JadenLove Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I'm 42, She's 31, I have three kids, she has one. I've been separated for around 5 months, she is single as far as I know. I ended up helping her move due to a friend's request. A month later I get a text saying to call her for a play date, her son and my daughter get along very well. I suspect she has some interest in me as well on another level as do I. I'm thinking of taking her and her son and my kids to the dinosaur museum for the afternoon, is this a good idea and if she says yes, what other things to consider? It's an hour or so drive and one can learn alot about someone while driving. I'm new to this forum but perhaps I can get some feedback, thanks.
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I've heard that over 75% of 2nd marriages with kids end up ind divorce. Why? Some reasons are: 1 - You two will butt heads on each other's opinion on how you raise your kids. 2 - Exes...who might become difficult with visitation, turning the kids against you, etc cuz they are upset that you're moving on. 3 - Kids watching you raise someone else's kids. Let's say her baby daddy gets jealous, files and gets primary custody and she only sees her kid once a week...Well, her kid is gonns be upset cuz your gf will now be spending more time with yours than her own kid. 4 - More kids. Since she only has one, she might want one - especially with you (or you might even want one with her). Well both of your kids aren't gonna be cool with it cuz sucks watching you two stay together for the kids you made as a couple - while leaving their bio mum/dad in the dust. I would recommend you two just tell the kids you're "friends", keep up the play dates and wait till kids are like with grandparents and/or bio mum/dad for you two to go out for hamburgers, sleepovers, and kissy/huggy. When kids are 18 and out, get married.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I've heard that over 75% of 2nd marriages with kids end up ind divorce. Why? Some reasons are: 1 - You two will butt heads on each other's opinion on how you raise your kids. 2 - Exes...who might become difficult with visitation, turning the kids against you, etc cuz they are upset that you're moving on. 3 - Kids watching you raise someone else's kids. Let's say her baby daddy gets jealous, files and gets primary custody and she only sees her kid once a week...Well, her kid is gonns be upset cuz your gf will now be spending more time with yours than her own kid. 4 - More kids. Since she only has one, she might want one - especially with you (or you might even want one with her). Well both of your kids aren't gonna be cool with it cuz sucks watching you two stay together for the kids you made as a couple - while leaving their bio mum/dad in the dust. I would recommend you two just tell the kids you're "friends", keep up the play dates and wait till kids are like with grandparents and/or bio mum/dad for you two to go out for hamburgers, sleepovers, and kissy/huggy. When kids are 18 and out, get married. Quite a reality check there, ouch! lol, but i suppose you are rite. However, now is not the time to allow fears of marriage or more kids to poison a good thing, just enjoy the good things life has to offer and worry about those other things at a more appropriate stage later on if you even get to that point.
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Quite a reality check there, ouch! lol, but i suppose you are rite. However, now is not the time to allow fears of marriage or more kids to poison a good thing, just enjoy the good things life has to offer and worry about those other things at a more appropriate stage later on if you even get to that point. Well, we're all adults here... On my first few dates with someone, I already am considering what I want - even if I'm still gonna take time to explore this person. My thing is, no, I'm not saying talk marriage now. But IMO, how they act in front of the kids "is" important now cuz if they start saying "we're bf/gf" and the kids get attached and nothing ever comes of it, then the kids suffer another loss. So, ignore my warning about re-marriage and kids, but still, please consider how introducing this person that you may just be "dating" to your kids, they get attached and if you two ever break up, the kids suffer too.
Author JadenLove Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 Well, we're all adults here... On my first few dates with someone, I already am considering what I want - even if I'm still gonna take time to explore this person. My thing is, no, I'm not saying talk marriage now. But IMO, how they act in front of the kids "is" important now cuz if they start saying "we're bf/gf" and the kids get attached and nothing ever comes of it, then the kids suffer another loss. So, ignore my warning about re-marriage and kids, but still, please consider how introducing this person that you may just be "dating" to your kids, they get attached and if you two ever break up, the kids suffer too. Hi Gloria, thanks for your replies, lots of insight. I suppose I'm looking into this more as an interview without the pressure of any expectations. How people react in a group setting and learning about them in a suttle way. I was told she has an IQ of 162, I didn't draw too much merit into that other than cautious. I let my childhood sweetheart slip away when I was young and for me not knowing was the hardest part. So if I can learn a bit more about her I may be able to deduce if this is worth persuing. Youj're right though 75% fail so I'm thinking I'll just enjoy the afternoon with no expectations. Any thoughts?
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Hi Gloria, thanks for your replies, lots of insight. I suppose I'm looking into this more as an interview without the pressure of any expectations. How people react in a group setting and learning about them in a suttle way. I was told she has an IQ of 162, I didn't draw too much merit into that other than cautious. I let my childhood sweetheart slip away when I was young and for me not knowing was the hardest part. So if I can learn a bit more about her I may be able to deduce if this is worth persuing. Youj're right though 75% fail so I'm thinking I'll just enjoy the afternoon with no expectations. Any thoughts? Yeah, I think enjoying time with this woman (or any woman) on a friendly and no pressure basis "is" optimal cuz you have kids, are going through a separation, etc. My big issue is keeping it on the downlow from the kids until the kids are 18, up and out - even "if" you both hit it off in the long run. Kids don't need the drama that usually happens with remarriages, more kids, trying to play "Brady Bunch" and combine families.
Httm Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I'm 42, She's 31, I have three kids, she has one. I've been separated for around 5 months, she is single as far as I know. I ended up helping her move due to a friend's request. A month later I get a text saying to call her for a play date, her son and my daughter get along very well. I suspect she has some interest in me as well on another level as do I. I'm thinking of taking her and her son and my kids to the dinosaur museum for the afternoon, is this a good idea and if she says yes, what other things to consider? It's an hour or so drive and one can learn alot about someone while driving. I'm new to this forum but perhaps I can get some feedback, thanks. You also asked this as mensdivorce. I guess you didn't like the answer there. They were right, though. http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=72819 You are still married. You haven't even BEGUN to heal. Get divorced. Take time POST DIVORCE to heal. Come back a year later. Meanwhile, look for good friends only. 1
PegNosePete Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I've heard that over 75% of 2nd marriages with kids end up ind divorce. Source? I think a relationship where both have kids, is more likely to work out than where one has kids but the other doesn't. It's pretty hard for a non-parent to understand the stresses and issues that a parent can have. I would say if you both have kids it's more likely to work out because you're more alike and ata more similar stage in life. Having said that I agree with the above poster. It is way too early for you to start a new relationship. Wait until the ink on the divorce is dry. Until then, take your kids on play dates as play dates for your kids only, not to get to know the mother. Remember that if your kids get on, they may want to carry on seeing each other, even if you don't want to see the mother again...
MidwestUSA Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 You also asked this as mensdivorce. I guess you didn't like the answer there. They were right, though. Play Date x2 - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum You are still married. You haven't even BEGUN to heal. Get divorced. Take time POST DIVORCE to heal. Come back a year later. Meanwhile, look for good friends only. Married AND still living with his wife. Better get that lawyer consult and get a divorce rolling. Would be nice to know where you'll end up financially.
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