noname Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 Okay, this is a very backwards double standard but I was on another post on here and asked if a girl gives her number to a guy, is it highly unlikely he will call. I received a response saying that the likelihood is slim. My situation: I recently gave a guy my number who had been flirting with me at work. I had inquired about him from another co-worker b/c I thought he was cute. My co-worker-friend told him that I'd asked about him and he said for me to come and "holla at him". I had just gotten out of a situation prior to this and wanted to take my time gettin back on the dating scene. You know get my mind right, so to speak. Anyway, after about 2 months of flirting on his part (not mine), I gave him my number and told him to call me if he wanted to hang out outside of work. I mean, I'm thinking since he obviously knew I had interest in him and then he continued to do things like, rub my shoulders at work, hold my hand, stop and make a point to talk to me, when we'd pass by eachother he'd say things like, "Hey beautiful" or "hey cutie" which made me assume he must've at minimum been attracted. What's the deal with that? I'm not saying that he's not interested but if a man is showing signals that he's into you a little bit, should I have waited to see if he would ask me for my number.? I don't have time for all this playing games and guessing. I'm too confused... personally, i don't have a problem with it. if i'm interested, i respond in kind. if i am not, then she has to be ready to deal with that as well. however, some men really get sketched out at things like that because of their experiences or observation. so you need to be able to try and read that, or find out how the feel before you do it. i know you didn't ask, so you can totally ignore this if you are not interested, but i would steer clear of work relationships if it is possible. they tend to create problems if things work out less than perfect. then you bring drama and tension to the place where you spend two thirds of your week...
mental_traveller Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch if a man doesn't ask for your number, he is either not into you or generally possessing of a weak character. How do you know? There are plenty of other reason why a guy might not ask for a woman's number.
Lights Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I definitely would appreciate it if a woman asked me out. The idea of men always having to ask out is horribly retrograde in these modern times. True, two months passed without him asking for your number, but so did those same two months pass without you asking for his. Not that anything's wrong with that either way. I think the real issue is not knowing whether or not the guy in question is interested and capable of having more fun, or is just a flirt who isn't unable to take anything further regardless of who initiates things. There isn't any way of telling from what I read of your post. Go for it. If it turns out well, have fun! If not, forget him--you then will know that he can only talk the talk.
mental_traveller Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 To the guys who say they don't like being asked out - if Angelina Jolie came up to you, said she thought you had a cute face and a tight bod, and wanted a non-celeb anonymous ****-buddy for the next few months, are you seriously trying to tell us you'd say no because she had made the first move? Come on, do you really think we buy that?
tanbark813 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I'm going to have to agree with mental_traveller on his main points. It sounds like some guys in this thread are suffering from a need to overcompensate.
crazy_grl Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 A couple of weeks ago, I approached a guy I found really attractive. He told me a girl's never done that before. He seemed almost in awe, and he did call me. (We went out a few times, but I don't think I'm really that interested in him.) The way I look at it, if a guy judges a girl as being desperate by whether or not she approaches him, he isn't worth dating anyway. It takes a lot of guts to do that, and he should respect you for it not look down on you. Those kind of guys obviously have some sexist issues going on even if they're not aware of them, and they have a double standard. So if a guy thinks less of you for being assertive, then you have to ask yourself whether he's actually someone you want to date. No offense to alphamale, because he seems happy to be who he is and that's great for him. I'm sure he'll find a woman to make him happy, but, Lostinlove, read his comments about women in this thread. Do you really want to date a guy like that? I certainly wouldn't. If the guy doesn't call you, just keep reading these negative comments like alpha's and picture them coming out of your guy's mouth. That should be enough to turn you off of him and help you get over it.
renee2004 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Ok, can I give you this scenario? I was out with some friends last week, and I knew one of the guys liked me because my friend has told me before... anyway, that night he asked for my number and we ended up getting with each other by the end of the night. Anyway, I also have his number and instead of waiting for him to message or call me, I texted him and asked if he wants to meet up for a drink with me, he replied straight away and said he does... but after reading this post now i'm afraid I might have turned him off by doing this!? What do you think?
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by renee2004 Ok, can I give you this scenario? I was out with some friends last week, and I knew one of the guys liked me because my friend has told me before... anyway, that night he asked for my number and we ended up getting with each other by the end of the night. Anyway, I also have his number and instead of waiting for him to message or call me, I texted him and asked if he wants to meet up for a drink with me, he replied straight away and said he does... but after reading this post now i'm afraid I might have turned him off by doing this!? What do you think? You already hooked up with him, You already know he likes you.. I don't think theres anything wrong that you text him and asked him to meet for a drink, he said yes didn't he!? Just make sure you're not the only one doing the texting/calling.. let him do it next time
scratch Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller To the guys who say they don't like being asked out - if Angelina Jolie came up to you, said she thought you had a cute face and a tight bod, and wanted a non-celeb anonymous ****-buddy for the next few months, are you seriously trying to tell us you'd say no because she had made the first move? Come on, do you really think we buy that? The point that most of you seem to be missing is that if a guy is interested, he'll take the initiave. A girl only needs to provide the tiniest of hints, e.g. ask him about the weather, because if a man finds you attractive all he needs is an opening to talk to you. I am certain that if he isn't terrified of women or totally uninterested in you, that will be enough for him to capitalize on the chance. There is an exception where it is awesome for a woman to be agressive - when she straight up tells the guy she wants sex. That's exciting because it's not something a guy can often do without seeming offensive. But generally, never forget that if a guy doesn't approach, there's a reason for it. We're not as stupid as Cosmo says we are. Originally posted by crazy_grl A couple of weeks ago, I approached a guy I found really attractive. He told me a girl's never done that before. He seemed almost in awe, and he did call me. (We went out a few times, but I don't think I'm really that interested in him.) I'm curious as to why you lost interest. Do most women (or men) want to date someone who holds them in awe? I'm going to guess that you found the guy passive and boring - please correct me if I'm wrong. I'd also like to hear from other women who approached guys and then lost interest. Why do you think that happened?
st8toftheheart Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller To the guys who say they don't like being asked out - if Angelina Jolie came up to you, said she thought you had a cute face and a tight bod, and wanted a non-celeb anonymous ****-buddy for the next few months, are you seriously trying to tell us you'd say no because she had made the first move? Come on, do you really think we buy that? Yes. I would say no. I'd think she is a slut and would want nothing to do with her, or her movies. She is abusing here position as a starlet to satisfy her own needs. I won't sell my soul for a piece of ass.
noname Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller To the guys who say they don't like being asked out - if Angelina Jolie came up to you, said she thought you had a cute face and a tight bod, and wanted a non-celeb anonymous ****-buddy for the next few months, are you seriously trying to tell us you'd say no because she had made the first move? Come on, do you really think we buy that? i probably shouldn't be answering because i don't mind... but AJ is a crazy nut and i probably wouldn't want to mess with her anyway. Salma Hayek on the other hand could probably have me married with kids with a few choice words...
crazy_grl Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 I'm curious as to why you lost interest. Do most women (or men) want to date someone who holds them in awe? I'm going to guess that you found the guy passive and boring - please correct me if I'm wrong. I'd also like to hear from other women who approached guys and then lost interest. Why do you think that happened? I didn't lose interest because of any awe factor. He got over that pretty quickly. That part was flattering and it wasn't overdone. I lost interest because he seemed too materialistic and stuck on being part of the status quo for me. It had nothing to do with me thinking of him as less of a man or being passive or anything like that.
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