monica_15 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I am 25 years old and my ex is a lot older, he is 55. He is a good manipulator. We started dating 4 years ago he was my first boyfriend and he became very abusive and controlling. I left him exactly a year ago, and I joined a dating site a couple of months ago, though I am still scared of meeting new people after what I have been through with him. Then, as soon as I sign up on the site, a week later I see him under "new people" meaning he just signed up as well on the same dating site. I thought this was awkward, since my friend posted something about the site on my facebook profile, and he knows my facebook though I deleted him from my friends on facebook. Next thing you know, people with no picture on their profiles start messaging me sending me awkward messages about meeting up, and two conversations I had with a person seemed to talk exactly like him, using the same quotes he said to me and the same wording, always wanting to connect by e-mail and never by phone. I found this awkward. I am thinking he might be stalking me. Im very worried because he went for anger management classes before but it didn't seem to help him, he was always abusive. What can I do?? I feel scared to meet anyone off the site since I have a strong gut feeling it is him using fake profiles to talk to me and get me to meet up. This is keeping me up at nights and Im having trouble sleeping due to this.
casey.lives Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Some people never loved you.. it was possessiveness wrapped in love addiction behavior, only when you try and assert yourself do you find this out. The other possibility is.. he wants to make contact but is creeping around the matter because he wants to save face.
sandylee1 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 You can insist on a phone call before any other contact and say it's for security reasons. No call = no talking. Or delete your profile and set up a new one so it's harder to find you. Take a break from FB for a month or so as well. I find it concerning that he got involved with you at the tender age of 21 and he was 51. Those 30 years mean he has so much more life experience and can run rings round you. This man sounds like bad news. 2
stillafool Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Do you have a father you can go to for protection?
VeveCakes Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Do you have a father you can go to for protection? What??? Insist on video chatting. Meet in a public place. Block him From FB and your phone.
stillafool Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 What??? Insist on video chatting. Meet in a public place. Block him From FB and your phone. Yes do this too. But, do you have family you can go to about this?
Author monica_15 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 sadly no I don't have family for help or protection I am worried that if I do meet someone new from the dating site, and I meet up with him, it urts out to be his or his friend and then he does something as he is violent and abusive
mightycpa Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 He's probably stalking you because out of 100 girls your age he might approach, you were the one who responded positively. From his point of view, you are the best he's ever going to do, by far. If it was easy to find another young girl to replace you, I'm sure he would, but it isn't, so you're it. 1
Shock148 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 He's probably stalking you because out of 100 girls your age he might approach, you were the one who responded positively. From his point of view, you are the best he's ever going to do, by far. If it was easy to find another young girl to replace you, I'm sure he would, but it isn't, so you're it. Agreed. 55 year old men rarely ever find a women 30 years younger than them so he is thinking exactly what mightycpa said. Best thing you can do is just go about your life and do not respond/block immediately profiles who contact you with no pictures or want you to meet up immediately/only want to communicate via email. Don't give it another thought.
stillafool Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Can she get a restraining order against him?
maryjaneholland Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If you think it's him using fake profiles to talk to you, then block the accounts. And then follow the general rules for safety concerning online dating. Only communicate with accounts that have pictures. If they don't have a picture of themselves, they are probably a dodgy person. Google image search their pictures to verify its their picture. Ask them for a social media account such as Facebook, insta, Twitter to make sure they're a real person and who they say they are. Phone call or video call. Don't meet with anyone immediately, get to know each other a bit first. Always meet in a public place. Tell someone you're meeting up with them. If this continues with your ex, maybe consider contacting the police/getting a restraining order.
jen1447 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I feel scared to meet anyone off the site since I have a strong gut feeling it is him using fake profiles to talk to me and get me to meet up. This is keeping me up at nights and Im having trouble sleeping due to this. That's probably exactly what he was hoping for. You can use the safety measures and precautions others have suggested, but at some point you also have to decide that you're simply not gonna live like a prisoner to him - either literally or figuratively. Easier said than done I know but when you're able to conquer that insecurity, you'll start feeling better overall. He may be an a-hole and an abusive person and all that, fine, but you still have to live your life. Don't let him hold you down - accept that there are always risks in life and move on.
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