thoreau_lover Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) So I'm a university student in my last year. There's this super super shy quiet guy in like every one of my classes who always sits by himself. He's very reserved and doesn't speak unless spoken to. He's extremely handsome though and I've been approaching him gradually and naturally since the beginning of the semester. He would sometimes approach me awkwardly; however, our approaches were more because we literally had a question that we had to ask each other and perhaps not to make an excuse to talk to eachother. He was always super awkward and would not maintain eye contact. I felt like he was nervous. Sometimes in these contacts, he would approach me, ask me a question, and then when I look in his eyes to answer the question, he would look away. Other times he would maintain full on eye contact. Other times, he would approach me to ask a question but during our conversation, he would not look me in the eyes at all. I've caught him staring at me a couple times (not a lot) and this one time, I deliberately looked at him to see if he would glance at me, he did, and then looked away immediately. But it's not like every time I glance at him, he's staring at me. However, last week he approached me in one of our classes to ask a question that was very obviously trying to start a conversation. We talked a little afterwards and I felt like the conversation was very normal and not awkward like it used to be. We usually talk about classes. Then this week, we were leaving class, I initiated conversation with him, he was extremely receptive, we had a really normal back and forth conversation and then when we had to part ways, he asked if I wanted to study with him some time and asked for my number. I felt like he did the mirroring thing where he would face me with his feet pointing towards me (I've heard that's a thing?). So my question is....SHY GUYS! How do you read them? Do you think he likes me? Or do you think he literally just wants to study with me and nothing more? Edited November 5, 2015 by thoreau_lover
oldshirt Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 So I'm a university student in my last year. There's this super super shy quiet guy in like every one of my classes who always sits by himself. He's very reserved and doesn't speak unless spoken to. He's extremely handsome though and I've been approaching him gradually and naturally since the beginning of the semester. He would sometimes approach me awkwardly; however, our approaches were more because we literally had a question that we had to ask each other and perhaps not to make an excuse to talk to eachother. He was always super awkward and would not maintain eye contact. I felt like he was nervous. Sometimes in these contacts, he would approach me, ask me a question, and then when I look in his eyes to answer the question, he would look away. Other times he would maintain full on eye contact. Other times, he would approach me to ask a question but during our conversation, he would not look me in the eyes at all. I've caught him staring at me a couple times (not a lot) and this one time, I deliberately looked at him to see if he would glance at me, he did, and then looked away immediately. But it's not like every time I glance at him, he's staring at me. However, last week he approached me in one of our classes to ask a question that was very obviously trying to start a conversation. We talked a little afterwards and I felt like the conversation was very normal and not awkward like it used to be. We usually talk about classes. Then this week, we were leaving class, I initiated conversation with him, he was extremely receptive, we had a really normal back and forth conversation and then when we had to part ways, he asked if I wanted to study with him some time and asked for my number. I felt like he did the mirroring thing where he would face me with his feet pointing towards me (I've heard that's a thing?). So my question is....SHY GUYS! How do you read them? Do you think he likes me? Or do you think he literally just wants to study with me and nothing more? If he's shy and he is making any effort to talk to you at all, it means he likes you and is putting in the effort. Guys aren't like chicks who have two separate 'ladders' for people they want to date and people they want as just friends or study partners ( see "The Ladder Theory" for explanation) If a guy is putting himself out there to approach you and strike up a conversation with you, it means he's game for romance. Guys don't do "just friends" with women. 2
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Would a shy guy ever go out of his way to approach a girl and then lead her on?
thefooloftheyear Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Would a shy guy ever go out of his way to approach a girl and then lead her on? Probably......if he was gay... TFY
newmoon Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 what is so interesting about pulling teeth to get someone to notice you? have fun w/your 'man'
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 what is so interesting about pulling teeth to get someone to notice you? have fun w/your 'man' Sorry...I don't understand what you're saying, lol. Anyway, I texted him and asked him if he wanted to study this week so we are. He used a couple emoticons and I felt like tried to continue the conversation moreso than previous guys I've texted who weren't into me.
qubist Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 he probably does like you, but shy people take longer to react. I know because i was a shy guy. I had to go through therapy and lot of self improvement books to get over it. when I read your OP It took me back to my time in high school and college, you like the guy? do him a favor and show him more signs. he would need a stronger sign that you are interested in order for him to make a step. 1
Els Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I'm guessing he likes you. If you like him too, go spend more time with him! If you don't, probably best to decline his request.
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 he probably does like you, but shy people take longer to react. I know because i was a shy guy. I had to go through therapy and lot of self improvement books to get over it. when I read your OP It took me back to my time in high school and college, you like the guy? do him a favor and show him more signs. he would need a stronger sign that you are interested in order for him to make a step. I'm so happy that you have overcome your shyness! I have a strong feeling he likes me but I'm scared I am wrong. 1
Male Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 So my question is....SHY GUYS! How do you read them? Do you think he likes me? Or do you think he literally just wants to study with me and nothing more? If you found out for sure if he liked you are you actually going to do anything about it, or are you simply asking a rhetorical question?
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 If you found out for sure if he liked you are you actually going to do anything about it, or are you simply asking a rhetorical question? I probably am going to do something about it. I just want to be hella sure, lol. I've been led on pretty bad before. So I'm scared of that. But that guy was not a shy guy. And also, I do have self confidence issues....so it's hard for me to believe that a guy as attractive as him could like me.
qubist Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Help the guy out, keep showing him signs, I remember a girl that I used to have a crush on told me a year later that she wanted to slap me in the face for stealing at her then ignoring her, she didn't know that it was killing me
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Help the guy out, keep showing him signs, I remember a girl that I used to have a crush on told me a year later that she wanted to slap me in the face for stealing at her then ignoring her, she didn't know that it was killing me So I studied with him. The conversation was very normal- back and forth and engaging. We're pretty similar people. I offered to give him a ride to his apartment and when he was leaving, I asked if he wanted to grab coffee. He said yes but do you think he said yes because he felt obligated since I gave him a ride? Good signs?
carhill Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Enjoy the coffee and keep showing up until someone says no. He's not saying no is he? OK, keep showing up. If you say no, that's OK too. Enjoy the moment for the moment. There may be more; there may not be more. There may be a lifetime of them. No guarantees. With a shy guy, having been one once decades ago, I'll offer a tip..... facilitate but within your boundaries. If you're feeling like you're doing all the work and it bugs you, stop. Relationships are equitable and mutually pleasurable. If a guy is too shy to be a healthy relationship partner, that's his issue. Fill us in after coffee. Good luck!
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Enjoy the coffee and keep showing up until someone says no. He's not saying no is he? OK, keep showing up. If you say no, that's OK too. Enjoy the moment for the moment. There may be more; there may not be more. There may be a lifetime of them. No guarantees. With a shy guy, having been one once decades ago, I'll offer a tip..... facilitate but within your boundaries. If you're feeling like you're doing all the work and it bugs you, stop. Relationships are equitable and mutually pleasurable. If a guy is too shy to be a healthy relationship partner, that's his issue. Fill us in after coffee. Good luck! Thanks for the great advice! I understand what you're saying. Gosh, this is SO MUCH WORK AND WORRISOME. Seriously, I feel like it's so much easier to be single with cats.
Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Seriously? :laugh: A little background on me...I'm almost 40 and spent the last YEAR trying to give a guy a chance cuz of the staring, gestures, etc. Well, I'm happy to report that he is and continues to be happy in his RL and new family...without me. Shy or not...INTERESTED GUYS ACT INTERESTED. If you find yourself doing all the initiating, approaching, etc....let him go. My "shy guy" mustered up the courage not only to ask out the woman who is his wife and mother of his children, but also went out of his way to set up dates, impress her, etc - while she sits on her fat butt and twirls...Yet, all I get is "stares". So, lemme repeat, INTERESTED GUYS ACT INTERESTED
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Seriously? :laugh: A little background on me...I'm almost 40 and spent the last YEAR trying to give a guy a chance cuz of the staring, gestures, etc. Well, I'm happy to report that he is and continues to be happy in his RL and new family...without me. Shy or not...INTERESTED GUYS ACT INTERESTED. If you find yourself doing all the initiating, approaching, etc....let him go. My "shy guy" mustered up the courage not only to ask out the woman who is his wife and mother of his children, but also went out of his way to set up dates, impress her, etc - while she sits on her fat butt and twirls...Yet, all I get is "stares". So, lemme repeat, INTERESTED GUYS ACT INTERESTED I CAN'T SENSE SARCASM THROUGH THE INTERNET LOL. So do you think he's interested in me or not?
Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I CAN'T SENSE SARCASM THROUGH THE INTERNET LOL. So do you think he's interested in me or not? He isn't interested ENOUGH... When he meets someone who he is really into, he'll step up to the occasion and she won't have half the questions that you do. 2
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 He isn't interested ENOUGH... When he meets someone who he is really into, he'll step up to the occasion and she won't have half the questions that you do. Oh. That may be true but I'm young and inexperienced so...
loveflower Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Seriously? :laugh: A little background on me...I'm almost 40 and spent the last YEAR trying to give a guy a chance cuz of the staring, gestures, etc. Well, I'm happy to report that he is and continues to be happy in his RL and new family...without me. Shy or not...INTERESTED GUYS ACT INTERESTED. If you find yourself doing all the initiating, approaching, etc....let him go. My "shy guy" mustered up the courage not only to ask out the woman who is his wife and mother of his children, but also went out of his way to set up dates, impress her, etc - while she sits on her fat butt and twirls...Yet, all I get is "stares". So, lemme repeat, INTERESTED GUYS ACT INTERESTED oh.....maybe I should keep this in mind But, NONE of those 2 men I thought probably interested years ago is taken though...at least last time I checked. does it make a difference?
Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Oh. That may be true but I'm young and inexperienced so... Well, glad you came here to LS cuz trust me, good to chk in with people like me who have been there and done that with "shy" guys. So, I'm glad to have the opportunity to impart my experience with you cuz I'd hate to see you waste your time with some guy who is lukewarm when you deserve better.
Author thoreau_lover Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Well, glad you came here to LS cuz trust me, good to chk in with people like me who have been there and done that with "shy" guys. So, I'm glad to have the opportunity to impart my experience with you cuz I'd hate to see you waste your time with some guy who is lukewarm when you deserve better. I mean. I understand what you're saying but there are over 3 billion men in the world and I'm sure that some of them are shy to the point where their shyness prevents them from doing things they want. I don't necessarily think your experiences can apply to EVERYONE else. Haven't gotten coffee yet, but we'll see how that goes. I'll keep your advice in mind and touch the waters for myself.
Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I mean. I understand what you're saying but there are over 3 billion men in the world and I'm sure that some of them are shy to the point where their shyness prevents them from doing things they want. I don't necessarily think your experiences can apply to EVERYONE else. Haven't gotten coffee yet, but we'll see how that goes. I'll keep your advice in mind and touch the waters for myself. I think you misunderstand my point... Yes, some guys are so shy that it prevents them from going after a particular woman they may actually "want"; hence, they muster up courage for a "3", a girl they feel more comfy in pursuing. In other words, your shy guy may be head over heels for you...but, his shyness ain't giving him the courage to pursue you. The day he meets a chick a couple of notches beneath you that doesn't intimidate him that much - who he may "sorta" like, he'll be on her like a fly on poop. So, trust me, while a shy guy may be crippled to talk to certain women, he won't for certain women and that has NOTHING to do with your worth...you are perfect as you are. So, I'm just trying to say, don't waste your time with a guy who isn't putting in any effort...cuz at the end of the day, if he's too shy to muster up the courage to get with you and you're bending over backwards to put him at ease - he'll never be at ease with a girl like you...The day he finds that "3" who is a notch beneath you, he'll jump on her so fast you'll wonder like "WTH?!?" 1
carhill Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 OP, another tip about what you're describing as 'super shy', 'quiet and reserved', etc..... The problem with this stuff, not so much for you but for him, if he is as you describe, is that, instead of acting on attractions like his more liberal, outspoken and extroverted fellow males, he ruminates and rumination of an infatuation or attraction can lead to a paradox of sorts, emotional attachment without substances and, at the same time, analysis paralysis. All you see is deer in the headlights. You're young and still exploring stuff so perhaps this kind of adventure is something you're up for. Older women, generally, don't waste their time with guys like this and, frankly, I don't blame them. For them, such relations aren't equitable and they don't wish to tiptoe around a guy and try to figure him out. Sure, he might be attractive physically but his actions are a turn off. Again, this may not be an issue for yourself. IMO, once you spend some time, like this coffee date thing, it'll all flesh out. You'll gain more insight and have a clearer picture of what you want. If he's in there, OK. If not, well the coffee was good, hopefully. 2
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