NinjaFighter4860 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Hello folks, As you can see this is my first post. My girlfriend of 3 months just broke up with me. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to get out of this post but I wouldn't mind some opinions on the matter. This is a long story so If you need any clarifications ask. So I met this girl through mutual friends during the summer, I got to spend the last month of summer with her; It was amazing. I'm currently 18 and she is 20 so I know this is a very young age and I expect some to not take me seriously or my story but here it is: We live an hour away from one another, we are both in school and I normally would commute to her and stay over at her apartment for the weekend. I have always been a jealous person and I get quite overprotective and controlling at times, I can admit that. So the first 2 months of our relationship go fantastic and flies by. She tells me she loves me in the 2nd and I say it back. On the 3rd month though things start to get a little rocky. My girlfriend hangs out with a male friend in class and sometimes out of class to study; let's call him Adrian. I have never been a fan of this guy, My girlfriend would always explain to me that he disrespects her and just uses her for school notes etc. Adrian invited her to go to parties and bars to drink but she was never really into that. Now one night my girlfriend asks me If she can go out to a bar with Adrian and some of his guy friends (Essentially it would be her and 3-4 other males drinking) Hesitant at first but I trust her and says she can go. I get back from a sports practice a few hours later and she explains to me that Adrian told her to not bother coming because she wanted to come home early that night say around 9:30 and he saw her coming as a big waste of time if she was going to crash that early. Now, Through this situation my girlfriend starts texting a new guy name Ben. My girlfriend explains to me how nice Ben was and he was very understanding and reassuring that Adrian is just a dick sometimes and not to take it to heart. This is where things got bad. (Bear in mind readers through this whole story she has never met Ben) I start to notice a difference in our texting (Hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks now), she just seems uninterested and distant with me. On numerous occasions though the only time she seemed excited/interested to speak with me was when it involved drama with Adrian/Ben. My girlfriend then begins to say that Ben wants to hangout with her alone but reassures her that she doesn't want her to sneak around her bf ( me), That's comforting to hear but given our distance lately it made me uncomfortable but I still agree. A few days pass by and things between my girlfriend and I are still weird and not the same, she reveals to me another possibility to hangout with Ben and that was to be his date at this work party this November towards the end of the month , she explains its just as friends to which I reply that I'd like to discuss this in person because it makes me uncomfortable. A few words are exchanged but the overall my girlfriend is upset with me and we don't talk at all the next day. May I remind readers that she has NEVER met Ben still. I'm beginning to feel uneasy about this whole relationship she is having with Ben and It's starting to feel like more then that. My girlfriend explains to me the time we didn't talk she felt really sick that night of and Ben comforted her and whatnot. At this point I just don't feel good at all, but I was going to go to her apartment for the weekend so I thought we'd have a chance to talk this out in person. The talk with my girlfriend goes okay, I explain to her that I am uncomfortable with how close she has gotten with Ben and she says she'll stop? (Whatever that means). I attend a few of my girlfriends classes (She doesn't text ben in front of me really except for sometimes on the side). I finally get the chance to possibly meet Adrian too ( My girlfriend and him text but it's not as frequent as Ben) since he is in the same class at the time. Adrian sits in the row in front of my gf and I and doesn't even say a word to me or acknowledge me (He waves hello to my gf). Now at this point I just don't feel comfortable with either of these guys, Adrian treats my gf like crap and flirts with her and doesn't even acknowledge her bf, and the relationship she has with Ben is getting to close to my comfort. During one of the nights with my girlfriend I snoop on her facebook( i understand how wrong this is and unacceptable) while shes in the bathroom, The first message I see is a message from Ben from a couple days ago...This message essentially contains him telling her to breakup with me, that he knows she would choose him, how special she is to him, and that he wants to put up a fight to be with her and can't wait for her anymore and how happy he makes her ( SHE STILL HAS NEVER MET THIS GUY), She replies quite passively and doesn't make any comments about breaking up with me but says he is special and blah blah blah and says he makes her happy too. I see this and immediately feel sick...I confront my girlfriend and she tells me he is still a friend and he has never made any advancements towards her (Apparently thats not an advancement). I explain to her that in my books this is emotional cheating...The whole week we were fighting and distant she was texting him happily on the side and trying to setup hangouts and dates with him, And in addition to that her going to him for support instead of me when she was sick, I told her that she crossed a boundary and It was almost like she wasn't in a relationship at all with me. My gf keeps persistently saying if she was going to cheat she wouldn't have mentioned any of the hangouts to me and did them anyway. I tell her these relationships with these guys aren't normal friendships and that it isn't okay, I tell her I want her to stop having contact with both of them If she wants to be with me. She tells (by text) Ben and he turns on her and calls her pathetic etc and that i'm controlling and I brain washed her into thinking what she did was bad and not acceptable, My gf ignores these comments and removes him. Now she tells Adrian next (In person) that they can't be friends anymore and he goes on to tell pretty much what Ben said, but he explains to her some bull**** how he went through Bens messages and what they had was completely okay and by no means cheating (emotional). My gf immediately belives this and goes on to explain how happy she was to hear all of this, that she was in the right and I was wrong for reacting how I did . Breaks up with me. Done. Now,I'd like to address that I understand my snooping was wrong before I get plenty of comments on that. I'm not sure If everyone will understand what I wrote out but I'm just curious on who was wrong...Me or her, or both?
LostOnes05 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I wouldn't say the snooping was necessarily a bad thing. It confirmed what you were feeling. Don't worry about this girl...for 20 yrs old she sounds pretty naive. Also it seems to me like Adrian and Ben could be the same person. So Adrian is a dick, but Ben lets him go through his facebook messages??? Hmmm...that sounds like the same person to me. I'd let her go, she doesn't sound like she is too bright. She doesn't think it's wrong to be texting another guy like that or essentially going on a date with him. She has zero common sense and no respect for the relationship.
Author NinjaFighter4860 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I can assure you they are both real. The thing is when I explained to her it was cheating she was completely willing to breakup contact with both of them. I just feel that now that Adrian planted the idea what she did was fine she was just trying to find any exit to fix her guilt...I feel like if I talk to her and explain to her she broke up with me over two unjustified opinions from the very people that want us apart and one that is neautral she would come to her senses
LostOnes05 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 She won't. I've found that young women today rely largely on emotions to make decisions, instead of logic. By contacting her, it will just push her farther away. Give her space and move on as if she didn't exist (hard I know). But that is the only way. She let her emotions tell her that it was ok to talk to two different guys while in a relationship with you. Then she looked to one of them to justify her decision. Let her see that you're moving forward without her. When she gets tired of being treated like crap by Adrian, she'll try to talk to you again.
Author NinjaFighter4860 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Do you really see that happening? Ben was mainly the problem btw just for clarification. Thanks for the advice Lost Just for the record, I will have had NC with her from this Monday until this upcoming Saturday as she wants to return everything I have given her that day
mightycpa Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Ok, I'm going to say what I have to say this way: I rarely asked my gfs to not hang around their guy friends, established, new or otherwise. Sometimes they strayed, most times they didn't. But when I did ask, the ones that really liked me honored my requests without complaint, and in fact, they were flattered. The ones that didn't really care for me that much one way or the other gave me static for my requests, stating that their innocence and freedom was under assault. You got your final answer in the end. Time to man up, and move on.
Author NinjaFighter4860 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Ok, I'm going to say what I have to say this way: I rarely asked my gfs to not hang around their guy friends, established, new or otherwise. Sometimes they strayed, most times they didn't. But when I did ask, the ones that really liked me honored my requests without complaint, and in fact, they were flattered. The ones that didn't really care for me that much one way or the other gave me static for my requests, stating that their innocence and freedom was under assault. You got your final answer in the end. Time to man up, and move on. Thanks for the reply, that's the thing...before she was given the false idea that what she did was right she agreed to block them out of her life.
LostOnes05 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Yea bro, give her time to miss you. She can't see what she's losing if you beg her. You'll look weak and Adrian will look like her next boyfriend. He seems like he talks to much and will eventually be off-putting to her. It may happen and it may not, but why waste time when there other girl out there who wouldn't be so naive as to communicate in that manner during a relationship?
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