ZA Dater Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Honestly, perhaps this might be the most stupid question ever asked on this forum but on the may to work this morning I was honestly wondering how does a guy pursue a lady? What does he do, what does he say? Sure the internet could probably help with this question but some real honest answers here may be interesting. Maybe for those of us who struggle, we struggle because we don't know how to pursue?
TheBathWater Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 No advice, no matter how good, can substitute for real life trial and error. But here are some general tips... Confidence is always your #1 asset. Take care of your appearance (clothes, gym, grooming, teeth), be funny, have interesting hobbies and talents, be cultured enough to comment on art and popular media trends, but above all else...learn how to talk. If you learn how to talk to women, I believe you can be with way more women than you think. There's an old saying that men are attracted through the eyes, and women are attracted through the ears. Nothing gives a man more confidence either than his knowing he can talk to any woman he would like and have fun with her. The only way to learn this is to practice it over and over. Also, keep this in mind. Many women rarely or never get approached by men anymore thanks to online dating. I was having drinks with a really attractive female friend last night. She's in her late twenties and what most red-blooded men would hope to get with. She said she just started dating a man purely on the fact that he approached her and stated his interest, and that this was the first time it had ever happened to her. I nearly spit my scotch out on the bar! Sure, he probably made a good impression too, but my point is that approaching can really put you in a whole other category in a woman's mind if done correctly. 1
Myragal Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Unlike the example above, I am approached by males a couple times a week. Anyways, the most obvious is to 'respond' to a signal. If I give short look, smile, etc. do the same in return and take the initiative to start a conversation. Often I don't notice a guy. Just catch my attention with a one sentence comment. Ask something about some item in my food cart, open a door for me and say 'hi', etc. If I am at all interested I'll say more than a one word or one sentence response. I'll ask you something or make an extra comment. Important (at least for me). Be squeaky clean and dress sharply. I ALWAYS notice how a man is dressed. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Interesting advice. In this scenario Guy meet someone at a friends party, they get on fairly well, how does he pursue from this point of view?
TheBathWater Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Interesting advice. In this scenario Guy meet someone at a friends party, they get on fairly well, how does he pursue from this point of view? With honesty, no presumption, and authentic expression: "I'm enjoying this and would like it if you came out with me. Come join me for _________________ this week." Or some variation of that.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 I may be totally wrong but I always seem to equate pursuing someone as basically saying "this is me and here is why you should want to go out with me"
Glitters Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I may be totally wrong but I always seem to equate pursuing someone as basically saying "this is me and here is why you should want to go out with me" And if that is exactly the opposite of what she is looking for ?
Author ZA Dater Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 And if that is exactly the opposite of what she is looking for ? Well therein lies the problem... In that case you try and convince her to give you a chance. As you can see my idea of pursuing is, well lacking to be honest.
neowulf Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well therein lies the problem... In that case you try and convince her to give you a chance. As you can see my idea of pursuing is, well lacking to be honest. In the end man, you have to be you. Sure, with practice you might master the dog and pony show, but sooner or later, they're going to get to see behind the curtain. You don't "convince" people to give you a chance. You hold your head up, look them in the eye and express an interest. If they're not buying, you walk away. That's confidence my friend. Knowing that as great as this woman looks, there's another right around the corner if she's not interested. These things work best when there's *mutual* interest. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 These things work best when there's *mutual* interest. Truthfully I have yet to meet anyone who ended up with a bf/gf/married because of instant mutual interst
siriusp Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) I can't stand men that pursue me. If a guy lets me know he likes me - that can happen in many ways - I will respond if I like him. If I don't like him - I will try to avoid or blank his advances. If he doesn't realise then that I am not interested - It irritates me and I will start to dislike him. I hope this helps. Like others have said - if the attraction doesn't go both ways - why waste your time? If you met someone at a party and got on well - you could ask her out and see if she enjoyed your company too? Edited November 4, 2015 by siriusp 1
clia Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Interesting advice. In this scenario Guy meet someone at a friends party, they get on fairly well, how does he pursue from this point of view? "This has been fun. Can I have your number so we can see each other again?" Then you call her a couple days later and ask her out on a date. You name the day, time, and activity. "Would you like to have dinner Friday at 8?" "Would you like to have brunch Sunday at noon?" Whatever. At the end of the date, assuming you want to see her again, "When can I see you again?" See? You are the one who is moving things forward. 3
neowulf Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Truthfully I have yet to meet anyone who ended up with a bf/gf/married because of instant mutual interst You should meet more people. Seriously, immediate mutual interest is a heck of a lot more common than "I hated him at first, but he grew on me". I just feel you end up with a weird power dynamic when one person has chased hard and the other "allows" themselves to be caught. Edited November 4, 2015 by neowulf
Qboro90 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I may be totally wrong but I always seem to equate pursuing someone as basically saying "this is me and here is why you should want to go out with me" So run through an example for this scenerio. We met at a party, a mutual friend was talking to me (I'll be the girl) and you came up to say hello, the friend introduced us, and you joined the convo... Then the friend gets called away to say hi to someone else and it's just us left to talk. "So ZA... How do you know ___(mutual friend)? , or "So what do you do for a living ZA?" Where do you go from there usually, or set the convo up as you experience it and run through it that way. Im trying to figure out how you converse and the way you "sell yourself" in casual conversations.
thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I think the key is to have confidence and if you don't, you fake it till you make it. If you look too nervous it backfires. I also think men sometimes put themselves under pressure to be really smooth and come up with great lines. I most honestly prefer a guy to just be himself, be kind and have a bit humour. That goes a long way. And I like if the guy warms up to it as well. I don't like it to be suddenly all in my face. Seriously though, it's great to make a girl laugh. Makes her feel at ease.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 That's why there's an entire industry out there to help men out there that have questions like this
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