Angeleyez2583 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 My ex recently disclosed to me during a phone call "you're changed so much, you're so much better as a person, you're so wonderful, blah blah blah".. makes me sick.. makes me even sicker to realize he wants to hang out as friends and invited me to go on the boat with him and his family this summer... he's knows I've changed.. he knows I stopped drinking.... is he scared I might go back to my old ways of drinking??? I didn't do it for him I did it for myself ... so wtf is his deal, and right now, how do I get him to miss me, maybe stopping the phone calls (between him and I) and acting like I was busy might help? BTW: he's the one who picked out my grad. card , guess he went with his mom to go get it and the present, but who knows DOES HE TRUELY WANT TO BE FRIENDS OR DOES HE WANT SOMETHING MORE? I know he'll tell me if he wants something, but now all I want him to do is realize, ****.. she has changed.. and ****... maybe I wanna give this another try
ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Go read "Universe's" thread on "taking it slow when you get back with your ex. You don't want to rush back into the relationship. You need to take time to get to know each other and take things in. I wouldn't take my ex back right away. I'd have to see that she's changed and her I before that would happen. And that would take 3-6 months.
haywood Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 ask him. only he knows the real answer. work from there. if he wants to get back, and you do too, then take it slow. if he just wants to be friends and you don't, then no use talking to him. ask him what he wants. and you decide what you want. good luck.
Jadey Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Nooo!! Dont ask him. Play the game. Asking him will not keep him interested if he is. Dont ask him..
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted May 25, 2005 Author Posted May 25, 2005 Ok maybe I should explain this a little further. My ex broke up with me not because he didn't know what he wanted, or that he needed his space. He broke up with me over a huge sticky mess (a drunken fight basically). He couldn't take the way I acted when I drank. I changed during Jan- March and the relationship was AMAZING again. That night he broke up with me was due to both of us being very drunk and being very stupid ( I had a GOOD reason to act upset as I did that night)! That night of the break up he was confessing his undying love to me every 20 minutes till he blacked out. (please don't judge him over this, this was the first time he ever blacked out when he drank over 2 1/2 years). So now he's telling me how much I've changed and what a great person I am. I stopped drinking, got help for it, and he always says how proud of me he is. He always asks how I'm doing and everything else. He says I'm this wonderful person and all of this crap. It drives me CRAZY. He also stated the only reason he broke up with me was because of the drinking. He is not dating anyone else, and tells me he refuses to till he gets out of school. Whenever we see eachother, it is so comfortable. He is flirty with me and I flirt right back. I asked him if he wanted to hang out as friends, and he said yeah definitely. My ex even invited me to go on the boat this summer whenever I wanted to. He even picked out my graduation card and present. I don't know what to think. I'm pretty sure he still has feelings, but I just think maybe he's scared of me going back to my old ways? (I could be wrong). I mean one of my friends even says, the way he looks at you you can tell he still loves you. There was one point we almost kissed but had to look away from eachother. I just think it's weird when people are like, OMG I've never seen two people who have broken up get along as well as you do. Some random girl even thought we were engaged? All I want to do is prove to him how much of a better person I am. I honestly think he's thinking with his head, but what he really needs to be doing is thinking with his heart. And if it seems like he has feelings, what could I do to win him back? NC till he calls keep in very little contact, or what?/ What is everyone's thoughts on this cuz I sure as hell am confused!!!!!!!!!
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted May 25, 2005 Author Posted May 25, 2005 One more thing, should I try and be friends with him, or cut him off? I'm just so confused please help!
loveisallaround Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 I wouldn't use STRICT NC in this situation, but I wouldn't go out of my way to get in touch with him. Be courteous, be yourself and keep all conversations short. Eventually if things still are rolling along at this nice pace, have a talk with him. Communication is key. However, before you have this conversation, know exactly what you want. Learn from the failures in the past and build a brand new relationship. Things will never be the same again. I hope things turn out well! Follow your heart!
Marshbear Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 It is almost impossible to go back to being friends after a relationship. Unless you both have no romantic feeling for the other. You obviously still have feelings and you want him back. You don't want to be his friend. You want to be is G/F. Rarely do second chances work out. The same problems you had before will crop up again. You know each other and you will look for the signs that something is wrong. Unless you both have a change of heart and really apply all you have learned and want things to work out it is better to save yourself the heart ache and find another. You can try NC and see if he misses you. Talk to him first and see where is heart is. If he has an interest in getting back together then you both will have to work at changing the problems you had before. It is not easy and I wish you the best if you attempt to. Peace...
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Posted May 26, 2005 I know things might never be the same again, you guys have given really good advice, I just don't understand his deal... it seems like he still has feelings but who knows.... I mean, maybe I should try NC to see if he still is interested ( i mean if he calls cuz i haven't talked to him or w/e) but I don't want to completely shut him out of my life... I think maybe I miss him being a friend to me.. It just sucks cuz he knows the reason we broke up is fixed on my part.. his loss right?? but still yeah I miss him I just wish i had a guy's perspective on my situation too thanks for the advice :-)
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Posted May 26, 2005 Merin, the problem he had with me is fixed. I have stopped drinking, and have gotten help, so how is this problem going to "crop back up again".. lol? I dunno... i fixed the only problem he said he had with me... ? hence him being very proud of me all the time and asking about the alcohol all the time my heart is saying I want to be with him.. the only issues I can see going wrong is with him not changing himself
sarah12 Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 It sounds like he does still have feelings for you, adn that you must be doing something right, whatever that is. I'd say that you shouldn't rush into anything, don't make any rash decisions at this point or bring up getting back together, because if he wants to get back together, he will tell you. Patience is key here. The thing about men is that they will come back when they know it's the right time to, so I'm sure he is thinking about it, he just isn't completely ready. I know how hard it must be that you feel like there are mixed signals, but hang in there and keep doing what you're doing.
Merin Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by Angeleyez2583 Merin How did I get in here? Think you may have been responding to Marshbear? BUT Since I'm here.. LOL You know honestly Marsh is right in saying trying to be "Friends" is next to impossible when one or both people still have romantic feelings towards one another... You've said you got your drinking under control and for real, mad props to you on that! BUT You also said he ended the relationship when the both of you were fighting in a drunken argument.. With that said.. sometimes even when you really care for someone when they've got a problem like this (alcohol, drugs etc) and it's caused issues and serious problems that have been painful to your SO after a time even when the person says "I've changed" your heart wants to believe that, but your mind won't allow it.. At this point he may be there and wonder if you've really got things under control or if this would continue to be an issue... All I can recommend here is that you don't stay friends with him with the idea he will take you back.. because he might not.. but be friends with him because it's what you want to do.. and the kicker is.. because you know you can handle being just friends regardless of what else does or doesn't happen... Hang in there
ConfusedInOC Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 First off, are you done drinking? Nothing good ever comes from abusing alcohol. Secondly, I keep saying this, but go read Universe's post on "Love is a station, not a destination" and you'll see some good tips for what to do when you're getting back with your ex and what not to do. I can sympathize with you and wish I was in the same situation (where my ex wants me back). All I can say is that if you take things slow, and I mean deliberately slow that will help. Good luck.
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Posted May 26, 2005 Lol.. sorry Merin, I was responding to Marsh's post but I accidently put your name up there.. Confused in the OC, I have not drank alcohol since that night and have gotten the help for it. Yeah I plan to take things really slow here and will check out that post. I will not beg him back (I never have), and I don't want to do anything that may destroy any chances we may have left. I def will have to check out that post! Thanks guys!
Jadey Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 I reckon he is seeing a change in you and wants you back but wants to take it very very slowly. Have limited contact with him. Only contact him like once a week or something, and keep it friendly but quite breif. And if he contacts you first dont answer it straight away, dont always answer it atall. Unless you do just want to be friends..
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