lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Okay, this is a very backwards double standard but I was on another post on here and asked if a girl gives her number to a guy, is it highly unlikely he will call. I received a response saying that the likelihood is slim. My situation: I recently gave a guy my number who had been flirting with me at work. I had inquired about him from another co-worker b/c I thought he was cute. My co-worker-friend told him that I'd asked about him and he said for me to come and "holla at him". I had just gotten out of a situation prior to this and wanted to take my time gettin back on the dating scene. You know get my mind right, so to speak. Anyway, after about 2 months of flirting on his part (not mine), I gave him my number and told him to call me if he wanted to hang out outside of work. I mean, I'm thinking since he obviously knew I had interest in him and then he continued to do things like, rub my shoulders at work, hold my hand, stop and make a point to talk to me, when we'd pass by eachother he'd say things like, "Hey beautiful" or "hey cutie" which made me assume he must've at minimum been attracted. What's the deal with that? I'm not saying that he's not interested but if a man is showing signals that he's into you a little bit, should I have waited to see if he would ask me for my number.? I don't have time for all this playing games and guessing. I'm too confused...
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 It all depends....If guys like forward women, then he´ll call. If is insecure with himself and he feel inferior b/c he didn´t make the first move then he's a pussy and you don't want a guy like that anyway.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 my experience has been that the "less desirable" females tend to be more aggressive about approaching men and asking them out or giving their phone # to him without him asking. many of these types of women do it because, in general, men don't come up to them and ask them out. the more desireable females (i.e. physically attractive, smart, well rounded, normal, etc..) who have something going for them tend to let the man do the initial work and ask her out. i have dated some attractive women in the past and with all of them I asked them out first and for their # and obviously they accepted. it was the fat ugly once who would approach me and hand me their business cards and say "call, me sometime alpha" and for the record, I like to do the asking. it is a big turnoff when a woman asks me out first. her value plummets instantaneously.
Author lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 well that sucks. and let me tell you i'm far from fat and ugly. i just thought i would be a woman about it and approach him since he seemed like he was interested and i'm definitely feeling him. everyone, including my guy friend at work, was like, i've never seen a pretty girl afraid to approach somebody. because i took so long to do it. i don't get what's the harm in going for what you want? male or female. what if he was intimidated or whatever the case. not to toot my own horn, but he should be extremely flattered that i like him. i'm attractive, smart, independant, and laid back and cool. i don't have a hard time getting a guy interested in me, but i do have a hard time getting guys who i would like to really approach me don't come in my world to often. i felt like he was more my type and i didn't want to wait for him. this type of logic is retarded to me. men are always saying, "why do we have to approach a woman, why can't they approach us." but now i'm hearing that a woman should wait for the man cuz if you approach him u'll seem desperate or excuse me "fat and ugly." this is bullshyt. excuse my french...
mental_traveller Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 If I liked her then yes I would call. Unless she is clearly "desperate", then IMO it just signals a healthy level of self-confidence & self-esteem, which is obviously a plus. Women shouldn't be afraid to ask guys out, just because of some stupid BS social convention.
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller If I liked her then yes I would call. Unless she is clearly "desperate", then IMO it just signals a healthy level of self-confidence & self-esteem, which is obviously a plus. Women shouldn't be afraid to ask guys out, just because of some stupid BS social convention. Actually, they should. Because this social convention exists, men know they have to demonstrate a certain level of agressiveness and assertiveness to communicate to a woman that they are both a) masculine and b) interested. I'll reiterate - if a man doesn't ask for your number, he is either not into you or generally possessing of a weak character. Thus, why would you want a man who doesn't ask for your number to have it in the first place?
tanbark813 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I personally like it when a women approaches me. It's flattering and it shows she has balls (figuratively, of course).
Author lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 ok. i'm glad to know that there are some guys who would not be intimidated by that or further more feel the woman is desperate. i mean, shyt it's 2005, get with the program. I got my nerve up to ask this guy and truly it's ok if he's not interested but please tell me that i don't always have to wait for a guy to ask me. that means i don't have much say in the game i'm obviously forced to play called love. just like men see what they want and take a chance, i don't think it should say anything directly about the woman doing the approaching accept that she's got guts and further more, she interested in u! from that point, it's on you whether or not you want to entertain her...
Author lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Actually, they should. Because this social convention exists, men know they have to demonstrate a certain level of agressiveness and assertiveness to communicate to a woman that they are both a) masculine and b) interested. But, can't men be intimidated too or unsure if they have a shot?. I have encountered many men who said they were afraid of rejection (and that does not make them a coward. That makes them just like everybody else, normal. Nobody likes rejection but eventually you get ove that fear and just do the damn thing. I say, whoever's interested should just go for it. It would kill me if I didn't try and then years later I found out he wanted to ask me out but thought I'd reject him.
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 But, can't men be intimidated too or unsure if they have a shot?. I have encountered many men who said they were afraid of rejection (and that does not make them a coward. That makes them just like everybody else, normal. Nobody likes rejection but eventually you get ove that fear and just do the damn thing. I say, whoever's interested should just go for it. It would kill me if I didn't try and then years later I found out he wanted to ask me out but thought I'd reject him. You totally disregarded the second half of my post, which addressed what you wrote here. Is that becuase you disagreed with it? If so, why?
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I tend to worry when a woman initiates everything... the siren goes off and the speaker blares "Run!" This is from experience, much along the lines of what Alpha said. I've also noticed that most of these women were on a rebound of some sort, or had a demon from which they're trying to escape. Sorry, but I'm not willing to provide cover. When I was young and good looking perhaps, but not anymore.
Author lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 If this was my response to what you wrote, how did I disregard it. I disagreed and my response explains why...
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 If this was my response to what you wrote, how did I disregard it. I disagreed and my response explains why... You're right. I was less clear than I originally thought. Fear of rejection is normal. That's why the guy who approaches you is special - he conquered that fear, and set himself apart from the average guys. I couldn't see a good woman settling for a man who didn't set himself apart from the herd in terms of confidence.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I tend to worry when a woman initiates everything... the siren goes off and the speaker blares "Run!" bingo WESTERNXR, these women who initiate relationships tend to be pushy bitchy types who want to run the show. you know what?! I WANT TO RUN THE SHOW....and I want to pick my women, hey and if they turn me down then at least I can sleep at nite knowing I was a man and atleast took the first step and initiated with her. don't get me wrong....i have gone out with some women who asked me out first but it felt wierd as like I was just along for the ride and I never got serious with any of them. hell, most of them i just ended up using for cheap casual sex cause I knew they liked me more than i liked them
Author lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale bingo WESTERNXR, these women who initiate relationships tend to be pushy bitchy types who want to run the show. you know what?! I WANT TO RUN THE SHOW....and I want to pick my women, hey and if they turn me down then at least I can sleep at nite knowing I was a man and atleast took the first step and initiated with her. don't get me wrong....i have gone out with some women who asked me out first but it felt wierd as like I was just along for the ride and I never got serious with any of them. hell, most of them i just ended up using for cheap casual sex cause I knew they liked me more than i liked them BAM! And there you have it told by a true alpha male. Well, let me tell you fella's something. Just b/c you got the balls enuf to go up to a woman and ask her out doesn't mean you got it goin on with confidence, you boosted yourself up with the idea that I'm the man so I should take control. But, that's what this is all about control. The guys who don't have a problem with a woman coming up to her probably are more laid back guys. Go with the flow. You can't handle a woman making you feel less of a man bc she intimidated you with her approach. In my opinion, that's a bit cowardly. If youre a man, youre a man no matter who starts it out. Why don't u be the one to end it! You know what I'm saying. In my mind if he calls, that lets me know he's interested. Even though I know he may just want me for sex or some alterior motive, I can handle that b/c I know that I can take it from there. I know if I'm going there or not. And all honesty, I just want to see how things may work, I might not even like him after the first date.
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale hell, most of them i just ended up using for cheap casual sex cause I knew they liked me more than i liked them You think you have the right to screw them over just because your Pistons are kicking ass?
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 But, that's what this is all about control. The guys who don't have a problem with a woman coming up to her probably are more laid back guys. Go with the flow. You can't handle a woman making you feel less of a man bc she intimidated you with her approach. Your are probably right LOSTINLOVE0479. And I do feel intimidated if they ask me out. But I also want to be in control and go out with women I choose who have accepted MY invitation. At least I am man enuf to be honest and admit it.
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 Just b/c you got the balls enuf to go up to a woman and ask her out doesn't mean you got it goin on with confidence, you boosted yourself up with the idea that I'm the man so I should take control. That's actually what confidence is - not the ability to be without fear, but the ability to conquer that fear. I go to a bar and see a half dozen women where I think "gee, wouldn't it be awesome if she came up and started talking to me?" But they don't - it's on me to be proactive and gather unto me what is mine. I assure you that if my prayers were answered, I wouldn't automatically be turned off. It was also stated that most of the women who approach us are those we find repugnant. A large part of that is due to the fact that if I don't make the first move, it's almost always because she is ugly (in my eyes). Rarely is it because I am scared of her, but even if that's the case, she shouldn't want me. You can't handle a woman making you feel less of a man bc she intimidated you with her approach. In my opinion, that's a bit cowardly. If youre a man, youre a man no matter who starts it out. I think you're missing the point. Men don't want women who go overboard - we don't want women who act like men any more than you want men who act like women. A little initiative is flattering, but let me do my thing. If I like you, I will.
st8toftheheart Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale my experience has been that the "less desirable" females tend to be more aggressive about approaching men and asking them out or giving their phone # to him without him asking. many of these types of women do it because, in general, men don't come up to them and ask them out. I'm going to agree with alphamale somewhat. I find that women who approach men are a little more liberal than I would like in matter of sex and relationships. That's from my own experience of course, not to say this is in fact truth across the board.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by st8toftheheart I find that women who approach men are a little more liberal than I would like in matter of sex and relationships. exact-a-mundo ST8OFTHEHEART. these women that approach men are real easy to get into the sack cause you already know that they dig you. and if they can approach you then they can approach any man they like. some of these women are looking just for casual sex. most men who are real men like to be in control and be dominant and some biotch approaching them for dates or sex is not very becoming. i dated some broad a few yrs ago who asked me out. i dated her for a month and made her pay for everything since she initiated the relationship then I used her for sex and then split without a word. that taught her to go around asking guys out!
Author lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I think you're missing the point. Men don't want women who go overboard - we don't want women who act like men any more than you want men who act like women. A little initiative is flattering, but let me do my thing. If I like you, I will. But is approaching a man going overboard? I beg to differ with that. How is that acting like a man? You sound silly... is she in a suit and tie or wearing a baseball cap when she does the approaching. Is her voice deeper, is she coming over to you offering to buy you a drink in a bar or "Sweetheart"ing you to death with come on lines. That would be acting like a man. But, being interested and sparking up a conversation with you about who you are and nice conversation ending that with giving u her number/card, is being INTERESTING and being a woman. Knowing what you want, and being bold enuf to go for it...the rest is mere bullshyt.
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 But is approaching a man going overboard? Of course not. It's just that most of the time something is up.
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I don't like to approach men and ask them out. I wish that more men wouldn't be afraid to ask women out though. I have heard on several occasions of men who wanted to ask me out, but never did because they were intimidated or scared to. I'm not an intimidating person so I don't know why. oops, I just read that lostinlove pretty much stated the same thing here: Nobody likes rejection but eventually you get ove that fear and just do the damn thing. I say, whoever's interested should just go for it. It would kill me if I didn't try and then years later I found out he wanted to ask me out but thought I'd reject him. So the question is, how to avoid this situation? You like him, you're waiting for him to ask you out, and he doesn't because he's scared or intimidated. I don't want to ask him out, and have a real problem flirting with a guy I have strong feelings for because I get really shy.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 But is approaching a man going overboard? when a woman does it overtly then, yes, it is. but most women are the ones who start relationships and choose which dude they want, but they should do it covertly. there are many ways to let a man know you are interested in him. women don't need to force their phone number on him or kick him in the ass. if he is intested he will pick up on the flirting signals and ask her out. if he is not interested he won't. the fact is that most women do the covert choosing of a man and most men want to look as if they initiated the relationship. i mean, things are the way they are cause of many factors including history and evolution and biology.
lindya Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Lostinlove, just go for it if you want to. No point in having lengthy arguments with the guys on this board about it. The "no man wants his role usurped" attitude was completely predictable. It's undoubtedly true, but that doesn't mean it should dictate your actions. Provided you're not taking a life-threatening risk and can accept any negative consequences with good humour, it's good to break the rules sometimes. Not only is it fun, but it can serve as a reminder that you're your own person. Precisely for the reasons these guys have stated, you probably WON'T end up having some deep and meaningful relationship with this man. You might, however, get a kick out of being someone who goes after what she wants and isn't petrified by the prospect of rejection.
Recommended Posts