Smudgster Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) New here, but this site has been so helpful to me.... 2 months ago my ex forced me to ask him to leave as his behaviour deteriorated with drinking, smoking stuff and behaving generally single. It had always been dysfunctional and I am older with responsibilities where he has none. He was more of a lodger I had “relations” with than anything especially at the end. The relationship at the end was awful, we argued constantly. We had always been like this but this time we couldn’t stand each other. He wouldn’t admit he didn’t love me any more but my senses and intuition told me so. So he went and I discovered at that point just how addicted I am to him. That it doesn’t matter if the addiction or person is good or bad, those feelings are the same. We were together 6 years and it was very passionate and very physical in all extremes. So for the first few weeks I texted and when I backed off I got the “miss you” stuff. Each text he sent was like a shot in the arm. It revived me, took those nasty feelings away, then he would disappear again. Then he came round and it was physical and it was good… only to refuse to follow up with his promises. He then disappeared again and I left him to it. 2 weeks to the date I stopped texting... he texted. I texted back and yet again he ignored my response. I was gutted. I asked him not to contact me anymore if he was doing it to then ignore me. So yesterday I bumped into him. He came into the pub that Ifrequent but I don’t think he expected me to be there. It got too much and Iasked him for a word and he agreed. I laid it on the line calmly that hisbehaviour had hurt me, put me in counselling and that he knew exactly what hewas doing. Why could he not just tell me its OVER? He couldn’t he said. Why ignore me? "you told me not to contact you" he said!! Yes because you keep ignoring me after! He doesn’tknow if he wants to sort things either. I don’t know myself but all I know isit would appease this terrible yearning I have for him and I feel I will neverbe able to move on from. Its set me back and I sent a couple of emotionaltexts, both ignored, same old.Finally, this morning I text him to say that I have said mypiece and no longer wish for things to be awkward. That we can co-exist (smallvillage) if we are considerate to each other. That I understand. Nothing back. Wasn’texpecting anything. Ultimately he wants to be single. I know that. I just needto get on with my life now and move on but its so hard when I am bumping intohim and to avoid him means avoiding all my friends. He is still leaving a glimmer by saying he doesnt know. I dont know either but I do know HE thinks I cant get over this. he even accused me of having someone else - when its him who doesnt want me. Any advice? be as harsh as you like. I can take it. (gulp) Edited November 5, 2015 by Smudgster spelling
grammiann Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Hi - What you are describing is not unusual. When one person backs away, breaks up, or cuts off contact, the other often feels a tug toward them, kind of like a magnetic force. That does not necessarily mean the relationship was healthy or meant to be - it's just the way we're wired. It sounds like you had some good reasons to re-evaluate this relationship. I would encourage you to stay strong and seek the best for yourself in this season of your life. If your circumstances keep putting you in contact with your ex, it may be necessary to branch out and discover some new interests. You are worth it! Whatever you do, try to see this for what it is and don't be drawn in by your ex's "ambivalence." If you stay strong, and the relationship is really meant to be, your ex will be more motivated to do what's necessary to win you back. Either that, or it will become crystal clear to both of you that it is time to move on. Be wise and courageous. You can do this!
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