SlowSpeed Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Hi, I'm new to this forum and I hope I can get help here, because I'm getting really confused, also, I'm sorry in advance if my post is too long.. So it's like that I'm a 25 years-old introvert shy guy, that didn't had a lot of social experience growing up, resulting of maybe being a little rude or don't understand how my comments might be offensive. Also I'm very calm and most of the time I'm ok with everything, it's to the point that if something upsets me a little I don't see the reason to bother the other person with it, just accept the person actions, if it bothers me a lot I might say something, again it's not for sure to avoid conflicts. Also she's my first girlfriend, I didn't have a lot of experience with other girls before her. My girlfriend is 24 years-old, she has social anxiety and anger problems, she speaks her mind and she's very direct. She is very caring and self righteous, always trying to do the right thing. Currently she's seeing a psychologist for the anxiety thing, and some other problems. Also she had a lot of sexual partners before me, some cheated on her, some treat her bad, some just were with her for sex (she for with them just for sex too), some stayed her friends, but she never had a long time relationship (like more than 3 months). Ok, so here's my story (I'm not saying everything, because I don't have time, but I hope you guys and girls can help): At the beginning of our relationship, it was a long-distance relationship, we were texting a lot to each other, skyping everyday and all that. I was flying to see her for a week every few months, and she came to see me a few times too. After about 7-8 months like that she came to live with me for 2 months, and after I moved to be with her. We had a lot of problems of physical abuse by her side because she got hurt that I took a call from a girl I slept with, and that I have friends on facebook that are friends with her, and a lot of really stupid things related to that, and to other things.. Anyway, we worked things out and she now control better her anger, but I still have bad memories lets say that makes it hard for me to be the same patient and understanding guy (sometimes I agreed to the abuse in thinking I deserved it and it will calm her down..) Anyway...after about a year and 4 months together, she tells me she doesn't feel loved with me anymore because I don't act "like before" or that "I don't love her like before", she's referring to when we started the relationship and we were crazy for each other, and I don't understand why she says I don't love her, or that she says "I don't feel you love me", because I do help her with whatever she needs me to, I tell her I love her everyday, that she's beautiful, I hug her, taking care of her... maybe I'm not as expressive as she expects but I do my best... Also she's telling me that now she feels sexually frustrated because it's always the same thing with me and I'm like..well that's how I make love.. Also she's telling me I don't initiate sex too much, and that's not true because every time I do try to have sex she tells me she's not in the mood..and every time she's in the mood she initiate it so she feels like that.. So that's my story in super super short, I just have to go.. If someone can just help me here, to tell me in I'm doing wrong, if something is missing by my side? Also I will answer questions if there is not enough information (and I'm sure there isn't ^^") Hope someone can help, I really do love her and wanna make her happy..
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I don't understand why she says I don't love her, or that she says "I don't feel you love me", because I do help her with whatever she needs me to, I tell her I love her everyday, that she's beautiful, I hug her, taking care of her... There are 5 different "languages of love" that people use and understand. Chances are that she has a different one than you. Understanding the Five Love Languages | Focus on the Family Or it's possible that the relationship is simply not working for her any more. You're both young. Some relationships just aren't meant to be. Also she's telling me that now she feels sexually frustrated Generally sexual problems are a symptom of a deeper issue rather than a cause. If the rest of the relationship is going well then the sex will come naturally. Women's brains work differently than ours. If she has problems in the relationship, chances are she won't want sex. Whereas us guys find it easier to disconnect (something to do with blood being diverted from the brain...).
Clarence_Boddicker Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Dump her & move on. Your relationship is not repairable. She's eventually going to cheat on you or dump you or both. Find someone local who's in a better place & doesn't have so many issues. 1
Author SlowSpeed Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 There are 5 different "languages of love" that people use and understand. Chances are that she has a different one than you. Understanding the Five Love Languages | Focus on the Family Or it's possible that the relationship is simply not working for her any more. You're both young. Some relationships just aren't meant to be. Thank you very much for this, I'm doing all of those things except giving gifts, I guess that's it ^^" because she loves giving gifts ^^" Generally sexual problems are a symptom of a deeper issue rather than a cause. If the rest of the relationship is going well then the sex will come naturally. Women's brains work differently than ours. If she has problems in the relationship, chances are she won't want sex. Whereas us guys find it easier to disconnect (something to do with blood being diverted from the brain...). and that's what's weird because she does wants to have sex, just not when I want ^^" only when she wants.. and then she says I don't initiate..
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