Grumpybutfun Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 When she pled with him to be with her and dump you....she lost all rights as a "friend." Your bf is disrespecting you in the vilest of ways while enjoying the tug of war two girls are having over him. He is an arse. He told you to reconcile this within you so that he can have his girlfriends...because she clearly has a romantic attachment she didn't even bother to hide...and you are letting him gaslight you into thinking there is something wrong with you for just not accepting their relationship. Personally, the moment she came back into his life after making her love declaration, I would have set the boundary that I am not naive or insecure enough to share my bf with another woman regardless of his vows of not liking her. If he didn't like her or like getting his ego stroked, he wouldn't be doing something so hurtful to you. I think men and women can be friends...great friends....but when they cross that line to declaring romantic feelings, that friendship ends when they are in other relationships. At the very least, it is common courtesy and showing you the respect as a primary relationship that you deserve. Move on, your bf has chosen his ego instead of you, Grumps 1
Inaa Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 It doesn't matter if it's a friend, a habbit or something else. It's something you're not okay with and he does nothing to make you feel better. So yes, he obviously doesn't respect your feelings and I'm sure he doesn't respect hers as well. He's keeping her close because he wants her close. Probably you should make the decision and leave. If he cares about you, he will follow you.
kitty12345 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I have more to add.This has struck a deep cord in me ! These 'friends' will call him , text him when they are apparently ignorant you are with him. He will return their calls and their texts because they are friends.Its you who is jealous ! They have the power to take him away from you , all under the 'friends' label and yeah, you just stand there, quiet and accept it but keep his bed warm at night ( sorry, but true ) He wants to project to the world as being a nice man with a nice woman at hand but keep females around.Where ever you will go, a ' friend ' will pop up.They have inside jokes while you sit and watch but be happy for him because he is happy ! Duh ! Ive done it all. This is just one of the female friends whom you openly know about. More will come out gradually as your relationship develops on a serious level. These females will make your life hell but indirectly.He will also be not okay but they will help him get through ! The ' just friends ' label sucks the life out of the one who is left to deal with it, that is, you. He will either get over it after a while or get on with this or some other ' friend' and regret .Sometimes it takes one woman to change a guy but the same woman has tolerated so much already that one day she just gets up and leaves and he goes back to the 'friends'.
Author gustia Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Dear all, thank you very much for the answers! Some of them were quite sad and personal. Thank you for the input. So far it's causing a great strain between us, and mostly it is coming from me. Im what you'd label as the crazy gf. I very well understand that once a friend makes a love declaration, that's unfortunately the death sentence to a friendship. He is trying to get her a parole. Some points... - he wants it to go away naturally and for it to resolve by itself ( as in, she will get over it, and I just need to stay put while they hang around with each other, trying to fix the friendship after months of a cold breeze, and I don't have to be friends with her or care about it, just to focus on him. And that there is absolutely nothing for me to worry about.) - he thinks of her as a sister - she helped him through a lot of difficult times. He feels grateful to her and doesn't want to lose her - I never saw them flirt - after relentless asking from my side, he told her he will involve me in social situations and from what it seems she begrudgingly agreed to meet among other people in a public place in some near future. - he says im ruining his life by bringing it up continuously (but i feel I can no longer hold it in, as it has to be okay with me if im planning to settle down with him) I too have male friends. But the declaration! The awkward behaviour! The avoidance to patch it up!.. From the woman's side of code of honour, this just SO against what goes in my book. When I'm friends with a guy, I make sure to be on good terms with their gfs ( it's what she tried).And if things get funny, I take distance. Now after this huge NO-NO from her side, she's acting as if I don't exist ( and really- doesn't owe me anything. ). I respected her for admitting and taking distance ( and her declaration also came at the time that we were taking a break). But now it kinda feels like he needs her more than she needs him ( on the other hand, wouldn't it suck to lose a sibling?.) Other than that, we are open with each other, im afraid that he is what he is and that my behaviour is only going to push him into lying the next time.If I hadn't known, it wouldn't matter. How do I let go of it and be okay with him hanging out with his "sister". How. Because them cutting contact is NOT an option.
Glitters Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Because them cutting contact is NOT an option. You cut yourself out from them.That is THE only option you have. That is the only option HE is leaving you with. Unless next you come here posting that he slept with his ' sister ', what should I do
Author gustia Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 You cut yourself out from them.That is THE only option you have. That is the only option HE is leaving you with. Unless next you come here posting that he slept with his ' sister ', what should I do He wouldn't do that. But seriously, what do you mean by cut myself out from them? Does that mean an ultimatum (me or your friend- which I cannot do because it will hurt him and our relationship very much), or taking distance from him until we all talk and settle this (extreme measure), or just stopping to think about them (hasn't been going well so far)?..
rose9 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 No you don't ask him to pick between you. He isn't putting YOU his girlfriend first. He is disregarding your feelings and continuing to see someone who told him to dump you and confessed her feelings to him, AND went on vacation with her. Unless you want to be miserable every day wondering if they will be together and what is going on you politely tell him that you want a proper relationship with 2 people (you and your partner), not a love triangle.
Glitters Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 He wouldn't do that. But seriously, what do you mean by cut myself out from them? Does that mean an ultimatum (me or your friend- which I cannot do because it will hurt him and our relationship very much), or taking distance from him until we all talk and settle this (extreme measure), or just stopping to think about them (hasn't been going well so far)?.. Never say never. Your ultimatum will fall on deaf ears.He has decided already and told you but you dont want to listen. Talk , about what ? He already told you. Settle what ? He has already settled it for you. Stop thinking? That equals ignoring and living in denial. You break up and let them have their rendezvous the way it pleases them. Case closed.
phineas Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 ultimatum = failure. He knows your feelings and yet still spends time with another woman he knows is in love with him? WTF? Who does that? You DROP his ass and go find a man that respects you. I refuse to get serious with women who have close guy friends or hang out with ex's for a reason. So I don't have to deal with this kind of nonsense. If someone is being disrespectful you don't drop ultimatums to get them to change. You drop them & find someone you don't need to change in order to get some respect. But you won't. You will stress about it for however long it takes for him to cheat on you with her or just leave you for her.
kitty12345 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 A sister ? interesting. Men used to go wars for the woman they want. Men have killed brothers for their girl. One night he comes very late, whats the first thought you will have ?
Author gustia Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 One night he comes very late, whats the first thought you will have ? That he got into some accident or the car broke down. I know where he goes and what he is doing, and I get a call from him if he is late,so...
Recommended Posts