Sheilale Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Hi guys,I'm new to this forum,I knew my thread is long,I would appreciate if someone can read and give me some advices about this So I met this guy online,he's 25,I'm 19,he texted me first when he was in Las Vegas,he has a knee injury and have to stay with his family in order to help him with the recovery,we were talking back and forth and on the phone several times for about 1 month. then he said he would like to see me when he get back to Southern California. He's good with his family ,but he doesn't like to live with them cuz he told me living alone is independent and some how makes him more comfortable.so he was in his friend house.Then we had our first date,we hang out several times,I came to his living place,he cooked for me,we went to the beach,enjoyed the breeze,cuddling and kissing,as well as many stories,everything was going fine.But at the time he went back to SoCal,he's getting busier and be a slow texter,he took sometime an hour to reply my text,he said he's extremely busy while living alone and have to research for jobs,prepare for school and lot of stuff with no name. I have a little social anxiety,not so badly,but I don't like to see new people,and my social life is nothing compared to him,he invited me too see him playing football with his friends,go to a Halloween party with him,but I'm scared of the crowded and strangers so I said no,he suggested that I should step to the outside world,go out more,enjoy outdoor activities,get a part time job(I'm currently a student),he said if I fall and stand up.i will grow up more Instead of hiding in my own shelf,I've never been in love with someone before,I though he was the one,he's tall,handsome,and nice,but we were not official yet. Then suddenly he has to go back to Las Vegas to help his family business,we met the last time. I even made a handmade gift for him,he drove back to his family and since then,he barely texted me,sometimes I was waiting for a whole day and there was not even a "hey" text sent from him,then POW,I saw his friends tagged him on Facebook that they all went to a Halloween party in SoCal,i got frustrated and text him saying he's bastard for lying me after 2 days haven't seen anything texts. then he called me asking "what's wrong with you?i drove to SoCal joined the event then drove back to LV because i already purchased the ticked,why would you call me a bastard?" I was to needy and clingy,and stupid too.then I say sorry to him,he said that's ok,and since I got a call from him at that time after 4 days,I said "if you're really care about me how come you couldn't make an effort to text me a few minutes,if you can't do that then stop doing everything you're doing with me",then we hang up,I texted him an apologize again,I'm always think that he'll dump me one day,he said don't think about it too much,we're not even official yet,what comes will come. And,I waited 2 days,haven't heard anything form him,then I gave up and texted him first - hey - what's up,I'm here - you're still mad at me? -No,don't worry about that.But it think I was and would be super busy,I don't have time caring about you,I think we should stop,if I ever go back to SoCal,I'll find you I said no,because I'm already in love with him,he said I gotta be stronger,it's only 1 month,get over him.i I told him I won't do that,and if he has free times,call me,I wanna hear his voice. It's been a day,he haven't replied my text,but I saw him on Facebook,liking things and comment on his friend's upcoming events. What does that mean,and what should I do now?call me silly,but this is my first love,I felt so sad he came to my life like a firework in the dark sky,now it's end. Edited November 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6
Vintage79 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 1. Yes - you can be too busy for a relationship. 2. This guy isn't into at all - move on and if wants to spend time with you more regularly, figure things out then, but don't count on it...you're trying to hold onto something that never existed... 3
Zippy2000 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 " I was to needy and clingy,and stupid too.then I say sorry to him,he said that's ok,and since I got a call from him at that time after 4 days,I said "if you're really care about me how come you couldn't make an effort to text me a few minutes,if you can't do that then stop doing everything you're doing with me",then we hang up,I texted him an apologize again,I'm always think that he'll dump me one day,he said don't think about it too much,we're not even official yet,what comes will come. Yes, we can be selectively busy if you act clingy and needy. Its not very attractive. Try to keep busy in your own life and if he is really interested. Hell come to you.
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 He thinks you are entertaining enough to spend time with when it is very easy for him & you two are in the same zip code. He has no interest in maintaining a long distance relationship with you. To him that is too much work for too little reward. Date him when he's around if you like but don't expect anything more when he's in SoCal. In fact assume once he leaves your town he's with other women. Do not give him your heart because all he's gonna do is break it. 1
TheBullFrog Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Im experiencing the same thing. Person is too busy with work and it seems like they are loosing interest. The hardest part is moving on. If you really like the person you got to accept all it will be is casual dating
CarrieT Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 You are also underaged; he may not want to get involved with someone he can't take out for cocktails... 1
truth_seeker Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 He thinks you are entertaining enough to spend time with when it is very easy for him & you two are in the same zip code. He has no interest in maintaining a long distance relationship with you. To him that is too much work for too little reward. Date him when he's around if you like but don't expect anything more when he's in SoCal. In fact assume once he leaves your town he's with other women. Do not give him your heart because all he's gonna do is break it. She's right. Take this advice.
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) Hi guys,I'm new to this forum,I knew my thread is long,I would appreciate if someone can read and give me some advices about this So I met this guy online,he's 25,I'm 19,he texted me first when he was in Las Vegas,he has a knee injury and have to stay with his family in order to help him with the recovery,we were talking back and forth and on the phone several times for about 1 month. then he said he would like to see me when he get back to Southern California. He's good with his family ,but he doesn't like to live with them cuz he told me living alone is independent and some how makes him more comfortable.so he was in his friend house.Then we had our first date,we hang out several times,I came to his living place,he cooked for me,we went to the beach,enjoyed the breeze,cuddling and kissing,as well as many stories,everything was going fine.But at the time he went back to SoCal,he's getting busier and be a slow texter,he took sometime an hour to reply my text,he said he's extremely busy while living alone and have to research for jobs,prepare for school and lot of stuff with no name. I have a little social anxiety,not so badly,but I don't like to see new people,and my social life is nothing compared to him,he invited me too see him playing football with his friends,go to a Halloween party with him,but I'm scared of the crowded and strangers so I said no,he suggested that I should step to the outside world,go out more,enjoy outdoor activities,get a part time job(I'm currently a student),he said if I fall and stand up.i will grow up more Instead of hiding in my own shelf,I've never been in love with someone before,I though he was the one,he's tall,handsome,and nice,but we were not official yet. Then suddenly he has to go back to Las Vegas to help his family business,we met the last time. I even made a handmade gift for him,he drove back to his family and since then,he barely texted me,sometimes I was waiting for a whole day and there was not even a "hey" text sent from him,then POW,I saw his friends tagged him on Facebook that they all went to a Halloween party in SoCal,i got frustrated and text him saying he's bastard for lying me after 2 days haven't seen anything texts. then he called me asking "what's wrong with you?i drove to SoCal joined the event then drove back to LV because i already purchased the ticked,why would you call me a bastard?" I was to needy and clingy,and stupid too.then I say sorry to him,he said that's ok,and since I got a call from him at that time after 4 days,I said "if you're really care about me how come you couldn't make an effort to text me a few minutes,if you can't do that then stop doing everything you're doing with me",then we hang up,I texted him an apologize again,I'm always think that he'll dump me one day,he said don't think about it too much,we're not even official yet,what comes will come. And,I waited 2 days,haven't heard anything form him,then I gave up and texted him first - hey - what's up,I'm here - you're still mad at me? -No,don't worry about that.But it think I was and would be super busy,I don't have time caring about you,I think we should stop,if I ever go back to SoCal,I'll find you I said no,because I'm already in love with him,he said I gotta be stronger,it's only 1 month,get over him.i I told him I won't do that,and if he has free times,call me,I wanna hear his voice. It's been a day,he haven't replied my text,but I saw him on Facebook,liking things and comment on his friend's upcoming events. What does that mean,and what should I do now?call me silly,but this is my first love,I felt so sad he came to my life like a firework in the dark sky,now it's end. Yeah I agree with you, you were way too needy and clingy and it's obvious he got turned off by that.... Hence him essentially telling you "I don't care about you or wish to be with you, we should stop, if I ever want to see you again, I know where to find you." I changed the wording a bit, but that is precisely what he was telling you. OUCH!!! If a guy ever said to me what he DID say to you.... I would not have texted back ... and in my mind just said good riddance. Then blocked him. I mean he flat out rejected you, and you text back no....because you're in love with him??? Then tells you it's only been a month and you should get over him... and you say you won't get over him and that he should call you because you want to hear his voice? For the love of all things beautiful....PLEASE don't ever do that again. No offense, but that behavior is a little cray cray. When a guy rejects you, you graciously accept it and move on. This is a big lesson learned for next guy. Try and control your emotions... and don't get all needy, clingy and insecure on him.... it's a HUGE turn off, especially within the first few months of dating. Sorry this one didn't work out... but again lesson learned. Edited November 6, 2015 by katiegrl
basil67 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I'm going to suggest that your social anxiety had a lot to do with this as well. It sounds to me like he put in effort inviting you places and trying to make you part of his life - all of which you rejected. Now from his point of view - if he's a very social person who enjoys seeing his friends, a girl who won't join him is a very poor match. It simply won't work for him in the long term. He'd end up resentful at either having to go to events alone or missing out on stuff to be with you. You may describe your anxiety as not so bad, but if it's stopping you from meeting a boyfriend's friends, then it's something you need to address.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 He's too busy, for you. Take his non communication hint & move on.
TheBathWater Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) I'm personally of the belief that no one is "too busy" for a relationship. I'm sure there are some rare exceptions, but if someone really wants to be with you, they will find a way. I've been through periods of my life where I was working 60+ hours per week with a lot of pressure coming from above, and I probably needed relationships even more at that point. I still managed to go to the gym regularly, see friends for drinks, date around, and sleep/eat on a healthy schedule...and yet somehow, people I know who work the standard 40 hour workweek had no time to meet because they were "too busy". :rolls eyes: Edited November 6, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine
flogo Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 If you truly want to be with someone. somehow someway you will make time for them even if it is for an hour a day. He should just sleep less and spend the time with you.!
Author Sheilale Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) This guy isn't into at all . Yes, we can be selectively busy if you act clingy and needy. He thinks you are entertaining enough to spend time with when it is very easy for him & you two are in the same zip code. He has no interest in maintaining a long distance relationship with you. To him that is too much work for too little reward. When a guy rejects you, you graciously accept it and move on. Wow,guys,it actually feels better being slapped by the truth than having someone try to appease me,I mean,I've learned my lesson,BIG leason. He just posted a picture on his Facebook (which appeard on my newsfeed) saying something like "the true standard when you're dating someone is that whose presence makes your life better and positive",then has a caption above "had found and lost one,there's must be one out there but I feel so damn hard to find" I mean,wth is this?i have no experience about this,need some explanation(?) Edited November 6, 2015 by Sheilale
angel.eyes Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Wow,guys,it actually feels better being slapped by the truth than having someone try to appease me,I mean,I've learned my lesson,BIG leason. He just posted a picture on his Facebook (which appeard on my newsfeed) saying something like "the true standard when you're dating someone is that whose presence makes your life better and positive",then has a caption above "had found and lost one,there's must be one out there but I feel so damn hard to find" I mean,wth is this?i have no experience about this,need some explanation(?) In a nutshell, he's having a hard time finding a person who adds to his life and brings positives to it. Since you're all up in his face to be in his life, it's not you he's having a hard time finding...It's finding the right woman that's proving elusive. Ultimately, you're not compatible. It happens. None of us is going to be a good fit with everyone we find attractive. Sometimes we just aren't right for certain people. Accept it. Stop trying to make him give you more attention, pick you over his friends, etc. Save your dignity and move on. Another guy will come along who will think you're the best thing since sliced bread.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Wow,guys,it actually feels better being slapped by the truth than having someone try to appease me,I mean,I've learned my lesson,BIG leason. He just posted a picture on his Facebook (which appeard on my newsfeed) saying something like "the true standard when you're dating someone is that whose presence makes your life better and positive",then has a caption above "had found and lost one,there's must be one out there but I feel so damn hard to find" I mean,wth is this?i have no experience about this,need some explanation(?) It means he's still looking for "The One." I would, as others recommended, address your social anxiety. He invited you to do things with him and you essentially rejected him. Most guys aren't going to have a lot of interest in or patience for it, regardless of the reasons, so you'll be doing yourself a big favour by working to manage it. Beyond that, it's finished with him. Delete him from FB, as you don't need to see what he's up to. It's not going to help you move on,
Author Sheilale Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 He knew my personality ,I'm shy, I'm an introvert,but I believed him and this is the first time I've ever opened my heart to someone,he knew I'm not gonna see his friend,but he said he loves me,he won't stop doing that until I'm fed of him.i know,few months is just too little,but when you love someone for the very first time,is not just about few months,it's about how you feel. I think he was right,about everything.he always keeps telling me to change the way I approach outside word,tell me to expand my social life.If I had chance to go back,I would have met his friend,everything will go right,I could have changed and help my self,and I would've had him. I missed him,yes,I'm regretting,I deleted all the contacts,but it's hard to get over,it's all my fault.
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