littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I have been texting this guy I met recently through Instagram. He is separated from the mother of his kids but still lives in the same house with her because he has no place else to stay he only has his mom and there is no room for him to stay, also he says the mother (his ex) is incapable of looking after the kids so he has to stay around for their wellbeing while he sorts out his own place otherwise the mother will just neglect them if left as a single parent. I believe him 100 percent by the way because I had a similar situation in my family with a neglectful parent, it's one of the many things we have in common. Anyway, we have been chatting for a few weeks now and he appears to like me he knows I like him because I've told him he's very attractive, but recently his replies have slowed down, he always texts me back but not as often as before. He's really a great father and takes his kids everywhere with him, I have been asking him to meet up with me which he's agreed to when he has some child free time even though I've told him I don't mind if he brings his kids. The other thing is he is unemployed but always seems to have money, he is always going out and buying nice things and taking his son toy shopping, wears designer clothes all the time.He even sent me money through paypal to buy my son a new high chair! yet he absolutely will not go into income or what he does for a living at all. Any time I ask what he does or what is previous employment was even he just brushes it off and says 'Oh i do many things' and moves on to something else. Do you think he is hiding something? Now the communication has slowed down though and he's not replied to about 3 texts in a row then I'll send him another and he'll reply more or less straight away to that one so he is receiving them! What do you think is going on here?
hippychick3 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Sweetie, he's married. Separated means still legally married. He is still living in the same house with his WIFE and children (who you absolutely should not meet). You have never met him and built up some kind of fantasy about an unemployed cheater. Aside from the fact you shouldn't get invested in someone you haven't met yet...if they are not divorced, they are married. Find someone who is single. 2
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 He was never married. He has kids with the girl but is not married, it's a young guy in his twenties not an middle-aged married man.
hippychick3 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 He was never married. He has kids with the girl but is not married, it's a young guy in his twenties not an middle-aged married man. Then he's not "separated" from the mother of his kids. He's still living with her and now has a side chick (you) that he's emotionally cheating with online. And whether he is in his 20's, 30's, or 80's makes no difference. Find an AVAILABLE man.
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 The pace of texting is not a good measure of anything. Stop trying to use it as a gauge. The "problem" with your guy is that he is still in the house with his "EX". If they still live together, don't you believe for a minute that nothing is going on. For an unemployed man to always have money is a red flag. If he has money for all this other stuff, he has money to move but is choosing not to. Think about why? Because he's still getting sex from the baby mamma. If not, he's at least bad with money. Do you really want to deal with all of this? If so, why?
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 The red flags are flying high here. Why are you even still thinking about this guy? Move on. 1
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 I am in the UK it's not easy to just get your own place just like that, he has applied to the council for a place of his own (he's shown me proof) but they don't just give them out it takes time, I know this because I have been in the same situation as a single mother, it's very hard to just get the council to give you somewhere. and he has explained to me that the mother of the children is incapable of looking after them so he has to have more of a presence than another dad might have to keep them away from social services because the mother has problems etc I believe him completely about his living situation, I want to know what the reason for his sudden slowness in communication is though given that he's been lonely and eager to talk all this time then suddenly it's slower....
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Why do you want to date a guy with so much baggage? 2
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 d0nnivain why would you say it's a red flag if he is unemployed but seems to live quite well? This is what interests me and intrigues me about him because whenever the topic of money or work comes up he completely avoids it or brushes it off, yet he just randomly sent me money for a kids high chair when I never asked for it and he wants to go out to eat at high end expensive restaurants, we even nearly booked one the other week but he had his kids again. I don't keep asking him because I don't want him to think i'm a person who wants guys for their money but i'm thinking somethings up with why he is always texting all day and now stopping a bit.
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I know the UK is a small island but there are plenty of guys who have their own place, are not living with the dysfunctional mother of their children, are unemployed yet seem to have plenty of money. Sounds like he has a job on the side. Add benefit fraud and tax evasion to the already-very-long list of red flags... Do you really think these qualities make him good boyfriend material???
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Why do you want to date a guy with so much baggage? Well he's really interesting and attractive and he also gives me TIME which is the most important thing a lot of men don't understand! it's not about money or cars it's about time and he texts me all day and night and never says he is too busy to chat, he's always there to talk when I'm feeling low, i've had guys that moan and complain when a woman is moody or feeling low this guy doesn't do that he's always nice.
clia Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Have you actually met him in person or has your relationship just been through text?
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I'd really want to know the source of his money. Is he living on savings? Independently wealthy? misusing credit? The whole thing just sounds like a mess. As an American I am not familiar with this council you speak of. Who are they & why is required to apply to them to get a flat? Last time I looked we usurped most of our constitution from you all & you have freedom of movement.
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 The council is local government. It's not required to apply to them to get a privately-rented flat, but if you want one handed to you by the state, you have to apply to them and wait in a very long list.
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Well he's really interesting and attractive and he also gives me TIME which is the most important thing a lot of men don't understand! it's not about money or cars it's about time and he texts me all day and night and never says he is too busy to chat, he's always there to talk when I'm feeling low, i've had guys that moan and complain when a woman is moody or feeling low this guy doesn't do that he's always nice. What kind of TIME is he giving you? Texting time? You can't be serious. Why have you not met IN PERSON yet? This man is scamming you dear, big time...... my guess is you are one of many. He is married and bored. Nevermind what he TELLS you, words mean jack shyt unless backed up with actions. Of which he has taken none, otherwise he would have taken the TIME to actually meet you, in person. Edited November 4, 2015 by katiegrl 2
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well he's really interesting and attractive and he also gives me TIME which is the most important thing a lot of men don't understand! it's not about money or cars it's about time and he texts me all day and night and never says he is too busy to chat, he's always there to talk when I'm feeling low, i've had guys that moan and complain when a woman is moody or feeling low this guy doesn't do that he's always nice. He is nice to you because wants to get in your pants. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 littlebeaut yes having a man give you time & pay attention to you is a wonderful thing. All we're saying is that that level of flattery doesn't outweigh all of the other problems associated with this guy. His next move is probably going to be to ask to move in with you (assuming he's not still sleeping with his baby mamma, which is continue to believe is probably happening).
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) He is nice to you because wants to get in your pants. LOL, that takes actually meeting IN PERSON, which obviously he has no intention of ever doing. Nah, I say he is married and bored ...and gets off on having a bunch of women, including OP, fawning over him via TEXT... which isn't even happening anymore cause he's backed off. No surprise there ....What a joke. OP, smarten up girl and remove rose colored glasses.....the guy is (or was) scamming you. For ego stroke, attention and cause he's just bored. He has now become bored with THAT too now and backed off. I suggest you do the same.... Edited November 4, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 What kind of TIME is he giving you? Texting time? You can't be serious. Why have you not met IN PERSON yet? This man is scamming you dear, big time...... my guess is you are one of many. He is married and bored. Nevermind what he TELLS you, words mean jack shyt unless backed up with actions. Of which he has taken none, otherwise he would have taken the TIME to actually meet you, in person. This guy is not married! he's a young guy in his 20s, it's not that unusual for people to have kids and not be married, I have a son but the topic of marriage never came up with the dad when I was with him, i didn't even need to ask him about that cause it's obvious he is not married, but i will ask him just because so many people have mentioned it but he'll probably laugh We haven't been talking for that long so that's why we haven't met inperson, we both have kids more or less full time and live like 2 hours apart also. I've been planning to meet him and he's agreed when he has a child free day, his kids are in nursery school and he has to have time to drop them off and pick them up etc so during the week it's hard for him to come to me because of the distance
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Have you actually met him in person or has your relationship just been through text? Through text, talking on the phone, on facebook etc
losangelena Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 He's independently wealthy but instead of just renting a flat, he's waiting for the government to give him one. He's unemployed but is always buying things. He has time all day to text you. I dated one of those once—he was a drug dealer. I dunno, OP. This seems ... less than ideal. You met through Instagram, but have you actually met? How far away do you live from each other? Also, you say he's always there and nice to you, but why do you want to text with someone all day and night? That doesn't mean he's interested or invested in you, that means he's bored and has too much time on his hands. 3
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Through text, talking on the phone, on facebook etc If that's all you have to assume he's LYING to you about his relationship with the baby mamma he lives with. He's probably also lying about his spending. Be very careful. I don't see this ending well for you & whatever you do, don't give him $$$$
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 This guy is not married! he's a young guy in his 20s, it's not that unusual for people to have kids and not be married, I have a son but the topic of marriage never came up with the dad when I was with him, i didn't even need to ask him about that cause it's obvious he is not married, but i will ask him just because so many people have mentioned it but he'll probably laugh We haven't been talking for that long so that's why we haven't met inperson, we both have kids more or less full time and live like 2 hours apart also. I've been planning to meet him and he's agreed when he has a child free day, his kids are in nursery school and he has to have time to drop them off and pick them up etc so during the week it's hard for him to come to me because of the distance How do you know ANY of what he is telling you is true???? Have you done a background check on him or something? Come on now girl, stop being so naive. You have never even met him for chrissakes! And now he has backed off, wake up! I am sorry to be so harsh, but seriously, I don't know what you are thinking. You can't believe everything every Tom, Dick and Harry tells you, especially guys you meet on-line for heaven's sake. 1
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If that's all you have to assume he's LYING to you about his relationship with the baby mamma he lives with. He's probably also lying about his spending. Be very careful. I don't see this ending well for you & whatever you do, don't give him $$$$ The ending is near ....he has backed off. He has gotten bored with all of it and moving on. He probably can't believe OP allowed it to go on for as long as she has. Most women would have figured this out much sooner and moved on themselves.
Author littlebeaut Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 I'd really want to know the source of his money. Is he living on savings? Independently wealthy? misusing credit? I don't know it's intriguing to me though because he's so evasive about it, i know he doesn't work and he doesn't seem to be on welfare/benefits either, when i ask him what he's been doing today or what he's up to he just says 'nothing it's too cold to do anything' or brushes it off yet the other day he bought a new £300 tracksuit and took his son toy shopping, he was texting me all throughout the day but never mentioned once he was out doing that until he updated his instagram i didn't know! He talks to me about everything but never ever wants to discuss what he does from day to day or what his profession is/was or what he's studied or whatever
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