How can someone claim they love you but don't want to commit? Did they ever love you?

[lilyxoxo]

Sorry this might be a long one...just completely lost at the moment

 

Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything like this? Especially from a guys point of view because it seems they are usually more prone to being afraid of commitment...

 

So...back story: Me and this guy started dating a few years ago. Everything was so perfect. Never been so in love in my entire life. He was the best boyfriend...it seemed like a fairytale romance the way we were in love with each other. Fast forward a while later, and issues we both had: being young (19 at the time), insecurity, not really knowing how to be in a mature relationship yet, took its toll and we began a long cycle of breaking up and making up. However, each time we would get back together, we never had a mature and honest conversation of what happened and how to fix it, so obviously the cycle kept going.

 

Classic case of can't live together, can't live without each other.

 

Fast forward a few months ago. We were not together for almost a year...spoke occasionally, and saw each other sporadically. Completely thought I was over him. One day on our random times we hung out, he confesses he's still completely in love with me and wants to really make it work this time. For the first time, I'm thinking wow...we're finally acting like adults. Decided to just take things slow. *no label*

 

A few weeks ago, I feel him starting to pull away after we spent the last few months being closer than ever. I get way too emotional and confront him about it. He now tells me that my emotional outburst made him realize that he can never live up to my standards and that all he ever does is hurt me. Additionally, he says that he's always had a huge fear of commitment. He loves me but he fears that we are too young (almost 24) and we will have regrets about not seeing other people. He doesn't think we should be together because its unhealthy for me because I expect something he can't give me. Then he drops a bomb, he has recently developed a crush on his friend and would like to probably date her. His excuse is that he's afraid to commit to me because he knows that if he does, he has to do it right and give me 100% forever. With these other women, he doesn't feel such a strong connection so he won't have to worry about being 100% devoted.

 

I'm sorry, but isn't this just a whole bunch of complete BS?? He still claims to be in love with me. He claims he wants to be with me but knows that we shouldn't try anymore. I've never seen anything like this

[FeelingHopelesss]

Well for starters, hes afraid of commitment and afraid of being 100% with you because he knows he don't have to be with other girls. NO a BIG no right there. If he loved you (i'm not saying that he don't but..) if he loves you like he says he does why would he not want to be 100% with you? He wouldn't ever want or think about another other than you. You deserve better you deserve someone who wants to be with you committed to you and only you. I'm sorry wished there was something more I could say. Hope everything works out for you. But remember you are only human but deserve someone who will treat you like you deserve to be.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I can arguably see his point of view,

but I think he just wants his cake and to eat it too.

I know you can love and not be with someone at the same time,

But I'm calling this guy out as bull**** too in this wee little rhyme.

[pteromom]

You can absolutely love someone and know that you shouldn't be with them. It's called using your head as well as your heart and is very wise.

 

But whether that is what is going on here or he is just playing you, I do not know.