Sophia2012 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 My bf of almost 3 years and I broke up 2 weeks ago. A little info. We work for the same company. I have a 3 year old daughter that he is not her biological father but he treats her as if he is! He's wonderful with her and loves her. Vice versa. Hold on its a long story... I really need advice!!! Prior to the night of the break up I had been pressuring him about marriage I know I shouldn't have done this but I started to feel like he just didn't want to marry ME. Even though everything before was great we have a wonderful loving supportive relationship and always dreamed and talked about our future which always included each other. Lots of our friends and family are getting married and asking when we are so I really started to feel the pressure and just needed some reassurance from him. So one night in an argument about something stupid he blurted out you're the one that wants to get married and I don't! I was devastated. Hurt. Torn. All the above. 4 days later at work a guy is flirting with me and asks me for my number I give it to him. We chat a little bit. He knows I have a bf. In the texts were nothing bad nothing sexual. To be 100% honest I wanted my bf to see that he's gunna have to chase me if he wants to keep me because we all know after you live together and have been together for awhile your relationship gets comfortable and men don't chase their woman. Well my plan back fired! He saw messages and assumed I was planning on leaving him for this guy and breaks up with me, kicks my daughter and I out of the Josie but says he wants to keep my name on lease electric and water bill. 5 days later he brings a girl over to the house knowing I drive by to go to work everyday.... I've ytied reaching out to him and letting him know how sorry I am and that I would be willing to do anything to gain his trust back. He just keeps saying no there is no going back. I'm not even worried about this other girl. If there's something going on or not. Should I just go NC and wait for him to figure out what he wants or just move on even though I don't want to
Clarence_Boddicker Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) Sounds like you need to mature a bit more. Playing games is never good in a relationship. I wouldn't worry too much about your dead relationship, because he wasn't the perfect guy you thought he was. I doubt he thought of you as a future life partner. Learn how to communicate properly, not provoke drama & fights. You're perfectly right in wanting to be married. You can't force a guy to want to marry you. Tying to use jealousy to control others is very messed up & stupid. Not all guys want to play competitive games with their partners. In our current society there's not much worth fighting for, especially relationships. It's much easier to say goodbye & find a non game player. Spend this time apart figuring out what you want & don't want in a partner & relationship. I would go NC & not let him back. Your daughter needs stability. Edited November 3, 2015 by Clarence_Boddicker
sandylee1 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 He didn't want to get married......so it's probably for the best anyway. I hope you had somewhere to go with your daughter when he kicked you out. I think you gave him the perfect excuse to end your relationship really. I'm not sure what the nature of those texts were, but if it was more than platonic and bordering on flirty...you can understand why he'd be upset. That's not the best way to get a guy to marry you. Playing those kind of games doesn't work unless your really slick about it. At the end of the day...you want a guy to marry you ...because he wants to...not because he feels badgered or pressured into it. Also . you should have your own mind and not jump on the marriage bandwagon because your friends are. It should be because YOU want it. If you look at marriage as being for life......could you see him as the one you'd like to spend the rest of your life with ? Don't contact him. If he wants you back...he can let you know....but if you want him back don't start dating......not yet anyway.
Author Sophia2012 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I agree with what you both have said. Especially the immature part I know it was and I feel very guilty and awful. This is both of our most serious relationship and I don't think either one of us know how to handle this. Resulting in me acting crazy thinking my "plan" would work This is our only fight we've ever had in the 3 years we've been together. I know we could work this out but he has to want to first. And yes I could see myself with him for the rest of my life and I could learn to be patient and not badger him and just have fun. I know I made a huge mistake and have learned a big lesson from this but I do not want to lose him forever
clam Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Move on, but be sure to get your name off the lease and the bills. How was he able to kick you out if both your names are on the lease? I don't even think that's legal.
sandylee1 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Move on, but be sure to get your name off the lease and the bills. How was he able to kick you out if both your names are on the lease? I don't even think that's legal. Absolutely. You either move back in or make sure you get your name of the lease. Why is he trying to make you liable for those bills if you don't live there anymore. You should contact the landlord and the utility companies to see what you need to do..to get your name of the lease and the bills.
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Sounds like he didn't want marriage, you did and played mind games on him. Tried to manipulate him. It's a damn good thing it didn't work. Not a good way to start out a marriage with manipulation. It wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway if that is how you treat him. If you would have been successful in your manipulation, you would more then likely continue doing it to get your way in the relationship. So as I said, its a damn good thing it didn't work for both of you. He didn't want to get married anyway, and now you can learn from your mistakes that manipulation and mind games is a poor choice to make, and nearly never works out. I understand you know this and are feeling guilty about it. This is a good thing! Some people would hold a grudge and have a different response to him seeing another girl. Your response to it tells me you don't feel entitled. You made a costly mistake, and you are now owning it. Good for you! That is the correct response, and the only way to learn from your mistakes. I say let him go. Learn from your mistakes, and don't repeat them in your next relationship.
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