PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Sounds like criminal activity to me, most likely drug dealing. As if there weren't enough red flags already. If you have any more contact with this guy, you need your head read.
stillafool Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 The guy is a dealer. If he is in his 20's and still living with his girl and kids they are having sex. He should make more than enough money to move out and pay his own rent if he wanted to. He doesn't want to move out. If his relationship is platonic with his girl are you allowed to call him there? If not, he's still in a relationship with her. I can't understand how anybody would want someone texting them all day long. Aren't you too busy for that? Do you work? I think you both have too much time on your hands.
losangelena Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Usually it's people caught up in illegal activity who don't want to talk about work. What is so intriguing about that? Like I said, I dated one of those once; it was not fun. Cut your losses.
andie1969 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Is Instagram the new hook up site? My ex husband of 14 years met a woman on there last year and within months had moved out of our home, 5 hours away from our only daughter to shack up with this woman in another state. Anyone's life and situation can seem great through a filter... 1
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 The guy is a dealer. If he is in his 20's and still living with his girl and kids they are having sex. He should make more than enough money to move out and pay his own rent if he wanted to. He doesn't want to move out. If his relationship is platonic with his girl are you allowed to call him there? If not, he's still in a relationship with her. I can't understand how anybody would want someone texting them all day long. Aren't you too busy for that? Do you work? I think you both have too much time on your hands. I am not working because my son is not school age yet, after xmas i will be going back part time. Yes I can call him while he is home and she is there, he's chatted to me on the phone before while her and the kids were there because i could hear them in the background. It's her mental state that means he can't leave the kids alone with her as a full time parent. That's why i respect him because he looks after his kids and cares about their upbringing a lot of men would have just walked out
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 have you ever met him in person? Not yet but if he really had no intentions of ever meeting me why would he keep replying and talking to me, as soon as I mentioned meeting the first time he would have dropped contact wouldn't he?
JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Not yet but if he really had no intentions of ever meeting me why would he keep replying and talking to me, as soon as I mentioned meeting the first time he would have dropped contact wouldn't he? No idea. What is your reason for hoping to date this guy?
fitnessfan365 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Yeah tons of red flags here. But my advice for future guys is to judge their interest based on them making plans to see you. A guy that's truly interested, won't spend two plus weeks texting w/you and never bring up plans.
Versacehottie Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 ok admittedly i just started skimming the posts (which i rarely do). You know what I noticed, it seemed like you had an excuse for everything he does or the strength and potential of your relationship. It makes me wonder why you are asking. I don't think it's likely that you will hear what you are hoping to hear here. The reason why is that he is not technically available. You don't have a real relationship yet. He is already fading on you. He is unemployed and it doesn't matter what money he sends or what he is flashy about--just means he is living above his means. Let's face it you don't really KNOW him. Not to mention the bad judgement of things that do seem to be FACTS about him. I can't imagine why you would want to get involved with this one. But you seem quite determined to. Don't think you will like the the result though. and those are the things that neutral people here are picking up on. 1
Zippy2000 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Just tread carefully Littlebeaut. Take time in getting to know him if you want to take this further. I worry for you and for someone to hide his income and what he does is a little red flag for now. Dont be too invested until you figure out what hes all about. The very fact his ex is there is a caution too. She could be an absolute nutter and track you down. Just take a step back a little to gather your thoughts and what everyone else has said on here. It just takes time to learn about someone. I hope you dont come back here in for us to say "We told you so".
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 ok admittedly i just started skimming the posts (which i rarely do). You know what I noticed, it seemed like you had an excuse for everything he does or the strength and potential of your relationship. It makes me wonder why you are asking. I don't think it's likely that you will hear what you are hoping to hear here. The reason why is that he is not technically available. You don't have a real relationship yet. He is already fading on you. He is unemployed and it doesn't matter what money he sends or what he is flashy about--just means he is living above his means. Let's face it you don't really KNOW him. Not to mention the bad judgement of things that do seem to be FACTS about him. I can't imagine why you would want to get involved with this one. But you seem quite determined to. Don't think you will like the the result though. and those are the things that neutral people here are picking up on. Well I do appreciate all the advice and the replies here I don't want to make excuses for him but people saying things like he is married or a fake person I know that's just not the case I mean you can tell when someone is married and this is a young guy who is popular with lots of girls and not a religious person or a middle aged man married for like 10 years, and I have him on instagram, facebook i have his real phone number too and he has sent me pics of him doing stuff with his kids etc so i definitely know he is a real person, i appreciate everyone's help but i would like to make some things like that clearer so maybe it's easier to advise me.
hippychick3 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well I do appreciate all the advice and the replies here I don't want to make excuses for him but people saying things like he is married or a fake person I know that's just not the case I mean you can tell when someone is married and this is a young guy who is popular with lots of girls and not a religious person or a middle aged man married for like 10 years, and I have him on instagram, facebook i have his real phone number too and he has sent me pics of him doing stuff with his kids etc so i definitely know he is a real person, i appreciate everyone's help but i would like to make some things like that clearer so maybe it's easier to advise me. Even if he is a real person with real kids and is young and is not "married for like 10 years" and he sends you pics and you have his real number... does NOT make him a good catch! He should not even exist in your heart or mind without having met in person. And you should not even want to meet him in person given his unemployment status (red flag), unwillingness to disclose what he does (red flag), no real plans to meet you on an actual DATE (red flag), and living with the mother of his children in the same house (burning red flag!!) This is NOT a real relationship! 2
losangelena Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well I do appreciate all the advice and the replies here I don't want to make excuses for him but people saying things like he is married or a fake person I know that's just not the case I mean you can tell when someone is married and this is a young guy who is popular with lots of girls and not a religious person or a middle aged man married for like 10 years, and I have him on instagram, facebook i have his real phone number too and he has sent me pics of him doing stuff with his kids etc so i definitely know he is a real person, i appreciate everyone's help but i would like to make some things like that clearer so maybe it's easier to advise me. Even so, OP, if he's married or single or involved in illegal moneymaking tactics or independently wealthy (unlikely if he's looking to state-assisted living options)—at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, because you've yet to make a live, in-person connection. As crappy as it is for a man to fade out or pull away, it's a tale as old as time. I realize that his texting behavior is all you have to go on, since you haven't met him yet, but I would say, that until/unless you meet him, you pull way back in your communication with him. I mean, why bother getting involved with/worked up by someone who you don't have a flesh-and-blood relationship with? Save the questioning for if and when you finally meet. At this point, you either will or you won't.
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I am in the UK it's not easy to just get your own place just like that, he has applied to the council for a place of his own (he's shown me proof) but they don't just give them out it takes time, I know this because I have been in the same situation as a single mother, it's very hard to just get the council to give you somewhere. and he has explained to me that the mother of the children is incapable of looking after them so he has to have more of a presence than another dad might have to keep them away from social services because the mother has problems etc I believe him completely about his living situation, I want to know what the reason for his sudden slowness in communication is though given that he's been lonely and eager to talk all this time then suddenly it's slower.... I want to know what the reason for his sudden slowness in communication is though given that he's been lonely and eager to talk all this time then suddenly it's slower.... There is no way in the world anyone can tell you that -- except him. Call him on the phone, send him an email. Don't waste you time fretting about slower texts -- there are bigger issues with this guy that you should be focused on and none of them are things that a young woman wants to be involved in or saddled with if she has him for a boyfriend.
Versacehottie Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well I do appreciate all the advice and the replies here I don't want to make excuses for him but people saying things like he is married or a fake person I know that's just not the case I mean you can tell when someone is married and this is a young guy who is popular with lots of girls and not a religious person or a middle aged man married for like 10 years, and I have him on instagram, facebook i have his real phone number too and he has sent me pics of him doing stuff with his kids etc so i definitely know he is a real person, i appreciate everyone's help but i would like to make some things like that clearer so maybe it's easier to advise me. I don't think the point is his age or really ultimate martial status. He doesn't sound like he is being 100% honest. He is not really available (might as well be married). AND he is not acting like someone who is 100% into you. BTW, for what it's worth, I think the fact that he's a young guy with no job, kidS!!! and a baby momma who he still lives with and unexplained flashiness is all worse than someone 10 years older who would at least have time to explain for the quantity of kids. and not sure why a similar-aged person with her life in front of her would be up for that. Your mistake to make though. Best of luck
Versacehottie Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I want to know what the reason for his sudden slowness in communication is though given that he's been lonely and eager to talk all this time then suddenly it's slower.... There is no way in the world anyone can tell you that -- except him. Call him on the phone, send him an email. Don't waste you time fretting about slower texts -- there are bigger issues with this guy that you should be focused on and none of them are things that a young woman wants to be involved in or saddled with if she has him for a boyfriend. I'm guessing it's not a clear cut break with the mother of his kids. They may break up, still have feelings, want to stay together for sake of family and then get back together. I guess he reaches out to OP when he is lonely and angry at the kids' mom and then disappears when things are going better. Usually if it's OVER-OVER people move out. The fact that he's spending whatever money he gets from wherever on clothes and toys and gifts to others shows he has no real motivation to get out of his living situation. If the mom is such a bad mom and he takes care of them anyway, he can take them with. OP just needs to face facts that on some levels he is not the guy he is portraying himself to be to her. And they've never met, yep, there's that.
Author littlebeaut Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Okay so the situation is still the same with this guy. He continues to message me back if i message him and continues to like my pictures on instagram and some of my links on facebook. But he has stopped ever messaging me first but always responds if i message him. I send him a text telling him my new number because i changed it and he replied that he has saved the number, but since then he has not contacted me and i hinted I'll be near where he lives in a few weeks for a night out and it would be good if he could come too. He brushed it off and said something like 'but have fun for me'. I don't get why if he is not interested in meeting me why does he continue to reply to my messages and like my posts? Why doesn't he delete and forget me completely?
losangelena Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Okay so the situation is still the same with this guy. He continues to message me back if i message him and continues to like my pictures on instagram and some of my links on facebook. But he has stopped ever messaging me first but always responds if i message him. I send him a text telling him my new number because i changed it and he replied that he has saved the number, but since then he has not contacted me and i hinted I'll be near where he lives in a few weeks for a night out and it would be good if he could come too. He brushed it off and said something like 'but have fun for me'. I don't get why if he is not interested in meeting me why does he continue to reply to my messages and like my posts? Why doesn't he delete and forget me completely? Why don't you delete and forget him? Stop wasting your time and energy.
Redhead14 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Okay so the situation is still the same with this guy. He continues to message me back if i message him and continues to like my pictures on instagram and some of my links on facebook. But he has stopped ever messaging me first but always responds if i message him. I send him a text telling him my new number because i changed it and he replied that he has saved the number, but since then he has not contacted me and i hinted I'll be near where he lives in a few weeks for a night out and it would be good if he could come too. He brushed it off and said something like 'but have fun for me'. I don't get why if he is not interested in meeting me why does he continue to reply to my messages and like my posts? Why doesn't he delete and forget me completely? I don't get why if he is not interested in meeting me why does he continue to reply to my messages and like my posts? Why doesn't he delete and forget me completely -- Because he gets an ego boost out of watching a woman get so tangled up in him with so little effort on his part or because he's bored and it's entertaining or because he's married or because he can't break away right now but wants to keep you on a string until he can get away and get laid or, or, or . . . Find a real life person to invest your time and energy into. 1
katiegrl Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Okay so the situation is still the same with this guy. He continues to message me back if i message him and continues to like my pictures on instagram and some of my links on facebook. But he has stopped ever messaging me first but always responds if i message him. I send him a text telling him my new number because i changed it and he replied that he has saved the number, but since then he has not contacted me and i hinted I'll be near where he lives in a few weeks for a night out and it would be good if he could come too. He brushed it off and said something like 'but have fun for me'. I don't get why if he is not interested in meeting me why does he continue to reply to my messages and like my posts? Why doesn't he delete and forget me completely? As I have been saying throughout this thread, the reason why he replies is because he is BORED. It's the same reason many many other people in boring relationships seek others over the internet. For the attention. The reason he hasn't deleted you to "forget you completely"? Because for him, there is nothing there *to* forget, so why should he? He was never into you in the first place. He's bored and has been playing you ....I'm sorry. 1
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