Sounds stupid. But I don't want to move on

[EO422]

Hey everyone. I don't know how to say this...Wel first, let me say that it's almost been 3 months since the break up, and I am doing a hell of a lot better. She isn't on my mind as much and I am going out, doing stuff, and my mind is getting back on track from everything that was happening...despite me moving on, I am sitting here thinking to myself a lot.

 

I have this thing like where I don't want to continue to move on, or I am afraid to. She was my first real love, and it's something I don't want to let go of. I don't want to forget it. I am getting a little upset even writing this. It's so depressing to know that this happened. I was once the center of this girls universe, we had plans for everything..:and now I no longer am good enough in her eyes. It's like I still have a tendency to call her "babe" and stuff etc...I just can't stand the fact we are over. It's like the reality is hitting me that she is gone. It is really upsetting, and I kind of don't want to let it go. Just because there was so much into it ...like here I am thinking this girl was gunna be my wife, but now..she is gone. All my feelings, thoughts, etc are fading out. It is depressing. I don't really know how to explain what I feel, I am just in shock that this happened. I just don't know, I thought this girl was going to be with me forever...

 

Has anyone else felt the same? Not wanting to let go really...it just kinda sucks

[Sweetgirl28]

Hey everyone. I don't know how to say this...Wel first, let me say that it's almost been 3 months since the break up, and I am doing a hell of a lot better. She isn't on my mind as much and I am going out, doing stuff, and my mind is getting back on track from everything that was happening...despite me moving on, I am sitting here thinking to myself a lot.

 

I have this thing like where I don't want to continue to move on, or I am afraid to. She was my first real love, and it's something I don't want to let go of. I don't want to forget it. I am getting a little upset even writing this. It's so depressing to know that this happened. I was once the center of this girls universe, we had plans for everything..:and now I no longer am good enough in her eyes. It's like I still have a tendency to call her "babe" and stuff etc...I just can't stand the fact we are over. It's like the reality is hitting me that she is gone. It is really upsetting, and I kind of don't want to let it go. Just because there was so much into it ...like here I am thinking this girl was gunna be my wife, but now..she is gone. All my feelings, thoughts, etc are fading out. It is depressing. I don't really know how to explain what I feel, I am just in shock that this happened. I just don't know, I thought this girl was going to be with me forever...

 

Has anyone else felt the same? Not wanting to let go really...it just kinda sucks

 

I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing. The problem is that I keep getting vivid dreams about my ex and me together as if nothing ever happened. It stucks I thought I had found my husband forever

[Draper]

My ex talking about marriage and living together and our future even more than I did, so yeah I've felt how you feel - in that state of shock, desperately feeling like there has to be something you can do to hold on. Well, my friend, there isn't.

 

It's scary to think that your moving on from someone whom you truly loved but let me tell you, the other option, which is never letting go, is a hell of a lot scarier in the long run than picking yourself up and moving on is. It's hard and it's going to take a lot of strength from you but you can and will move past this. Just as the good times with our ex's have come and gone, so will these bad times come and go.

 

I too thought I had found a wife, someone to share a life with. The sad reality is that it will never happen, it's gone and it's never coming back. It's okay to be feeling like this right now, just don't allow yourself to feel like this forever. The rest of the world awaits you and the longer we spend stuck trying to let someone who already let go of us go, the more we miss.

[mightycpa]

Hey everyone. I don't know how to say this...Wel first, let me say that it's almost been 3 months since the break up, and I am doing a hell of a lot better. She isn't on my mind as much and I am going out, doing stuff, and my mind is getting back on track from everything that was happening...despite me moving on, I am sitting here thinking to myself a lot.

 

I have this thing like where I don't want to continue to move on, or I am afraid to. She was my first real love, and it's something I don't want to let go of. I don't want to forget it. I am getting a little upset even writing this. It's so depressing to know that this happened. I was once the center of this girls universe, we had plans for everything..:and now I no longer am good enough in her eyes. It's like I still have a tendency to call her "babe" and stuff etc...I just can't stand the fact we are over. It's like the reality is hitting me that she is gone. It is really upsetting, and I kind of don't want to let it go. Just because there was so much into it ...like here I am thinking this girl was gunna be my wife, but now..she is gone. All my feelings, thoughts, etc are fading out. It is depressing. I don't really know how to explain what I feel, I am just in shock that this happened. I just don't know, I thought this girl was going to be with me forever...

 

Has anyone else felt the same? Not wanting to let go really...it just kinda sucks

Yes, I have. I know that feeling exactly, on the one hand things are a lot better, but on the other, you feel like something really important is slipping away from you, and you don't know how to stop it, and you almost regret wanting that. It's like a "be careful what you wish for" kinda feeling. It's becoming real for you.

 

This is actually a very good sign in your recovery. You're very close to the end, and you'll see that the fear will subside on its own, and you will let go of the last of your emotion. As I recall, this stage doesn't last all that long, although for me, after that was gone, and I could honestly say I didn't love her any more, I did continue to think about her every day for a good long while. It wasn't in a pining or grieving sense, but rather, I don't know, like an extended time to say goodbye or something. I never really understood it, but I didn't resist it either. Then one very uneventful day, I didn't think about her anymore.

 

Don't worry. You'll remember everything except the way that it felt to love her, and to be in pain over her. You'll be able to name what you felt, but you won't be able to feel it anymore.

 

Don't **** it up by getting in contact, or letting her get in contact with you. Now's the time when they have a funny way of doing that.

[Itspointless]

What can I say instead of what mightycpa writes it always lasts forever with me. But I am not that often in love either. It is that realization that you should and have to accept it and she is going to faint away on our mind too, while you were the one holding on to the bond. I still have it, the emotions are gone, but I am not pleased that it had to be this way as it could have been different. But it isn't and it won't ...

[S_A]

I think I feel the exact same way. It was actually hard to read what you wrote because I felt like I was almost reading about myself; however, I am only a month and a half seperated. It's funny how you mentioned you were the center of her universe. I was the center of my GF's universe as well. She wanted to always be with me, would cancel on her friends to be woth me, etc. We were together for almost 5 years and were also about to get engaged.

 

Where I am different though is that I do want to move on, and I would never take her back even if she begged. Actually, not to sound egotistical, I don't think she can do better than me. When she realizes this, she will be back (but I won't take her back).

 

I dunno, maybe after three months I will end up going through the phase you're going through now (the phase where you don't want to move on), but I doubt it.

 

My biggest fear right now is going through the same hurt I jist went through. It makes me not want to date.

 

Stay strong!

[casey.lives]

I know the feeling but if someone doesn't want to be with you... if happiness is not something you're able to find together...

[greenleaves54]

It's very weird indeed. For a long time me and my ex looked forward to growing old together and made all kinds of plans, like you. Then during a very short time - zip, zap, wants to date others and it was all over. Like lightning from a clear sky.

 

It's hard to let go of all the feelings because in my world we're still bloody perfect for each other. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she comes crawling back, I guess that's why I am holding on to some feelings. But I'm telling myself I'm not going to spend time thinking about someone who doesn't want me. I'm telling myself she's history and hopefully I'll be able to let go completely in time. I want to reach total indifference but I guess you can't rush it. It takes the time it takes.

[K2z]

I don't want to reach indifference either. Which is irrational, because I'll bet she has. Aaaand, all the "advice out there" tells you her coming back is impossible until I am indifferent. Hamster wheel.

[greenleaves54]

Ah, it seems I read the OP too fast.

 

I still wish to reach indifference, so I guess I haven't reached the phase you guys talk about. Maybe it comes.

[Liono84]

Aghh man, this is def one of the hardest parts of getting over someone. I do agree with what others have said in that you're at the tail end of the healing process. Whatever you do, DO NOT contact her, or else you'll go back to square 1. I've been there myself and very recently, too. I, too, thought my ex, was "the one" and the person I'd be marrying. Up until the day she broke up with me, I had no doubt in my mind, that things would be great between us. So, you're not the only one, my friend. The reason why it's very difficult for you, is because the deafening reality is now starting to sink in that this isn't just over, but this is permanently over, that she's gone and ain't ever coming back.

 

In the beginning stages we grieve by going thru all sorts of emotions whether it's shock, denial, anger, mourning, loneliness or depression etc.. After the initial pain wears off in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, the next step, at least for me, was carrying out false hope that this was somehow just a temporary phase. That eventually, my ex would indeed return back to me, so I was still in denial. Looking back, I don't think that was necessary a bad thing, because accepting the full blown reality that it was permenantly over from day 1 would have been too much for me to bear. So I healed in various stages, bit by bit, drop by drop.

 

For you, you've been used to this pain for so long, that when you finally start healing it scares you, because in healing (accepting that it's permanently over), you are in essence letting her go. Although she's been gone for awhile now, because you've mourned and continously thought of her on a daily basis for months, you've still attached yourself to her as part of your life. Be strong, and let go!!!

 

As a side note, here's a nice scene from the movie, Swingers. It talks about what you're going through.

 

[K2z]

....false hope that this was somehow just a temporary phase. That eventually, my ex would indeed return back to me, so I was still in denial.

 

Looking back, I don't think that was necessary a bad thing, because accepting the full blown reality that it was permanently over from day 1 would have been too much for me to bear. So I healed in various stages, bit by bit, drop by drop.

 

For you, you've been used to this pain for so long, that when you finally start healing it scares you, because in healing (accepting that it's permanently over), you are in essence letting her go. Although she's been gone for awhile now, because you've mourned and continuously thought of her on a daily basis for months, you've still attached yourself to her as part of your life.

 

Sweet Lord, is this ever true... and it is [in all likelihood] where I am.

 

It has been about three months since we exchanged a single word. My vigil continues for a Hollywood moment. I compose constant letters in my head. I congratulate myself for another day of "No Contact," because surely absence is making the heart grow fonder... surely any day now I will see the door open a tiny crack.

 

I make adjustments in my imagined life trajectory. I compose scenarios in which it all works. I run and run on my hamster wheel. And I drink myself into a state where my critical faculties are slowed.

 

In my case- and probably in many others-- not only is the reality too much, but also the sense of blame... the sense that you played with a Faberge egg and dropped it.

[candie13]

OP, how old are you? How long have you been dating your ex?

[S_A]

For you, you've been used to this pain for so long, that when you finally start healing it scares you, because in healing (accepting that it's permanently over), you are in essence letting her go.

 

Damn, that's deep. Has even started to make me feel nauseous.

[Liono84]

Sweet Lord, is this ever true... and it is [in all likelihood] where I am.

 

It has been about three months since we exchanged a single word. My vigil continues for a Hollywood moment. I compose constant letters in my head. I congratulate myself for another day of "No Contact," because surely absence is making the heart grow fonder... surely any day now I will see the door open a tiny crack.

 

I make adjustments in my imagined life trajectory. I compose scenarios in which it all works. I run and run on my hamster wheel. And I drink myself into a state where my critical faculties are slowed.

 

In my case- and probably in many others-- not only is the reality too much, but also the sense of blame... the sense that you played with a Faberge egg and dropped it.

 

It's okay, we all go through this, including myself after a breakup, particularly when were the ones who were dumped. You'll probably still continue to have thoughts about her even after the 3 month mark, especially if you're still single and that's okay, too. The important thing, though, is to be aware of your daydreams/"Hollywood moments". It's not easy, but you have to tell yourself to stop and say so out loud when you find yourself doing so. Thoughts will always continue to come and go, but it's the dwelling and getting into the imaginary zone that you can indeed control and must stop. Not that imagination is bad, because we all do it, but it's particularly bad when we're daydreaming about our ex's in a reconciliation state. It's like a cancer to the healing process if you continue doing so.

 

Here's a link that you may want to read. It talks about daydreams and about people who are dumped following into a specific type of category;

https://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/what-your-daydreams-reveal-about-you.html