scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I wanted to split this off from the thread about girls giving out their numbers: Can we poll the women here to find out how they feel about meeting a guy in whom they're interested and having him say "I'll call you" when he has no intention of doing so? Or, would they rather he not ask for the number at all? I know this will be raised, so I'll address it in advance - oftentimes men feel pressure to ask for a number at the end of a flirtatious conversation the same way that women feel pressure to offer it when requested. Even if you don't believe me, assume that it's true for the sake of my hypothetical. I have a feeling that women get annoyed by vagaries as much as men do when the end result is them getting rejected.
flower2 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 the same as whey they say "keep in touch" does mean that "go away"? I am getting cold feet. I hate this kind of rejection. Why not tell us starightly? Because this kind of answer will kill a woman who likes me. I am too sensitive and soft . I can not take this kind of rejection. There is one guy e-mailed me that "keep in touch" About one month already, I didn't see any "in touch" And I e-mailed him last sat, still there is no reponse from him. And we never even date each other. I only just asked about school stuff. well, I am getting cold feet. Who else we can trust except for your family.
SexKitten Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 you're expecting to hear this, but it's true... don't give your number. don't act so interested if you're not. find a way to breakaway from her before the night is over so you don't get stuck in that situation. if i wasn't interested, i wouldn't ask for his or give out my number.
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 So women feel EXACTLY like men on the point that they'd rather have the immediate, clear rejection, rather than the "nice" ambiguous one where they have to just eventually get the hint. That eliminates the notion that women give out their numbers to guys to be nice, doesn't it? It leaves two other possibilities; they are being cowardly, or looking for unrequited attention. Browneyes, I hope you're taking notes. Edit - Readmore, stop trying to make every thread about you.
NYCpiglet Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Hey scratch (its munchy) Anyway, to get back on topic, I would MUCH rather prefer a flatout "no" as opposed to beating around the bush. That only wastes my time and yours. I hate men that waste my time and giving me a "nice" rejection is doing just that. Lets look at it this way ladies: You go out on a date with a really nice guy. About as good as you can imagine one guy to be (you'll find faults later ), you guys have a great time together. You leave the date with the feeling of euphoria, you're on top of the world, and can't wait for that all important second date. He never calls. He never emails. He never texts. For that 2 weeks before you figure out that he isn't interested, you're stuck in this limbo that makes you wonder, does he or doesn't he? Personally, thats 2 weeks of my life I'd like back, please. Thats a prime example of a guy wasting your time. It would have been much more simple if he had just simply been "hey, I'm not really interested". Same goes for in bars or whatnot. If you get a rejection right away, please, just thank the guy! He didn't waste time. Also, by the same token ladies, you need to be blunt as well. No, tucking a guy into your hip pocket for a rainy day or whatnot. If you're not interested right away, TELL HIM.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Give it to me straight up with no bullsh*t. Polite, firm but 100% unambiguous. Anything less allows for wishful thinking - and we all know how treacherous that can be. It blinds you to the 'rejection' part and shines too brightly on the 'polite' part - thinking that there 'might be something there'.
SexKitten Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 i think this woman would rather not be given false hopes, and the guy simply just not ask me for my number. if women want numbers badly enough, they can ask too. then the guy can either give a fake number, or to avoid your call, like some women do. it may be cowardly, but that gives you your answer...people don't want to purposely hurt someone else's feelings, but everyone is different so it depends on the individual situation. you may never pick the right route with the right person.
NYCpiglet Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten i think this woman would rather not be given false hopes, and the guy simply just not ask me for my number. if women want numbers badly enough, they can ask too. then the guy can either give a fake number, or to avoid your call, like some women do. it may be cowardly, but that gives you your answer...people don't want to purposely hurt someone else's feelings, but everyone is different so it depends on the individual situation. you may never pick the right route with the right person. Okay, giving a fake number is being cowardly. The whole point of a blunt rejection is to tell them no. Don't lead them on, don't exchange phone numbers, etc, etc. Giving a fake number is like giving that guy (or girl) a faint sliver of hope that they'll in turn cling too. DON'T DO IT!
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten i think this woman would rather not be given false hopes, and the guy simply just not ask me for my number. if women want numbers badly enough, they can ask too. then the guy can either give a fake number, or to avoid your call, like some women do. it may be cowardly, but that gives you your answer...people don't want to purposely hurt someone else's feelings, but everyone is different so it depends on the individual situation. you may never pick the right route with the right person. Don't get me wrong, I think the guy who asks for a number "to be nice" is just as cowardly as a woman who gives out her number for that reason. I just wanted to be clear that there was nothing "nice" about either act. Go review the other threads to see how many women claimed to give out their numbers to be nice, and how they see it as a softer letdown. Those posters (Kooky comes to mind) were lying and I felt it was important to make that obvious.
NYCpiglet Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Hey Scratch- (no means to derail the thread here) but I got a reply back from Evan......he doesn't get it. And I was blunt!
tokyo Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I just wanted to be clear that there was nothing "nice" about either act. Go review the other threads to see how many women claimed to give out their numbers to be nice, and how they see it as a softer letdown. Those posters (Kooky comes to mind) were lying and I felt it was important to make that obvious. Look, I have also said, if you want to get a clear answer ask me: Would you like a date with me? Then I have a lot less problems to say no. You can bring up your counterarguments and I understand your point of view and if I think about past experiences with vague or no answers or other lame excuses then I will agree that you are right, but stop assuming that I'm playing games or lying, ok????
browneyes22 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch So women feel EXACTLY like men on the point that they'd rather have the immediate, clear rejection, rather than the "nice" ambiguous one where they have to just eventually get the hint. That eliminates the notion that women give out their numbers to guys to be nice, doesn't it? It leaves two other possibilities; they are being cowardly, or looking for unrequited attention. Browneyes, I hope you're taking notes. Edit - Readmore, stop trying to make every thread about you. No doubt...that's why I come to this site. This reaction from women is human nature. Knowone like to be fed BS...except for Kooky.
browneyes22 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky ..., but stop assuming that I'm playing games or lying, ok???? But you are playing games...that is what we have been trying to say! You just don't get it...do you.
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky If I think about past experiences with vague or no answers or other lame excuses then I will agree that you are right, but stop assuming that I'm playing games or lying, ok???? Okay, I'll settle for you being wrong, and upon further reflection, not "nice" but evasive and cowardly. If you concede that, I'll gladly apologize for assuming you were lying.
SexKitten Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by NYCpiglet Okay, giving a fake number is being cowardly. The whole point of a blunt rejection is to tell them no. Don't lead them on, don't exchange phone numbers, etc, etc. Giving a fake number is like giving that guy (or girl) a faint sliver of hope that they'll in turn cling too. DON'T DO IT! never said i was condoning this. read more carefully.
tokyo Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by browneyes22 No doubt...that's why I come to this site. This reaction from women is human nature. Knowone like to be fed BS...except for Kooky. You know, I see the differences between you and me as follows: I don't like all the doubts and frustration that people cause through lame excuses or their hesitation for a clear answer either, but I don't assume though that it's done out of malice or that any games are involved.
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by browneyes22 But you are playing games...that is what we have been trying to say! You just don't get it...do you. Dude, I honestly don't think she's playing games. She's just taking the path of least resistance without regard to the effect it has on those around her. She only ran into trouble when she tried to justify it as righteous. There really isn't a more natural human set of behaviors than those.
tokyo Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Okay, I'll settle for you being wrong, and upon further reflection, not "nice" but evasive and cowardly. If you concede that, I'll gladly apologize for assuming you were lying. No. You are a coward when someone asks you directly and you continue to avoid the topic, that's something to be criticized. I'm sometimes frustrated, but I also understand that some people do not want to answer difficult questions directly. If someone asked me: "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" and I still didn't come clear with him, then yes, that's cowardly.
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky No. You are a coward when someone asks you directly and you continue to avoid the topic, that's something to be criticized. I'm sometimes frustrated, but I also understand that some people do not want to answer difficult questions directly. If someone asked me: "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" and I still didn't come clear with him, then yes, that's cowardly. I guarantee you that the women who give out their number when not interested are the ones who are most likely to also agree to go out "sometime" when asked flat-out for a date. You are drawing the line at a completely arbitrary point. Come to think of it, I'd be suprised if you haven't agreed to an ambiguous date out of politeness at some point. But at least you're now admitting why women give out their number when not interested - because PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO ANSWER DIFFICULT QUESTIONS, not out of a sense of politeness or decourm. Sounds like cowardice to me.
browneyes22 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Dude, I honestly don't think she's playing games. She's just taking the path of least resistance without regard to the effect it has on those around her. She only ran into trouble when she tried to justify it as righteous. There really isn't a more natural human set of behaviors than those. Sorry...the way i'm trying to put it is like this. Women may think they aren't playing games, or go out with the intention of playing games. But let's be honest with ourselves here...if an obese man goes up to a hot chic and asks her out, there is no way this guy gets her number. She will clearly not be interested. No matter how nice the obese guy is he is getting shot down then and there. But if a relatively attractive guy comes up, yet she still isn't interested but gives out her number anyway, she will have this guy calling...emailing...whatever to get her attention. This will definately stroke her ego a little bit. By definition a game is an activity which results in some type of entertainment or amusement. In this case, the activity of handing out the number gets the ego stroked. It's not intentional, but it feels good. So again, they may not a game is being played, or may not even intend on playing some game...but that is what is actually happening. Plain and simple. I've known, and know tons of single guys and girls. And this stuff is always classified as playing games. I have women interested in me right now. I'm not interested in them, so I don't lead them on. But it definately feels nice to be admired one way or another. Again...Kooky is most likely a really nice girl. But if she wants to continute to be polite, in these situations she has to stop giving out her number when she is not interested.
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by browneyes22 ...if an obese man goes up to a hot chic and asks her out, there is no way this guy gets her number. She will clearly not be interested. No matter how nice the obese guy is he is getting shot down then and there. But if a relatively attractive guy comes up, yet she still isn't interested but gives out her number anyway, she will have this guy calling...emailing...whatever to get her attention. This will definately stroke her ego a little bit. I don't think you're right that a woman is more inclined to give her number to a less ugly guy in whom she isn't interested than a more ugly guy. I also don't think that the ego stroke will be greater from a hotter guy (unless she is gay or has a boyfriend). From what I can tell, if a woman isn't interested, that's that. Men tend to be that way, too. The "game", I'd say, is 90% due to the woman being a coward and 10% due to her wanting the ego stroke from the attention of a guy she doesn't really like in the first place.
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I have two points to make about this: 1. Some women just are 'too nice' and don't know that they are playing the game. These women are usually young and naive, and think that it's 'too mean' to say no to a guy. They have trouble saying no because they don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. These women are usually classified as a tease or a flirt without even realizing what they are doing. Again, these women are usually young and inexperienced, can't really blame them for it sometimes, they'll learn in time. I did. 2. Sometimes, when a women gives her answer straight up, the guy still doesn't leave her alone (at least in my experience). I have told guys who have asked me out or even guys who tried to talk to me at a bar, that I'm simply "not interested, but thank you for asking." The response I get to that is "that's it?? wtf??" complete with some bitch-bashing to their friends about it afterwards. So it seems like there's no win-win situation, either way it's still rejection and it hurts.
Pocky Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Can we poll the women here to find out how they feel about meeting a guy in whom they're interested and having him say "I'll call you" when he has no intention of doing so? Or, would they rather he not ask for the number at all? I wouldn't mind if someone didn't ask for a number and I wouldn't get irritated if someone did ask for a number and didn't call. Maybe a little disappointed if I really liked them, but sometimes it doesn't click for both people.
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky I wouldn't mind if someone didn't ask for a number and I wouldn't get irritated if someone did ask for a number and didn't call. Me neither. The key is to not have expectations.
Author scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 Some women just are 'too nice' and don't know that they are playing the game. These women are usually young and naive, and think that it's 'too mean' to say no to a guy. They have trouble saying no because they don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. This cannot be the case, because given the fact pattern in the original post, no woman would rather have the guy be "nice." So, they all know better.
Recommended Posts