I really miss politeness......

[TheCatInTheHat]

Either way, it's similar to online dating.

A small but sizable portion of douchebags has ruined it for those who are serious about it and have good intentions.

 

You have a right to be angry, sure. It won't get you anywhere though.

 

Young women with looks have alot of social power, so they make the rules. Its kind of a fact of life and no use being angry about it.

 

At my age (40+) almost all women I come across are really nice and sweet. Actually you get compliments for not being retarded enough to ask for sex or send them intimate pictures.

[StBreton]

Blame the feminists. You've got a world of men who don't know what to do anymore. Should I hold the door? Should I offer to carry her books? Should I be nice? Am I being too nice?

 

 

I remember one point in my life, there was a group of my guy friends hanging out, and one friend, whom was very attractive IMO, was lamenting about being interested in a girl who seemed to be 'playing games' or acting only partially interested.

 

 

I suggested he stop being so nice and be a slight dick. Another one of my friends, who is really a staunch feminist, got super pissed off at me. A week later, my friend told me it worked! I've also had girls straight up tell me that one thing they liked most was my arrogant cocky attitude and that I'm not super nice all the time.

 

 

Girls say they want the nice gentlemen. The nice gentlemen goes home alone and wanks it while the ******* is getting lucky.

 

 

/Rant

 

There's a slight bit of truth to your assertions ... But I think young "girls" act like this ... Not woman. And honestly I think girls do not truly know what feminism is.

 

I will say feminism has created positive and negative outcomes societally. One of which is a guy not knowing how to act in some situations. When I was early 20s ...my friends nor I wanted a guy to open any door for us ... We were offended. Silly girls we were. I now and for many years love love when a man does this seemingly small but sweet and polite gesture.

[StBreton]

You'll have to forgive me for not being able to stop laughing uncontrollably.

I've had similar experiences with women I've met, not so much "friends" but rather complete strangers through dating.

 

In my 3,5 years of actively being a gentleman in the dating realm (and not to be confused with the popular "doormat / white knight" definition.) I have not encountered ONE woman who appreciates kindness, being well mannered, (chivalrous to a degree: occasionally holding doors, etc. ...not getting too overzealous.), intelligence, etc.

Not. One.

I have never acted like a jerk. It's not something I've been taught by my parents due to a British upbringing from my mother's side.

Perhaps adopted a bit more of an "I don't care" attitude about certain things, but that's about it.

 

Past experiences have shown that being "yourself" is never good enough for women.

I'm more than satisfied with the current iteration of personality I've achieved, and I highly doubt that's subject to change anytime soon.

But trust me, being yourself is never good enough.

Lack of a spark (on their end) is something which very frequently comes to mind when I actually...you know...TRY to be myself instead of an over the top expectation of women.

 

I don't waste my time chasing "the hot ones", because I know they're being targetted far too much by other men.

Doesn't matter if you tried, because they'll find a flaw anyhow. Usually it's how physically you're not attractive enough, or the lack of figures on one's bank account.

I always go after women who match my personality, and with whom I share common ground.

I always give those I'm interested in a chance, it's just never the other way around.

Sure, she might not look like a perfect 10, but rather a 7...but if her personality is great, that's absolutely fine by me!

The trouble these days (atleast in Belgium.) is that even the NICE ones seem to have a complete and utter sense of entitlement.

This includes women who are out of shape, women who don't have their lives in order, and so on.

I have given nice women a chance, but they are too focused on holding out for "the next best thing" rather than give the person standing in front of their face a chance.

At this point in time, at age 24 I have close to given up on women because every single one I encounter seems to be completely identical with the sense of entitlement, the "I don't need a man" attitude, and generally all round women who shouldn't even consider dating in the first place. (Be it on the rebound, still obsessing over their ex, etc.)

I guess that mentally, I'm still one of the previous generation.

 

So, I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Wait until I'm older? That seems to have significant more pull than a guy my age who knows what he wants from life and treats others respectfully.

An increased chance of encountering gold diggers does come to mind.

Go for older women in the 18-30 bracket ?

Doesn't seem like an option either as I'm labeled "too young" by the 25 and up folk who don't even consider going down a few years in the age department.

Far from easy, as I'm mentally on the level of someone in their 30s and never given a chance to prove that I'm different from the immature guys my age.

 

Also on topic: I admire *true* feminism, equality and all that good stuff.

However, from what I've experienced by going on dates, it seems to me that feminism these days is nothing more than the perfect cover for women who spout misandrist statements 24/7.

Alternatively, a LOT of women I've encountered only want equality when it suits them.

They want to have their cake and eat it too. xD

As a man, it's "damned if you do, damned if you don't". There's no conceivable way to determine if a woman is either a feminist or a misandrist right off the bat.

To me, it only becomes clear when the date progresses, lol.

As Woggle mentioned, it's like constantly walking on eggshells...and believe me, it does get old after a while. ^^

 

Either way, it's similar to online dating.

A small but sizable portion of douchebags has ruined it for those who are serious about it and have good intentions.

 

I married someone several years younger than I ... I was early 30s ... He was such a go getter ... I worried about the age disparity for the first month then it never came up again. I wouldn't have considered him though if he were an average joe and that much younger. You sound like you've got it together so don't worry about going for someone 5-8 yrs older.

 

Stay true to yourself and be kind and a gentleman.

[Teraskas]

Thank you for clarifying a little bit what your experiences have been.

 

Honestly, maybe I misjudged your situation. It sounds like you're in a different country maybe....Belgium? Unfortunately I can't really speak for how things are in Belgium. I can only speak of where I was born and raised in the USA. While I have visited various other countries in my lifetime, I have never been to Belgium. So, who knows...maybe things are a LOT different over there? I honestly can't speak for the women over there at all. I can only go by my own personal experiences, how I feel, and how most of the women in my friendship circle feel as well.

 

So, perhaps there's something deeper going on over there in Belgium that I'm not aware of. All I know is that most women over here usually DO appreciate a GOOD man. Especially when you're past a certain age (like myself....I'm in my early 30's).

 

It also sounds like maybe the age bracket you're looking at may be the problem. If 18-30 year olds are considered "older women" to you, then maybe you're quite young? I don't know.....Maybe I misunderstood your comment in your post, but it sounded like you might be young if those women are "older women" to you. ARe you in your teens?

 

I'm not trying to be condescending or anything, but I'm thinking that the AGE range might actually be a problem as well. See, when women are YOUNG (perhaps women around your age), we don't always see what is best for us. Thankfully, I was always raised to have good manners and morals, so I always had polite manners, showed respect for others, and never really craved for the "bad boy". But, I do know that there are a lot of women when they are still late teens and early 20's who just treat "nice guys" like they're dirt. I completely understand that. It's frustrating I'm sure! But after age 25 or so, when college years are over, maybe their looks have gone down some lol...and they start settling into more "marriage years", a woman starts to realize what guys are truly worth their time. A lot of them may have experimented with or gone after the "bad boy" or the "popular dude" only to have their hearts broken and dashed to pieces. It's then they start realizing that "hey....I actually want a NICE guy".

 

While I didn't "go after" a bad boy, I did waste 4 good years of my life in an on-again/off-again relationship with a guy who was very emotionally UNavailable in my 20's. 3.5 almost 4 years on a guy completely WASTED! After he broke my heart it was then I realized that I didn't want a guy who was "hot and cold", who was a jerk, who could be charming but then turn it right off as quickly as it was turned on. NO...I really wanted a GENUINE nice guy.

 

 

I think those girls are out there though.... you just have to be patient, maybe get a little older, or look in various avenues. So far you're doing things the right way it seems. Continue to not just go after the girls who are "hot" or who seem to have a ton of guys flocking towards them. Usually those types may not always be as open to a nice guy. It just depends. Since some are so used to guy attention, they may view your niceness as being "too eager". But then there are also the same popular girls who get used and abused by popular guys and who really ARE looking for a "nice guy". So, you just never know.

 

I would say though, don't give up!

 

Thank you kindly for the response.

 

I honestly don't know at this point.

I've never been to America before, but having read countless threads on this forum...let's just say the similarities are striking.

 

Several of my Canadian friends always joke around and label their country as "America Light". Kinda the same, less bs.

Therefore, taking a similar stance, I can easily say that Belgium is America Medium (already WELL on the way to heavy) in terms of shallowness, and all round all things related to the dating realm.

This is based on the threads I've read here over the years.

Of course I don't have any experience with American women whatsoever, so actual "in the flesh" experience can be dismissed.

 

(Offtopic but somewhat relevant: I'm really a fan of this site...however one of its drawbacks is that I tend to do a lot of post-publishing editing.

Due to my short term memory loss, it's often the case where I forget to add relevant information such as the following and can't add anymore due to the timer or a poster below, hah. )

 

Anyhow, back on track:

Indeed, I was about to mention that the age bracket I'm in is most likely the problem.

No, no...I meant it quite literally. My apologies, English isn't my first language, hehe.

What I meant was: perhaps I should best be looking for older women IN the 18-30 category. Meaning ages 25 and up closer to 30, women who have been through quite some changes and are past the ridiculous bad boys phase. Essentially women who know what they want from life.

(Although I dated a 28 year old recently, and she was quite immature to say the least. Lead me on as well...)

I'm actually 24, by the way, haha. ^^

Tried uploading more recent pics of myself on here, but sadly the file size was too large, le sigh. xD

I honestly think it has to do with the way I was raised. It was drastically different from what I've seen and heard around me.

I was raised with military discipline. Honour, loyalty, and dedication played a large role in my upbringing. I love my parents with all my heart, and the deepest form of respect is where I bow / kneel to them when the occasion arises. I know that might be a foreign concept to some, but they decided that the best upbringing was a combination of freedom of choice and considerable responsibilities.

 

Hmm, agreed. The frustrating thing however, is for me to CONSTANTLY prove myself that I'm not one of those guys. Trust me, it's an extremely exhaustive process. Especially when it doesn't work out because a lack of interest, lack of a spark, too busy life to make time for a bf, or whatever on their end. The constant lack of trust on their end about my honesty, etc. Fun fact: I'm terrible at lying due to my short term memory loss issues. If I had to remember ALL the details of the lies I'd be telling, I'd go insane, lol. ^_^

 

Truth told, I have my doubts whether or not they exist.

I've tried many avenues: my job is male dominated, my hobbies are male dominated, tried speed dating events but those didn't work out either...it was like OLD but a sped up version in real life. A few dates but those never got anywhere on their end. Even tried cold approaching women who I see regularly in grocery stores, but heck...continually the same result. Plus it's not that I come across as a creep, heh.

 

It's not that I'm desperate. I'm just...tired.

Tired of being single, tired of doing everything by myself, but more importantly tired of seeing friends who have been single for 3-4 months or shorter get into a new relationship without a hitch...without having experienced YEARS of pain, disappointment, anger, resentment, being rejected and so much more pertaining to dating.

 

I generally don't go for the "hot" women.

They have far too many males in their orbit awaiting their chance, while I'm just another option to them.

In my early dating years I made the mistake of going after one of those hot ones but it came across as too eager and she ended up ditching me for another guy.

 

At this point in time I'm just shrugging my shoulders as I don't know where to look for women anymore, hah. ^^

In all these years, I wish there would've been some sort of tangible result, but alas.

What ticks me off are the "ageist" comments by women, or the steep generalisations.

Back in March I met someone who was looking for a relationship.

She was 26. You know what kind of ridiculous comment she made ?

"I’m still looking for someone, but someone who is older than me.

My ex was the same age as I am and it didn’t work out.

We had different opinions about life, children and the sort, which signaled the end of the relationship. Thus, as a result you don't qualify." I mean WHY ? Why do I deserve to get generalized based solely on age ? Sometimes I feel like I'm being held accountable for all the mistakes men have made in dating, lol. ^^

 

At any rate, my apologies for the lengthy response. When I'm passionate about something (Be it my WW II reenactment hobby, WW II vehicles, oldtimer restoration, etc.) I can go on for quite a while.

[PrismOfLove]

Met a man recently in Court; he's a lawyer, I was there to file something. We talk, hit it off, he takes my email address. Emails me later that evening and during our conversation spits this out: "Ever have random or anonymous sex?" UGH. That's what you're starting with?

 

 

Met another man online. We had great conversations and really got a kick out of each other. We made a date....an hour before he's supposed to meet me I just happened to look at my email. There he is: "Sorry, can't make it. Too exhausted." Had I not seen my email I'd have shown up. I was so incredibly pissed off that he didn't bother to call me instead.

 

 

Good God, I miss the days of politeness!!!

 

 

Okay, rant over.

 

I'm sorry you had to witness these, especially the first one. I can't say I've had the first experience, but I have been stood up before If I remember correctly (it's been a while).

 

I personally believe in being polite to everyone, especially when first talking or meeting. Something I always do no matter the situation is hold the door open for anyone, male or female, it's just sort of something I was raised to do I guess.

I think I'll always be a polite person since it's ingrained in my personality and in my experience almost all women appreciate it. Some think it's attractive too I'm sure; my last girlfriend (who was very attractive) was very into sweet guys.

[Taramere]

Met a man recently in Court; he's a lawyer, I was there to file something. We talk, hit it off, he takes my email address. Emails me later that evening and during our conversation spits this out: "Ever have random or anonymous sex?" UGH. That's what you're starting with?

 

Perhaps some women think that kind of total lack of social awareness and class is "cheeky" or "cocky"...but frankly, those women are usually their female counterparts. Crass, common, often unprofessional and generally lacking in boundaries.

 

It could be that he's afraid of being a boring "suit", and thinks that it's somehow hilarious and unique/unexpected for a professional man to conduct himself like a crass oaf. I think it's best just to let a guy like that know "I'm not the audience for this sort of thing" - and stop engaging.

[Teraskas]

I married someone several years younger than I ... I was early 30s ... He was such a go getter ... I worried about the age disparity for the first month then it never came up again. I wouldn't have considered him though if he were an average joe and that much younger. You sound like you've got it together so don't worry about going for someone 5-8 yrs older.

 

Stay true to yourself and be kind and a gentleman.

 

Many thanks for the kind words.

Glad to hear it worked out for you !

 

I only wish that more women would step down from the age old "going for someone older" dogmatic view, and take a chance on someone younger and has less baggage than others, individuals who possess more maturity than their peers.

 

Oh, I have no trouble going for someone 5 or 8 years older.

The trouble is that they won't give me the time of day and deem me "too young" heh.

I honestly wish that my time would've come already, I mean I have so much to give. I'm more of a person who loves to give than receive.

(In all possible meanings of the word. )

And that these years of being single might've been a waste as I already knew the type of person I was, the type of woman I wanted, etc.

Perhaps one day I'll be able to transcend the "age" complication, lol. ^^

[carhill]

Met a man recently in Court; he's a lawyer, I was there to file something. We talk, hit it off, he takes my email address. Emails me later that evening and during our conversation spits this out: "Ever have random or anonymous sex?" UGH. That's what you're starting with?

He's a professional wordsmith and knows exactly what he's doing. He's highly trained and experienced in the use of language to achieve a goal. His approach may have appeared impolite to you; apparently very impolite. However, if he's a typical man, he does things which work for him, not to be confused with works with you. It didn't.

 

 

Met another man online. We had great conversations and really got a kick out of each other. We made a date....an hour before he's supposed to meet me I just happened to look at my email. There he is: "Sorry, can't make it. Too exhausted." Had I not seen my email I'd have shown up. I was so incredibly pissed off that he didn't bother to call me instead.

 

This is increasingly common, updating by e-mail or text, especially for folks who primarily communicate by such means. I noted this change when dating after my exW and I split up. Women I dated sometimes appeared annoyed that I'd call them where they were perfectly fine with text or e-mail. They were women of my generation but apparently had embraced the newer technology more completely than myself, whereas I had been in somewhat of a time-warp mostly communicating with my exW via phone while we were married. Out of sync with the times.

 

 

Good God, I miss the days of politeness!!!

 

 

Okay, rant over.

 

There are numerous aspects of social interaction that I miss from the 'good old days' but that's part of life. It changes and we adapt, hopefully in ways which respect our personal boundaries.

 

Dating these days can be frustrating so IMO it's healthy to rant about it from time to time. Hope it helped!

[JasmineJones]

He's a professional wordsmith and knows exactly what he's doing. He's highly trained and experienced in the use of language to achieve a goal. His approach may have appeared impolite to you; apparently very impolite. However, if he's a typical man, he does things which work for him, not to be confused with works with you. It didn't.

 

 

 

 

This is increasingly common, updating by e-mail or text, especially for folks who primarily communicate by such means. I noted this change when dating after my exW and I split up. Women I dated sometimes appeared annoyed that I'd call them where they were perfectly fine with text or e-mail. They were women of my generation but apparently had embraced the newer technology more completely than myself, whereas I had been in somewhat of a time-warp mostly communicating with my exW via phone while we were married. Out of sync with the times.

 

 

 

 

There are numerous aspects of social interaction that I miss from the 'good old days' but that's part of life. It changes and we adapt, hopefully in ways which respect our personal boundaries.

 

Dating these days can be frustrating so IMO it's healthy to rant about it from time to time. Hope it helped!

 

Speaking on the phone can seriously cut into your time and if you are not yet invested in the person it's a bit much. I spoke with a new guy on the phone the other day and he turned out to be a real jerk, saying really misogynistic things. It was the waste of nearly an hour as I couldn't get him off the phone and simply hanging up the phone would have felt too rude, although I was tempted to do it.

[LoveRefreshed]

I still don't see how being straight forward is being impolite. This whole country tiptoes around archaic social rules with sexuality.

 

There is nothing wrong with asking a girl if she wants to have sex. There is something wrong with cat calling and harrasment.

 

Also a little ot, but the whole nice guy thing and wait for the girls to mature is horse crap. Why should a nice guy wait around being nice while you break their heart with your poor choices. I find the irony of the switch later in life to be so glorious. You don't deserve the nice guy if you rejected him earlier in life. Welcome to the world with consequences.

[Mystique01]

 

Hmm, agreed. The frustrating thing however, is for me to CONSTANTLY prove myself that I'm not one of those guys. Trust me, it's an extremely exhaustive process. Especially when it doesn't work out because a lack of interest, lack of a spark, too busy life to make time for a bf, or whatever on their end. The constant lack of trust on their end about my honesty, etc. Fun fact: I'm terrible at lying due to my short term memory loss issues. If I had to remember ALL the details of the lies I'd be telling, I'd go insane, lol. ^_^

 

Truth told, I have my doubts whether or not they exist.

I've tried many avenues: my job is male dominated, my hobbies are male dominated, tried speed dating events but those didn't work out either...it was like OLD but a sped up version in real life. A few dates but those never got anywhere on their end. Even tried cold approaching women who I see regularly in grocery stores, but heck...continually the same result. Plus it's not that I come across as a creep, heh.

 

It's not that I'm desperate. I'm just...tired.

Tired of being single, tired of doing everything by myself, but more importantly tired of seeing friends who have been single for 3-4 months or shorter get into a new relationship without a hitch...without having experienced YEARS of pain, disappointment, anger, resentment, being rejected and so much more pertaining to dating.

 

I generally don't go for the "hot" women.

They have far too many males in their orbit awaiting their chance, while I'm just another option to them.

In my early dating years I made the mistake of going after one of those hot ones but it came across as too eager and she ended up ditching me for another guy.

 

At this point in time I'm just shrugging my shoulders as I don't know where to look for women anymore, hah. ^^

In all these years, I wish there would've been some sort of tangible result, but alas.

What ticks me off are the "ageist" comments by women, or the steep generalisations.

Back in March I met someone who was looking for a relationship.

She was 26. You know what kind of ridiculous comment she made ?

"I’m still looking for someone, but someone who is older than me.

My ex was the same age as I am and it didn’t work out.

We had different opinions about life, children and the sort, which signaled the end of the relationship. Thus, as a result you don't qualify." I mean WHY ? Why do I deserve to get generalized based solely on age ? Sometimes I feel like I'm being held accountable for all the mistakes men have made in dating, lol. ^^

 

At any rate, my apologies for the lengthy response. When I'm passionate about something (Be it my WW II reenactment hobby, WW II vehicles, oldtimer restoration, etc.) I can go on for quite a while.

 

Thanks for clarifying your age a little bit lol. I was beginning to think you were a teenager!

 

Anyway, yes dating can be frustrating on BOTH ends. I won't even go into the boring details I (and many girl friends of mine) have had to experience in the world of dating guys/men. Oh boy ....

 

It just seems like in general sometimes dating can be a little tough for some. I don't know if it's society or just people's values in GENERAL that are changing that is the cause, or if it's simply easier for some than it is others.

 

Either way I just say don't give up. Call me an optimist, but I believe that there is someone out here for EVERYONE.

 

Yes, true maybe some of those other women felt like there wasn't a "spark" or that you were "too young" or "too nice" for them,but when you look at it objectively, would you really want to be with a woman who didn't feel a spark for you? Someone who didn't even appreciate the nice and GOOD things that you do for them? That (imo) would be a horrible relationship! When you look at it that way, it's almost a GOOD thing that things didn't work out with these women! Sometimes yes, some women are being immature, picky, overly fixated on the "bad boys", but at OTHER times it may just be that there isn't compatibility on BOTH sides, and there's nothing wrong with that. Haven't you had the experience where a girl liked you, and while you felt she was NICE, you just didn't feel a "spark" or that you two would be compatible in the long run?

 

Sometimes that just happens in life, and there's no rhyme or reason.

 

Another thing I will also say pertains to your comment in bold (above). Make sure to try very hard NOT to get bitter, resentful, angry, or saddened by your dating experiences...because believe it or not, people can sometimes pick up on it! There have been times when I've been out with a guy, and I could sense an underlying feeling of resentment towards women from the guy. Idk if some women had done him wrong, or what, but it was pretty obvious by his comments.... Needless to say, there wasn't a second date. I know you've had some not-so-great experiences w/women in the past, but PLEASE don't allow that to cloud your judgement or cause you to question your worth or become bitter!

 

Trust me, when I got out of that bad 4-year relationship, I was BITTER! I was mad at ALL men... I didn't even want to look at another man, let alone date him lol! But in time of course, I healed, got over the hurt and pain, and dated again. But when you're carrying negative energy, it won't attract to you the right person, or the best quality person for YOU. So try to work on that a little bit.

 

Also, ask yourself if there is anything that your friends (who are dating many women) are doing differently? What do they talk about while on dates? What are their hobbies? Where are they meeting women? Pay close attention to how you behave around women you're interested in. Pay close attention to how you treat them, what you say (even in jokes), and how confident you are coming across.

 

If you're already convinced that you're doing everything right, then work on perhaps getting some hobbies that are co-ed. Or, maybe even plan a trip to the US one day.

 

One thing I can definitely say is that all women are NOT the same, just like all men are NOT the same. It's not fair to lump ALL women (even of the same age bracket) in together. I still believe you will find someone who shares your same values, but maybe you might need to look in areas where women have ALSO been brought up with the same good values you have. I don't know if you have any religious affiliation, but a LOT Of women of faith usually are looking to settle down with a nice God-fearing man.

 

I wish you well!

 

 

 

 

I still don't see how being straight forward is being impolite. This whole country tiptoes around archaic social rules with sexuality.

 

There is nothing wrong with asking a girl if she wants to have sex. There is something wrong with cat calling and harrasment.

 

Also a little ot, but the whole nice guy thing and wait for the girls to mature is horse crap. Why should a nice guy wait around being nice while you break their heart with your poor choices. I find the irony of the switch later in life to be so glorious. You don't deserve the nice guy if you rejected him earlier in life. Welcome to the world with consequences.

 

Idk if you were referring to my post or not, but I'll answer anyway....

 

My point was basically that when people are younger, they may not always see what is good right in front of their eyes. Or, they may feel like they have all the time in the world to choose that good person "later on down the road" in life.

 

I don't think it is any surprise to say that MOST men (and women!) who are 18 years old are probably NOT looking to find the person they want to marry. SO, if a girl is looking for that at age 18, then she might be sorely disappointed to find that most guys around her age are only looking to have fun, have a ONS, or for something "casual". That doesn't mean that she should shun the guys when they get older, wiser, and realize that now they want a serious relationship! That's silly!

 

If that were the case then EVERYONE would be single well into their death because EVERYONE has probably not been thinking about marriage or a serious relationship in their younger years. I know for me personally, when I was still in college, I wasn't even thinking about marriage! I didn't even start thinking SERIOUSLY about marriage until I was about 24/25. That didn't mean I treated nice guys like jerks (that wasn't me...I was just using an example), but that serious relationships probably weren't foremost on my mind. What I wanted at 23 is going to be different from what I want in a man at 33. You know what I mean? ANd I think men also find that what they want in a woman at 18 is going to be different from what they want in a woman at 28....someone who they seriously want to settle down with.

 

That's all I was saying.....

[Teraskas]

Thanks for clarifying your age a little bit lol. I was beginning to think you were a teenager!

 

Anyway, yes dating can be frustrating on BOTH ends. I won't even go into the boring details I (and many girl friends of mine) have had to experience in the world of dating guys/men. Oh boy ....

 

It just seems like in general sometimes dating can be a little tough for some. I don't know if it's society or just people's values in GENERAL that are changing that is the cause, or if it's simply easier for some than it is others.

 

Either way I just say don't give up. Call me an optimist, but I believe that there is someone out here for EVERYONE.

 

Yes, true maybe some of those other women felt like there wasn't a "spark" or that you were "too young" or "too nice" for them,but when you look at it objectively, would you really want to be with a woman who didn't feel a spark for you? Someone who didn't even appreciate the nice and GOOD things that you do for them? That (imo) would be a horrible relationship! When you look at it that way, it's almost a GOOD thing that things didn't work out with these women! Sometimes yes, some women are being immature, picky, overly fixated on the "bad boys", but at OTHER times it may just be that there isn't compatibility on BOTH sides, and there's nothing wrong with that. Haven't you had the experience where a girl liked you, and while you felt she was NICE, you just didn't feel a "spark" or that you two would be compatible in the long run?

 

Sometimes that just happens in life, and there's no rhyme or reason.

 

Another thing I will also say pertains to your comment in bold (above). Make sure to try very hard NOT to get bitter, resentful, angry, or saddened by your dating experiences...because believe it or not, people can sometimes pick up on it! There have been times when I've been out with a guy, and I could sense an underlying feeling of resentment towards women from the guy. Idk if some women had done him wrong, or what, but it was pretty obvious by his comments.... Needless to say, there wasn't a second date. I know you've had some not-so-great experiences w/women in the past, but PLEASE don't allow that to cloud your judgement or cause you to question your worth or become bitter!

 

Trust me, when I got out of that bad 4-year relationship, I was BITTER! I was mad at ALL men... I didn't even want to look at another man, let alone date him lol! But in time of course, I healed, got over the hurt and pain, and dated again. But when you're carrying negative energy, it won't attract to you the right person, or the best quality person for YOU. So try to work on that a little bit.

 

Also, ask yourself if there is anything that your friends (who are dating many women) are doing differently? What do they talk about while on dates? What are their hobbies? Where are they meeting women? Pay close attention to how you behave around women you're interested in. Pay close attention to how you treat them, what you say (even in jokes), and how confident you are coming across.

 

If you're already convinced that you're doing everything right, then work on perhaps getting some hobbies that are co-ed. Or, maybe even plan a trip to the US one day.

 

One thing I can definitely say is that all women are NOT the same, just like all men are NOT the same. It's not fair to lump ALL women (even of the same age bracket) in together. I still believe you will find someone who shares your same values, but maybe you might need to look in areas where women have ALSO been brought up with the same good values you have. I don't know if you have any religious affiliation, but a LOT Of women of faith usually are looking to settle down with a nice God-fearing man.

 

I wish you well!

 

The irony is that the few close friends I know are either all coupled up or didn't date long at all before getting in a relationship.

They went on 2 or sometimes 3 separate dates and voila: a relationship appeared!

All these friends practice the same hobby, namely WW II reenactment.

Aside from that, they don't do anything else.

They don't go out, they don't do any other specific hobby, etc.

Well, that's just it...they didn't do anything differently. :/

A 26 year old male friend of mine even met his new gf at a cemetary for crying out loud.

A CEMETARY. Granted, he works there so that has something to do with it, but heck he didn't have to do ANY effort whatsoever, she just appeared.

And he was looking for someone. Sure, it was passively any without much effort, but it worked out.

The same way I've been passively looking for the past year and a half after toning it down from actively looking.

On dates they talked about exactly the same things which I discuss during dates: hobbies, job, spare time in the week, etc.

When talking to women I'm interested in I always try to maintain eye contact, and I tend to articulate much more than normally.

(Due to a lot of chatter in bars and such it's more or less a requirement.)

My specialty is dry humour (or situationally fitting humour), and a lot of people seem to appreciate it.

 

Out of all these coupled up partners, I chatted up the women, asking whether or not they knew other single females in their social circle...but alas, no single women available, lol.

Another kick in the nuts is when the guy is younger (26 in this case) and together with a slightly older woman. (31)

That has me constantly wondering "Why ?" What is so RADICALLY different about them compared to me ?

What exactly do they have that I don't ? A few years of age come to mind. xD

 

Honestly, I don't have any spare time left to dedicate to new hobbies.

During the week I go to the gym around 2-3 times a week depending on my willingness, and one evening in the week is dedicated to air rifle shooting.

Occasionally Friday + weekend days go to reenactment if there's an event planned.

Beings that I've been doing air rifle shooting for the past 3 years, recently started with the gym again over a year ago, and am about to start with my 2nd year in reenactment, I'm not really too keen on a complete "hobby switch" all over again.

 

Heck, when I asked my friend's gf via a FB message (due to time constraints that day, and I forgot to ask her as well. xD) if she knew any single women, she responded that her friends were all coupled up, and thus none were available.

She said that I'm a great guy who has it together, comes across confidently and tells perfect jokes at the appropriate time.

If anything, she was more surprised that I DIDN'T have anyone. She was convinced that it was the other way around until she read my FB marital status, haha. ^^

 

Unfortunately, I don't have a religious interest and it's very rare over here to find someone who genuinely is.

Then again, their standards are so over the top that they only want to consider being with a virgin and such, so that's not exactly working out either.

 

I know, but it's extremely tough trying to find a woman who shares a similar mindset, similar morals, and generally the same all round level of maturity. I mean, meeting a woman at a cemetary of all places, go on 2 dates, a spark being present on her end...those are all the kind of luck factors which I have NEVER experienced, and don't have ANY control over.

It's just saddening to be honest.

I think the most likely explanation is the age range, as it seems to me that women my age don't want to sacrifice their freedom and thus aren't looking for anything serious until they've become slightly older in said age bracket.

I mean, it's tough...I wish that after nearly 4 years of being single this situation would've improved, but sadly that isn't the case.

 

Actually, I haven't. To me, the spark is a foreign concept. I believe that something is built over time, and such a thing eventually grows.

I'm not the kind of guy who expects to see fireworks right off the bat on the first date, or spends the rest of his life looking for that elusive "spark", to me it's complete nonsense.

I'm always consistent in my "picking" pattern, and always go for women who are a good match for me.

Like I said, there's ALWAYS been an interest from my end, but never from the other side.

Let me put it this way: I've been rejected so many times that I consciously decided to close off the part that feels anything towards them.

Basically to shield myself from further pain, and disappointment.

There used to be a time when I didn't do that, but after so many harrowing experiences, needless to say that my spirits were crushed and I didn't see the point in continuing down that path.

I tend to give women the benefit of the doubt, and be positive towards them...yet somewhere in the back of my mind there's ALWAYS that chance that it never works out on their end.

Edited November 6, 2015 by Teraskas

[carhill]

Speaking on the phone can seriously cut into your time and if you are not yet invested in the person it's a bit much. I spoke with a new guy on the phone the other day and he turned out to be a real jerk, saying really misogynistic things. It was the waste of nearly an hour as I couldn't get him off the phone and simply hanging up the phone would have felt too rude, although I was tempted to do it.

 

I was calling to set up dates, not to chat. I don't chat on the phone, except maybe with my best friend. In your case, with a guy like that, I'd have just hung up. You know, phone problems and all that