Snix0805 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 It has been 2 weeks 3 days since my ex left me and I'm still reeling from it. Prior to our breakup, I became depressed and frustrated for not being able to find a decent job after resigning Feb. this year. All those frustrations were lashed out at him. I realized this was not healthy and unfair ans asked twice for a breakup so that I can focus on myself. He cried, begged and pleaded and told me he loves me so much that he can tolerate all my negative aspects. I promised to try to change to better our relationship. We celebrated our 4th year anniversary last Oct. 2 and went out of town with friends. When we came back I found out he gave souvenirs from our trip to an officemate he had a crush on and planned to visit her during night shifts. When I asked him why he did this, he said that thr girl was more positive to talk to and happier than me. If this was the case, why didn't he just let me go when I asked for the breakup? I was devastated but again he cried and begged and told me he made a mistake and would change even giving me flowers and kept promising to change. A week after that, I again found out that he planned to tell the girl he liked her to, according to him, get it ourpt of his system and put the focus back on me. He didn't get to tell her as I found out soon enoguh. Same cycle, he cried and begged again. A day before the breakup, I called his phone and it was busy. I assumed it was that girl again because ai had a reason to doubt him (to be fair he was talking to his mom). That was it. He said the relationship was just too damaged and that although he loves me the relationship was just too damaged and he can't be with me anymore, doesn't know what he wants, wants to be alone, needs some space and for me to kill all hopes of him coming back. I begged cried and pleaded but just got a very cold shoulder that till now gives me the shivers. For 2 weeks I keep emotionally torturing myself eventually finding out he's happier without me (like a breath of fresh air according to him) and does not miss me at all. So right now, I've been doing NC but struggling so hard. Still on day 5 or rather day 1 because I still keep stalking him and trying to check up on him. He's my first real relationship and my first in a lot of things which is why I am finding it really hard to move on. This breakup is so sudden and abrupt that I am left chasing. It has given me severe panic attacks and probably depression and I just don't know what to do anymore.
loveiswar101 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 With him flirting around another girl at least you know where you stand. Do your hardest to stay no contact, what relieves the pain is not knowing what the other person's up to, why worry. Go see doctor, get some meds and work on yourself, post here often to ease worries and pain. 1
xxCourt96xx Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) It has been 2 weeks 3 days since my ex left me and I'm still reeling from it. Prior to our breakup, I became depressed and frustrated for not being able to find a decent job after resigning Feb. this year. All those frustrations were lashed out at him. I realized this was not healthy and unfair ans asked twice for a breakup so that I can focus on myself. He cried, begged and pleaded and told me he loves me so much that he can tolerate all my negative aspects. I promised to try to change to better our relationship. We celebrated our 4th year anniversary last Oct. 2 and went out of town with friends. When we came back I found out he gave souvenirs from our trip to an officemate he had a crush on and planned to visit her during night shifts. When I asked him why he did this, he said that thr girl was more positive to talk to and happier than me. If this was the case, why didn't he just let me go when I asked for the breakup? I was devastated but again he cried and begged and told me he made a mistake and would change even giving me flowers and kept promising to change. A week after that, I again found out that he planned to tell the girl he liked her to, according to him, get it ourpt of his system and put the focus back on me. He didn't get to tell her as I found out soon enoguh. Same cycle, he cried and begged again. A day before the breakup, I called his phone and it was busy. I assumed it was that girl again because ai had a reason to doubt him (to be fair he was talking to his mom). That was it. He said the relationship was just too damaged and that although he loves me the relationship was just too damaged and he can't be with me anymore, doesn't know what he wants, wants to be alone, needs some space and for me to kill all hopes of him coming back. I begged cried and pleaded but just got a very cold shoulder that till now gives me the shivers. For 2 weeks I keep emotionally torturing myself eventually finding out he's happier without me (like a breath of fresh air according to him) and does not miss me at all. So right now, I've been doing NC but struggling so hard. Still on day 5 or rather day 1 because I still keep stalking him and trying to check up on him. He's my first real relationship and my first in a lot of things which is why I am finding it really hard to move on. This breakup is so sudden and abrupt that I am left chasing. It has given me severe panic attacks and probably depression and I just don't know what to do anymore. You just gotta let go, as much as it hurts. Forget about him and remember your self-worth. Don't lose yourself and who you are because he didn't value you or the relationship. It'll hurt for a good while, no doubt. Moving on from someone I thought I was going to be with forever hurt like me hell...I started losing sight of myself and there were some days where I didn't think the pain, the hole in my chest was going to get any better. Along with the break up I was dealing with major family issues and it was almost too much for me to keep going day to day. But believe me when I tell you time will heal all wounds eventually. Don't fixate on the relationship. Do things for you, improve yourself, get a hobby, enjoy the single life. Remember who you are and that you will be okay...maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not in a week, but someday. And I know it might not seem like it right now, but you will move on, and you will find someone new when you least expect it. If someone told me that 2 months ago when the love of my life left me out of nowhere, I would have cried and told them they were lying because I thought no one could compare to and love me the way my ex did, but I met someone new and he's everything I've ever wanted and more and he offers me so much more than my ex did. Keep your chin up, it'll be okay. PS, you gotta stop "checking up on him" go complete NC. Don't beg and plead and check up on him to see if he's okay, because that just shows him that you're still available to him. You just gotta play his game, show him that you don't care. Disappear from his life completely. Eventually he'll realize what he had with you Edited November 5, 2015 by xxCourt96xx More info
itisdanielle Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I went through this, I think most people that have been dumped do. No contact helped. I did it reluctantly at first.. I deleted him from FB, unfollowed on instagram and twitter. Deleted his number but he still showed up on my whatsapp so I found myself checking when he was online. Still had him on Snapchat and he would look at the stories I posted on there. Yesterday, I completely got rid of him from everything and I felt really good for doing so. So yeah, COMPLETE NC will help. But no cheating! I didn't realise properly that little things like looking when he was online was breaking that... to me, I thought as long as I don't initiate a conversation it's fine. But now I realise that the little things I thought were harmless were holding me back. Another thing that has really helped is writing things down. I have a little notebook. If I feel like talking to him, I write what I want to say to him in there instead. I have a list of reasons why I should not want him back. I've copied some quotes that I have seen online that made me feel better. I even have a list of thoughts such as 'I need to stop caring what he thinks/does and focus on what I should be thinking/doing'.. 'The voice that wants to contact him comes from insecurity'.. 'His actions are a reflection of HIM not me'.. 'Scabs can't heal if I keep picking them by breaking NC.' It's only been 2 weeks for you, so it's normal to still be struggling. It's been a month for me and it's still difficult but it does get easier. Just don't beat yourself up for having a hard day - it's normal. Even if you go a few days feeling better, then feel upset all over again - that's normal.
lygimom Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Have you thought about whether you want this relationship to end? If you are prepared to end it you must let go of any false guilt and second-guessing your decision. It sounds like you are beginning to work through all the emotions that come from breaking up. Remember who you are and your value and importance. Connect with friends, relatives, people you know and trust who can support you in this decision. The pain and hurt you are feeling will ease. If you find yourself having continued anxiety you may want to talk with a counselor to work through any hidden emotions and/or guilt you may be feeling. I am sorry your relationship ended and pray you will find a peace and purpose to keep moving on and grow stronger in who you are.
Author Snix0805 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) Go see doctor, get some meds and work on yourself, post here often to ease worries and pain. thank you for your reply. I really want to but i cannot afford to see a shrink since i am also unemployed. @itisdanielle-thank you. I did delete him on facebook, unfollowed all our mutual friends specifically his officemates. I deleted his number. We haven't talked and he hasn't reached out since the breakup but still I find myself stalking him. @xxCourt96xx- thank you. Good for you that you found someone else but zi don't want to jump into a new relationship so quickly. The pain can be so overwhelming that i have severe panic attacks. I tried going out but my heart is not in it or just get panic attacks when I am in a place where we used to frequent. I have a small circle of friends but they all live far from me. The days are not getting better for me as of now. @lygimom- thank you. Yes I planned to end the relationship last September as I stated but he promised me he would accept all my flaws while I was changing some of the negatives. He told me that when i got a job, we could then move on to talks about marriage. We were getting along so nicely and I was beginning to be a lot more positive in life and then he suddenly left me out of nowhere. Counselors and shrinks here are very expensive and I cannot afford them right now as I am unemployed. Edited November 6, 2015 by Snix0805
lygimom Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 @lygimom- thank you. Yes I planned to end the relationship last September as I stated but he promised me he would accept all my flaws while I was changing some of the negatives. He told me that when i got a job, we could then move on to talks about marriage. We were getting along so nicely and I was beginning to be a lot more positive in life and then he suddenly left me out of nowhere. Counselors and shrinks here are very expensive and I cannot afford them right now as I am unemployed. I just want to encourage you to keep your focus on you and your needs at this time. Fight the urge to think about the what if's or if only's. They only drain you of the joy you can have. Look for the good in every day! It sounds like finding a job is a top priority. When you get a job you will have new surroundings, people, activities that will help to lessen some of your pain. Keep close to those around you that are positive and encouraging and will listen. Life has a way of changing and this pain will subside.
Recommended Posts