rollinringo Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 We are in the same class I am 19 and she is 18. We met on the first day and have been talking since. She seems shy because she won't talk much or ask many things, but her hobbies are a bit active like partying/drinking and she seems to know a lot of people. I am the type of guy that is more shy/silent, very caring about his friends and likes to help out, and just watch tv/movies while relaxing with a couple friends or just sometimes hanging with one friend because you can get some good conversations out of that type of interaction. Although, when it comes to talking she will not really ask questions or start any conversations, the most it will be is “whats up”. She sometimes will ask a couple things and take the lead, but not often. If I do not continue to produce ideas for the conversation it goes silent and is awkward. Like I said I am shy and I do not have many words to say at times. Personally, I am the type of guy that likes to listen and help a girl out if she is having any problems, and just make her laugh in between. But, the problem here is that I can ask a question I will get an answer not that deep of an answer and then she will ask me the same question. Then once I answer I need to always find a way to get the question to have another side or change topics. If I do not come up with anything it will become silent. And I cannot even help her with anything because it seems to me she thinks its odd for me wanting to help so at times. So it seems she is not wanting to open up, which prevents me from getting closer to her. So we been moving as friends and at one day we talked for a few hours after class she gave me a hug and was in a really happy mood after we had talked. At this time I only thought of her as a friend. Next time I see her we talk for a couple minutes after class then she says she had to go I said I would walk with her and she said “no it’s okay, thanks though”. Next time the same thing happens. We only see each other 3 times a week. Then finally about 7 days after we talk longer and I walked with her again and we said goodbye. She seemed as though if she may have wanted to give me a hug again, but her body language did not fully seem like that was how she was feeling and with the past days of her not talking too much I did not want to come off strong with a hug if she did not actually want a hug, so I just waved and said goodbye. For the past 3 weeks our interactions have been pretty stagnant about just talking 5 minutes after class I wave goodbye and we go. Although recently I have ran into her a couple times out of class and each time she will see me and like grab my back or shoulders in a kind of playful intimate manner. But, the conversation will not last long. I have tried texting her after that incident as I feel bad we did not get to talk longer and she just gives short responses and answer like 1/3 of the question so it is hard to maintain the conversation. So now I am just lost. I am now feeling kind of in a way that I like her and she is on my mind, but I am trying to ask myself why that is. We are really opposite, our conversations are hard to maintain, and it gets awkward very easily. I think she is a nice girl with a good heart, I just do not understand what is going on. I apologize for the long scenario and the grammar errors that are present. I really appreciate all you guys for taking the time to read this message and assist in any way possible. Is there something I might have done to make her become more distant? Is there something I should to fix/figure out what is going on? Do I like her just for physical attraction and her being around? Does she like me or is there something I could say to find out?
itsallamystery Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 She seems shy because she won't talk much or ask many things, but her hobbies are a bit active like partying/drinking and she seems to know a lot of people. Red flag. IMO, I'm always suspicious of people that act one way in one situation and completely different in another. I am the type of guy that is more shy/silent, very caring about his friends and likes to help out, and just watch tv/movies while relaxing with a couple friends or just sometimes hanging with one friend because you can get some good conversations out of that type of interaction. If I do not continue to produce ideas for the conversation it goes silent and is awkward. I will get an answer not that deep of an answer and then she will ask me the same question. Then once I answer I need to always find a way to get the question to have another side or change topics. If I do not come up with anything it will become silent. Could be a few things...she could be shy, a bad conversationalist or just stupid. However, if she is digging you she'll find ways to keep the conversation flowing even its about the dumbest of things. she gave me a hug and was in a really happy mood after we had talked. Next time I see her we talk for a couple minutes after class then she says she had to go I said I would walk with her and she said “no it’s okay, thanks though”. Next time the same thing happens. We only see each other 3 times a week. Was thinking she saw you as a friend until you got that hug from her. Not seeing her, then her wanting to massage you...kinda tells me you might've come off as too eager. Once you backed off (maybe because you saw each other less) she was feeling you more. Bottom line: Ask her out and if she declines move on. you dont know her enough to know if shes a good girl or not so dont read into it that much Is there something I might have done to make her become more distant? Is there something I should to fix/figure out what is going on? Do I like her just for physical attraction and her being around? Does she like me or is there something I could say to find out? Stop worrying about that and take some action. I've got a decade on you and I'm only recently learning rejection is not a bad thing. 1
Mystique01 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Hmmm.....this girl does seem a bit difficult to read. I have to admit, when I was younger I was quite shy. I still have a little shyness in me, but if a guy I was interested in was striking up conversations with me every time we met, and was asking me questions, I'd eventually loosen up and ask him questions and keep the conversation going.....no matter HOW shy I was. Her behavior seems kind of hot and cold....ie...not responding to texts, or giving one-word answers. It almost sounds as though she's in a relationship or has her heart elsewhere, perhaps crushing on another guy?? Anyway... the only way you're going to find out if she's interested in being MORE than just friends is to invite her out somewhere! If she's interested, she will go, or will at least reschedule if she can't make it. IF she is NOT interested, she will continue to blow you off and make excuses. I always like to give people at least 2 chances at an invite. If they blow off two chances, then I assume they aren't interested in spending time w/me. You should try to find something to do with her OUTSIDE of class...even if it's just studying for an exam together or something. Just find a way to get her out of class and perhaps going out to eat or doing something fun.
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Oh good lord if you want to know if she is interested you grow some and just ask her out on a bloody date. Guess what.....that's you getter done.
miacat Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 First things first- definitely don't change anything you're doing/tailor your personality or your general way of being in order to appeal to someone. You are just fine. Don't feel you need to force anything. Your personality and the way you interact is just fine and it won't always mesh perfectly with everyone you meet or find attractive. That's just life! Sorry if all of that was trivial, I just wanted to emphasize on it. As for her, she just sounds like someone who doesn't really know what they want. And it's so not worth bending over backwards or straining yourself to figure out some one like that. If you're really worried, you should just come straight out and ask if anythings up. Honesty is the best. It's the best way to have relationships with people. Even if it's a little uncomfortable it's always best just to say what's on your mind. (Of course don't be too blunt or say anything rude) but of course keep whatever youre going to say short and simple. You dont want to freak her out with an overload of words since she doesnt seem too fond of them in the first place. but overall she just seems like she's giving sort of mixed signals. I wouldn't force any interactions, if you sense shes not into it, or her mind is somewhere else, keep it short and sweet and part ways. Lay off a little and see if she pursues you, I think that's the best way to handle your situation right now. Sorry if this was a little scattered! Hope it helps.
Author rollinringo Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Hi again everyone! I really appreciate all the advise you guys have given me. I saw these messages a little after I saw her today, but I kinda took the approach of a combination of itsallamystery and Mystique01 suggestions. I do appreciate the other feedback as well as it is good insight. I agree with you itsallamystery that it is a red flag for the multi personality in two different cases. Recently when I talked to her today she said most of the times she saw me recently she was drinking which could have caused the more intimate responses in person and short responses over the phone. Although, this is just an assumption by me. As for Mystique01 I was planning to ask her to go to lunch today, but while we were walking she was acting a little more short to the point and seemed to be in a bad mood. And when I asked her why she was being so neutral/short recently she got really defensive for some reason and if I would had said more she would had gotten quite mad at me basically. I was just trying to get her to open up a bit and let me know if anything is wrong, but it did not lead anywhere. Idk seems as though I do not know the true her. Anyway, after her being in that kind of mood I felt as though today was not the day for anything else, so then we parted ways and I just told her "be careful with all the alcohol she has had recently as I dont want anything bad to happen" Once again just an assumption, but seems the alcohol could be complicating her life. I would still like it give it a chance, but for me the signals are too confusing right now on what she wants. And I do not feel close enough to her recently, to just boldly ask her out. I will prob see what happens in the next week or two and let how I feel about her go in the same direction with our interactions. If any of you guys have more to comment I would love to hear it. Thanks for everything!!
Glitters Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 The beginnings with a shy person are the most difficult part. Most men usually give up because they have to do all the work and may not feel worth it after a while, especially if you are used to more levelled out initiative.But eventually it becomes equal effort. Don't expect her to come out of her shyness soon.She could be cautious.A relationship takes effort and it seems that you are feeling that you are the only one making the effort but believe me when I say, if she is really shy/reserved, she is doing her best ( in whatever way ) that she probably can, at this stage. It might fizzle out!
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