barbossa Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I have a female friend on all the OLD sites and even messages the guys, but seems to not have luck, and I have seen her persistently going for what she wants too ( in my opinion she is attractive, and has bubbly personality, in her 40's) I am sure there are many men sending loads of messages and trying to meet women in real life as well and both genders world wide struggling to meet their S/O's in your opinion and experiences does success in finding people you want to date and have a meaningful relationship Good Luck or hard work Fate based?
darkbloom Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I think when you stop looking and stop forcing it is when you find it. I think people are desperate to find love and it comes off thay way. I think it has more to do with luck and letting things fall into your life. 7
neowulf Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I think there's an element of luck for sure. You can't choose your parents, your upbringing. You can't choose the experiences life throws your way. You can't choose to have the emotional and intellectual makeup to take the best advantage of the opportunities presented. Those who succeed though seem to have one thing in common. They work hard to maximise their strengths. They do what they're good at and try to minimise the impact their weaknesses have on them. Consider the roll of a dice. You know that if you roll it enough, you're probably going to get a 6 eventually. But it's certainly possible (though unlikely) you'll never get a 6. But if you roll once, fail and never try again, you DEFINITELY won't get be getting a 6. Life is a bit like that. Hard work, commitment and persistence don't *guarantee" success, but they sure skew the odds in your favor. 3
SammySammy Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I think success in anything is a combination of conscientious effort and opportunity. While there is some luck involved, it also takes some effort to find and maintain love. 7
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I think success in anything is a combination of conscientious effort and opportunity. While there is some luck involved, it also takes some effort to find and maintain love. There is much more luck involved in love than people think. Meeting someone and being at the right place in the right time is pure luck. People that met the right person in high school or college? Luck again. It's pretty depressing to me that some people will never have to go through hell of OLD or settling for someone that they are not attracted to. Of course you gain baggage through repeated failures through the years and negative attitude. But what about back when were all say 18? What makes one 18 year old meet the love of their life and the other doesn't? Fate and luck. 2
Rosh Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 There is luck for sure.. But yes I agree, that's when you stop searching when the right person comes along by Surprise. Also you have to pray for the right person, you know!
SammySammy Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 There is much more luck involved in love than people think. Meeting someone and being at the right place in the right time is pure luck. People that met the right person in high school or college? Luck again. It's pretty depressing to me that some people will never have to go through hell of OLD or settling for someone that they are not attracted to. Of course you gain baggage through repeated failures through the years and negative attitude. But what about back when were all say 18? What makes one 18 year old meet the love of their life and the other doesn't? Fate and luck. Perhaps. However, even if you were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to find exactly the right person, it takes work to hold a relationship together.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Perhaps. However, even if you were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to find exactly the right person, it takes work to hold a relationship together. That's true. My personal problem is not meeting anyone that I'm interested enough to have a relationship with who is also interested in me. I would have never had a relationship if I waited to date someone I'm truly interested in ( and I don't even care about looks). So I date guys that I'm barely lukewarm about and then have to force myself to see them I have tried getting out more but it's probably due to the fact that I don't click with many people personality wise. I dunno, I know that's different for everyone. If I only had the problem to hold down a relationship, it would give me something to work on. As it is, I'm literally out of ideas. I truly don't want to change my personality because I am who I am, you know? And I actually like who I am Edited November 5, 2015 by Eternal Sunshine 1
SammySammy Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 That's true. My personal problem is not meeting anyone that I'm interested enough to have a relationship with who is also interested in me. I would have never had a relationship if I waited to date someone I'm truly interested in ( and I don't even care about looks). So I date guys that I'm barely lukewarm about and then have to force myself to see them I have tried getting out more but it's probably due to the fact that I don't click with many people personality wise. I dunno, I know that's different for everyone. If I only had the problem to hold down a relationship, it would give me something to work on. As it is, I'm literally out of ideas. I truly don't want to change my personality because I am who I am, you know? And I actually like who I am If anybody understands a person liking who they are, it's me. I love myself - flaws and all. I don't think you should have to change your personality. That's an essential part of who you are. Along with love, trust, respect and communication, I've found that acceptance is critical to the success of relationships. We all have our differences. I think our best chance of success comes with a person who loves and appreciates us while accepting the ways in which we're different. There are definitely people who won't have a problem with your personality. I guess it's just a matter of finding one you're interested in.
absoulutelyanna Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I definitely think it takes some luck, but there are other factors as well. It was luck that I met my current boyfriend for sure. But, he was super shy when we first met, and would only speak German to everyone around me. (Back then I couldn't understand German. He was visiting the States with one of my best friends who spoke English. Christoph, my boyfriend, also spoke English but was too shy to say anything). Anyways, a few days before they were leaving for Germany, I told him how I felt about him. I had been falling for him for a while, and felt that I had to say something. He said he felt the same but was too shy to say anything. So, I guess if I never said anything, I never would have known! So sometimes it takes a bit of courage--actually in my case I should say liquid courage--to get things sorted.
Glitters Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 However, even if you were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to find exactly the right person, it takes work to hold a relationship together. This ^^^ And lack of it can fizzle out any relationship
BluEyeL Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I think success in anything is a combination of conscientious effort and opportunity. While there is some luck involved, it also takes some effort to find and maintain love. I agree with this. You do have to work hard to put yourself in situations where "luck", meaning opportunity, finds you. And then, when you meet that opportunity, you have to be able to recognize it and not let it pass. And then, you need to work at making sure you build something lasting. Nothing worth it is easy in life. So, while there is an element of "luck" involved, I do think the balance leans heavily towards hard work. I did it and it was hard, but it was so worth it! 2
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 There is some luck involved but lucky people make their own luck. They take steps to achieve their goals. If your friend wants a relationship but isn't having success on OLD, she needs to try different methods to meet people. OLD is simply 1 tool. Not everybody use it. Have her add IRL activities to meet people. 4
PrettyEmily77 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Fate + luck + a healthy mental state + being open / receptive to the other's feelings + having confidence in yourself, whatever circumstances you happen to be in + knowing what you want + seeing the bigger picture + keeping your feet on the ground + going with the flow + willing to accept the little imperfections to get to the overall perfect package + knowing there'll be ups and downs + being yourself + letting the other be themselves. Simples . But yeah, fate initially, mostly.
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 If your friend wants a relationship but isn't having success on OLD, she needs to try different methods to meet people. Absolutely. She might also want to get her profile reviewed. Most people who don't have success on OLD have bad photos and/or bad profiles. 1
SwordofFlame Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 There is a lot of luck involved but you can increase your odds by working on yourself and putting yourself out there as much as possible. Whether that be through OLD or just being very social.
empresario Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Luck is a crutch, in my most sincere of opinions. There is no such thing, as we live in a universe of cause and effect. We put ourselves in the position to succeed with work, self-awareness, and a positive attitude. This doesn't just apply to love...but careers, friendships, and success. 1
Author barbossa Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Absolutely. She might also want to get her profile reviewed. Most people who don't have success on OLD have bad photos and/or bad profiles. But anyway she is an attractive woman and I have seen her get hundreds of messages a week. As i am sure many attractive women receive. I feel luck and Fate play much bigger part. Some people just have it easier imo
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 But anyway she is an attractive woman and I have seen her get hundreds of messages a week. I said photos, not looks. Notice the difference. Number of messages means nothing if they are all "hey wanna f*k". How many quality messages does she get from guys who are genuinely interested in dating her? 1
Author barbossa Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Luck is a crutch, in my most sincere of opinions. There is no such thing, as we live in a universe of cause and effect. We put ourselves in the position to succeed with work, self-awareness, and a positive attitude. This doesn't just apply to love...but careers, friendships, and success. Perhaps you can explain How no talent celeb kids got their gigs? I am sure it was their positive attitudes and hard work? Not the fact they were born to the right family with right connections--- extreme example for sure but If you yourself were born in a 3rd world country to a poor country i doubt you could be where you are today - or are you more more harding and more positive than millions and millions of other people? For example, It was luck and fate that zuckerberg's wife was a student at harvard and met him Do you think if she was just a hourly worker in china they would have met?
Author barbossa Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 I said photos, not looks. Notice the difference. Number of messages means nothing if they are all "hey wanna f*k". How many quality messages does she get from guys who are genuinely interested in dating her? I, in fact and several other gf's have helped this particular friends set her profile up and try to improve it, could it be better? Sure. But surely half ass profiles have produced better results C students fare better than A students disagree? see Last US president.
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 The only way to measure success of a dating profile is results. Is she getting the results she desires? Then her profile is doing a good job. If she's not getting the results she desires then her profile and/or photos are bad. 1
empresario Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Perhaps you can explain How no talent celeb kids got their gigs? I am sure it was their positive attitudes and hard work? Not the fact they were born to the right family with right connections--- extreme example for sure but If you yourself were born in a 3rd world country to a poor country i doubt you could be where you are today - or are you more more harding and more positive than millions and millions of other people? For example, It was luck and fate that zuckerberg's wife was a student at harvard and met him Do you think if she was just a hourly worker in china they would have met? These arguments often come up and are trite. Every action happened because somebody put themselves in position to have that opportunity. Really, you're going to chalk up being at Harvard to luck? And you don't know my past. On paper, I had absolutely no chance at life. Now I've been a top software developer, a 3X business owner, an actor, a model, a writer, and a professional gamer. I have 4 degrees, have travelled all over the world, and have been in rooms some people can only dream up. And I'm not even 30, yet. Every single one of those successes came with taking risk and working hard. On paper, I should have been a slave to my childhood. Abusive father, severe poverty, low income area. There are failures in life, sure. But there would be no success (or 'luck') without someone making a decision to do something positive for themselves.
Myragal Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I have a date tomorrow evening with a man I met at a dance lesson. I suppose there is an element of luck in it. However, we are largely masters of our own fate. I keep my body in excellent condition. I made the effort to go to the dance lesson. I took the time to look my best. I smiled and made contact with this fellow. I made myself available when he wanted to talk during rather break. I smiled and showed some enthusiasm. Then after the break I danced with him exclusively instead of rotating partners. Sure it is 'luck' he was there, but may not have been enough if I didn't control the other variables. Was it 'luck' for him? Again, he made the effort to go to where singles may meet. He was clean and dressed nicely. Appears very fit. Respectful and positive. He is a high school math teacher so he sought out an education. Luck? 1
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