insert_name Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I see two things here. One, his word choices are a bit odd, is this exactly what he wrote? Two, you have been on five dates now, surely this is enough time for you to have either decided you are not interested, or you are. I know it's come up on another thread about american dating, so maybe it's a cultural thing, but even so I really don't understand how you can go on that many dates with a guy and keep multi dating, unless you are a player. So in that respect, I can see why the guy would be upset. You say "Overall he is very passive and weak" - why then would you then go on 5 dates with him? Because he is so beta he is paying for all her meals of course....
LilaMarie Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 It really cracks me up when beta guys try to be assertive and it just comes out cringey and hilarious I agree. Run JJ!!! Unless of course you are into effeminate (AKA betas).
LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Alpha beta.. who the **** cares. If a girl told me she was dating other men.. I'd turn her into a **** buddy. Problem solved. Then when she gets emotional I'd ask her where her other men were. 4
LoveRefreshed Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Oh Jesus. Some of these responses from women are hilarious. Why does every girl think she deserves an alpha?
RedRobin Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 As a woman, I am cringing. Not for the guy, but for the OP. I hope she realizes that indecisiveness is a strictly 'beta' quality... Not being able to make a decision about how to effectively narrow down her dating pool in a reasonable period of time, and showing poor manners while she does it... Doesn't really seem 'worthy' of the kind of man she hopes to attract. Nor qualified to judge someone else as weak. 4
lino Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I agree. I'm appalled with all the replies that are basically okay with OP's behavior. She went out with the guy five times while she was still dating other guys?? That means she didn't really like him, but she was going to date him until someone better came along. Either that, or she was planning on stringin' along as many dudes as possible without committing to any of them. That's really sh*tty, IMO. She treated him like a disposable object, and I would be turned off too. SMH. Damn straight. This guy is neither a 'beta male' or passive aggressive. He simply doesn't want to be dating and kissing someone who is doing so with multiple other men. Smart guy. If you don't like it, drop him and find another guy, plenty of men out there who are happy to share women and be shared themselves. Attitudes shown in many of the responses here are exactly why dating is the mess it is today. 4
lino Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 He's not beta, he's arrogant and a Mr. Know it all. Let me translate this for you in men's language "I am not concerned about other men' What he really means is I am god's gift to women why in the world would you want to date other men when you have me. I don't feel a need to even discuss these things because I can tell from your behaviour that I don't have any competition. What he really means is I know for sure I don't have competition because you couldn't get another man's attention even if you tried. We have clicked and it's so hard to meet people these days What he means is I have decided you have clicked with me and you don't need to look further. Time for a new dictionary I think. Your bitterness shines very bright in this post I got to say. 1
joseb Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Oh Jesus. Some of these responses from women are hilarious. Why does every girl think she deserves an alpha? Yeah, the funny thing is, if she really was dating an alpha, as in nature, she would have to wait her turn in line as part of his hareem, and there isn't a chance in hell of her seeing others while doing it!
SmartDude Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 He is probably bummed that you do not feel the same way he does right now. Obviously he thought you felt the same or something?? Are you curious enough to see if this is just a moment of weakness or if this is a pattern with him? If you are just not attracted to him any more then why bother.
Popsicle Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 As a woman you can only bring up the exclusive thing when you want it at that moment. Otherwise don't say it.
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Damn straight. This guy is neither a 'beta male' or passive aggressive. He simply doesn't want to be dating and kissing someone who is doing so with multiple other men. Smart guy. If you don't like it, drop him and find another guy, plenty of men out there who are happy to share women and be shared themselves. Attitudes shown in many of the responses here are exactly why dating is the mess it is today. Than he needs to say so instead of assuming and instead of TELLING OP how she should feel !! We click?? Who says that?? The man should I have said <I click, or I connected with you> not WE click. Who is he to tell her she clicked with him? 1
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Time for a new dictionary I think. Your bitterness shines very bright in this post I got to say. I am not bitter I just don't have patience for this type of arrogant-wannabees-mr.know.it.all attitude. This thread is not about who ask for exclusivity and how many dates before you assume yourself exclusive. This thread is about the statement he made. Look how he words his statement. It's all about HIM. He does not once ask her how she feels about things. HE decided he has no competition, HE decided they clicked, HE decided she is not multi dating. 2
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Than he needs to say so instead of assuming and instead of TELLING OP how she should feel !! We click?? Who says that?? The man should I have said <I click, or I connected with you> not WE click. Who is he to tell her she clicked with him? Gaeta, I agree the guy is an arrogant ass, however, can't you tell when you mutually click with someone...and are connecting with them? Clicking and connecting with each other is a mutual experience, so I think it's fine he felt that way ...they've had five dates after all too. I mean people usually know when they are clicking and connecting with each other and feeling that mutual chemistry. In my experience anyway, and most others I know. Feeling an attraction is different, and THAT can be one-sided. But the way that whole convo went down and all his assumptions that they were exclusive.... yeah he came off super arrogant and presumptuous, and full of himself. Yuck, major turn off, next. Edited November 4, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Gaeta, I agree the guy is an arrogant ass, however, can't you tell when you mutually click with someone...and are connecting with them? Many times they felt we clicked but it was just on their side and the same goes with me I felt many times we clicked but it was just me. OP is multi-dating she didn't click with him at the level he is implying. It was arrogant of him to be speaking for her when he said <we clicked>. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 When I start dating a guy I assume they have other women they are dating or talking to. If you are an attractive person, it's likely you have other people who are interested in you. I wouldn't automatically expect a man to just cut off all other women he's talking to after a few dates with me. If we have the talk and decide to become an exclusive couple and have sex, then of course it would be bad to discover he is still dating several other women. But before that talk has been had, when you've only just met really (4 weeks into it) and not had sex, I see nothing wrong at all with me continuing to talk to and date other men. It's not like I lied about it. I assumed he'd realise I'd be likely to have other men interested in me. One of the red flags here in fact is his assumption that I wouldn't have anyone else interested in me. Many times they felt we clicked but it was just on their side and the same goes with me I felt many times we clicked but it was just me. OP is multi-dating she didn't click with him at the level he is implying. It was arrogant of him to be speaking for her when he said <we clicked>.
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 What I have posted so far may not highlight his passive, Beta Male status, but he is indeed a passive aggressive Beta Male. His immediate response to learning that I am dating other men was a series of passive aggressive text messages. He is continuing to try to get me to go out with him again and he is still in touch constantly. Interspersed with snide, passive aggressive texts about other subjects.
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 One of the red flags here in fact is his assumption that I wouldn't have anyone else interested in me. Absolutely agree!! The way he worded his statement was not a compliment toward you. If a man I am dating told me he KNOWS he doesn't have any competition I would consider it negging !! 1
oberkeat Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 When I start dating a guy I assume they have other women they are dating or talking to. If you are an attractive person, it's likely you have other people who are interested in you. I wouldn't automatically expect a man to just cut off all other women he's talking to after a few dates with me. If we have the talk and decide to become an exclusive couple and have sex, then of course it would be bad to discover he is still dating several other women. But before that talk has been had, when you've only just met really (4 weeks into it) and not had sex, I see nothing wrong at all with me continuing to talk to and date other men. It's not like I lied about it. I assumed he'd realise I'd be likely to have other men interested in me. If you really think that, then tell all the others guys you're dating that you're seeing other men. See how they react. Hell, invite them all to dinner so they can meet each other. You didn't lie about it, but you didn't exactly volunteer that information to this guy either. Probably because you knew he wouldn't like it and because deep down you know what you're doing, stringin' along all these guys until someone better comes along, isn't cool. The fact is, your attitude suggests you view men as disposable objects. I would not date someone who treats people like that. 1
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If you really think that, then tell all the others guys you're dating that you're seeing other men. See how they react. Hell, invite them all to dinner so they can meet each other. You didn't lie about it, but you didn't exactly volunteer that information to this guy either. Probably because you knew he wouldn't like it and because deep down you know what you're doing, stringin' along all these guys until someone better comes along, isn't cool. The fact is, your attitude suggests you view men as disposable objects. I would not date someone who treats people like that. She is doing casual dating. If a man wants to date exclusively from the start than he needs to speak up and say so. As far as I am concern if a man doesn't ask for my exclusivity it's because he doesn't want it. Each man I was exclusive with brought up the topic after 3 dates. The knew what they wanted and went for it. 1
BlueIris Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Why didn't he just ask to be exclusive? I wonder this all the time, especially when I see the righteous indignation when someone hasn’t asked. Or, do as RedRobin does, and tell people on your first date that you don’t date more than one person at a time. Angst or fury avoided. If you really think that, then tell all the others guys you're dating that you're seeing other men. See how they react. Hell, invite them all to dinner so they can meet each other. You didn't lie about it, but you didn't exactly volunteer that information to this guy either. Probably because you knew he wouldn't like it and because deep down you know what you're doing, stringin' along all these guys until someone better comes along, isn't cool. The fact is, your attitude suggests you view men as disposable objects. I would not date someone who treats people like that. I went on a first date for drinks with a guy from OLD years back and at the end of the hour or so he said that he’d like to see me again but that he doesn’t think that dating more than one person at a time is ethical, so he expected exclusivity. I said I didn’t know him well enough to decide that, so I said we weren't a match and I wished him well. Then the barrage of snotty condemnation began. I’m glad he brought it up so we could be honest about our opinions and not have a second date. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 She is doing casual dating. If a man wants to date exclusively from the start than he needs to speak up and say so. As far as I am concern if a man doesn't ask for my exclusivity it's because he doesn't want it. Each man I was exclusive with brought up the topic after 3 dates. The knew what they wanted and went for it. Right on, Gaeta! It's dumb for this man to assume I'm exclusive with him and that I have no other prospects. If he wanted exclusivity he should have brought up that issue in conversation, not just made assumptions and then got petulant when it turned out I'm more in demand than he realised. 4
oberkeat Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 She is doing casual dating. If a man wants to date exclusively from the start than he needs to speak up and say so. As far as I am concern if a man doesn't ask for my exclusivity it's because he doesn't want it. Each man I was exclusive with brought up the topic after 3 dates. The knew what they wanted and went for it. I don't agree with your logic at all. After, wait for it, five dates most people would assume the person isn't messing around with other suitors. If OP wants a polyamorous relationship, then she should be the one to speak up. 1
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I don't agree with your logic at all. After, wait for it, five dates most people would assume the person isn't messing around with other suitors. If OP wants a polyamorous relationship, then she should be the one to speak up. Where in the world are you from ?? They had 5 dates over 1 MONTH. It's nothing to assume they are exclusive!! If they had spent 3 days a week over a month meaning 12 dates and then she throws at him she's multi dating OK maybe THEN I'd have reservation but 1 date a week?? for a month?? 2
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Many times they felt we clicked but it was just on their side and the same goes with me I felt many times we clicked but it was just me. OP is multi-dating she didn't click with him at the level he is implying. It was arrogant of him to be speaking for her when he said <we clicked>. Fair enough, never had that happen though. In literally every case where *I* felt that click and connection, he did too... I have had guys feel a strong "attraction to" me but I felt nothing toward them. Probably based on superficial things, like face, hair and body. Anyhoo, attraction is dfferent from that mutual chemistry you feel though. At least for me. We're all different though....so I get your point. 1
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