Bfef Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Hi everyone, I expect this will be an easy question for you based on the normal relationship difficulties you offer advice on! (For info. I'm 45 and the two women in question are 48yo). I had an 18 month relationship with my Ex, which for the last six months of it was pretty stormy. At that time my mother died and I found out the Ex was saying some pretty nasty things to her friends behind my back. This precipitated quite a few arguments and we were on and off until the end. I haven't seen her now for two months although there have been the occasional texts. We were one of those couples who thrive on the excitement and we always got back together after rows, and she always agreed to meet up for dates etc. without hesitation even after a week or two of being apart. I really liked her lifestyle, she is very attractive and the sex with her was dynamite. The last time we rowed I wrote her a long letter explaining why I was having problems, it was an attempt to explain my side and to draw a line under all the difficulties and move on together. As you can imagine it went down like a lead balloon and split us up . Fast forward a few weeks and I met a new lady and we hit it off immediately. She is also fabulously attractive but her lifestyle is such that she can't dedicate as much time to the relationship as I'd like. Basically she looks after a disabled son who takes up loads of her time and limits the amount we can spend on dates / days out etc. She is super-attentive though and her personality is relaxed and patient, quite unlike the Ex. But long-term I feel that she may not be able to offer the "full time" relationship I would like, rather, I would be her "weekend" boyfriend only. This isn't necessarily a problem with my work commitments etc. Anyway, this week my Ex contacted me again in an attempt to reconcile and it coincided with the doubts I am having about the new girlfriend. She also explained about the whole mum dying thing. So the question is this: Should I go back to the stormy but exciting old relationship or go with the new one for a steadier, calmer time but with an unknown future? My instinct is to think that my time with the Ex has basically run its course, we had our time and it didn't really work out. And I am still in the excitement phase of the new relationship so I'm rather biased at the moment! But doubts over the future and knowing exactly what the past offered is making my head spin. I know it's an impossible question for strangers to answer but I would very much welcome advice or anecdotes please!
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Your relationship with your EX is dysfunctional. I get that you enjoy the break up make up cycle but do you understand that it's very unhealthy? Because you already know that doesn't work, why do you want to go back to the same unresolved problems? The definition of insanity is doing the same things over & over but expecting different results. 1
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