Author thoreau_lover Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 OP, another tip about what you're describing as 'super shy', 'quiet and reserved', etc..... The problem with this stuff, not so much for you but for him, if he is as you describe, is that, instead of acting on attractions like his more liberal, outspoken and extroverted fellow males, he ruminates and rumination of an infatuation or attraction can lead to a paradox of sorts, emotional attachment without substances and, at the same time, analysis paralysis. All you see is deer in the headlights. You're young and still exploring stuff so perhaps this kind of adventure is something you're up for. Older women, generally, don't waste their time with guys like this and, frankly, I don't blame them. For them, such relations aren't equitable and they don't wish to tiptoe around a guy and try to figure him out. Sure, he might be attractive physically but his actions are a turn off. Again, this may not be an issue for yourself. IMO, once you spend some time, like this coffee date thing, it'll all flesh out. You'll gain more insight and have a clearer picture of what you want. If he's in there, OK. If not, well the coffee was good, hopefully. I see what you are all saying. Thanks so much for the input! I hope the coffee thing goes well too.
Islander19 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I was a shy guy when I was this guy's age. I still am a little bit but I've gotten better. Based on my experience it sounds like this guy likes you. If he's as shy as you say he is he wouldn't go out of his way to talk with you and try to make plans with you. Like someone else said previously: guys generally don't pursue girls for friendship. I'm not saying guys and girls can't just be friends, but when a guy approaches a girl and tries to make plans with a girls 95% of the time it's because he's romantically interested in her. So why is this guy not acting more interested/making moves? Well first because he is shy which means he's probably lacking in self confidence. And secondly, because he's having all the same concerns about you that are having about him. He's probably not sure that you're interested and doesn't want to screw things up. When I was his age I would be acting exactly the same way as he is. It sounds like you're giving off signs that your interested, but they're probably flying right over his head. It's not your fault, he's probably new to this sort of thing. One clear way you can show him you're interested is to introduce some physical touch. It doesn't have to be anything much. A random touch on the shoulder or arm should do the trick. Once this starts going on even he should get the picture. Just be prepared to take things slow. It's likely going to take this guy a while to build up the courage to make a move. Here's another tip, although you may want to wait for a second or third date if it gets that far to employ this. I was always petrified about going in for the kiss. I could never tell whether a girl wanted me to kiss her or not. Well, this one time I went on a date and it went well. I walked er back to her car and she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. When she pulled away she lingered in front of my mouth for a moment. Even me being the shy guy that I was I could totally tell I had the green light for the kiss and went for it. So if you get the point where you want him to kiss you, try something like that. Because from the sounds of it he's really going to need some encouragement. Anyways, I hope this helps. Good luck on your date!
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 Okay so a little update... We both had a big test today so last night, he texted me around 10 asking how my studying was going, etc. We had a mini conversation but I ended it to continue studying. Then today after our test today, he texted me asking where I wanted to go after class. We ended up just walking around campus, talking for HOURS. We are so mentally compatible. There wasn't a moment of silence at all. It was a back and forth conversation. However, I'm scared that I might have come off too....for lack of a better word....smart? I'm not arrogant, but I'm not dumb (and apparently guys don't like smart girls?) I never argued with him. I simply voiced my opinions. I don't think he ever got offended. I would say we are equal mentally. Afterwards, I gave him a ride to his apartment but he did not ask to hang out again. I don't know if I should be upset or not because he could very easily just text me if he wants to hang out. I texted him afterwards saying "Thanks for the stimulating conversations. Hopefully I didn't bore you to death" and he replied that he had fun insightful conversations plus we walked a lot and that he was mentally and physically stimulated. So...yeah. Lol.
Gloria25 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Ok, I just reread your original post where you ask if he wants ro be more than "study buddies"... Ok, how come after your hanging out with him yesterday you didn't ask if he'd like to do something like movies, coffee, etc?
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) Ok, I just reread your original post where you ask if he wants ro be more than "study buddies"... Ok, how come after your hanging out with him yesterday you didn't ask if he'd like to do something like movies, coffee, etc? Oh because I'm the one who asked to hang out with him yesterday so I figured it was his turn lol. So after our "study date", I'm the one who asked him to hang out with me yesterday. So after hanging out yesterday, I thought he should be the one to ask if he wanted to hang out again but he didn't. But he could also just easily text me too. Edited November 14, 2015 by thoreau_lover
Gloria25 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Oh because I'm the one who asked to hang out with him yesterday so I figured it was his turn lol. So after our "study date", I'm the one who asked him to hang out with me yesterday. So after hanging out yesterday, I thought he should be the one to ask if he wanted to hang out again but he didn't. But he could also just easily text me too. Well, I don't agree with women asking guys out cuz trust me even "if" a guy responds positively to a woman making the moves, it may not last long cuz yes at the end of the day men were designed to be the "hunters". But, if you haven't paid attention to the responses to this thread, you'll see that many advocate that shy guys sometimes need some encouragement that you are genuinely into them before they start making moves... So, I'm not saying flat out ask him on a date...cuz, you simply asking him if he'd wanna catch a movie or coffee with you (something besides the usual study stuff you ask him to do) and hopefully he'll take you up on your offer for coffee, get that you wanna do more than be a study buddy and go from there. Maybe it'll take you putting your arm around him on your coffee/movie date and/or a few more acts on your end to give him some encouragement. So, give it a try, but I still believe that after you've given it enough tries and he doesn't reciprocate and/or show any interest besides being your study buddy, then don't waste your time like I did on a dude. I mean, so far, from what you've described, if I were him I'd be holding back on making a move cuz you haven't shown romantic interest in him, IMO.
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 UGH this guy is driving me nuts. He'll text me, prolong conversations, remember things I say, but he won't ask to hang out. I feel like I've given a lot of hints. WHAT'S WRONG! Should I just move on? I'm pretty sure he's interested but he doesn't ask to hang out.
Gloria25 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 UGH this guy is driving me nuts. He'll text me, prolong conversations, remember things I say, but he won't ask to hang out. I feel like I've given a lot of hints. WHAT'S WRONG! Should I just move on? I'm pretty sure he's interested but he doesn't ask to hang out. Did you ask him to join you for a coffee, movie, ice cream and/or try to touch him and/or say something to indicate romantic interest? If not, why won't you? Just do what I recommend and tell us how it went. Lemme run a scenario for you... At the end of a convo between you two say "Hey John, join me for a coffee at X shop on Tuesday, 8PM. They got great X,Y,Z." If he accepts, arrive looking feminine, and sexy but not over the top. Have nice hair, smell, etc. In other words don't dress like you're going to school or like you usually do with him.... And, at one point in the evening tell him he looks handsome when he sips his coffee. Lean in and kiss him on the cheek when you depart and see how he reacts from that point. If, after all that he doesn't ask you out, reciprocates, etc then maybe be direct with him...say you thought he was showing signs of interest and you'd like to know if he wants to go steady. Good luck!!!
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Did you ask him to join you for a coffee, movie, ice cream and/or try to touch him and/or say something to indicate romantic interest? If not, why won't you? Just do what I recommend and tell us how it went. Lemme run a scenario for you... At the end of a convo between you two say "Hey John, join me for a coffee at X shop on Tuesday, 8PM. They got great X,Y,Z." If he accepts, arrive looking feminine, and sexy but not over the top. Have nice hair, smell, etc. In other words don't dress like you're going to school or like you usually do with him.... And, at one point in the evening tell him he looks handsome when he sips his coffee. Lean in and kiss him on the cheek when you depart and see how he reacts from that point. If, after all that he doesn't ask you out, reciprocates, etc then maybe be direct with him...say you thought he was showing signs of interest and you'd like to know if he wants to go steady. Good luck!!! Thanks girl for helping me through this! I did ask him for coffee last week but perhaps it wasn't clear that it wasn't a "let's hang out as friends." We ended up just walking around for about three hours, just talking about life. My friends keep saying if he didn't like me, he would NOT have done that.
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