I'm only good at first impressions.

[miacat]

I've been struggling with this when it comes to dating/romantic relationships. It seems that every time I meet a guy, I always make a great first impression and we hit it off. Then he pursues me and wants to see me again. So pretty much I have no problem attracting people and finding a mate... but the problem is I have a hard time like, following up on our first interactions. I always get super nervous the next time I see them and have a hard time being myself and just relaxing. I get really quiet and retreat into my head and just end up having a hard time conversating all together. I don't know why I do this. It's like this switch that goes off in my subconscious that makes me shut down as soon as I realize someone is seriously interested in me.

I'm posting because I met someone recently that I really like and hit it off with, but the past couple times we've seen each other I've been falling into my weird nervous blank minded self when we're together. It's so unbelievably frustrating. I do have anxiety and have taken medication for it, but I've found it just doesn't do much in the long run. So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else here has dealt with this issue or a similar issue and if you have any insight or tips they are greatly appreciated.

[SoThatHappened]

I know and have experienced the exact same thing. I think that anxiety and lack of confidence in yourself work to sabotage things.

 

What I've learned? Keep plugging along. Keep going on dates with little expectation and just TRY to be yourself.

[Ami1uwant]

Why doesn't this happen on the first date?

 

This sounds more typical if a first date...then you open up in the second date.

 

How are you going into the first date?

His much talking/texting are you doing before first date vs between date 1 snd 2?

[Mystique01]

I've been struggling with this when it comes to dating/romantic relationships. It seems that every time I meet a guy, I always make a great first impression and we hit it off. Then he pursues me and wants to see me again. So pretty much I have no problem attracting people and finding a mate... but the problem is I have a hard time like, following up on our first interactions. I always get super nervous the next time I see them and have a hard time being myself and just relaxing. I get really quiet and retreat into my head and just end up having a hard time conversating all together. I don't know why I do this. It's like this switch that goes off in my subconscious that makes me shut down as soon as I realize someone is seriously interested in me.

I'm posting because I met someone recently that I really like and hit it off with, but the past couple times we've seen each other I've been falling into my weird nervous blank minded self when we're together. It's so unbelievably frustrating. I do have anxiety and have taken medication for it, but I've found it just doesn't do much in the long run. So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else here has dealt with this issue or a similar issue and if you have any insight or tips they are greatly appreciated.

 

 

Are you my twin??? No....seriously... I feel like I could have written this EXACT same post LOL!

 

 

Honestly, I have the same problem...to some degree. I'll make a GOOD first impression with guys when I first meet them, but then when he seems like he COULD be interested in me back, or if I start to develop a crush on him, I immediately turn into this nervous, anxious, socially-inept pile of jello....

 

It now makes sense why the guys I DON'T like always end up liking me and wanting to date me, and the guys I REALLY like I have a hard time attracting or KEEPING attracted.

 

 

Honestly, I did some DEEP soul-searching and have been working on myself to uncover this "mystery" disorder lol.

 

To be honest I would ask you..... Do you like yourself? I mean, do you really LOVE yourself? The reason why I ask is because sometimes if we don't feel 100% good about ourselves and what we have to offer in a relationship, we can feel somewhat intimidated or "anxious" when we meet someone we're REALLY into, or someone who is into us. When we don't know someone, we're easy-breezy, cool, outgoing, interesting, and sociable. But when we feel like "this could be it!" or "something could be brewing!", all of a sudden it now feels like the stakes are high and we clam up and get nervous. I'm using "we" in the general sense...those of us who suffer from this "affliction".

 

 

The best thing to do imo is to really get to know yourself and your GOOD qualities and what you would bring to a relationship. Seriously...write out a list of at least 20 things that you LOVE about yourself and that would be something GOOD you would bring to the table in a relationship. When you REALLY come to fall in love with YOURSELF, you will feel MUCH more confident about what you have to offer and therefore won't be as nervous.

 

Next, learn to just treat a date (and subsequent dates) as just a nice time to get to know someone better and have fun with them. Take the pressure out of it by just viewing it as a nice night out. Try not to think too far into the future! I know how you feel though, trust me...I've BEEN there! I too suffer from some forms of anxiety from time to time. Idk if the two are related (dating anxiety vs. general anxiety), but I'm sure it doesn't make things any better.

 

Maybe before a date try to do something that empowers you.... go workout at the gym, take a bubble bath, dance to some music, pamper yourself, get a manicure, do SOMETHING that makes YOU feel good and feel like a goddess before the date.

 

 

The biggest thing is to remember to just RELAAAAX..... I think guys like girls who can just be themselves no matter what the situation. It took me a long time to realize that the reason why I was always attracting guys I wasn't all that into was because they were getting a different version of "me" than the guys I was actually into, but once I figured that out, I decided to try my hardest to just be myself regardless the situation. Easier said than done I know! I know that isn't YOUR issue, but I figured I would add that in to show you how sometimes just the way we behave can even change who becomes attracted to us and who doesn't.

 

I wish you well!

[miacat]

Are you my twin??? No....seriously... I feel like I could have written this EXACT same post LOL!

 

 

Honestly, I have the same problem...to some degree. I'll make a GOOD first impression with guys when I first meet them, but then when he seems like he COULD be interested in me back, or if I start to develop a crush on him, I immediately turn into this nervous, anxious, socially-inept pile of jello....

 

It now makes sense why the guys I DON'T like always end up liking me and wanting to date me, and the guys I REALLY like I have a hard time attracting or KEEPING attracted.

 

 

Honestly, I did some DEEP soul-searching and have been working on myself to uncover this "mystery" disorder lol.

 

To be honest I would ask you..... Do you like yourself? I mean, do you really LOVE yourself? The reason why I ask is because sometimes if we don't feel 100% good about ourselves and what we have to offer in a relationship, we can feel somewhat intimidated or "anxious" when we meet someone we're REALLY into, or someone who is into us. When we don't know someone, we're easy-breezy, cool, outgoing, interesting, and sociable. But when we feel like "this could be it!" or "something could be brewing!", all of a sudden it now feels like the stakes are high and we clam up and get nervous. I'm using "we" in the general sense...those of us who suffer from this "affliction".

 

 

The best thing to do imo is to really get to know yourself and your GOOD qualities and what you would bring to a relationship. Seriously...write out a list of at least 20 things that you LOVE about yourself and that would be something GOOD you would bring to the table in a relationship. When you REALLY come to fall in love with YOURSELF, you will feel MUCH more confident about what you have to offer and therefore won't be as nervous.

 

Next, learn to just treat a date (and subsequent dates) as just a nice time to get to know someone better and have fun with them. Take the pressure out of it by just viewing it as a nice night out. Try not to think too far into the future! I know how you feel though, trust me...I've BEEN there! I too suffer from some forms of anxiety from time to time. Idk if the two are related (dating anxiety vs. general anxiety), but I'm sure it doesn't make things any better.

 

Maybe before a date try to do something that empowers you.... go workout at the gym, take a bubble bath, dance to some music, pamper yourself, get a manicure, do SOMETHING that makes YOU feel good and feel like a goddess before the date.

 

 

The biggest thing is to remember to just RELAAAAX..... I think guys like girls who can just be themselves no matter what the situation. It took me a long time to realize that the reason why I was always attracting guys I wasn't all that into was because they were getting a different version of "me" than the guys I was actually into, but once I figured that out, I decided to try my hardest to just be myself regardless the situation. Easier said than done I know! I know that isn't YOUR issue, but I figured I would add that in to show you how sometimes just the way we behave can even change who becomes attracted to us and who doesn't.

 

I wish you well!

 

Thank you for putting so much thought into your elaborate response! Much appreciated. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this "Affliction" ha. I gotta admit, at the end of the day I'm usually able to muscle through this anxiety and worry and tell myself to just relax and it will all be alright. I'm thankful for being able to have this sense of perseverence and attitude, but the nerves are still something that cripples me and I am working hard at fixing. Also I can confidently say I have a good sense of who I am, what I like, what I dislike, etc. It's not that I'm exactly in need of soul searching or confused about myself, it's just the fluctuating self esteem/mixed with anxiety that is the big underlying problem. Some days I'm so confident and secure, others I'm the exact opposite and don't wanna leave my house. I was feeling a bit weary earlier and actually did what you suggested I do-- I wrote a list of the things I like about myself and it put me in a great cheery mood. Thank you so much for that. I'll refer back to that list when I need to. I definitely have to focus on the positive aspects of who I am, because now that I've thought about it I am very hard on myself often. This should help me. I definitely get that "the stakes are high feeling" and that's sorta why I freak out. I want to impress so badly it just turns into this super psychological negative thing and I end up sabotaging myself. But I'm determined! Me and this guy I've been seeing get along. We have the same sense of humor. We have a lot to talk about. He loves conversating. He has similar interests as my dad so that's a lot to talk about. He's very sweet and gentlemanly, and isn't afraid to take me out and show me off which is really nice! We're both really silly. The attraction is very... intense too *hehe*. He texts me everyday we talk almost constantly... just in real life I get nervous and try to think of witty things to say but go blank and just end up bashfully laughing in hopes my cuteness can make up for my lack of witty banter. (Lol) like I said my confidence fluctuates. Sometimes I'll feel more on the ball and more at ease with him and other times I'm just blank and sad because I'm blank and then I'm quiet. The inconsistency just irks me! Erg! Our next date is Friday to a movie. I am determined to be at ease and enjoy myself.

[miacat]

Why doesn't this happen on the first date?

 

This sounds more typical if a first date...then you open up in the second date.

 

How are you going into the first date?

His much talking/texting are you doing before first date vs between date 1 snd 2?

 

It doesn't happen on the first date because I'm just a big weirdo I guess huh. It's just not the way I work. I'm all confidence until people reeeeally wanna get to know me and dig a little deeper. I get nervous and hold back. I probably have a slight intimacy issue but that's not holding me back, my perseverence is stronger! We talk more than we ever did. He texts me every day almost constantly and we have good conversations via text and in real life. They are shakier in real life because I can get so damn nervous sometimes and my mind goes blank. So I mean he's definitely interested, I just need to stay composed and all that... much Easier said than done though:o

[miacat]

I know and have experienced the exact same thing. I think that anxiety and lack of confidence in yourself work to sabotage things.

 

What I've learned? Keep plugging along. Keep going on dates with little expectation and just TRY to be yourself.

 

Thank you! Keep plugging along. That's my over all attitude. I hate to think too deeply into things cause you just end up creating more issues for yourself. We have a a date this friday. Fingers crossed!

[Mystique01]

Thank you for putting so much thought into your elaborate response! Much appreciated. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this "Affliction" ha. I gotta admit, at the end of the day I'm usually able to muscle through this anxiety and worry and tell myself to just relax and it will all be alright. I'm thankful for being able to have this sense of perseverence and attitude, but the nerves are still something that cripples me and I am working hard at fixing. Also I can confidently say I have a good sense of who I am, what I like, what I dislike, etc. It's not that I'm exactly in need of soul searching or confused about myself, it's just the fluctuating self esteem/mixed with anxiety that is the big underlying problem. Some days I'm so confident and secure, others I'm the exact opposite and don't wanna leave my house. I was feeling a bit weary earlier and actually did what you suggested I do-- I wrote a list of the things I like about myself and it put me in a great cheery mood. Thank you so much for that. I'll refer back to that list when I need to. I definitely have to focus on the positive aspects of who I am, because now that I've thought about it I am very hard on myself often. This should help me. I definitely get that "the stakes are high feeling" and that's sorta why I freak out. I want to impress so badly it just turns into this super psychological negative thing and I end up sabotaging myself. But I'm determined! Me and this guy I've been seeing get along. We have the same sense of humor. We have a lot to talk about. He loves conversating. He has similar interests as my dad so that's a lot to talk about. He's very sweet and gentlemanly, and isn't afraid to take me out and show me off which is really nice! We're both really silly. The attraction is very... intense too *hehe*. He texts me everyday we talk almost constantly... just in real life I get nervous and try to think of witty things to say but go blank and just end up bashfully laughing in hopes my cuteness can make up for my lack of witty banter. (Lol) like I said my confidence fluctuates. Sometimes I'll feel more on the ball and more at ease with him and other times I'm just blank and sad because I'm blank and then I'm quiet. The inconsistency just irks me! Erg! Our next date is Friday to a movie. I am determined to be at ease and enjoy myself.

 

Sure no problem! I'm glad some of the tips I gave you have worked a little bit for you.

 

 

I'm completely the same way it seems, so I know how it feels lol.

 

But it seems like he's into you, so I don't think you have to worry honestly!

 

 

 

Thank you! Keep plugging along. That's my over all attitude. I hate to think too deeply into things cause you just end up creating more issues for yourself. We have a a date this friday. Fingers crossed!

I hope your date goes well!