LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 In my life, I have been with a range of lovers but it seems when I fall in love, that girl is the best I've been with. I know that I am good in bed but my ego makes me want to be the best that girl has had. Maybe it's insecurity instead of my ego or both. The girl I am with now, she told me that she is falling hard in love with me and we're on the same page sexually but I know I'm not her best. It gives me a strange feeling. Almost like I want to push her away now. 1
siriusp Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I can relate to what you say - the better they were in bed (or the more chemistry/compatibility we had) the harder I fell. The last guy I was with I never felt a stronger connection or had better sex in my life - and I can't imagine I will ever meet someone like him again - unfortunately he didn't feel the same. If I were you - I wouldn't let it bother you. How do you know that she had better sex with someone else? Why are you so certain? (the guy I fell hardest for - was shy for example but that didn't mean it wasn't the best)...... 2
Author LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Like a fool, I asked. She said I was top 25 percent but that the first where we have been on the same page about everything. She didn't say what was lacking but I'm only packing an average dick. She was also with her ex husband for a decade in an open relationship.
kismetkismet Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 How long have you been dating? I always find it takes a bit to get to that totally mind blowing stage. When you figure out each other's specific needs and kinks a bit better and feel more comfortable doing more things and communicating more about what you're into. My current boyfriend isn't my best *so far* but we've only been together 6 weeks and it's verrrry good thus far. I think it has potential to become better than my last boyfriend once we get to know each other better. Try communicating a bit more about what you are both into and pay attention to her body language about specific things that make her tic. Sex is a learned skill and everyone is different. 1
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Like a fool, I asked. She said I was top 25 percent but that the first where we have been on the same page about everything. She didn't say what was lacking but I'm only packing an average dick. She was also with her ex husband for a decade in an open relationship. Very stupid to ask Very stupid to answer To answer your question it's not important to me. My best was 15 years younger than I , I don't expect when I settle down with a man my age that he'll perform like a man 15 years younger. I must ask: How old are you for putting importance on such a thing? OH, and before I forget, my best was not my biggest. A good lover has nothing to do with size. 5
Author LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 I was wondering that too but I don't want to be super insecure about it or even qorse.. hear it's something like the fact my cock isn't a seven inch coke can. We've been boning for 2 months now and only admitted feelings for each other about 2 weeks ago
Author LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 I know gaeta... Honestly... she gets super wet and tells.me that it's rare that a guy can do that. So I was sort of arrogant and wanting some sort of validation that I am her best. Meh. Too late now but yeah I am 30 and probably a little too old to be caring about it. I am always afraid of people not wanting me or that I am unlovable or undeserving of it after having drug addict parents who never put me first and girls ignoring me until I was 22.
Author LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 I guess conversely I could ask how important is it to best your partner's best as well. Does it even matter as long as it's fulfilling? Maybe it's me ego being bruised and me wanting her to be totally in love with me in every way that another guy doesn't even register.
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I also made the mistake of asking and finding out I was not the best. It's a horrible feeling. I'm curious to see what sort of answers you get on this thread. 1
MoreAmore Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I do not care if a guy is technically my best. If I'm madly in love with him, it will be the best in my mind at the time as long as he is good. I care that he is technically very good. I want to be overwhelmed after sex. Once you know that feeling, it would be hard to go without it. It would be a blow to my ego to find out I wasn't better than the majority of his history, or the best when it comes to oral because I take pride in that. I have not always been the best at sex proper, but as long as he feels wowed I'm happy. A lot of my enjoyment in sex comes from his. 1
central Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 It's not a big deal for me - or us. This entire relationship is the best by far. No doubt someone else in our pasts was better at one or two things sexually, but even there we're each other's best overall. 2
Author LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Thanks. I'm trying to take pride that she is wowed after we're done. Also I am like you... I enjoy pleasing her and giving her great orgasms.
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 To be honest with you, we were very open about sex in the beginning and she basically told me that there were two other guys in her past who were at least as good as me, or better. I still can't shake it off. I still think about those two guys and obsess about how I can be better than them. It's become a competition in my mind of trying to outdo some guys I've never even met. It certainly motivates me to bring my A-game every time but mostly it just sucks. 1
Httm Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 In my life, I have been with a range of lovers but it seems when I fall in love, that girl is the best I've been with. I know that I am good in bed but my ego makes me want to be the best that girl has had. Maybe it's insecurity instead of my ego or both. The girl I am with now, she told me that she is falling hard in love with me and we're on the same page sexually but I know I'm not her best. It gives me a strange feeling. Almost like I want to push her away now. It is both, as you say. You are insecure, have a big ego, and have some weird hangups. She likes you for you. Accept that and let go. If you can't then I suggest therapy.
oregon0011 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Like a fool, I asked. She said I was top 25 percent but that the first where we have been on the same page about everything. She didn't say what was lacking but I'm only packing an average dick. She was also with her ex husband for a decade in an open relationship. What I find more odd is what type of woman would tell her lover this?? I couldn't imagine telling a current gf that past gf's were better in bed than her.. 1
Author LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 What I find more odd is what type of woman would tell her lover this?? I couldn't imagine telling a current gf that past gf's were better in bed than her.. She only answered the question I asked honestly. It's on me, not her. She didn't say anything about the size of my wang or anything. I just want to know what I lack that could be better for her. Yeah it's entirely likely that I need therapy for some of my issues. My new job totally has insurance for it and I am going to take advantage of it asap. I don't know what it is about it. Feeling scared that she might not be into me (which is stupid as she tells.me that I am amazing all the time and sexy and that she wants me, constantly)
oregon0011 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 She only answered the question I asked honestly. It's on me, not her. She didn't say anything about the size of my wang or anything. I just want to know what I lack that could be better for her. Yeah it's entirely likely that I need therapy for some of my issues. My new job totally has insurance for it and I am going to take advantage of it asap. I don't know what it is about it. Feeling scared that she might not be into me (which is stupid as she tells.me that I am amazing all the time and sexy and that she wants me, constantly) Is that how you would answer if she asked you? At the very least i would side step that and obviously know i would be hurting her feelings or giving her a complex.. 1
hippychick3 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I would say it's not as important as you think it is. I'm not with my best. The one who was my best is not someone I would ever want a future with. But, I love who I'm with more than I've loved anyone else and when I'm with him, it's much more special and powerful to me. Btw, age is not a factor. My best was a few years older than me, and my current boyfriend is 9 years younger than me.
new2dating123 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I find this odd to bring up . Each person does things different . Long as the other person says what they like . I dont put sex at the top of the list myself . A real good solid friendship with same interests comes first .
hippychick3 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Oh and I will add...I would never tell my boyfriend this information. And, if I wasn't the best, I definitely would NOT want to know that. I can't imagine that kind of information would benefit a relationship in any way.
kismetkismet Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I agree that divulging that information was a bad idea haha. My current boyfriend has told me a few time that it's the best sex he's ever had, and to be 100% honest it isn't for me... YET. But I don't tell him that, I just tell him that it's amazing etc. because it is. But I think that eventually it will be. Sex and sexual compatibility are very important to me in a relationship and it's something that I work on and communicate with people about. I think that people feeling sexually satisfied and being able to indulge their kinks and fantasies is important to the overall feeling of connection and satisfaction in the relationship.. But sometimes it takes time to get there! I'm also a bit shy about verbalizing certain things so often things don't start getting reeeally good until a few months in (or longer) when I feel more comfortable communicating about things. 1
casey.lives Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 A good lover is also good with emotions... and a good lover is also aware of long term implications of things. soooo... being skilled at sex is not the only makings of a good lover. 2
Glitters Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If best sex ever was the best thing of a relationship, then why those didnt last and she moved on? Because sex is not everything.
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If best sex ever was the best thing of a relationship, then why those didnt last and she moved on? Because sex is not everything. Because A) Best sex is often not someone who is relationship material B) He dumped her C) He moved away, left town etc.
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 What I find more odd is what type of woman would tell her lover this?? I couldn't imagine telling a current gf that past gf's were better in bed than her.. THANK YOU!! I was just going to post the exact same thing! This line of questioning is the equivalent to a woman asking her boyfriend if she looks fat in her dress. Any smart man knows the real answer to that question Oi vey OP, you're 30 and well entrenched in adulthood. NEVER ask a question you're not absolutely certain you can handle the honest answer. 1
Recommended Posts