katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I've seen no indication from OP anywhere in this thread that she would have agreed to go exclusive had he verbalized it. The point is, I think she was planning to date as many men as possible, playing each of them until she got bored of it. If I'd found out after five dates she was still seeing other guys, I would be done dating her. ** No man who respects himself would tolerate that treatment, unless he's down for a polyamorous relationship***. ^^Which is precisely why JJ called him weak and passive in her original post. He has no self-respect and is insecure, and as Gaeta said earlier, insecurity often manifests into arrogance. 1
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 5 dates x 2 hours = 10 hours. After 10 hours I would hope a woman isn't still on the fence about dating me. If she isn't feeling it after 10 minutes I'd be out the door. This guy must be a serious doormat. I need 3 serious dates to know if I connect with a man. I have often met a man for the 1st time and convinced myself I won't see him again then I kept an open mind and saw him another time and on the 3rd date something changed in me and I grew into him. We are NOT all wired like YOU!! 2
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) ^^Which is precisely why JJ called him weak and passive in her original post. He has no self-respect and is insecure, and as Gaeta said earlier, insecurity often manifests into arrogance. If he did have self-respect and was secure within himself, he would have clarified from the get go what he wanted and expected. My fiance did on date two! And if JJ wasn't on same page, he would have walked! And none of this shyt would be happening. Edited November 4, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I've seen no indication from OP anywhere in this thread that she would have agreed to go exclusive had he verbalized it. The point is, I think she was planning to date as many men as possible, playing each of them until she got bored of it. If I'd found out after five dates she was still seeing other guys, I would be done dating her. No man who respects himself would tolerate that treatment, unless he's down for a polyamorous relationship. You and Elvis want it easy. You want everything to fall onto your lap without having to properly escalate a relationship and without having to communicate your dating style. No, it's not gonna fall on your lap. You won't meet a girl and she'll be no work and she'll just give you her heart and exclusivity after 10 minutes. 3
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 you and elvis want it easy. You want everything to fall onto your lap without having to properly escalate a relationship and without having to communicate your dating style. No, it's not gonna fall on your lap. You won't meet a girl and she'll be no work and she'll just give you her heart and exclusivity after 10 minutes. Amen....... 2
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 If it's been 5 dates and you still aren't having sex then he really is a beta, or maybe you just keep guys around to pay for your meals. This seems to be a virus of some kind on LS. Men who ASSume grown, working, financially comfortable women would stoop to go out on dates with men just to get free food. I'm in the fortunate position of being able to afford my own food. Gratitude. 4
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Talking about assumptions, if two people have only had 5 dates in one month, and have not had sex yet, if one is gonna assume anything, the assumption would be they are *both* keeping options open until such time they actually discuss exclusivity .... or ramp things up so much that they are seeing each other several times a week, having sex, meeting friends, family, etc. I still think it should be discussed though, just for clarity, so there is no ambiguity and confusion. That is just the smart and self-protective thing to do...I am not getting how anyone can argue with that. You clearly have your head screwed on right! But so many people make assumptions without bothering to discuss these things. Another example is people will take the situation up a notch by finally having sex but not think to discuss where the relationship is going and what they expect from it beforehand.
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 i don't get why you don't speak up about what you want. Like i said, if a man doesn't bring up exclusivity it's cause he doesn't want it. if he's too shy, or insecure to bring it up, him and i don't belong together if he's that weak. ^^^^^ this!
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 5 dates x 2 hours = 10 hours. After 10 hours I would hope a woman isn't still on the fence about dating me. If she isn't feeling it after 10 minutes I'd be out the door. This guy must be a serious doormat. It's simply not possible to figure out whether a person is mentally and emotionally stable, interesting, genuine, has integrity, has prospects, has healthy relationships with his friends and family etc in the space of 10 minutes. All 10 minutes will tell you is if you are initially sexually attracted to them or not. It takes a whole lot more than that to get me to be your girlfriend. 4
SwordofFlame Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I have to admit I would be dating other people too if I were moving at the pace OP and her date was. They seem more like friends hanging out and not two people dating. 1
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 It's simply not possible to figure out whether a person is mentally and emotionally stable, interesting, genuine, has integrity, has prospects, has healthy relationships with his friends and family etc in the space of 10 minutes. All 10 minutes will tell you is if you are initially sexually attracted to them or not. It takes a whole lot more than that to get me to be your girlfriend. No offense, but I don't think most guys would want to be in a relationship with you if they knew you were dating all these other men. As long as everyone is pushing for open communication and blaming this guy for not speaking up... how about some transparency on your end? Next time you go on a date with some guy you should start out by mentioning how many other guys you are currently dating and watch how quickly he walks out the door. Communication goes both ways ladies. 4
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 No offense, but I don't think most guys would want to be in a relationship with you if they knew you were dating all these other men. As long as everyone is pushing for open communication and blaming this guy for not speaking up... how about some transparency on your end? Next time you go on a date with some guy you should start out by mentioning how many other guys you are currently dating and watch how quickly he walks out the door. Communication goes both ways ladies. Where was this guy's communication? 1
oberkeat Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 No offense, but I don't think most guys would want to be in a relationship with you if they knew you were dating all these other men. As long as everyone is pushing for open communication and blaming this guy for not speaking up... how about some transparency on your end? Next time you go on a date with some guy you should start out by mentioning how many other guys you are currently dating and watch how quickly he walks out the door. Exactly! I doubt she's told any of these other guys that she dating other men. She knows most guys would not be alright with this stuff, and she's only thinking of herself. That's what players do.
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 No offense, but I don't think most guys would want to be in a relationship with you if they knew you were dating all these other men. As long as everyone is pushing for open communication and blaming this guy for not speaking up... how about some transparency on your end? Next time you go on a date with some guy you should start out by mentioning how many other guys you are currently dating and watch how quickly he walks out the door. Communication goes both ways ladies. Multi dating is the norm in my circle of friends (among the women at least). They have options. My closest female friends seem to be constantly in demand to be honest and can pretty much take their pick of which man to proceed into a serious relationship with.
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 OK YOU 2 Because as much as you want to put the blame on OP SHE IS the one who initiated this conversation with him!! Her communication is just fine!! 1
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 If a girl just dropped all her other options after 1 or 2 dates with some man from OLD and said "take me, I'm all yours", he'd probably run a mile because she is just too available and easy :D:D:D We're all grown adults here. Men, if you meet a woman you think is so fantastic that you just want to move forward with her and make her your girlfriend, you have to realise that other men will have noticed her too
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Multi dating is the norm in my circle of friends (among the women at least). They have options. My closest female friends seem to be constantly in demand to be honest and can pretty much take their pick of which man to proceed into a serious relationship with. But you neatly avoided the question. Do you tell the men you're dating about all the other men you're dating? Where I come from we have a word for women like your "closest friend"... And if you have so many options why the hell are you using OLD?
ManyDissapoint Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If a girl just dropped all her other options after 1 or 2 dates with some man from OLD and said "take me, I'm all yours", he'd probably run a mile because she is just too available and easy :D:D:D We're all grown adults here. Men, if you meet a woman you think is so fantastic that you just want to move forward with her and make her your girlfriend, you have to realise that other men will have noticed her too Since you're a grown adult, just make sure you let all your dates know that you're multidating. Preferably early. If you want to be ethical about it anyway. 6
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 But you neatly avoided the question. Do you tell the men you're dating about all the other men you're dating? Where I come from we have a word for women like your "closest friend"... And if you have so many options why the hell are you using OLD? OLD allows me to decide who to approach rather than just relying on which men come up to me in public and ask me out. In theory I guess I could just start walking up to guys I like the look of in public, but I prefer to do that online.
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 When a guy asks me if I am seeing anyone else, I tell him. I have nothing to hide. It would seem a little TMI to sit down on a first date though and say, "Hi, I'm Jasmine. I'm currently talking to 4 other guys and will be going for drinks with one of them this weekend. How are you?" Since you're a grown adult, just make sure you let all your dates know that you're multidating. Preferably early. If you want to be ethical about it anyway.
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 When a guy asks me if I am seeing anyone else, I tell him. I have nothing to hide. It would seem a little TMI to sit down on a first date though and say, "Hi, I'm Jasmine. I'm currently talking to 4 other guys and will be going for drinks with one of them this weekend. How are you?" Or you could meet a guy, date him for a while, and then if it doesn't click between you, you can move on and start dating someone else. Life's not a race to see how many people you can date before the age of 40. Call me old fashioned but I would not want to get involved with a woman who was going out on dates with tons of different guys she met off the internet. 2
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Or you could meet a guy, date him for a while, and then if it doesn't click between you, you can move on and start dating someone else. Life's not a race to see how many people you can date before the age of 40. Call me old fashioned but I would not want to get involved with a woman who was going out on dates with tons of different guys she met off the internet. All you need to do then is ask a woman early on if she is seeing anyone else. Simple. It really doesn't matter what I am doing given that you would never have a chance to date me in the first place.
jen1447 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 5 dates in 30 days is a really mild dating rate in any social construct I'm familiar with in the western world. (Maybe it's different in North Korea - no idea. ) So I don't see how exclusivity could possibly be assumed there. But the larger point is that with no terms openly put on the table ahead of time, any assumptions are prone to being mistaken. 1
deadelvis Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 It's just sad that that's what the world has come to. You have to ask your date if she's dating anyone else... not just on the first date, but 5 dates in... yeah. That's pretty sad. I always just assumed I was the only one. Maybe now I'll start asking. Gross. But don't worry there are plenty more beta men for you to walk on. But don't expect any self respecting guy to tolerate that crap. 2 1
GunslingerRoland Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Just reading this thread makes me so glad I'm not single now. The idea that you could go on 5 dates with someone, and they are still dating a bunch of other people... I guess if just seems so wishy washy. You say he's a beta male, but if you have to date a bunch of men for weeks to figure out who you like, I clearly wouldn't consider you an alpha female. 4
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