Is it over?

[confusedmandi]

Been dating this guy for the last few months. We are both in our mid thirties with kids. Both divorced. He was very intense at first, telling me he loves me right away (right after we slept together) and has treated me pretty well. We don't see eachother a lot because his kids are in sports (high school) and they have a lot of games and practices and my kids are very young (under five) and so we do a lot separately. But when we do see eachother (about four times a week) we have a great time) He warned me ahead of time that when hunting season came around he would be busy and that was his first priority and he hoped I wouldn't be upset about that. I understood and was fine with it. Now I have gotten upset with him in the past over not spending enough time together (sometimes my fault, sometimes mine) but lately we got along fine.

 

This past weekend he was very stressed out. His teenage daughter moves in and out of his house, can't keep a job, costs him a lot of money basically because she is irresponsible. She had been living with him for about a month again and she just got fired from her job of two months. He was very upset and screaming at her (like I've never heard him this upset!) all weekend. well we ended up getting into a fight over Halloween. I thought we had plans to hang out before I took my children trick or treating and I called him and he was drinking with his buddy. He said they were going to go to a bar to get dinner. I said ok. We also had plans for me to stay with him that night but I told him (because I was irritated that he was drinking) that I didn't feel like stopping by later. I wasn't rude about it though. All day he is sending me these "I love you" and I miss you texts. Being sweet. I take my kids trick or treating and get a text that basically accuses me of going with my ex husband. I tried to call him to see what was wrong and he had his phone off.

Long story short when I did get ahold of him I was upset, he hung up on me instead of talking (he was drunk) and I got very upset and we fought. I ended up apologizing but he never did. The next day I thought everything was fine except I was hurt that he didn't apologize. He just sent me a text saying he accepted MY apology. We talked on the phone and he didn't say I love you as we always do after a call. I asked if he was mad and he flipped out and told me he was done. That he can't take it. Later I asked I he was sure he wanted to break up and he said he needed time to think about it. My friends told me to tell him to f8ck off if he wanted to act like that. Its been three days and the first day he was nasty to me, demanding to know why I did this or said that etc. Yesterday I had a sick kid, was late for work and I sent him a text asking him to please not contact me that day if he was upset because I was having a horrible day, I missed him but couldn't handle him being upset with me. He asked how my sick child was and later he sent me some funny memes to try to cheer me up and he called me and we talked for two hours. Just regular like we always talked. Nothing about the fights, nothing about our relationship. Made no plans for anything. Just talked and laughed some. It was nice. He still did not say he's sorry nor did he talk about breaking up. no I love you at the end of the phone call.

Today I have not heard a word from him. I sent him a funny meme and nothing.

 

I really don't understand why he was nice and normal yesterday and now ignoring me today. Is he done and just not good at breaking up with someone? I mean we are in our 30's we aren't teenagers! Do I just tell him that I'm done? I care about him but I don't believe someone can go from loving you to not having any feelings overnight.

[Gaeta]

I really don't understand why he was nice and normal yesterday and now ignoring me today. Is he done and just not good at breaking up with someone? I mean we are in our 30's we aren't teenagers! Do I just tell him that I'm done? I care about him but I don't believe someone can go from loving you to not having any feelings overnight.

 

Unless their feelings were something else they mistook for love.

 

How long has he been divorced?

 

You said you've been dating a few months how many exactly? There is a difference between 2 months and 11 months.

 

What was he referring to when he said he could not take it any longer?

[hippychick3]

Sounds like a lot of drama for just a few months of dating.

 

It sounds like he got way ahead of himself, moving too fast (as many guys do when they first are crazy about a girl), and when reality set in he started to have doubts. When he started doubting things, you became insecure (as expected) and thus caused you to get hurt more easily.

 

Bottom line is that he isn't treating you very well, he has a temper, and you are letting him get away with bad behaviors. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship brewing at only a few months along.

[Redhead14]

Been dating this guy for the last few months. We are both in our mid thirties with kids. Both divorced. He was very intense at first, telling me he loves me right away (right after we slept together) and has treated me pretty well. We don't see eachother a lot because his kids are in sports (high school) and they have a lot of games and practices and my kids are very young (under five) and so we do a lot separately. But when we do see eachother (about four times a week) we have a great time) He warned me ahead of time that when hunting season came around he would be busy and that was his first priority and he hoped I wouldn't be upset about that. I understood and was fine with it. Now I have gotten upset with him in the past over not spending enough time together (sometimes my fault, sometimes mine) but lately we got along fine.

 

This past weekend he was very stressed out. His teenage daughter moves in and out of his house, can't keep a job, costs him a lot of money basically because she is irresponsible. She had been living with him for about a month again and she just got fired from her job of two months. He was very upset and screaming at her (like I've never heard him this upset!) all weekend. well we ended up getting into a fight over Halloween. I thought we had plans to hang out before I took my children trick or treating and I called him and he was drinking with his buddy. He said they were going to go to a bar to get dinner. I said ok. We also had plans for me to stay with him that night but I told him (because I was irritated that he was drinking) that I didn't feel like stopping by later. I wasn't rude about it though. All day he is sending me these "I love you" and I miss you texts. Being sweet. I take my kids trick or treating and get a text that basically accuses me of going with my ex husband. I tried to call him to see what was wrong and he had his phone off.

Long story short when I did get ahold of him I was upset, he hung up on me instead of talking (he was drunk) and I got very upset and we fought. I ended up apologizing but he never did. The next day I thought everything was fine except I was hurt that he didn't apologize. He just sent me a text saying he accepted MY apology. We talked on the phone and he didn't say I love you as we always do after a call. I asked if he was mad and he flipped out and told me he was done. That he can't take it. Later I asked I he was sure he wanted to break up and he said he needed time to think about it. My friends told me to tell him to f8ck off if he wanted to act like that. Its been three days and the first day he was nasty to me, demanding to know why I did this or said that etc. Yesterday I had a sick kid, was late for work and I sent him a text asking him to please not contact me that day if he was upset because I was having a horrible day, I missed him but couldn't handle him being upset with me. He asked how my sick child was and later he sent me some funny memes to try to cheer me up and he called me and we talked for two hours. Just regular like we always talked. Nothing about the fights, nothing about our relationship. Made no plans for anything. Just talked and laughed some. It was nice. He still did not say he's sorry nor did he talk about breaking up. no I love you at the end of the phone call.

Today I have not heard a word from him. I sent him a funny meme and nothing.

 

I really don't understand why he was nice and normal yesterday and now ignoring me today. Is he done and just not good at breaking up with someone? I mean we are in our 30's we aren't teenagers! Do I just tell him that I'm done? I care about him but I don't believe someone can go from loving you to not having any feelings overnight.

 

I would not reach out to him anymore, at least right now. Let him contact you first. You don't know what's going on on his side of things right now with family, etc. He may simply be stressed over all that stuff on top of arguing and/or hungover. I'd give him lots of space.

 

If he's still "attached" to you, he will begin to wonder where you are too and will reach out to you. It may be to say he is moving on, but let him do what he needs to do.

 

And, if he did lose "feelings", it didn't happen overnight. It's likely that he just "thought" he was in love because he was at least being distracted from the stresses of being divorced and having children. He may have really liked you, but maybe in over his head given what's been going on.

[confusedmandi]

Unless their feelings were something else they mistook for love.

 

How long has he been divorced?

 

You said you've been dating a few months how many exactly? There is a difference between 2 months and 11 months.

 

What was he referring to when he said he could not take it any longer?

 

 

He's been divorced about six years. I don't know really. He said I blow up on him when I have to deal with my ex husband. Which may be true. My ex does stress me out. We've been dating maybe five months.. just don't understand the sudden change of behavior. I asked him if there is someone else.. he said no not at all, its all about me and how I treated him.

[Redhead14]

He's been divorced about six years. I don't know really. He said I blow up on him when I have to deal with my ex husband. Which may be true. My ex does stress me out. We've been dating maybe five months.. just don't understand the sudden change of behavior. I asked him if there is someone else.. he said no not at all, its all about me and how I treated him.

 

Let this die down for a while. Like I said, let him come to you. And, if it's true that your ex stresses you out and you take it out on this new guy, you need to work on that and be prepared to tell the new guy that you will try to keep things in check if he can do the same thing for you.

 

If he's decided to move on because of that, so be it. It takes two. You both have similar circumstances and should be able to be understanding, supportive when times call for it. If he's unwilling to do his part, bye, bye.

[confusedmandi]

I would not reach out to him anymore, at least right now. Let him contact you first. You don't know what's going on on his side of things right now with family, etc. He may simply be stressed over all that stuff on top of arguing and/or hungover. I'd give him lots of space.

 

If he's still "attached" to you, he will begin to wonder where you are too and will reach out to you. It may be to say he is moving on, but let him do what he needs to do.

 

And, if he did lose "feelings", it didn't happen overnight. It's likely that he just "thought" he was in love because he was at least being distracted from the stresses of being divorced and having children. He may have really liked you, but maybe in over his head given what's been going on.

 

 

Yeah I don't plan to reach out to him anymore. I'm just tired of men who can't behave like adults. Communicate your feelings, apologize when necessary and don't be a dick. I'm not waiting around if he's trying to find someone to replace me. I hate being confused. One day he hates me then the next he calls me and talks to me like nothing is going on (not sure if he was trying to make me feel better or why he even cares but it so confusing that he calls me and acts normal (except no I love you or plans to see eachother) then the next day he doesn't say much except to ask how my child is. (courtesy) The way he is treating me you would think I cheated on him! I'm just going to leave him alone and if he wants to be with me it may be too late and if he doesn't oh well ,his loss because I don't want to date someone who can change their mind so easily.

[Redhead14]

Yeah I don't plan to reach out to him anymore. I'm just tired of men who can't behave like adults. Communicate your feelings, apologize when necessary and don't be a dick. I'm not waiting around if he's trying to find someone to replace me. I hate being confused. One day he hates me then the next he calls me and talks to me like nothing is going on (not sure if he was trying to make me feel better or why he even cares but it so confusing that he calls me and acts normal (except no I love you or plans to see eachother) then the next day he doesn't say much except to ask how my child is. (courtesy) The way he is treating me you would think I cheated on him! I'm just going to leave him alone and if he wants to be with me it may be too late and if he doesn't oh well ,his loss because I don't want to date someone who can change their mind so easily.

 

You know, 5 months is really a drop in the bucket in terms of finding out how people deal with things -- conflict resolution, child rearing, etc. So, you're just see a new "side" of him and this is the reason for managing emotions and expectations for quite some time in a new relationship. People refer to a "budding" relationship because very often you don't know what that "bud" will be when it opens. Things change on a dime sometimes. In the end, when things change and if the bond is strong enough and are of like minds enough, the couple will be willing to learn to work with each other.