DC31 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Hello everybody! I've seen this thread before here, but for some reason I can't comment on those threads so here's a new one. I feel like I'm going crazy, can't sleep at night for a few days now. I have a highly dysfunctional family, witch I am used to by now (I'm 24), and I'm with this awesome guy for 2 and a half years now. His family well, the appear like the perfect family, but I have a great eye at seeing between the lines. Anyway, they are real close, and that's okay, but recently I've got it in my head that I really can't trust him with any of my secrets because he goes home to his parents (especially his mom) and tells them everything. It really bugs me, since he and his mother have a lot of secret not only from me, but from his father as well. It's always been the two of them "in cahoots", sort of speaking. The things is I have a serious relationship with him, he work together, we (well not really we, as much as I) want to get married. He keeps telling me that he wants that too, but I shouldn't pressure him. In my opinion he doesn't have him mother's blessing. She keeps telling him that he is too young (26) to marry. I want to get married because I have some health issues, and my doctor kind of told me that is I want kids, I should have them before I'm 30, after that it's going to get harder and harder to conceive. Problem is, that I'm really sick of him putting him mother before me. Whenever I have a fight my parents, he keeps telling me that he doesn't want to say anything because we'll make up and I would choose my family over him. Thing is, my family really really sucks, I would never choose them over him, and he knows how my parents are, and he knows that, so I think that park is coming from him. I feel so alone, I have nobody to talk to, nobody I can trust. I can't talk or trust my parents, and now I know that I can't trust me. I have no friends (had a traumatic last relationship that gave me a lot of issues, especially trust ones) so really have nobody to vent to. If I confront him, he just denies and lies, and that just makes me angry. I'm not really expecting anything, I know I've made my bed and now I have to lie in it, but just reallly needed to say this to somebody, anybody. Sorry if it's hard to read, and makes no sense, but I've slept a total of three hours last night, and another four the night before, and I just need to get this feeling out. Have a nice day! D.
Glitters Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 First, you need a good sleep. That will help your mind to work ! Eat proper. Next, never ever try to make a guy choose between his mother and you. He is momma's boy.Period. They dont change.Ever.The dynamics will stay the same. You either have to accept the way it is or move on.There is no middle ground.
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 How is your relationship with the mother? If it's not good, make the effort to befriend her. See if that softens her opinion toward you but don't expect him to fully cut the apron strings. She will always be Queen Bee & if that doesn't sit well with you, pick a different guy.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 i would bet he has had this problem in past relationships... he is using that manipulative tactic about your parents because he expects that line to work like it will have done in past relationships. But because you have a very unusual perspective to your own parents, his manipulation doesn't work as expected, and he carn't handle it, he can't handle not having something to hide his mommy obsession behind.
MoreAmore Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I don't think it's a good sign you've been together 2.5 years and he sees talk of marriage as pressuring, in your mid-twenties. You have different ideas toward family. I'd move on. Whether you do or not, join some groups, Make some friends. Your SO being your only relationship is unhealthy. 1
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