hopeless88 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for ten years. We have had our ups and downs. We had taken a break about 5 years ago because he was very controlling and would always be out with his friends while I wasn't allowed to. I broke up with him because of that. A month later we got back together. Things were great ever since. He DRASTICALLY changed. We had plans for our future. Sadly, there were moments when we would fight and I would bring up the things he had done to me in the past. Although maybe it wasn't the same situation, but I did bring them up and I knew that began to bother him. I would get upset and bring them up because he would keep things from me. Maybe nothing major, but we would tell each other everything but when it came to things about his friends he would never say anything to me unless I would ask. Long story short, his friend offered him a job that was far and we had already talked about it and I wasn't too happy about it. He had told me he wasn't going to take it. Couple of months after that, one minute to the next he tells me he has an interview. I was upset because he had told me wasn't going to take and also because he didn't even bother telling me he had applied for it or talked to his friend about it. My reaction, which was just to tell him thanks for not telling me, ended everything. He told me he was done and didn't feel the same for me anymore. A week after, we agreed to see each other. The first day he told me he knew he wanted a relationship with me again but that he needed his space to get his life in order. Then the next two days, we saw each other and he was distant and said he didn't want to be with me. The week after that, he kissed me and told me how much he missed me and everything was as if we were together again, then at night he told me he wanted to get his life sorted out because he wanted a house and kids, and told me that despite our issues, he still wanted that with me. He also promised me that if he really did not see a future with me and that there was absolutely no hope in getting back together, that he would tell me this face to face. That was the last time I saw him, and now a couple of days later he tells me he doesn't love me anymore, that he cares about me but is not IN love with me and that we are completely over and we probably shouldn't even talk. However, I did mention to him telling me this face to face and he asked why I was pressuring him. I am so hurt and confused with all this. I don't know what to do or what to think. I have hope that all he needs is space, but I don't know. 10 years is not something that I can get over so quickly. I don't know if he has either because he still text me after that to see how I was doing. I'm so confused.
Snix0805 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Your story is a bit similar to mine. We broke up two years ago because he liked another girl but he DRASTICALLY changed too. But the relationship was already damaged. I could not bring myself to trust him again. Other issues such as my unemployment also keep rising and then he cheated on me again but promised to fix things until a day before the breakup my doubting him because of a phone csll ended things. He said he needed space, cannot be with me anymore, wants to be alone and doesnt exactly know what he wants. It's been two weeks going on three and I haven't heard from him. I found out the hard way, words from himself, that he was a lot happier without me and did not miss me at all. He really did end things for good this time. I think your ex is just using you as a fallback option. Give him the space he wanted and go NC. Let him think things through while you go about your life. Easier said than done because I've only just began myself. 2months, ten years, four years or a year. Doesn't matter because if the love was real, then it hurts regardless of the time you were together 1
Author hopeless88 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 SNIX0805 Sorry to hear about your situation. As far as cheating goes, I can only imagine how hard that must have been. And thank you for the advice. I have been trying the NC, but its hard. I did get better because at first I would text him almost everyday. I stopped doing that now, and now he's been the one texting me. Asking me how I am. I didn't reply at first, but I did eventually but I was very casual and trying to be short wit my answers. He started talking me bout stuff we would talk about, finances and stuff like that and then that's it. I'm scared that if I don't text him back, ill lose any chance I had at possibly getting back with him. I'm not being at all needy when I text him but I also feel like sad that he can in a way talk to me likebhe jst met me.
PegNosePete Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Good afternoon hopeless88, I am sorry to have to say, there is a very strong chance he was cheating on you. He has displayed all the classic signs of 3rd party involvement here. The "love but not in love" is a very, very common line that is used by almost every cheating partner. Also asking for space is an indicator. To "get his life in order" WTF. That makes no sense. If I were you I would cut him off completely. Why would you want to take a cheater back?
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