inrepair Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me a month or so ago and it kind of came out of nowhere. She said that she still loved me, but she just didn't feel the same connection anymore and wasn't sure she saw a future with me. That hurt, because we had a great run. After I unfriended her from the few social media platforms I use, she blocked me on them. It hurt at the time, and it took me a bit to understand, but I now do and am actually coping quite well and have been in NC since a few days after the breakup. Since the breakup, I have been on a few casual dates where I have met a few girls for a drink after work. They haven't really gone anywhere and I think it's because in the back of my mind (along with the ongoing coping), there's still this notion (which, I know is not likely) that my ex and I will get back together. It may sound odd (and I may get harsh comments, because I've been a reader here for quite some time), but I think in order to complete the process and be fully ready to date again, I will need to know if my ex has moved onto someone new. Knowing that she did might initially sting, but I think it will help me get over the final hump and allow me to date without hesitation again. However, I don't know how to really go about asking. I don't want to really contact her, as she told me should would not respond to anything (and she has me blocked on most avenues). I guess I could reach out to her friends, but I don't feel as though that's the best way to go about it either. I don't need the "just move on" responses, because I am moving on. However, I know that this is a block that is subconsciously preventing me from enjoying myself on dates and attempting to give my all to new women. It's one of those mental blocks and I have read articles about how, in this day and age, you don't ever truly know it's over until you see your ex with someone new. I am pretty keen on doing this, but am just looking for some thoughts. It may not be something I do now, yet, but maybe in a month or so. Thoughts?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Actually seeing them with someone else will only make it harder to move on. Trust me. I've been there. It took me 11 months to get over my ex and it hasn't helped that my pain was prolonged by the fact I saw him with his new girl. Learn to let go. And learn to be receptive to other loves. I promise you it will get better.
dumbass2 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I was where you are at. I wanted to see her with someone else. Saw a picture of her with a new guy arm and arm at a dinner on a friends page 3 months after break up. 3 months later she contacts me out of the blue. It doesn't matter at all if they are seeing someone or not. Maybe if you saw that she was getting married, that may help you, but you have to get to a point where you don't need that. You need to find someone and not worry about what she is up to. You control you, not what she does or doesn't do. It's still early on, so you're going to miss her and want to know what's up with her. Seeing her with someone else will not lessen your hope. by the way, you would look very pathetic if you asked her or her friends or got caught snooping around to find out if she was dating someone. It's none of your business.
SoThatHappened Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 This is a tough one. I see where you're coming from, and you are actually fairly intuitive in thinking that "knowing" she's with someone else will help you. I spent over a year not knowing if my ex was still with the guy she cheated on me with. She did a number on me and it took me a long time to get back to status quo. I found out she was engaged and stalked her social media and found out they were still together. That hurt, to say the least. But, it did help me put a nail in the coffin. I think NC definitely has it's place. And I think that you contacting her in ANY way is a bad idea. However, only you can decide if finding out about her (be prepared for the worst) is something you can handle and something that would help you move on. BTW, I'd bet anything she was at least emotionally cheating on you with someone else, and it's likely they're still together after only a month. Are you ready to see the worst and accept she was likely cheating on you with whom she's seeing now? For now, I would recommend strict NC. That's just me though.
Author inrepair Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 This is a tough one. I see where you're coming from, and you are actually fairly intuitive in thinking that "knowing" she's with someone else will help you. I spent over a year not knowing if my ex was still with the guy she cheated on me with. She did a number on me and it took me a long time to get back to status quo. I found out she was engaged and stalked her social media and found out they were still together. That hurt, to say the least. But, it did help me put a nail in the coffin. I think NC definitely has it's place. And I think that you contacting her in ANY way is a bad idea. However, only you can decide if finding out about her (be prepared for the worst) is something you can handle and something that would help you move on. BTW, I'd bet anything she was at least emotionally cheating on you with someone else, and it's likely they're still together after only a month. Are you ready to see the worst and accept she was likely cheating on you with whom she's seeing now? For now, I would recommend strict NC. That's just me though. I think for now I will remain NC, just to give it more time and see if she ever reaches back out/unblocks me on social media and what not. I definitely think I can handle it and it would help me complete moving on. Right now it's hard to be angry with her for the breakup. I don't really hold any animosity towards her, other than just being sad that she never really communicated things with me that well. I don't believe she was cheating in any manner, but I'm not dismissing that possibility. If she was, though, I think that would give me the anger I need to finish the coping process, if that makes sense. I've been cheated on in the past and just have no tolerance for it anymore. It hurts the first time, but then you're sort of just like, "**** it!", good riddance.
biggles6087 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I think for now I will remain NC, just to give it more time and see if she ever reaches back out/unblocks me on social media and what not. I definitely think I can handle it and it would help me complete moving on. Right now it's hard to be angry with her for the breakup. I don't really hold any animosity towards her, other than just being sad that she never really communicated things with me that well. I don't believe she was cheating in any manner, but I'm not dismissing that possibility. If she was, though, I think that would give me the anger I need to finish the coping process, if that makes sense. I've been cheated on in the past and just have no tolerance for it anymore. It hurts the first time, but then you're sort of just like, "**** it!", good riddance. I know how you feel mate the ex done the same after no contact from me she decided to unblock me and we are kind of speaking now but it is not great i'm back to square one again as it seem to be on all her terms best to keep going on a few dates and keep moving forward.
Hewie Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Trust me, you will feel more crushed if you saw her with someone else. So my advice for you is, don't get such closure. Most of the time, we do not get any closure. Closure or no closure, let time heal your wound. Best method that really help is to cut off all sorts of contact, it doesn't have to result in you blocking her or whatsoever. Just disappear out of nowhere. I had your mentality. I thought if I could see her happy with someone else, someone who could make her happy than I could ever did, I could let her go and move on but I was wrong. I got dumped 3 months ago. Within this 3 months, she had a new boyfriend within the first 2 months, which she thinks is better than me and is having a great time creating drama out of social media and such. It would feel like she is doing it in your face when she didnt even bother to block you and such. How do I know this? Because she posted it up on twitter. That's how. And I had to numb the pain again with 2 bottles of wine which is not healthy at all. So do not ever think that way, our heart is much more vulnerable than you think. I rather get into fights or take a bullet instead. At least they could be healed with medication or surgery. Where as the heart can never be treated as such, only time is your friend
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