Do men have ESP? Or some sort of spidey sense when an ex is moving on?

[SandraTempleton]

I've had this happen several times where I break up with a guy, go NC, and a few months later I will hear from them out of the blue. I had a first date last night with a guy from CMB (coffee meets bagel) that I thought went fairly well. Lo and behold this morning I hear from the guy from this summer from Argentina. After he moved back to Argentina, it came out that he was back together with his ex. At that point I wished him well and said I didn't want to stay in contact and be his back up choice. I specifically asked him not to contact me and said I wasn't ready to be his friend and I couldn't be sure if I would ever want that. I did not delete him from facebook or whatsapp but I hid him on facebook so I wouldn't have to see any photos or updates. I've done well, resisted any urges I had to look at his profile.He sent me a message to say he misses hearing from me and had to send me a picture of a dog that reminded him of my dog. All I see are a tiny trail of bread crumbs.

 

So my question for you lovely people is this: did your ex contact you after the break up? What did they say? Did you respond? Is it just me or does it seem like they have ESP that you are moving on? Such as in this case, I sense you are dating other men...

[Ellie35]

I was only talking about this to my friends the other day. In most of my dating history, they have all come back.

 

Anybody I had a serious relationship with has come back when I have moved on and not thought about them in some time.

 

My most recent ex has not yet although I wouldn't feel that I have fully moved on from him yet but I am getting there just need to get to forgiveness stage!! Maybe he won't ever come back or throw breadcrumbs but it always seems to be when they are out of your mind for an extended period of time and when things are great!!

 

I don't know what it is!! But what I like about it is the lack of impact it has on you! It's like ah whatever! And life goes on!

[Meli22]

I have had this happen too

[lilmissjava]

Yes they come back. One even 10 years later.

 

The most recent, 7 months later, like the very second I thought about it and finally reached the stage of indifference, there he was again.

 

He did not change. I thanked my lucky stars I was not involved with him any longer because my life was on the right track, I was dating, meeting new people, having fun and focusing on work and school and maintaining a good balance in my life.

 

He disclosed that his life was full of drama, to the point where he said he even "missed our drama because it wasn't as bad".

[itisdanielle]

My ex from years ago (to be honest, I don't even count it as a relationship, he was a major user) would break up with me, I would go NC and then as soon as he thought 'oh God, why is she not pestering me to talk/meet up?!' he would be back with grand apologies only to do the same thing a few weeks later.

 

My current ex hasn't contacted since he broke up with me. It's been just over a month. I'm not over him yet and I hope I don't hear from him because I know I wouldn't be happy getting back with him (after he broke up with me, I found out that he cheated, so I could never trust him).

 

I find this topic interesting, though. I read it everywhere 'as soon as you stop caring, they're back! But if you fake not caring - they sense it and won't be back until you're truly over them!' I must admit it still confuses me. Surely they have no idea whether you're faking or not.

[howwie324]

To be fair, women do it to men as well.

[SandraTempleton]

I realized after posting this that it was biased. Have you had a similar experience with ex girlfriends?

[howwie324]

I realized after posting this that it was biased. Have you had a similar experience with ex girlfriends?

 

Yes, several times, but it basically seems that it happens as soon as you are over them. As in, once you realize that she's not coming back, you stop pining away for her, you have convinced yourself that she's not the one, and that it's time to move on, she initiates contact with you. It's almost bizarre how it happens like that, not every time, but very often.

[SandraTempleton]

A link to a picture of a dachshund lying on a pillow that says pizza with extra sausage.

Followed by: Sorry for messaging out of the blue like this but this pic reminded me of Oscar and just had to share it with you. Hope you are doing well.

 

What is the purpose of this? Is he just checking in to see if I'm hung up on him?

[dumbass2]

A link to a picture of a dachshund lying on a pillow that says pizza with extra sausage.

Followed by: Sorry for messaging out of the blue like this but this pic reminded me of Oscar and just had to share it with you. Hope you are doing well.

 

What is the purpose of this? Is he just checking in to see if I'm hung up on him?

 

Yep, exactly. He just wants to know you're still there and will respond to him and that you are not over him. Purely an ego thing. Don't reply to garbage like that.

[howwie324]

A link to a picture of a dachshund lying on a pillow that says pizza with extra sausage.

Followed by: Sorry for messaging out of the blue like this but this pic reminded me of Oscar and just had to share it with you. Hope you are doing well.

 

What is the purpose of this? Is he just checking in to see if I'm hung up on him?

 

If you ask me, he's attempting to break the ice because he may be interested in going forward with a friendship, or more. If you love the guy, and feel he is worth pursuing more, then I would respond with something courteous, but not too much, and see how he responds.

[adiamond]

A link to a picture of a dachshund lying on a pillow that says pizza with extra sausage.

Followed by: Sorry for messaging out of the blue like this but this pic reminded me of Oscar and just had to share it with you. Hope you are doing well.

 

What is the purpose of this? Is he just checking in to see if I'm hung up on him?

 

I actually saw that picture on the internet a few days ago lol

[seekingpeaceinlove]

This has happened to me so many times but not necessarily when I've moved on from them. For me, as soon as I'm single, the men of my past seems to sense it and come out of the woodwork. All my exes have come crawling back to me at one time or another.

 

I'm not active on social media and my exes and I don't run in the same circles so I have to chalk it up to some sort of vibe in the universe. It sounds ridiculous but this has happened to me too many times to consider it a coincidence.

Edited November 6, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove

[Miss Peach]

It's happened to me too.

 

Not sure if you have ever read anything by writer/blogger Natalie Lue but she calls it 'pushing the reset button'.

[mightycpa]

Maybe what really happens is that you're both moving on at pretty much the same rate, maybe the dumper just a little faster, or the dumper had a head start, and they contact you when they feel ready, which is at the same time or a little bit before you are ready.

 

Could it be that simple?

[Meli22]

Maybe what really happens is that you're both moving on at pretty much the same rate, maybe the dumper just a little faster, or the dumper had a head start, and they contact you when they feel ready, which is at the same time or a little bit before you are ready.

 

Could it be that simple?

 

Maybe. But from my experience, my ex came crawling back once id moved on because he knew he had "lost" me. Unless the dumper has a desire to be friends with their ex, it's usually just curiosity or nostalgia. Sometimes regret, but if it takes that long for them to regret leaving you, I'd be wary.

[SandraTempleton]

Sorry guys it's late and I'm back on my soap box. I got a friend request today from a guy that I had met back in June on OLD. We went on 3 or 4 dates and then he just became luke warm towards me so I stopped making any effort and then it dried up. After that I was preoccupied with my Latin Lover. Today (5 months since we've seen or talked to each other) he sends me a random friend request on facebook. What gives guys? Is there something in the water this time of year that makes people lonely and hit the reset button?

 

I never replied to the message from the guy from Argentina. I won't lie and say I will never reply to him but as it stands I think it's just bread crumbs or him trying to clear his conscience. And I want and deserve more than that. And it's a no go to the facebook requester... I don't normally allow for repeats unless they have a damn good reason.

[SandraTempleton]

@Mighty CPA

He could be ahead of me in terms of stages of the breakup but I have a different theory of why he's back. After he moved back to Argentina at the end of the summer reunited with his ex girlfriend and they moved in together. At that point I was disappointed, angry, devastated, etc because up until that point he had lead me to believe we were heading in a different direction where we would try long distance. I know long distance is not for everyone but I was wiling to give it a shot because of how deeply we connected. I also began to think in terms of a time line where we could be together in the same city or at the very least the same country. All of which he went along with and encouraged me. When he told me about reconnecting with the ex I wished him well but told him I would not remain his friend. I did not want him texting me and telling me he missed me etc to continuously string me along. I don't think he took my stance on this seriously as he asked me to reconsider being friends. To which I politely but firmly told him no, I won't be sticking around as your backup plan. I'm guessing that now since it has been 2 months back together with his ex they have found all the same problems are still there and now they are fighting again.

[Armageddon]

I know male dumpers tend to come back more than female dumpers but what are the chances of female dumpers coming back after the dumpee move on?

[jorgepy]

I was reading your situation. To be frank as guys we tend to take things for granted more than you girls, its unfortunate but a reality. Usually what really makes us react and appreciate what we had tends to happen in that moment when you girls are finally fed up with our BS. It could be that we notice a decrease in call or messages , but the biggest trigger that throws us into panic mode is seeing that you are dating someone new. I guarantee 90% of the times your exboyfriend will reach out to you when they see that youre moving on with someone else. Why? I dont know could be basic men instincts.

 

I myself am going through that at the moment. Its a horrible feeling because I know I screwed up but one is seriously remorseful of what you lost and truly honest about fixing things with.

 

My question to you ladies is: Is there any way that you would take back your ex?

 

For example with your Argentinian, is there any way you would forgive him and take him back? What would he have to do?

[Meli22]

I was reading your situation. To be frank as guys we tend to take things for granted more than you girls, its unfortunate but a reality. Usually what really makes us react and appreciate what we had tends to happen in that moment when you girls are finally fed up with our BS. It could be that we notice a decrease in call or messages , but the biggest trigger that throws us into panic mode is seeing that you are dating someone new. I guarantee 90% of the times your exboyfriend will reach out to you when they see that youre moving on with someone else. Why? I dont know could be basic men instincts.

 

I myself am going through that at the moment. Its a horrible feeling because I know I screwed up but one is seriously remorseful of what you lost and truly honest about fixing things with.

 

My question to you ladies is: Is there any way that you would take back your ex?

 

For example with your Argentinian, is there any way you would forgive him and take him back? What would he have to do?

 

 

 

It totally depends on the person as an individual and how far it's gone. For me, my ex was confused about what he wanted and he wasn't putting any effort into our relationship at all. He admitted himself that he wasn't. This went on for months until I'd become so fed up of feeling low that I initiated a break up talk. So we broke up and for a few weeks things were up in the air and there was talks of meeting up. Once he'd realised that I was truly gone, he wanted me back. So I gave things another shot and it seemed as soon as he had me, no effort once again and just treating me very poorly when he should have been proving himself. So I left him. It was on terrible terms because I was hurt and frustrated that his talk didn't meet his actions.

 

So yes, sometimes women will give a second chance. It depends on absolutely every little factor though.

[itisdanielle]

Common advice I've seen on here is that the only chance at a reconciliation is when the dumper and the dumpee have both moved on. But then why would the dumper ever return after moving on? Very confusing.

[Amelie1980]

I think male dumpers come back more often for sex.

 

Not above hoping mine comes back.

[mystikmind2005]

The guys have no idea, they are puppets being manipulated by the Universe which is an ant bully and enjoys screwing with peoples lives this way.

[Blanco]

I know male dumpers tend to come back more than female dumpers but what are the chances of female dumpers coming back after the dumpee move on?

 

Yours will not be back unless she needs more money.