outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Just a question. You finally get to a point where you have trouble remembering what it was truly like to be with your ex. You remember certain events and the feelings you had, but you don't REALLY remember what you felt and how it was between you. In short, you forget what it's like to be their SO. So why do you still want them back?
Fallen_Angel Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 How did you get to this point? Is it simply an issue of time? I feel as though right now I'm stuck in some kind of limbo, like I'm waiting for the theoretical other shoe to drop (ie. him calling me or similar). But I shouldn't be "waiting" for anything, least of all my ex. I'm trying to live my life. I still remember all sorts of things, and on Saturdays part of me pauses for a moment, as though he's about to call or come through the door. Maybe you're just a romantic. There's certainly nothing wrong with that.
Author outdated Posted May 25, 2005 Author Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel How did you get to this point? Is it simply an issue of time? /QUOTE] I don't know that I'm at that point yet, especially since she came back for a split second, but I am still having trouble remembering what it was like for her to be "my girlfriend." Now she's just a girl. It's weird.
Jadey Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Well, for me its only been 7 weeks today that we split up and i still see him everyday. So I remember fully whats its like When i see him i still get THAT feeling and it relives everything. Its just so weird to see him, be near him, but not touch him. Not bein able to go up to him and cuddle and kiss his hello. You know what i mean? I think that this has been the hardest part of it , having to actuall see him Thats why when i leave school (only got exams now) It will probably be about 50% easier than having to see him. But as far as people that dont see their exes and cant remember what its like to be "theirs" I would say its most probably a thing of time. If its been a while since youve been in their arms and that youre likely to forget that part. But i guess you still love them and miss them. Cos you know it was good, but just not feel the actual feeling. If that makes any sense! Are you doing ok Outdated sweetie? You seem like a lovely guy BTW You take care xxxxxx
Author outdated Posted May 25, 2005 Author Posted May 25, 2005 Yes, today and lately I am okay, thank you Jadey. My ex has started to fade, but I know that when she does, that's when she comes back. It's like they sense it...
chris1063 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Haven't seen my ex for 6 weeks now and last spoke 2 weeks ago. I'd jump at the chance of another opportunity with her because I miss her so much. It's hard adjusting to single life again after 6 years but now with NC at least I find there are times when I don't think about her. Fallen Angels mention of Saturdays was spot on. The weekends are so hard. Especially when I know she'll be waking up in our old bed with her new man Things will get better though I know Chris
Jadey Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Im very glad youre Ok Outdated Awwww Chris, im so sorry youre feeling down. You seem really nice, hang in there. I know the feeling of them being with someone else, always wondring if they are with them, how much they like them, etc etc.. It doesnt help when my ex today infront of me said how he brought Marie a necklace, i felt phsically sick But to be fair when he realised i heard he did look a tad guilty. Then later on at lunch he looked like he was about to kill himselve he was so sad. Thats the thing that i really dont get tho, he looks so ****ing sad all the time since we split! Yet he wont say it to me. Hes "really happy" according to his mate. (who hates me) I guess theres trouble in paradise What a damn shame..
Author outdated Posted May 25, 2005 Author Posted May 25, 2005 Jadey, it's my professional opinion that he'll come crawling back. But don't wait on it.
Jadey Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 To be honest, i reckon so too. And im not saying that to kid myself or whatever. You know sometimes when you have that gut instinct (sp?) But i am going to try and not wait tho. And i deffiently will NOT make it easy if he does want back, lol.. Oh man hes gonna have to fight!
Illusion24 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Because at one time you were happy...and now it seems being happy is so hard to find alone. But once you get over the fact of being alone...You won't want them back!
saffie Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by outdated In short, you forget what it's like to be their SO. So why do you still want them back? Because it's not really them you want. You want what they gave you: acceptance, love, approval. A lot of people want that stuff and will degrade themselves to get it because they have a hole in their heart where they were damaged by their parents as kids. They didn't get the affection they needed, and they spend the rest of their lives seeking it from other people, regardless of how inappropriate for them those other people may be. Another thing your ex-so gave you was sex. You might not want her back, but you still might want sex.
sanne Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 If you depend on being in a relationship to make you happy you will never attain true sustainable happiness. I've been reading several books by the Dali Lama, which delve into the true nature of happiness, and despite his celibacy he is right on the money about a lot of things. It's funny how much I used to depend on my relationships to make me happy, I had this idea that having a gf was all I needed to become happy. It turns out I couldn't be further from the truth. For most of us, we relish these memories we had with our ex's but forget all of the bad and horrible times that they put us through. They didn't respect us or treat us with the dignity we deserve, and yet we are still aching for them. I don't know when it happens, but at some point during NC, it will happen for you and you will realize what a waste of time it is to still long for an ex that was never good to begin with.
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