oregon0011 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Recently I was dating a girl who was still obviously in love with her ex..She had her life together.. Good job, degrees, hard working, generous, loving etc.. However, her ex is a drug user, several kids with different women,deadbeat dad, stole her money, used to beat her so she moved out, and she still pays all of his bills a year later.. I asked why she was with him, and the answer is "There is just something about him".. "love" etc.. In another recent example, I think of my female childhood friend who has a masters degree. Also good career, etc.. She has been with a heroine addict for 13 years.. She constantly speaks of how "she loves him" even though once again, he steals her money, hit her, never took her out one time, doesn't work, was in prison, etc.. In both of the above cases there really is no relationship. Even if the guy became clean, he would be a different person..But I can tell these women would literally die for this man..Even though basically everything these men say is a lie.. In both cases these women are not very young, and the guys are older than them..It isn't amazing sex either, as the guys don't even want sex.. And neither are what people generally consider "good looking". One guy is even 5ft 4, and his gf 5 ft 8, just as an example.. Now on the flip side, I know many married couples, and never once have I heard the woman say "OMG, I just love my husband".. Even though these men are generally hard working, successful, giving, great dad's etc.. Actually in these cases the woman continues to find fault after fault, with nothing being "good enough" with this man.. It's like the druggies are applauded for not stealing their money one day, but the good men are scolded for not "helping around the house enough" after working a 60 hour week and supporting everyone.. In both of the above cases, the women exhibit complete devotion, and almost an obsession to this man. My childhood friend was saying her goal was to inherit her dad's money so that she could live with her boyfriend forever.. The girl I dated worked 2 jobs to continue to pay her ex's bills..No matter who they date during the interim, their mind's are on their drug abusing ex.. So, do women who have what we would consider "decent" and good men exhibit this undying devotion and are just more silent about it? Do women generally become bored if they do not have someone to fix? Because it seems every time I hear a woman saying how much she "loves" a man, seemingly it has become a sign to me that it is a horrible dysfunctional relationship with the man being a total lowlife.. Edited November 4, 2015 by oregon0011
siriusp Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Interesting post. I don't know the answer but it could be that the women you consider successful (and they obviously are in many ways) are not emotionally successful. Perhaps there is some internal need that drives them to achieve - maybe they need external validation. Often these loser type men will profess their 'love' in a romantic way but in reality they do nothing useful for their partners. Love bombing their victims into believing they are loved when in actual fact - they are just being used and controlled. Just a theory?!
lilmissjava Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Co-dependency on both relationships you gave example of. My theory: The women, albeit successful in terms of academics and career, "love" the addicts and thieves because the men provide them with that emotional bond. The "I love you's" the pet names, the good parts of a relationship if you will, and continue to support them because they can still provide that nurturing environment to them. The men however, provide all these lovey dovey acts to these women on the basis that they will feed their addictions, as well as their addictions to the relationship. Win-win for both if you're on the inside. Not so much to us here. Edited November 4, 2015 by lilmissjava typo 1
Author oregon0011 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Exactly. The addicts would drop off in a second if they found another enabler. And they usually do. But they find ways to manipulate these women when they need them. I just find it ironic after reading so many threads on here where guys are worried about how good at sex they are, clothes, money, height etc, while some guys have zero to offer and actually rob their women, and they get the love and devotion all guys want.
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