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Posted

Has anyone come across cases where both husband and wife are having long-term affairs with other people? Did the marriage last and if not, what finally broke it?

Posted
Has anyone come across cases where both husband and wife are having long-term affairs with other people? Did the marriage last and if not, what finally broke it?

 

I recently found out that my H's xW had been having an A (she had always denied it, before) during our A.

 

As I now understand it:

She cheated on her first H, who threw her out. She then moved in with her fOM, and they later M. Years later, she had an A, physically attacked H2 in front of the kids, and moved out. During this separation, H2 was happy, but kids were traumatised. Her A fell apart, she begged to come back. Because is were traumatised, H2 took her back under several conditions - which she almost immediately broke. But because of the kids trauma, he felt he couldn't inflict another separation on them so soon.

Her breaking of the conditions was occasioned by her getting involved in another A. She and H2 continued to share a house, but lived very separate lives. After some time, H2 became vulnerable to an A, and we embarked on our A.

After a few years, we'd fallen in love and decided to be together. He moved out, dumped her, we got M.

Her A ended. She begged H back. He wasn't interested.

 

She has now apparently moved in with someone who is the spitting image of my H (her xH2), and even has the same first name.

 

So no, the M didn't last. What broke it was him getting tired of being treated badly, and him falling in love. If he hadn't left, I suspect things would still be as they were.

Posted
Has anyone come across cases where both husband and wife are having long-term affairs with other people? Did the marriage last and if not, what finally broke it?

 

i did.

 

they both had years long affairs but the marriage never fell apart, they've been together for more than 45 years now.

Posted

My friend's M of 25y ended because he had an A. He was cake-eating and never intended leaving his W. He threw the OW under a bus and tried for 5y to R after being thrown out of the house. What I recently found out was that his W had had a LTA WHEN they first got M! 18 months. Eeek. WW blamed H for A because he didn't show her enough attention. He accepted total blame (yeah cray cray) and went on to have an A decades later. WW blamed WH for his A too. WW will not R.

All settlement was done at separation.

 

Another friend had a live in LTR for 10 years. After about 2y they both started As. When I talked with them both about this at the same time, around the 8y mark, they knew STACKS about their partners APs. Both were angry about them, hated the other's APs. It was crazy. After 8y A the female AP fell pregnant and WBF left WGF for his AP. Yeah that next relationship (never M) ended in exactly the same way. It goes on with WGF life but I'll stop there.

 

Another couple I knew I thought were pretty straight laced. I found out after the D that they'd always been swingers. Mid 20s. I mean big time swingers. Orgies. Ugh. The D happened after H (WH?) had a DNA test done on the twins. They weren't his.

W (WW?) Had no idea who the father (fathers?) could've been and didn't know most of their names anyway. Poor kids :-(.

I definitely ended those friendships!

 

Lion Heart.

Posted

I have a gf who now and then cheated (not sure if she still does) and from what she says, looks like hubby cheats.

 

I don't get why she stays. She, from day one been the "rock" in the RL. She's earned and contributed more in the marriage, she even paid his child support and then some, he's always buying his "toys", he's a drunk, he always gets to pick where they live, even though he says she needs to pay more into the pot" cuz she makes more than him (that's "equality" for yaa, woman makes more still has no say in how the money is spent).

 

She says she doesn't wanna divorce cuz of the effect on the kids, but I think that's bull. She got knocked up knowing he was a lazy, cheap drunk with champagne tastes on a wine cooler income. So, now and then when she feels "neglected" she cheats and he seems to cheat all the time.

Posted

I guess the 'forbidden fruit' effect makes it worth while not taking that step to accept an open marriage?

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Posted

I happen to know of a couple, married to each other for around 17 years and with a teenage child. The H knows his wife is having a long-term affair of several years. I suspect the H is having his own affair too, since he has taken no action whatsoever despite knowing about his W's infidelity... Is this normal? I'm thinking the most likely explanation is that the H himself may be having an affair too... If so, I wonder how sustainable such a situation is long-term...

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