MagicRat09 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Was set up with a girl by friends. We had what I thought was a fantastic first date, french kissed at the end. Made plans for the next week. She wrote to postpone for a week, because she's in grad school and had to catch up on work. We made a plan for the following week and she canceled again for the same reason. My response was that I understood, and she should get in touch when her schedule lets up and that when she's free again I would really like to see her. That was about two weeks ago and not a word. My friend who set us up says I should call and try again, but I really don't think so. Disappointed because I thought the first date was really great. Thoughts? Thanks all.
SwordofFlame Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Sounds like she's not into you enough to make time for you. You should move on.
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I wouldn't pursue. If she likes you, she knows how to get in touch. Until then don't waste your time. 3
Wewon Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Unfortunately, most (not all) women don't show disinterest by saying, "Sorry MagicRat09, I'm not interested in dating you." Instead, they show interest in much the same way they show interest, via hints. She has your contact information, you have mutual friends, you put the ball in her court, if she wants to go out, let her call you. In the mean time, date other women. 5
Author MagicRat09 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 Agreed. My friend is all "call her again" but my gut is saying no. 1
Mikau Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Don't forget your friend might be working with inside information here. It might be worth it to call again, even though I agree with you that the ball should be in her court.
Wewon Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Agreed. My friend is all "call her again" but my gut is saying no. Why is your friend pushing this? Do they know your side of this? Q: What's the difference between a persistent guy and a creepy, stalkerish weirdo that can't take a hint or take "no" for an answer? A: One phone call.
One_Made_of_Silver Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Unfortunately, most (not all) women don't show disinterest by saying, "Sorry MagicRat09, I'm not interested in dating you." Instead, they show interest in much the same way they show interest, via hints. She has your contact information, you have mutual friends, you put the ball in her court, if she wants to go out, let her call you. In the mean time, date other women. I agree 100 percent. I was in a similar situation recently: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/555076-want-meet-but-am-i-wasting-my-time
Erik30 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 You already handled it fine by saying she should let you know when she's available, after cancelling on you twice. I think I read somewhere that your way is actually how you should act in a situation like that. 1
Miss Peach Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I would bet she's either not that interested or not able to make room in her life for dating. Neither one is a good situation for you. It's up to you if you want to reach out one more time... 2
kpl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 It may not be just that she wasn't interested. As a recent grad school grad making time was darn near impossible for me. It was a very real struggle. I entered a demanding field so I chose to make my social life a priority and make time for friends/bf BUT it came at a cost to school work. Let her come to you when she is ready but she might just be too busy to date.
Confusedovo Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Yeah id leave the ball in her court now. Sorry to say she sounds not too interested. She may well be busy,but when you're really interested in someone you make time. Let it go and date others. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 When someone is interested in you they'll always find a way to make time for you. Always. 4
oregon0011 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Who knows. Just call, tell her you are interested in her, thought of her, enjoyed something specific about her, and want to see her again. If it doesn't work no big deal. Women often times need to be led.
lity444 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I'd say, if you are interested, try once more. Grad school is demanding and depending on where you live, it's midterm period and some grad students have extra work, grading etc to do. It could be more than just an excuse.
oregon0011 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 When someone is interested in you they'll always find a way to make time for you. Always. It's really rare to find a relationship where both people from the beginning were on the same exact page. Usually one is pulling, one is pushing, one is going slower etc. I have had relationships with girls that blew me off and flaked a few times. Most girls do this at the beginning.
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 It's really rare to find a relationship where both people from the beginning were on the same exact page. Usually one is pulling, one is pushing, one is going slower etc. I have had relationships with girls that blew me off and flaked a few times. Most girls do this at the beginning. I'm not sure "most" would but like everything in life there are always exceptions and variables that cause women (and men) to behave contrarily. I've been around a while and have had a number of experiences in my lifetime and what I've learned in all those years is that people will move mountains if they want something badly enough. Maybe this woman isn't sure what she wants apart from getting through Grad school. Despite the great first date, dating doesn't appear to be a priority for her right now and that's perfectly fine. If the OP wants to continue reaching out to her, God bless but at some point he's going to have to ask himself when enough is enough. The ball is in her court. She knows how to reach if/when she's ready. In the meantime he needs to get on with his life.
Maggie4 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 She's not smitten with you, but did you expect her to re-prioritize her life after just one date with a man? Speaking for myself, when I was in grad school and stressed, I would not make time for the hottest guy. But when I feel like going out and I'm bored at home, I'd called up guys that I'm not exactly in love with. She might have more time around holidays, it doesn't hurt to ask. In the past I've decided not to contact a guy because the ball had been sitting in my court for too long, I didn't think he'd still remember me. After just one date, either person can let it go, if it's not meant to be.
Wewon Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Speaking for myself, I don't the OP to get caught up in the typical guy trap of pursue-pursue-pursue, which is fueled by false hope and a string of rationalizations. This is how a guy ends up being that guy that "can't take a hint". Although most men are still expected to do the pursuing, she should still be providing some clues, signs of interest for him to know that she's still engaged, so to speak; otherwise how is he to know that he isn't barking up the wrong tree. 2
RecentChange Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Yeah back when I was dating a lot, I tended to be a wuss when it came to telling guys I wasn't interested. Instead I would cancel, post pone... Never initiate contact. I am going to come straight out and say it was ****ty of me, but I might even string them along as an option in case another guy doesn't pan out / I get bored etc. And I admit, after I had been inconsiderate a few times - and he keeps begging for more. I would find it a big turn off. If I am really interested in someone, I make time (or apologize profusely, re-schedule, intiate contact) 2
Maggie4 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I agree with the above posts. Since it's only been one date, you're not attached, just let it go. It's the safest route. It's possible she's quite interested, but so what? You can always find someone else. Sometimes it just doesn't happen between people who kinda sorta like each other.
lino Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 She's definitely not interested. Don't waste any more of your time.
TheBathWater Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Was set up with a girl by friends. We had what I thought was a fantastic first date, french kissed at the end. Made plans for the next week. She wrote to postpone for a week, because she's in grad school and had to catch up on work. We made a plan for the following week and she canceled again for the same reason. My response was that I understood, and she should get in touch when her schedule lets up and that when she's free again I would really like to see her. That was about two weeks ago and not a word. My friend who set us up says I should call and try again, but I really don't think so. Disappointed because I thought the first date was really great. Thoughts? Thanks all. This sucks when it happens. It sounds like the two of you connected, and you really like her. I think you did the mature thing by being understanding both times and then by putting the ball in her court. I would not contact her again unless you hear from her first. It might suck to let it go, but I think it's for the best for your own sake in the long run.
Siquijor Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Could be more than an excuse but two weeks without any form of contact means she's not worth pursuing IMO.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Yeah back when I was dating a lot, I tended to be a wuss when it came to telling guys I wasn't interested. Instead I would cancel, post pone... Never initiate contact. I am going to come straight out and say it was ****ty of me, but I might even string them along as an option in case another guy doesn't pan out / I get bored etc. And I admit, after I had been inconsiderate a few times - and he keeps begging for more. I would find it a big turn off. If I am really interested in someone, I make time (or apologize profusely, re-schedule, intiate contact) This. I have to say that I do the same as the girl in the OP when I am just not interested. As an example; I recently made it to a date with a guy after 37 hours of flying+layovers. I was exhausted but I wanted to see him more. I am currently "dating" someone where I cancel 4 out of 5 times. I always use work as an excuse and while I do work a lot; I have no problem making time for a guy I am interested in. He has been putting up with it for months. I know it may not be nice of me, but what kind of guy keeps chasing you for months after that kind of treatment? Please don't be that guy.
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