't leave! And what does FWIW mean?
Author HansonGirl Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 If I were the guy, I would think OP is just flakey. What do you mean?
Recommended Posts