monica_15 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I am 25 years old and it is embarrassing to say but my ex is a lot older, he is 55. He is an expert manipulator. We started dating 4 years ago sadly and he was my first boyfriend and he became very abusive and controlling soon after. I left him exactly a year ago, and I joined a dating site a couple of months ago, though I am still scared of meeting new people after what I have been through with him. Then, as soon as I sign up on the site, a week later I see him under "new people" meaning he just signed up as well on the same dating site. I thought this was awkward, since my friend posted something about the site on my facebook profile, and he knows my facebook though I deleted him from my friends on facebook. Next thing you know, people with no picture on their profiles start messaging me sending me awkward messages about meeting up, and two conversations I had with a person seemed to talk exactly like him, using the same quotes he said to me and the same wording, always wanting to connect by e-mail and never by phone. I found this awkward. I am thinking he might be stalking me. Im very worried because he went for anger management classes before but it didn't seem to help him, he was always abusive. What can I do?? I feel scared to meet anyone off the site since I have a strong gut feeling it is him using fake profiles to talk to me and get me to meet up. This is keeping me up at nights and Im having trouble sleeping due to this. How can i ever be able to meet someone new off the dating site now?
casey.lives Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Some people never loved you.. it was possessiveness wrapped in love addiction behavior, only when you try and assert yourself do you find this out. The other possibility is.. he wants to make contact but is creeping around the matter because he wants to save face.
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Don't talk to people with no pictures, period. I don't do it why would any of us do it. It's a dating site so show yourself. If they don't have a public picture then they need to send some in private. Second before you meet anyone you need to have a phone conversation. Problem solved. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I am 25 years old and it is embarrassing to say but my ex is a lot older, he is 55. He is an expert manipulator. We started dating 4 years ago sadly and he was my first boyfriend and he became very abusive and controlling soon after. I left him exactly a year ago, and I joined a dating site a couple of months ago, though I am still scared of meeting new people after what I have been through with him. Then, as soon as I sign up on the site, a week later I see him under "new people" meaning he just signed up as well on the same dating site. I thought this was awkward, since my friend posted something about the site on my facebook profile, and he knows my facebook though I deleted him from my friends on facebook. Next thing you know, people with no picture on their profiles start messaging me sending me awkward messages about meeting up, and two conversations I had with a person seemed to talk exactly like him, using the same quotes he said to me and the same wording, always wanting to connect by e-mail and never by phone. I found this awkward. I am thinking he might be stalking me. Im very worried because he went for anger management classes before but it didn't seem to help him, he was always abusive. What can I do?? I feel scared to meet anyone off the site since I have a strong gut feeling it is him using fake profiles to talk to me and get me to meet up. This is keeping me up at nights and Im having trouble sleeping due to this. How can i ever be able to meet someone new off the dating site now? You would never meet up with an potential OLD date in person without having spoken on the phone first. A few emails back and forth and some IM's maybe, and then a a couple of phone calls. So, you'd know if it was him or not. In addition, you can "weed" out the profiles with no pictures at least and not allow or have communication with them and/or if you do communicate with one, ask for a picture to be sent to your email or phone. Don't let this guy tread on your "ground". Stand it.
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 You lost me at "I'm 25 and he's 55"... WTF?
Glitters Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I also stopped reading after 25/ 55 ! You need therapy asap.
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) It wouldn't be a big stretch to say your ex signed up on the same dating site and made multiple accounts in attempt to stalk you, harass you, control you. Unfortunately there is not much you can do once he's there apart from listening to your gut whenever you communicate with anyone online. It also is imperative that you become very discerning about WHO you choose to communicate. If they don't have a picture, no green light. If their profile isn't filled out in full, no green light. If they have a picture drop it in reverse image search and see what you find. This isn't a full-proof way of ensuring his pictures are real but if he's sloppy you'll get your answer. As already said, get a phone number straight away from anyone you're interested in. Talk to them on the phone and then if you feel like a date is possible, meet. Just be sure to meet in a VERY public place, just for coffee and let your friends and family know what's going on. IF it turns out to be him, you shouldn't be in any physical danger. If it's not, you've at least faced your fear and given the guy a fighting chance. If you suspect him to be on this one particular dating site then LEAVE. Why stick around knowing he might be catfishing you? There is no shortage of dating sites out there so try again somewhere else. The other point I want to make is STOP posting sh*t online! And that includes telling your friends to stop posting personal details as well. When you're dealing with abusive and obsessive men they will scour the internet looking for intel on their partners. If you can't control yourself then at least make your social media accounts PRIVATE and be sure to BLOCK him from everything from this point on. And don't be afraid to REPORT him or any profile that gives you the heebie jeebies. Every dating site has this function as well as a block function. Learn to use it. At the very least, keep a record of things. If you suspect he really is stalking you, it will be in your best interest to record everything so that if/when the time comes where you'll need to file for a restraining order or press charges of some kind you will have something to give the police. I hope it doesn't come to this but one can never be too careful. OP, I've spent years working with domestic violence cases so trust what I'm telling you. Good luck. Edited November 4, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle
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