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best way to defuse a one time hookup?


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Posted

This is a pure hypothetical . Not trying to do this myself but had a debate with a friend today . Suppose you have sex with someone you know . But afterwards and perhaps prior to , you know it was just for the sex . What is the correct course of action? Contact them asap and tell them? Wait til they contact you showing they expect something? Avoid them? Be friendly but show that you are going back to the way it was before?

Posted

I'd not change anything and if they act weird or strange or romantically interested I would just tell them straight up that it was a one time go. Abe give some insight why you chose to selfishly use them for an orgasm without concern for their emotions.

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Posted
This is a pure hypothetical . Not trying to do this myself but had a debate with a friend today . Suppose you have sex with someone you know . But afterwards and perhaps prior to , you know it was just for the sex . What is the correct course of action? Contact them asap and tell them? Wait til they contact you showing they expect something? Avoid them? Be friendly but show that you are going back to the way it was before?

 

"Hey, I think you're really awesome and want to hook up with no strings attached. You down?"

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Posted

But Doctor! Where are the Rhymes?!?!

Posted (edited)
This is a pure hypothetical . Not trying to do this myself but had a debate with a friend today . Suppose you have sex with someone you know . But afterwards and perhaps prior to , you know it was just for the sex . What is the correct course of action? Contact them asap and tell them? Wait til they contact you showing they expect something? Avoid them? Be friendly but show that you are going back to the way it was before?

 

I am on the receiving end of this right now in my sex life. We've known each other a couple of years. We are friends too and meet up once in a while for drinks or food. It seemed pretty obvious to me it was about the sex when she and I hooked up recently. I don't expect us to date or move toward a relationship, but I would still like to be friends with her and if we hook up again, that's fine, and if not, that's fine. But that's just me. I think she and I implied to each other the night of and the morning after that this wasn't a serious thing. You're not her, are you? :laugh:

 

What was the arrangement between you two? Were expectations stated at some point? What was communicated? If you want to maintain the connection you already have, you need to address it.

 

When I have been on the other side of this situation, I typically handle it either before or after by saying something like: "Hey, that was some fun we had, huh? I know you're intuitive and it might not be worth saying, but I value openness and respect you, and want to say that I'm not looking for anything serious right now. If this happens again, so be it, but I would be most comfortable keeping our connection as it was without any expectations. How do you feel about that"?

 

By saying something like the above, you minimize risk and maximize gains. There's no expectations for anything going forward, you give the best possible chance for retaining your friendship, and if you're both feeling frisky together again at some future point, you'll have already established boundaries and can have some more fun. It's win/win all around.

Edited by TunaInTheBrine
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Posted
But Doctor! Where are the Rhymes?!?!

 

i was thinking the same thing

ps, love your screenname + picture!! love that movie!

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