Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Been talking to this guy not long. Seemed very interested in me, texts a lot and send each other voice notes. We have planned a date for Saturday. We've said we cant wait to meet each other. He texts me good morning. Then he says he's busy and can't talk right now. Have a good day. I say ok have a good day. That was around 3 hours ago, but he's been on whatsapp an hour ago. And he's been online the dating site a while. Sooo he's too busy to talk to me, but not other women?? Am I being crazy? It's just I'm really into him (as much as I can be without meeting yet) and thought hr was me. I feel in a bad mood now. I feel like saying something, but that would be wrong wouldn't it? Should I just ignore it completely? Assume hrs not that into me?
hippychick3 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Please don't allow yourself to get at ALL invested in someone you haven't met yet. At this point, you are strangers to each other. Regardless of how much you've been texting, he doesn't know you and you don't know him. Neither of you should be attached in any way to each other. Say nothing and allow things to flow naturally. Consider him totally unimportant in your life until you've met. 6
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Been talking to this guy not long. Seemed very interested in me, texts a lot and send each other voice notes. We have planned a date for Saturday. We've said we cant wait to meet each other. He texts me good morning. Then he says he's busy and can't talk right now. Have a good day. I say ok have a good day. That was around 3 hours ago, but he's been on whatsapp an hour ago. And he's been online the dating site a while. Sooo he's too busy to talk to me, but not other women?? Am I being crazy? It's just I'm really into him (as much as I can be without meeting yet) and thought hr was me. I feel in a bad mood now. I feel like saying something, but that would be wrong wouldn't it? Should I just ignore it completely? Assume hrs not that into me? Yes, you should ignore it. You two are not in any kind of a relationship or even met yet. And, frankly, he owes you nothing at this point. He may be a multi-dater and, he should date other people and so should you. Until, he makes it clear to you that he's decided to focus on you, you just live your life. Just because he hasn't talked to you for 3 hours and is doing other things, doesn't mean he's not interested in you. You just aren't the focus of his world right now or yet. He shouldn't be the focus of yours either. 3
siriusp Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I just can't imagine how you/anyone can really like someone that you only met online? I must be missing something. I've had contact with lots of guys online but have no desire to ever meet them. What if they have seriously bad breath or body odor? What if they don't look like their picture? There are way too many things that could be wrong...... I definitely wouldn't care too much about it or him (for the moment). Just wait and see how it goes. 1
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Isn't it a little soon to be stalking him like this? Just meet him and see if you get on, or not. When you've been dating a month, if he's still behaving like this, it would be different! But never met? Meh. I've had contact with lots of guys online but have no desire to ever meet them. What if they have seriously bad breath or body odor? What if they don't look like their picture? We're talking about meeting here, not marrying. LOL. If you don't like them for whatever reason (body odour, pictorial dishonesty etc) then don't meet them again. Simples. 2
Author Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 I am dating other guys too. He's the one in most interested in so far though. I am a bit of hypocrite, as I hate thinking about guys dating others lol. However ill not say anything about that. As much as I don't like it, until we are in a relationship its upto them. Its just that he tells me he's busy, but obviously not too busy to be on POF. Its annoyed me. I just feel less excited about Saturday now. But I shouldn't say anything or change my attitude towards him?
siriusp Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Isn't it a little soon to be stalking him like this? Just meet him and see if you get on, or not. When you've been dating a month, if he's still behaving like this, it would be different! But never met? Meh. We're talking about meeting here, not marrying. LOL. If you don't like them for whatever reason (body odour, pictorial dishonesty etc) then don't meet them again. Simples.[/quote=PegNosePete;6629867] You just made me realise how closed I am to actually meeting anybody!
Author Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Ok when I say "really like" I mean really interested. That our convos are good and run smoothly. That I like hearing from him. I was excited about meeting him. That on paper he seems great, and looks great in pics. Not that I'm planning our marriage yet Haha stalking is a strong word. I happened to be on pof and see him on there. Then I did look when he was last online on whatsapp I admit.
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 If he uses the POF mobile app it may be showing him online when he isn't. The POF app puts you online whenever you have wifi. He might just have walked home after work, and not even taken the phone out of his pocket, and it puts him "online". As for the whapsapp, who knows who he's talking to? His sick grandmother maybe. You do need to change your attitude, not towards him, but towards yourself. Don't assume the worst of people you've never even MET. Just relax.
clia Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I am dating other guys too. He's the one in most interested in so far though. I am a bit of hypocrite, as I hate thinking about guys dating others lol. However ill not say anything about that. As much as I don't like it, until we are in a relationship its upto them. Its just that he tells me he's busy, but obviously not too busy to be on POF. Its annoyed me. I just feel less excited about Saturday now. But I shouldn't say anything or change my attitude towards him? No, you should absolutely not say anything. Frankly, it sounds creepy that you are monitoring his behavior like this when you haven't even met him yet. Stop checking what he's doing. Go shopping or go to the gym or read a book or something! Just go on the date with him on Saturday and be calm, cool, collected, light, and breezy. Don't be the insecure, clingy girl who is worried about who he might be talking to and why he hasn't responded in three hours.
Ami1uwant Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 You realize apps say you are on because your phone is on and not because you entered the site. With online dating sites...match would say you are active if you just open an email from them.
Versacehottie Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I was going to say exactly what PegNosePete said. Why are you stalking him? I realize you are going to say "I wasn't stalking I just happened to notice". Ok, well don't be disappointed then. Without any checking up on him you should assume he is dating and talking to others. So if you weren't until this point, this is the best thing that could have happened. A wake up call where you realize he IS. There is a small chance of course that the app of whatever someone was saying still has him logged in even though he's not really on there--but more likelyhood that he was on there talking to someone, gathering new girls, researching the one his date is with tonight. You also should take it like this: if he is blowing you off or taking a long time to get back to you. Don't worry about the reason. That in itself, sounds like something you don't like. I don't agree because I think it's too early for you to have those demands of him but if you were going to talk to him about anything--just do it about the general non-responsiveness. I also don't think you should talk to him but rather pull back and observe. Lastly, even if he is dating others, it doesn't mean that he's not into you and yours won't go anywhere. Sometimes guys don't reply immediately because they 'save up" for an end of the day thing or when they feel good and in the right mood. The online thing could be an attempt for an ego boost. I'd be more worried that he needs to feel in the "right mood" with you if that is the case. I think you guys might be acting like you are already in a relationship with a false sense of closeness and romance that's hard to live up to.
Author Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Pegnosepete - Yeah I have heard of that before about the app. So it could be that I suppose. Clia - I can see why it might seem creepy. But I swear I didn't set out to check on him. It was in my face saying he's online. In the past i was the type of girl who WOULD have said something to him without even thinking. I WAS that clingy girl. Needless to say the healthy guys ran away from me eventually. I have a lot of general anxiety. But I've learned, or am learning, to not just react and blow things. So this site is a good place to get it out instead of freaking out to the person. 1
Guyouthere Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Pegnosepete - Yeah I have heard of that before about the app. So it could be that I suppose. Clia - I can see why it might seem creepy. But I swear I didn't set out to check on him. It was in my face saying he's online. In the past i was the type of girl who WOULD have said something to him without even thinking. I WAS that clingy girl. Needless to say the healthy guys ran away from me eventually. I have a lot of general anxiety. But I've learned, or am learning, to not just react and blow things. So this site is a good place to get it out instead of freaking out to the person. Sometimes the guy has a life and wants to live it alone at the moment. He is also likely playing the "female game", not appearing too interested as to show despair and clinginess. I make the woman work for me, I know what I have to offer. Sounds like that guy is also doing the same.
hippychick3 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Pegnosepete - Yeah I have heard of that before about the app. So it could be that I suppose. Clia - I can see why it might seem creepy. But I swear I didn't set out to check on him. It was in my face saying he's online. In the past i was the type of girl who WOULD have said something to him without even thinking. I WAS that clingy girl. Needless to say the healthy guys ran away from me eventually. I have a lot of general anxiety. But I've learned, or am learning, to not just react and blow things. So this site is a good place to get it out instead of freaking out to the person. It's perfectly okay for each of you to be online at this point. He does not know you yet. So the fact that he is online has nothing to do with you! Let him initiate any texts or conversations with you and play cool.
Author Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Yeah that's what I'm gonna do. Just wait for him to initiate. (which he always has) and just be cool. I have dates planned Friday, Saturday and Sunday! And I no longer looking forward to any of them tbh. I mean I hope they go well. but it all just feels like hard work atm.
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I am dating other guys too. He's the one in most interested in so far though. I am a bit of hypocrite, as I hate thinking about guys dating others lol. However ill not say anything about that. As much as I don't like it, until we are in a relationship its upto them. Its just that he tells me he's busy, but obviously not too busy to be on POF. Its annoyed me. I just feel less excited about Saturday now. But I shouldn't say anything or change my attitude towards him? But I shouldn't say anything or change my attitude towards him? -- NO! But, you should change your attitude and expectations towards dating in general, I'd say. Being this wound up over a guy you haven't even met yet, isn't healthy. You can't be "possessive" even if you're actually met the guy. Until things develop to the point of serious dating, you're both free to do whatever you each want. Sure, he's busy but why would he be making you a priority and fitting you in at this point? 1
katiegrl Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Been talking to this guy not long. Seemed very interested in me, texts a lot and send each other voice notes. We have planned a date for Saturday. We've said we cant wait to meet each other. He texts me good morning. Then he says he's busy and can't talk right now. Have a good day. I say ok have a good day. That was around 3 hours ago, but he's been on whatsapp an hour ago. And he's been online the dating site a while. Sooo he's too busy to talk to me, but not other women?? Am I being crazy? It's just I'm really into him (as much as I can be without meeting yet) and thought hr was me. I feel in a bad mood now. I feel like saying something, but that would be wrong wouldn't it? Should I just ignore it completely? Assume hrs not that into me? �� You are WAY too intense about this guy! He may have sensed that too (people can sense intensity and high emotion even if you try to hide) and become a bit turned off. Chill back and forget it. If he calls (texts) fabulous, if not, next. THAT should be your attitude at this point... 1
Author Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 He text me that he missed me today, and had a busy day. Pfffttt. I just said "lol really? What have you been doing today?" he said working. Now just the usual back and forth. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 He text me that he missed me today, and had a busy day. Pfffttt. I just said "lol really? What have you been doing today?" he said working. Now just the usual back and forth. You've still got attitude with thinking Pfffttt. Keep that in check. Remember, you haven't even met yet . . . he's still in touch and while at work. So, that is a good sign. Just be receptive and observe. 2
katiegrl Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 You've still got attitude with thinking Pfffttt. Keep that in check. Remember, you haven't even met yet . . . he's still in touch and while at work. So, that is a good sign. Just be receptive and observe. Agree, but also keep the texting to a minimum. You said in previous post you are going back and forth, per usual. Don't do that... send a couple back and then tell him you're busy at work. With a smiley emoji at the end or something. Excessive txting before meeting.... NOT a good idea, it creates a false intimacy. Keep him wondering about you a bit.... don't always be so readily available to respond to his texts... whenever HE decides he is ready to text you.. 2
stillafool Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 He texts me good morning. Then he says he's busy and can't talk right now. Have a good day. I say ok have a good day. That was around 3 hours ago, but he's been on whatsapp an hour ago. And he's been online the dating site a while. First you shouldn't snoop on him as you can see you didn't like what you found. Secondly, is it really a terrible thing to go 6,8,10 hours without hearing from someone? I'm old and just can't imagine staying in touch with someone constantly; don't you need time for yourself?
LoveRefreshed Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 It's not like you had 5 dates with him. It's too soon to bring up jealousy about talking to other women.
Author Confusedovo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Noo. A few of you are getting it wrong. I have no problem not hearing from a guy for a few hours! There's plenty of times I'm not able to talk for a while. It's just that he said he was busy, yet was appearing online the dating site. He has evru right to and I'm doing the same. However i wouldn't tell him im busy while talking to others. That I don't get? I've not said anything to him about it though. And im not giving him any attitude. Just being friendly, easy going, cool. He's also confirmed plans for Saturday. We are having lunch at my fave Mexican restaurant. Edited November 5, 2015 by Confusedovo
katiegrl Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Well he didn't lie. He was on the dating site (which he has every right to be).... thus was "busy." Right? Girl, again chill out. You have way too many expectations at this extremely early stage of the game... I am beginning to think you expect that since he's talking to you and plans on meeting you, he shouldn't be checking others out as well. Is that what you think? Be honest.... it sounds like it is! You are bugged that he is still on the site! Stop checking up on him and get busy yourself! Edited November 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted full quote of immediately preceding post 1
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