chicaboom Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for 6 months now. Last night we went out with him and his friend and friend's g/f for the first time. They have also been dating for about 6 months. I noticed last night that they were considerably more loved up. She was all over him, he was obviously really into her. They were really cute and happy. Me and my man on the other hand were not as all over each other as they were. We would hold hands occasionally and share a kiss here and there, but no where near where they were. We were in a gallery and my guy would often wander off by himself, as would I. They however stuck together like glue and were the cutest couple ever. To see the juxtaposition b/w us made me wonder if there is something off b/w myself and my guy. We weren't as loved up as them at all. I would like to be like that. Is there something to be concerned about?
Buddhist Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) I noticed last night that they were considerably more loved up. She was all over him, he was obviously really into her. They were really cute and happy. Me and my man on the other hand were not as all over each other as they were. Learn to stop comparing yourself to other people. That is just crazy-making. I'm guessing before this day you weren't wondering if something was off in your relationship. The current generation need to stop living their lives via social media where FOMO has everyone on edge and they transfer that anxiety to every aspect of their lives. Just enjoy your relationship for what it is forget about other peoples. Edited November 6, 2015 by Buddhist 2
Author chicaboom Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 Learn to stop comparing yourself to other people. That is just crazy-making. I'm guessing before this day you weren't wondering if something was off in your relationship. The current generation need to stop living their lives via social media where FOMO has everyone on edge and they transfer that anxiety to every aspect of their lives. Just enjoy your relationship for what it is forget about other peoples. Thanks Buddhist. I agree completely. I just want to make sure that there are no major red flags and if I can catch them early I think this will save me a lot of heartache. I grew up with divorced parents so tbh I don't really know what a good healthy relationship looks like, other than what I've seen on tv, my friend's relationships and what my best guess might be. That's why when I saw this couple last night, I was wondering if that was what we should be like. I would like to be like them, but my guy is a bit more reserved with pda in public, so I restrain myself, lol. But anyways, that's why I'm comparing b/c to me that seems like a healthy relationship (surface level anyways), and was just wondering if that's where I should be at with my guy?
Buddhist Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 There is no sure fire way to save yourself from heartache. It happens to everyone at some point in their lives. It's a by-product of relationships. Your guy just isn't the PDA kind of guy, that isn't a red flag. It's just a human difference. Personally I actually think the other couple are looking more like a red flag and you guys like a normal healthy relationship. Usually when I see couples like that the next thing that unfolds is a breakup. After 6 months it's normal for both people to find some independence from each other and be relaxed and comfortable together and apart. That's healthy. Couples who never make it beyond the joined at the hip stage pretty much don't last in my experience. They get anxious about developing independence and cling but at the same time one of them usually ends up feeling smothered and reacts by disappearing. 1
Author chicaboom Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 There is no sure fire way to save yourself from heartache. It happens to everyone at some point in their lives. It's a by-product of relationships. Your guy just isn't the PDA kind of guy, that isn't a red flag. It's just a human difference. Personally I actually think the other couple are looking more like a red flag and you guys like a normal healthy relationship. Usually when I see couples like that the next thing that unfolds is a breakup. After 6 months it's normal for both people to find some independence from each other and be relaxed and comfortable together and apart. That's healthy. Couples who never make it beyond the joined at the hip stage pretty much don't last in my experience. They get anxious about developing independence and cling but at the same time one of them usually ends up feeling smothered and reacts by disappearing. Thanks Buddhist. That is good advice about heartache. I've had a lot of it though, so I'd like to try at least to avoid it at all cost. haha even if it's damn near next to impossible I suppose I will try to stop comparing. You're right about the human difference part. I guess I took his disinterest in pda as maybe him not caring as much about me...which isn't necessarily true. right? lol. thanks
Redhead14 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for 6 months now. Last night we went out with him and his friend and friend's g/f for the first time. They have also been dating for about 6 months. I noticed last night that they were considerably more loved up. She was all over him, he was obviously really into her. They were really cute and happy. Me and my man on the other hand were not as all over each other as they were. We would hold hands occasionally and share a kiss here and there, but no where near where they were. We were in a gallery and my guy would often wander off by himself, as would I. They however stuck together like glue and were the cutest couple ever. To see the juxtaposition b/w us made me wonder if there is something off b/w myself and my guy. We weren't as loved up as them at all. I would like to be like that. Is there something to be concerned about? Some couples are into PDA and some couples aren't. It's just the way it is. If you personally want more PDA, give your BF a little bit more and see how he responds. He may not like much PDA. People are different, plain and simple. The best way to have gotten a gauge from him about his opinion on this would have been to comment on that couple -- "that's so cute, don't you think?" His response would tell you something.
PaperCrane Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Differences in attachment styles, current page in a relationship, levels of comfortable PDA, etc all play into this. Don't look externally for something. Look at what he does for you, how he treats you.
devilish innocent Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 It's nothing to worry about. I've seen couples who were all over each other break up a few weeks later, and I've seen couples who never showed any PDA last for decades. It doesn't mean anything.
Leigh 87 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Don't dismiss what the OP truly wants. Her love language either isn't compatible with his-OR, he just isn't totally crazy about her yet. I also what what the OPs friends have. So I waited. And waited. And eventually got t. I also need be one of those cute *loved up *couples. I can't experience a relationship any other way. And I've tried less PDA orientated men. It just wasn't for me. I prefer a man who is totally enamoured by me and shows it. The OP will likely continue to feel like crap whenever a *loved up* couple enters her sites. I would cry when I was with my ex ex....whenever I saw a man who openly adored his girlfriend. ....We never had that. Go after the style of love YOU want. Not EVERYONE can be OK with a relationship devoid of staring at each other all googly eyed and making out like teens. 1
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