Imported Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Luck has little to do with it. For some people with "the love of their life..." if it didn't happen with that person, it would have happened with another and then the other person would be "the love of their life..." and everything would still be peaches and cream. Till the divorce because of her cheating. In which you get kicked out of your own home and her new boyfriend moves in and sits on your chair and watches Netflix on your TV trying to act fatherly to your children. **** that. That has never happened to me because I won't let it. And it's not luck, but I feel pretty lucky.
empresario Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I've seen you discuss your high IQ on this site. Does a man who happened to be born with low IQ have the same opportunity as one born with high IQ? Or, more to the point of this thread, love life - does a man who happened to be born with a close-to-physically ideal face and body have the same opportunity in love as a man born with a far-from-physically ideal face and body? One was born lucky and one was not. It doesn't mean the lucky guy won't gamble away his good cards, or that the not-lucky guy won't figure out how to play some great hands. But if you we drew a bell curve of success, I think we'd see that the people born with the best hands win most of the rewards. The vast majority of company CEOs fit a rather narrow physical description (male, white, over a certain height, over a certain IQ). That's simple luck. Then we can agree to disagree. Yes, I was blessed with intelligence. But talent without execution is useless. Execution without talent is possible. I also have spoken about how I came from extreme poverty and from a home with an abusive father (that died in my teens). I then had to work the rest of my youth to take care of my family, pay for my own college/living, and still find success. Those are things that do not take a ridiculously high IQ. And the things you mention as natural 'luck' factors have less to do with luck and more to do with confidence. Anyone can be confident. There is a certain template that makes that confidence easier. But that's where self-awareness comes into play. If you know where you're lacking and accept that there's something you can do about it...you will. And you are still thinking about love in terms of 'blessed and not blessed'. There are thousands of things you can do to marginally increase your attractiveness. I've done them. And even if you are just the most unfortunate person alive...there are other unfortunate-looking people. But if everyone is stuck in the mindset that they need perfection, then yes they will probably always be single. And perfection is relative, anyways. 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I have a female friend on all the OLD sites and even messages the guys, but seems to not have luck, and I have seen her persistently going for what she wants too ( in my opinion she is attractive, and has bubbly personality, in her 40's) I am sure there are many men sending loads of messages and trying to meet women in real life as well and both genders world wide struggling to meet their S/O's in your opinion and experiences does success in finding people you want to date and have a meaningful relationship Good Luck or hard work Fate based? Luck and probably mostly hard work
TheCatInTheHat Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I have a female friend on all the OLD sites and even messages the guys, but seems to not have luck, and I have seen her persistently going for what she wants too ( in my opinion she is attractive, and has bubbly personality, in her 40's) What is the problem exactly here? She doesn't find any interesting guys? She doesn't get any messages? No dates? I think a nice photo with a smile and an easy going bio would get her alot of messages. That isn't happening? /TheCatInTheHat
thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I think looking for love is like a marketing campaign and you are the product haha. So hard work is a good thing but if you don't gear it towards your audience or look in the right places, then the hard work will be for nowt. It's partly luck of being in the right place at the right time but also taking advantage of opportunities (where the hard work will come in too). I'm not a believer in fate. 1
empresario Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I think looking for love is like a marketing campaign and you are the product haha. So hard work is a good thing but if you don't gear it towards your audience or look in the right places, then the hard work will be for nowt. It's partly luck of being in the right place at the right time but also taking advantage of opportunities (where the hard work will come in too). I'm not a believer in fate. Good analogy. As I said originally. Fate/luck is a crutch. Let's pretend for example the universe is random and fate/luck define our future. I would still say it's self-awareness, attitude, and work to get what you want in life. Because the other option is depressing. Believing in fate gives you the mentality of 'why try', because nothing would make a difference. If nothing made a difference I would be in a very different reality 1
thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Good analogy. As I said originally. Fate/luck is a crutch. Let's pretend for example the universe is random and fate/luck define our future. I would still say it's self-awareness, attitude, and work to get what you want in life. Because the other option is depressing. Believing in fate gives you the mentality of 'why try', because nothing would make a difference. If nothing made a difference I would be in a very different reality The thing about fate is that someone could say "it was fate that I ended up with this wonderful man" and logically at the same time, it would also be fate that some people don't do as well and end up with bad people. I'm uncomfortable with that and to me it feels like a smug thing to say, but I could be overthinking this. And, like you, I wouldn't want to get a defeatist mentality or feel powerless. Because you can still try but be realistic with your expectations.
antonio1149 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) << For example, It was luck and fate that zuckerberg's wife was a student at harvard and met him Do you think if she was just a hourly worker in china they would have met? >> Empresario said: These arguments often come up and are trite. Every action happened because somebody put themselves in position to have that opportunity. Really, you're going to chalk up being at Harvard to luck? luck (n.): When things happen that contribute to your good fortune that you had no choice in and no control over, and that you made no effort to bring about. Regarding Mrs. Zuckerberg: It was luck that she was born in the U.S. and not, say, China or Ethiopia. It was luck that she was born with sufficient brainpower that, along with the requisite hard work, allowed her to do well in school and eventually reach Harvard. It was luck that she was born with a particular look that happened to appeal to Zuckerberg. It was luck that she was born into a family that could provide financial support for the extremely expensive Harvard education. It was luck that she didn't get killed in a car accident or succumb to cancer before she had a chance to meet Zuckerberg. It was luck that she was born at a particular time that resulted in her being seen as an age-appropriate partner by Zuckerberg. It was luck that she chose to go to a fraternity party that happened to also be attended by a future multi-billionaire (a very rare occurrence, even at Harvard). It was luck that when she met Zuckerberg, he happened to be available and open to a relationship. He may very well have met a hot babe the week before and been off the market by the time she met him. It was luck that the guy she met and dated was, despite becoming extremely wealthy and famous, devoted to her and interested in a life-long commitment at an early age (unlike, say, Derek Jeter or George Clooney). What's not luck: Her hard work to do well in school and eventually get into Harvard. Maybe, having a winning personality capable of attracting and keeping a quality guy. (I say "maybe" because if she had been born with, say, a genetic predisposition for depression or psychopathy, she might not have been able to hang onto Zuckerberg). Her willingness to date a guy who may not have been the best-looking guy available or had the most charismatic or sparkling personality (though maybe he did). Seems to me there was a lot of luck going on there. Edited November 10, 2015 by antonio1149
Justanaverageguy Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It doesn't mean the lucky guy won't gamble away his good cards, or that the not-lucky guy won't figure out how to play some great hands. But if you we drew a bell curve of success, I think we'd see that the people born with the best hands win most of the rewards. From a stats point of view that's very true - but I will say from my experience those given the silver spoon treatment through life rarely end up the happiest. Often not even happy at all. Really that's what counts. There is this secret most people in the human race don't like to admit ...... secretly we want it to be hard. We all want to succeed .... but we want it to be a challenge to get there. It's why we love the underdog story ..... we all want to be our own movie star. No one rents the movie about the gorgeous model born into the perfect life who was successful. It's boring as bat****. They want to be the average joe who beats the odds and obtains success, love, happiness anyway. 1
empresario Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 luck (n.): When things happen that contribute to your good fortune that you had no choice in and no control over, and that you made no effort to bring about. Regarding Mrs. Zuckerberg: It was luck that she was born in the U.S. and not, say, China or Ethiopia. It was luck that she was born with sufficient brainpower that, along with the requisite hard work, allowed her to do well in school and eventually reach Harvard. It was luck that she was born with a particular look that happened to appeal to Zuckerberg. It was luck that she was born into a family that could provide financial support for the extremely expensive Harvard education. It was luck that she didn't get killed in a car accident or succumb to cancer before she had a chance to meet Zuckerberg. It was luck that she was born at a particular time that resulted in her being seen as an age-appropriate partner by Zuckerberg. It was luck that she chose to go to a fraternity party that happened to also be attended by a future multi-billionaire (a very rare occurrence, even at Harvard). It was luck that when she met Zuckerberg, he happened to be available and open to a relationship. He may very well have met a hot babe the week before and been off the market by the time she met him. It was luck that the guy she met and dated was, despite becoming extremely wealthy and famous, devoted to her and interested in a life-long commitment at an early age (unlike, say, Derek Jeter or George Clooney). What's not luck: Her hard work to do well in school and eventually get into Harvard. Maybe, having a winning personality capable of attracting and keeping a quality guy. (I say "maybe" because if she had been born with, say, a genetic predisposition for depression or psychopathy, she might not have been able to hang onto Zuckerberg). Her willingness to date a guy who may not have been the best-looking guy available or had the most charismatic or sparkling personality (though maybe he did). Seems to me there was a lot of luck going on there. Is the assumption here that you have to be married to Zuckerberg in order to by happy and/or successful in love?
edgygirl Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I dunno... the only person I know who seems truly happy in love for over 30 years with her husband... I don't think it was luck. She was smart enough to realize he was a good guy and would be a good husband even though she was 22. She always said it was not the crazy passion situation, but she just knew he was a good smart guy who will be there for her. She was right. They are still together and super happy. I don't think relationships are so much about "luck". It's about being smart about it when it's right there in front of you. Most of us choose not to see it and run away from potential good situations. I know I did, several times. 2
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