abby_tx Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I dated a guy for about 4 months. It's been a year since we broke up and we did no contact so he's been out of my mind for quite a while. During our time together, his best friend from home visited. Best friend was awesome. We had a connection for sure but obviously didn't act on it. He moved to town and contacted me via match.com. Is he off limits??
kendahke Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 That is a question that this guy needs to ask his boy, since he still does have a friendship with him. You're free to do as you list since you're not dating him and a year has gone by. I see no problem on it from your end, but I do see one from his end. Have you asked him if he's talked to his boy about dating you? I think this all depends upon how close they are and how serious this friend is about starting something up with you.
BLND Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I see no problem since 4 moths is not a long time for anything serious. Plus it's been a year of no contact. Only thing left is for the guy to have a talk with the ex.
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Your relationship with the 1st guy wasn't all that long or that serious. It was over a while ago. Since you mention the friend moved to where you are now, I assume that means you won't have daily interactions with the EX as a result of dating the friend. So I think you are OK but do understand their friendship may not survive.
Author abby_tx Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 Well the ex lives in my town and now the friend will too. Our relationship ended on okay terms because we didn't want the same things in life. I would only date his friend if it was something "real" We haven't actually gone out now. It's just in that awkward stage of "is he messaging me because he also saw the connection and is seeing how I feel?" Kinda jumping the gun. One thing is I would NEVERRRR want to double date.
Author abby_tx Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 no. it's a pretty cold move But if you were in a happy relationship, wouldn't you want your friend to be happy?
Miss Peach Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I think it sounds fine under those circumstances but if he's serious about dating you I think he needs to have the talk with his friend. 2
Wewon Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Obviously this isn't a straightforward situation. I also think that this is more of an issue between your ex and his friend. They're the ones that will have the conflict (if there is any). That being said, I can't help but wonder about ulterior motives or latent anger by one or more of the parties involved. Simply because this plays on a lot of unspoken boundaries.
candie13 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I am conflicted about this. If the 2 are best friends, it will be weird, at some point. I would be more worried about the best friend wanting to "hit it and quit it", because I doubt he sees you are RS material, after having slept with his best mate... I dunno, that may be worst case scenario. Girl, it is match.com, he is just as much of a potential weirdo and potential bastard as any of the guys there. It's not that he's your ex's best friend that he's a decent person. So keep those shields up and make sure you give a hard time before going out with him, to find out about his intentions, etc. Use your intuition and don't fall for any stupid tricks. Are you sure your ex doesn't hate you and put his bestie to contact you and set up a lil' revenge? Really, really careful. Unless you and your ex have nourished a beautiful friendship with absolutely no hard feelings, unless you are absolutely sure there is NO reason he might hate you to death - like you leaving him high and dry... I say ok. Talk to the guy. How did you and your ex end it?
candie13 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Personally, I'd never date any of my friend's exes. None that mattered. None, actually, unless she encouraged me to. Orange flag to me, personally. 4 months is beyond the dreaded 3 months... In the last 6 years, I've only had three RS that lasted beyond 3 months... how old are you guys ?
Author abby_tx Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 We are both early 30's. The ex and I would have been good friends. Probably shouldn't have dated. We just didn't fit romantically. I remember meeting his friend a few times and feeling that spark with him at the same time as i questioned things with my then bf. Oh and when he messaged me on match he had NO idea it was me and me him until maybe 5 messages later. We had that "aha" moment and at first my instinct was total horror and embarrassment and then I thought, "wait... This is the same guy is regretted not knowing better and now here he is in my town."
Author abby_tx Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 He asked me to hang out next weekend!! 1
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