jason350 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I really need to some advice on this matter as I have been feeling so cut up and down since this happened and would really appreciate any positive advice you may have. I met this girl who lives on one of the islands off the UK, it is a distance away from from me but only 40 min journey on plane, and its cheap to get there (still we both know it’s a long distance relationship) Over the course of 5 months we have been chatting with each other almost everyday for long periods of time, I have visited her twice during this period. This girl was pretty much infatuated with me, saying I was one of the best people she has every met in her life, and that she really cares about me, she would also call me babe, and get sad if I did not call her, and sad when the calls ended wanting me to talk more. A bit of background on her, when I went over the first time to visit her she revealed she has just come out of a terrible relationship with a guy, who hit her before as well as being a obsessive nut texting her loads and even sleeping in her garage, being stalky and creepy, she hate this guy now, she also suffer with anxiety problems, is not a party animal who though has good mates at work, stays at home more often. Though it was soon after we met, we have been getting to know each other over the phone and Skype, and when I visited her the first time on the Island things developed quickly between us, though we did not sleep with each other (as she was on her cycle), we slept in same bed and she even performed oral on me (sorry if this is to much info!!) When I came back, we were even more into each other, with long calls everyday, I told her I would be coming back in 3 weeks and she was ecstatic and told me pretty much everyday how much she missed me, she said she was going to book her ticket to where I lived as soon as she got paid and was even inviting me to go on holiday together next year to visit her sister (which for me was moving quite fast but was going with the flow and did not knock this invite down) she said had told her friends about me, as well as telling me she was looking forward to sleeping with me, which I thought was pretty forward, but hey I kinda liked it. When I went over the second time the first night we slept with each other and it felt really good for both if us, the next morning before she had to go work on an early she asked me if we were dating, I fluffed and got nervous and said 'we will see' I could see she was not happy with this response, it was really early in the morning and I guess was not ready for this, but in my mind there was no other girl I was interested in! That evening we went out with her friends and got pretty drunk, and got back late and collapsed. The next day she was acting cold and distant from me, I asked her if everything was ok and she told me she is not used to having company for this long and is used to being alone, though it was good having me here. I asked how it made her feel when I said ‘we will see’ to the dating question and she said she felt rejected I told her this I not what I meant, and of course we are seeing each other, the rest of the night though we were holding each other it felt different, it was like she was backing away, I wish we talked more about this in hindsight and reassured her that it was her I wanted to be with but her saying she was not used to having someone here it did not feel right. . I came back home feeling confused, that night I called her and she basically said that she was not ready for a relationship, and thought we rushed sleeping together, and that it was absolutely nothing to do with me she just came out of a bad realtioship. She also said she was up for coming to see me, though would have to see when she could get time off, this not ready for a relationship thing really confused me as she was the one talking about us the most as well as saying/joiking that she was probably more into me that I for her. I was feeling but hurt, and did not call her the next day mostly as I thought she needed space, however I called the next day way, I could not get through, asked her to call back, which she did but I missed it I then tried to ring back but no response. We have had a brief couple of chats on whats app, and she did not respond to my last message, next morning damn whats app! I see her online, I cave in and ask her how her night went and I missed talking to her, still no response, I leave it a few days and call her no response. I leave it a few more days and send her a text message saying that I cannot lie that I have been hurt by her ignoring me because I care about her, but I wanted to let her know that I was sorry if I hurt her (in regards to saying ‘we will see’ and that I would love to see her, asked her to give me a bell and that I am here for her. No réponse flat out being ignored, two weeks since we last spoke, I feel heartbroken and lost, I really liked this girl and honestly she was really into me possibly even more than me, I just cannot understand why this happened.. Is is it something I done? Should I call her/message her again? what should I say if so? Whatever happens I would just like to know whats happened, or if she needs space thats fine, but ignoring me is so cruel I can’t understand how she could cut me off just like that, after saying all those things to me and getting to know each other over that period of time we became really close, she is also the the one who has said we have a great chemistry and connection together, and she is very attracted to and cares about me. It just dose not make sense, I feel so lost, is there anything I can do to get her to speak to me again? Sorry I know it sounds a bit wet when I say it like that, but I would really appreciate your advice, also thank for very much for reading through this long email Much Love x
losangelena Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 When I went over the second time the first night we slept with each other and it felt really good for both if us, the next morning before she had to go work on an early she asked me if we were dating, I fluffed and got nervous and said 'we will see' I could see she was not happy with this response, it was really early in the morning and I guess was not ready for this, but in my mind there was no other girl I was interested in! I don't think this is confusing at all. She asked if you were dating, you choked and, by this account anyway, were not clear about where you stood and how you felt. You said, "we'll see," and she felt rejected. There's no other reason she's acting the way she's acting. She thought she was in a relationship with you, and by your reaction, she probably thought you weren't interested. What DO you want? I'd be miffed if I was her, too! She's the only girl you're interested in, but did you tell her that? Did you let her know what "we'll see" mean? Because I would interpret that as a "no." 1
Author jason350 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Hey Losangela Thank you very much for your reply, I have to say that I tottaly agree I did choke, and I made a mess of it, maybe its because I last relationship ended bad I was scared and I did not want to make her think I was rushing things. But end of day I love this girl, we have a really strong bond and I messed up. there is no other person I want to be with, I wish I could have told her that. is there anything I can do to redeem myself? Thank you
Author jason350 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Also I mentioned in my last message that she is the only girl that is my heart since we got to know each other. Because she said she is not ready for realationship I was confused, do you think I should send another message letting her know how I feel about her, also I dont expect her to come back, I like such an IDIOT!
losangelena Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well, it's difficult because you can't get her on the phone, but if you can, yes I would try and find a way to fully articulate how you feel about her and what you want. Do it once and give her time to reply. She may not, and that's the risk you run, but hey, if she doesn't respond positively to your sincerity, then she is not the woman for you. Good luck.
Author jason350 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Thank you very much for your advice I really appreciate that. I wish I could I have expressed how I felt when I saw her last, I hope she can find it in her to understand how I really feel. bless you. J
J21 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Rough break man. Sometimes when the relationship is still in the blossiming stages, a small mishap is amplified 10x. Thats because we are feeling each other out and put ourselves in a vulnerable position (i like him, does he like me?) She was in a very vulnerable state, (not to mention her crazy ex bf past terrible experience) and your response caused her to close up. She trusted you, and to her, you betrayed her trust by hurting her. The ball is pretty much in her court. She knows how to contact you--and by you contacting her more is going to yield the same no response. Its really a rough break here man, I 100% understand you were caught by off guard. But sometimes one screw up is all it takes to forever change course of the relationship. I would also say due to her bad experience with her ex bf, she is even more skittish and will close up easier. Wish you all the best and hope she reaches out to give you a chance. Edited November 4, 2015 by J21
oregon0011 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Don't worry. Do you know how many times this happens to guys? Girl obsesses then goes cold. If her obsession was ever real she would have answered the phone. You didn't say anything that horrible. Just taking it slow. If the roles were reversed And you asked her and she replied like you did, everyone here would be saying you are insecure, needy, immature etc. 1
Author jason350 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Hey, J21, oregon0011, losangelena Just want to say a massive thank you to all of your for taking time to respond to me, your comments have all been helpful and it is always good to see there is good and kind people out there. I know that I messed up and did not communicate how I felt properly, if I was to be honest I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, and have also previously been to forward before and been rejected for moving things forward to quick, which is why it came out like that, however she is the only girl for me. Over the course of getting to know each other for 5 months, being intimate and both expressing our interest for each other quite openly, it seems ignoring me a pretty harsh thing for her to do, her intersest level was right up there untill the last day I saw her, after the comment had been made, the 'not ready for realationship' contradicts the way she reacted to my comment and how she was feeling about me before, if we could only have talked about this properly I am sure this would not have happend. However I undertands more now why she went cold, I am not expecting anything back I would just like to let her know how I feel. Bless to all of you. Edited November 5, 2015 by jason350
Glitters Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 No harsh reaction from her. Its very normal for her to go cold on you. Your comment was completely unthoughtful. 1
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