nightowl73 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Hello....thank u for reading my post. I've been with my bf for 6 months. He has been divorced 2 years. She left him. He admits he did her wrong and it was his fault the marriage ended. He said he carries a lot of guilt and shame from this. he has admitted he has feelings for her but in the sense of caring about her after being married 5 years.He posts on social media songs that I know refer to her....bon jovi always...Chicago hard to say I'm sorry....pink who knew....and firehouse love of a lifetime. All these songs are about not getting over a love and wanting to get back together. There is issues in our relationship with intimacy...he claims stress is to blame...but in light of these posts I feel there is more to it . Should I confront him or let it go?
soberingreality Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) Clearly he is still grieving for her. Look up the 5 stages of grief and you can see that he has some way to go. Quite simply it was wrong to get into a relationship with you when he couldn't give it his all. You need to move on and find someone who thinks that you are their world and is not thinking about their ex. It is disrespectful to you and shows that you are not valued by them. I am going through something similar where I am ending a 2 year relationship with a woman (41) who 'admires her ex's' and has slept around in the last few years. So I know how it feels not to feel special and am going through it right now. The lack of intimacy is because he doesn't feel connected to you and is emotionally drained. I have been like this with my soon to be ex-girlfriend and it is NOT a reflection of you. You deserve so much more and you will have to have some pain for a while until meeting that someone who is more like you. You know that you must cut him free to get past it-don't be in the shadow of an ex. Unfortunately when we first date someone we don't really know them at least you found out in 6 months-I have just taken 2 years to find out what she has done !! Keep going-you will rock to someone!:) Edited November 3, 2015 by soberingreality 1
Author nightowl73 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 Thank u so much for the insight and encouraging words. I'm sorry u are going through a similar situation. I don't want to keep hoping he will see that I'm worth his time and affection ....its breaks my heart because I do love him but I need to respect myself and walk away from this... 1
spiderowl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Hello....thank u for reading my post. I've been with my bf for 6 months. He has been divorced 2 years. She left him. He admits he did her wrong and it was his fault the marriage ended. He said he carries a lot of guilt and shame from this. he has admitted he has feelings for her but in the sense of caring about her after being married 5 years.He posts on social media songs that I know refer to her....bon jovi always...Chicago hard to say I'm sorry....pink who knew....and firehouse love of a lifetime. All these songs are about not getting over a love and wanting to get back together. There is issues in our relationship with intimacy...he claims stress is to blame...but in light of these posts I feel there is more to it . Should I confront him or let it go? Would confronting him tell you more? He seems to be carrying a torch for her still. She left him (interpret that as meaning it wasn't his choice the relationship ended). He is posting things that concern you. These are red flags. He says he carries a lot of guilt. It seems to me he wouldn't feel like that at all if he wanted rid of her - he'd just feel relieved. He is not relieved and it sounds like he's still emotionally involved with her. Honestly, I would be very wary. If I meet a guy who talks a lot about his ex and with great regret (and she left him!), I would not risk getting involved. I think you are right to be concerned.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I think it is natural to occasionally think about an ex.... but this is the important word 'occasionally'. If he is doing these things regularly then its no good at all. Friend zone him
Author nightowl73 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Well I asked him if he still loved her. He said we all love someone we can't have. He also said there was no way she would ever take him back so he knows it will never be an issue. He said by me bringing it up it drudges up feelings he'd rather not think about.....that he's trying to move forward in life and he will always think about how he messed up the marriage. I'm relieved he told the truth but heartbroken the response had no hint of I love u now and I want to give my all to us.....I need to regroup.....decode what to do next.....thoughts anyone??
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